Homeward Bound
by Steffx621
Summary: They'd thought they'd missed their chance to be happy and be together, but what happens when years later they both realize second chances aren't just a dream? Lucas&Peyton AU
1. Prologue

**Summary : They'd thought they'd missed their chance to be happy and be together, but what happens when years later they both realize second chances aren't just a dream? LP **

**Author's Note : **New story you guys! This one is kind of AU, true to the show until 512 more or less. Lucas indeed does marry Lindsey and then the story unfolds. I love my Lucas&Peyton still so you know I can't keep them away, but quite a few things (and years) happened before they could be together and that was more or less my idea with this story.

I decided to start the story in the present time (meaning when Luke and Peyton are already together again) but then I will fill you in with the details as the chapters start flowing! I hope you give it a go and maybe like it :) Thank you so much for reading.

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**((Prologue)) **

Away from it all.

Yes, those four words were perhaps the only words that could describe the way Peyton felt right now. She was away from it all. Away from the busy life in the city; away from the traffic, the concrete jungle and constant chaos New York city constantly was.

She loved it though. She loved New York and while growing up she never thought she would be one to settle down in the '_big city'_, over ten years had gone by since she initially moved, and to this day she hadn't regretted her decision _once_.

New York was home now. She was quite content there. Peyton had found (or re-found) just about everything she needed to be happy there. Tree Hill was just another place in the world. One she remembered often enough, she thought. She remembered Tree Hill every time she thought about her childhood, how her life was growing up, the way her family was and worked –Peyton some days even could remember little bits of how life was before her mom had passed away all those years ago.

But…that was it. She was older now and she had moved on from a lot of things in her life. Tree Hill was just a place. A place in the world she visited on holidays sometimes. Or even in business. Peyton learned over the years what happiness really was for her. It most certainly wasn't a town or the memories this town held; the person she used to be back when she lived there. You can be as happy or as miserable as you please, and that can happen in small town North Carolina or in New York.

That was why when she moved to New York at 23, she never looked back. And of course this was not to say she had lost touch with the town or all these people she cared for who lived there; not at all. Peyton still loved each and every one of them. She just had decided Tree Hill was just not the place she wanted to live her life in. She wanted something different. Something unknown and exciting. Not the same little old town she loved so much but somehow made her feel…stuck.

And that was just the thing, New York was the polar opposite from Tree Hill. It was a big city, thousands of people, thousands of stories walking in that fashionable fast pace every single day of the year. New York was scary and new and care free and unchained…nobody knew her when she first got there. Nobody had an idea who Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer was. No one knew her past. Who she had dated, who she hadn't. No one knew it broke her heart to say goodbye to Lucas Scott but she'd known she had done it for the right reasons.

She loved him —_more than anything in the world_— but he was married. He was off limits and there hadn't been something more painful and tortuous than loving someone you knew you could not be with.

And he looked happy. Granted not precisely when they said goodbye fifteen years ago, but even if it was just a façade, Lucas for a while did look quite pleased with his life after he married Lindsey Strauss back in the day.

Now things were different —God, so _so_ different, Peyton thought. Her life had made a 180 degrees turn more than once over the last fifteen years. She'd been in love, she'd gotten her heart broken, she had broken some hearts of her own too. For so long she tried to escape commitment. She couldn't do it. She didn't feel physically or emotionally capable of serious commitment with another human being for the longest of times. But now that was different. She was married…the term still heavy on her mouth even though it were going to be almost three years already since she had finally stopped being old and broody Peyton Sawyer.

Now she had a different last name and a life her twenty-three-year old self never thought possible for herself once upon a time when she first set foot in New York.

Her life was a good life now even though it was not perfect most of the times. That was okay though, because as Peyton had grown to make herself believe, life was not meant to be perfect ; it had its up and downs and we just have to take it as it comes.

That was why she was trying to stay positive about this week up in New Hampshire. She known from the start this so-called '_vacation'_ was going to be all but fun for her —she'd been oh so reluctant about coming for days— but she'd gone for it because she just wanted to make that husband of hers happy. God knew she hadn't been all that pleasant to be around lately, so Peyton knew she kind of owed him this.

But Lord was this hard! She was freezing cold. This vacation cottage was clearly not at all like the website said and how Peyton had seen in the pictures. Granted, the photographs were probably taken in the summer and now it was winter so of course the snowy cover was to be expected, but even so, the website said there was supposed to be heat in the place, and how it would always feel '_toasty warm_' if you came over the winter.

That was such a lie Peyton thought. Winter's chill was penetrating through her bones even when she had like three sweaters on, leggings under her oversized sweats, and even leg warmers! Leg warmers for Christ's sake and she was still so cold! She'd done this for him, she'd done this for him, she'd done this for him, Peyton kept telling to herself time and time again. Eventually she ought to convince herself, right?

She looked out one of the tiny windows and caught a glimpse of all the white outside. She'd always loved winter —she really _really_ did. Ever since she was a little girl, and while she knew she was just being whiny, that this place was indeed beautiful, that the small and dark cottage shouldn't matter, she still couldn't help but wish she was somewhere nearer the city right now.

Being isolated from everybody else was always something Peyton appreciated every once in a while, but…this time she just had a…a _feeling_ maybe? She wished they'd gone to one of the resorts, somewhere closer to the civilization and not something completely hidden deep within the White Mountains in New Hampshire.

Peyton sighed and shook her head. Why in the world she had to always be the pessimistic one, huh? She hated that about herself. How could it be possible that at 37 she was still sometimes that broody non-understood girl who couldn't believe life could be good to her? Ever?

She standing here right now should be the proof if that. She was 37-years-old yeah, but…she wasn't alone. She was with a person she loved. She was married. She was freaking married to the love of her life, and yet she physically couldn't just relax and enjoy this week up in the mountains. The nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach was just too big she thought, but then again, she also knew a '_feeling'_ wasn't good enough to convince Lucas to go home.

Because oh yeah…Peyton was so a _Scott_ now. A Scott who hated life in the mountains but had come here anyway because she had wanted to please her husband. And while that was partially a lie —Lucas was never the one insisting they came— Peyton had indeed done it because of him. Because she didn't want Lucas thinking she was an ogre who couldn't be bother to make a little boy's wish true.

Because then there was _Jack_ to think about, too. He was here in the cottage too. It had been his idea as a matter of fact, but since Jack was still too young to resent about bad vacation destinations, Lucas was the one who was getting all the nagging from Peyton —even when she had honestly tried so hard to keep the bad feelings about this place to herself.

Jack was only eight years old. He wasn't a bad kid, but him and Peyton never really hit it off right anyway. But it was just natural Peyton had always thought. How many kids love their stepmothers anyway, right?

Peyton had met him when he was around 4-years-old. He was a little tiny, sort of red headed boy walking happily by the hand of his dad the day Peyton met him. At the time, Jack was still innocent about so many things. The more important one perhaps, the well-known fact that stepmothers are the devil in person and you are supposed to just not like them.

Lindsey Strauss was his mother and that just added to the mess a tad more. She didn't like Peyton. Hell, Peyton didn't like her either, but at the end of the day, they did have something in common, and that was not Lucas; it was Jack. And while Peyton didn't get all that much alone time with Jack —_Lindsey would've never allow it even if Peyton would want it_— every time Lucas had Jack, it was only natural Peyton was with them, so for better or worse, she did get so see a lot of that child.

He had gone through a lot, so most days Peyton tried to understand him, but…Jack was just not interested in a real relationship with Peyton, so even when it ashamed her, after a few months of trying to get through him, Peyton had come to the conclusion they were never going to be close. And as tough as it was, Lucas had kind of accepted that too. He blamed Lindsey, Peyton knew. Lucas had told this to her a few times. He had said how Lindsey only made things all the more difficult with the way she acted around Peyton —arrogant, cold, and just plain snobbish when she and Peyton met.

_How can I expect Jack to like you if Lindsey has never ever said the first nice word about you, and instead all she tells him about you is crap? We were already divorced when you and I started seeing each other again, so it's not as if you broke up our marriage Peyton. She's wrong, and I know it and she knows it —I just wish I could make Jack see you are not the enemy…_

Over the last three years of her life Peyton had heard one too many of this tirades, and while it bothered her at first, right now she was somewhat indifferent about the situation. She cared for Jack, she would never ever ever let anything bad happen to him, but…their relationship was basic. They were polite with each other —_granted, most of the times they were_—, they were thoughtful about each other's needs —_believe it or not Jack was always quite precocious for his age_—, but they would never have that mother-son bond Peyton _once _thought they could have. She thought this way before she'd known Jack of course.

When she reunited with Lucas again, in New York City, it had been a bad rainy day and they were both running in the stairs of the subway. Lucas was going down the stairs, Peyton was going up. They've bumped shoulders hard —like really really hard that Peyton had to stop and turn around to see who this beast was. Lucas had done the same a few stairs down. They'd locked eyes and while it had been years of not seeing each other, in their hearts they had both known it really was the other they were looking at.

The instant didn't last long after that though. Lots of people wanted to get in and out the tunnel so soon after their eyes locked, both Lucas and Peyton were shoved in opposites directions.

Lucas Scott looked her up in the yellow pages that same afternoon though. He had never been so pleased in his life as he was when he realized Peyton Sawyer was still Peyton _Sawyer_ —even after all those years.

When he dialed Peyton's number, she had just stepped out of a producer's office. Her cellphone rang loud in her purse and the receptionist had given Peyton a death look. She hadn't care though. She'd set her laptop and coat down on the floor as she clumsily looked for the phone in her purse.

She hadn't known the number but she had still answered.

"This is Peyton…"

There had been silence in the other end for a moment —even one whole minute. Peyton didn't hang up, though.

"So it really was you, I knew it was you…"

Peyton had stayed quiet at his words for a moment too. The immensity of the moment hitting her hard and strong. "Hi,"

"I thought maybe you would like to go have a coffee with me." Lucas had said into the phone. Not nervous whatsoever, even when everything in his world had told him to be. He hadn't been though. He knew he had run into Peyton for a reason. A reason he was more than willing to explore. "If you have time." He had added, and just like that was like this started. Something like four and a half years ago.

At the time Peyton had been 32 and still single, and while she always avoid the subject and even tried like hell not the think about it, at 32 she had actually thought marriage and babies were actually maybe not in her cards. After all, she did hate commitment and every man she went out with always had one —_or more flaws_— she just couldn't tolerate.

That was why when she found out Lucas had a son, she'd thought —_for a split second_— how this was a good thing and that step-mothering this child was going to be that shot at motherhood she'd denied herself before.

Things hadn't turned out like this, but…even when, Jack had wanted to come to _this _cottage —especially this one— for his birthday _"Just as I have gone there with Daddy since I'm one," _He had stressed, at the edge of tears —_fake ones_— when Peyton said absolutely no, to this vacations.

Jack had won in the end, and deep inside Peyton didn't blame him for wanting this so badly. He was holding on to whatever he had. His parents had gotten a divorce a few months after he turned three, which made it quite painful. He had been too young to really enjoy his parents and remember it, but he had still being old enough to know his parents together were better than his parents apart.

He had always held the hope one day his mom and dad would get back together, but then Peyton had happened to Lucas' life again, and she had then just ruined it all in Jack's eyes.

Peyton didn't blame him for not liking her, but she did hate their relationship had be doomed to be like this. Not really for Jack to be honest, but mostly for Lucas. Peyton knew rather well how much this hurt him, but even when she wished she could fix it, it takes two to tango, and more often than not Jack had his walls up and completely avoided letting Peyton in the slightest bits. Of course this made to bonding a little hard, but still…as she had said it repeatedly, this was her life, The good and the bad all made for her being here today; _happy_, in spite of everything else.

So that was how she got here. That was how she ended up in this tiny cottage with her husband and step son, freezing to death now even with a blankie around her body, even when once, at 32, she'd thought having a family, getting married, let alone having a baby was completely out of her sight. Who would have known, right? She had gotten everything. Everything. She was with the man she loved more than anything else in the world, and they had a family.

Oh, because yes, as she sat there in the middle of that tiny cottage's kitchen thinking and overthinking her life, Peyton was also there carrying the weight of the world —only not on her shoulders, but in her stomach. She is oh-so very pregnant. At eight months pregnant, Peyton was uncomfortable and tired and achy at least 89% of the time, but at the same time she was so terribly happy about it she even forgot about the horrible smelly cottage as she thought about her baby.

_Hers and Lucas'._ As she had so rightly thought so, she had indeed gotten everything. The husband she had always dreamed she would have, and now his baby…

It had been a long journey, but all of it would have to be another's day tale…for now, Peyton knew she was happy, not about her current living arrangements, or her relationship with her stepson, but yes about everything else. Thing was though, she still didn't know everything that was yet to come.

If only she knew…

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**AN : **So this is the start! A lot of information, I know! But little by little you'll read exactly how it all happen. Thank you so so much for reading! & Happy 12-12-12 too! :D


	2. Chapter One : New York ((January))

**Author's Note : **Thank you so much to those of you who started reading this story and came back. This is a bit of a sad chapter, flashback to back when Peyton first left Tree Hill. Thank you so much again for reading.

**Chapter One : New York ((January)) **

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_If you were here beside me instead of in New York  
If the curve of you was curved on me  
I'd tell you that I loved you before I ever knew you  
'Cause I loved the simple thought of you…_

Moving to New York had been an impulse. Peyton was miserable in Tree Hill. She was sad all the time, heartbroken, and there wasn't anything that honestly motivated her to stay anymore. Sure, she had her friends —her family, but somehow that just wasn't enough. Lucas and Lindsey married in May, and even though at first Peyton thought she was going to be able to co-exist with the happy couple in Tree Hill, she just hadn't been able to do it. It was just damn too hard. And not just for her or for Lucas, or even Lindsey, but for everybody else too. It was as if the wedding had torn them apart somehow. Everybody else was always caught up in the middle —Haley, Nathan, Brooke, heck, even Jamie. Say there was a barbeque, or a birthday, whatever; it was always awkward when Lucas, Lindsey and Peyton were in the same room. Everybody would look at each other uncomfortably and nobody would know what to say or do.

It was awful. Just knowing your life would never be the way it used to be, was sad and depressing and for a very long time, this was the way Peyton felt. Well, that, until one day she decided to change this. It had been a day in the office —drowning yourself with work kind of did the trick and made her forget about all the crap in her life. But the thing was that something happened that Tuesday. She was at her office, on the phone talking with the LA people. They sounded quite happy that day over the phone. They were pleased with Peyton and with everything she had done. They were happy and were letting her known as much.

She should have felt oh-so proud of herself, but truth was, as Peyton listen to this Nick guy talking over the phone about all these things she had supposedly done to make the company '_more efficient'_ –his words, not hers– she kind of didn't agree with him. Efficiency pretty much meant to Peyton that she was doing things right. Thing was, while this may be right, she deep inside didn't feel she was doing the right things —there was a difference between those two.

She was working herself to her absolute limits. She was hardly spending any time at home anymore, let alone actually doing things outside of her work. She was still living with Brooke, but honestly, today was Tuesday and she hadn't seen that brunette friend of hers since like Wednesday last week. And it wasn't because Peyton was purposely avoiding Brooke, it was just that she didn't care anymore whether she saw her and they pretended to chit chat for a few minutes every morning during coffee. Plus, Brooke was getting a baby now and while Peyton felt indeed happy for Brooke, seeing all her friends moving on, doing all these grown-up things, marriages, babies, careers, all at the same time, Peyton in all seriousness did feel like a failure beside them.

Not to mention she still loved Lucas Scott so much it hurt her every bone every single time she thought about him. Everybody silently pitied her and while Peyton knew no one meant bad, she still hated the person she'd became and how everybody acted around her now. She was like the group's charity case, the one with the broken heart who needed of everybody's compassion.

Well, Peyton didn't agree with this. Yes, she loved Lucas, she probably always would, but…she wasn't just that. She wasn't just the girl who had lost the love of her life to another girl. She was Peyton Sawyer for Heaven's sake, and according to this Nick guy, she was pretty pretty awesome at what she did.

That was why Peyton then interrupted this guy as he kept talking to her on the phone.

"What do you think about New York?"

Nick was obviously thrown off guard at Peyton's sudden question. He had been so inspired as he told this young lady how much she'd done from afar. He would so kill to have her on his team right now. But, wait, why was she talking about New York, now? "Excuse me?" Nick asked back, clearing his throat.

Peyton suddenly felt confident and strong —two characteristics that certainly hadn't described her in months. "You mentioned New York's office was the one falling behind the rest, am I wrong?"

It took him a moment to answer, but then Nick just answered honestly. "Yeah." He said simply. It was the truth as strange as it was. It wasn't as if the New York office didn't have good artisst and excellent product to sell, it was that there was no one as driven as…well, as _Peyton_ there to run that office. Nick was so not going to tell Peyton that right now. Well, unless she asked him —nicely. Then maybe he would.

"Then what if you just send me there? I could do it. It's a different market but…I'll do my homework, I'll make sure the office catches up with the rest."

Peyton's voice was so calm and…in control. It was as though she had had all this speech planned for weeks. Truth was, the idea had just popped to her head as she listened to the endless things Nick was telling her. Why not, she'd thought, but then again, apparently Nick had been a little too surprised about her offer. The guy was almost choking at the other end of the phone.

"I didn't know you were open to work outside Tree Hill." Nick said after he caught his breath back. If he'd known this, then he would have probably offered Peyton a position in _his _team long, long ago.

Peyton thought over his words for a moment. She honestly hadn't known she was open to work outside Tree Hill either, but…maybe it was time. "Well, I've thought about it recently," That was a lie, but maybe Nick would buy it. "I've done my job here. I love this town and what we do here, but…maybe someone else can finish what I started. God knows you really do need someone in New York to get that office running again…" Her words were light, and both of them even laughed as she answered. Peyton could hardly recognize herself as she spoke, but she knew deep inside this was the best thing she could do. At the very least she was trying to move on, right?

"So what do you say?" Peyton inquired when Nick stayed quiet after their chuckles stopped.

He loved her —her job, he loved her job, that was a fact, so of course he knew she'd be amazing in the New York office, but now he actually had to think business. Could they actually do it? "I need someone in Tree Hill," He told her simply, not wanting her to back out, but just stating the facts. "I know you'd be my person for New York, but…I also need to be sure North Carolina is going to keep working the way it has thus far…"

Peyton hadn't talked any of this with her, but…in the back of her mind she knew Haley would do it. Hell yes she would. She already had a job so that would probably be a bit of a problem, but even if it's part time Peyton was sure Haley would be able to help her out somewhat with the label. "I have a person." Peyton blurted out then —rather confidently actually. She was even surprising herself. "If you could send someone from LA to help, an intern, someone good enough, I'm positive I'll have my perfect replacement…"

Nick stayed quiet —Peyton was talking nonsense, he knew her, there was no way in hell he could be lucky enough to find two people as hard working and commitment as Peyton, but…if Peyton trusted this person so much, then at the very least he should give her a try, right? "I think I can arrange that…"

"So what is that mean? You are giving me the green light to New York?" At this point Peyton was even crossing her fingers for this to happen. She needed it. She needed a change.

Nick was quiet for a beat. "Absolutely." He assured her and Peyton couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief. "Of course you gotta let me consult here with the bosses but I'll let you know within two days at most. Between you and me though, if you want to go to New York City girl, then go. I'm sad you didn't decide to come back to LA instead, but…who knows, maybe one day we'll get to work together again." They finished that conversation laughing and without knowing it, Peyton had indeed made the best decision for herself that morning.

Less than twenty-four hours later she was getting a call already from her future boss in New York. He was a serious man, he went straight to the point, and before she knew it, Peyton was already talking contracts with him. It was a good thing. It had been a good thing. And that had been one of those days she still remembered years later, as one of those days that simply changed her life…

That day thankfully, it was for the best.

* * *

_If our hearts are never broken and there's no joy in the mending  
There's so much this hurt can teach us both  
There's distance and there's silence, your words have never left me  
They're the prayer that I say every day_

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Lucas Scott got her text message at around 9 O'clock that night and while to Lindsey it was weird he'd decided upon playing ball at said hour, Lucas knew he had to come to see Peyton —if only this last time. He knew she was leaving town. He had known it for a couple of weeks already but he hadn't once talked to Peyton about it yet. Not because he hadn't wanted to —_God knew he had_— but just because it was so painful, he hadn't wanted to face it. Plus, even the mere mention of Peyton Sawyer's name in his home was a catastrophe so Lucas for a while now had opted to avoid problems with Lindsey by avoiding Peyton as well. It was wrong, but Peyton was doing the same thing with him so it wasn't as if it was so hard.

Today however, Peyton had sent him that text message. She asked Lucas to meet her in the rivercourt and Lucas had not hesitated before replying his positive answer. He said he would head there in a few minutes and Peyton was glad to hear that.

She didn't want to do this. She really didn't, but she didn't have all that many options either. She could well leave town tomorrow and start the rest of her life without looking back, or she could talk to Lucas tonight —say _good-bye _to Lucas tonight, and then tomorrow leave and do as she had planned.

Perhaps the first option was easier but…even when she had tried to be okay with that option, Peyton knew she couldn't just leave without seeing Lucas one last time. She loved him so much still to have the nerve to just leave as if they didn't know each other —as if they didn't have all the history they did.

When Peyton stepped out of her house the cold wind outside made her shiver. She pulled her jacket tightly around herself and just started walking fast. It wasn't that late, and yet there was barely anybody outside. Peyton barely got to see a couple of people walking with their dogs in the streets.

When she reached the rivercourt, Lucas was already there. She saw he'd brought along a ball, but he had left it behind before he sat on the bleachers. Peyton braced herself, breathing in and out deeply before as she approached him.

Lucas noticed her instantly, and while he did follow her every move with his eyes, he stayed quiet as she sat beside him on the bleachers. His eyes shifted then and both stared at the court for a few moments.

"I thought you were not going to say goodbye,"

Peyton knew this question would come, so she just shrugged her shoulders as she turned to look at him. Lucas took a moment, but then he also shifted his eyes meeting hers. "I thought so, too," She admitted simply. "But how can I? I love you," She promised, and even when he wanted to, Lucas was not surprised at that admission. One way or the other, so did he. "I love you even when lately we are pretty much strangers—"

"It's not like that," Lucas cut her off immediately.

It didn't do much for Peyton, though. "It's how it feels like," She pointed out and Lucas had no other choice but to stay quiet at that. Telling her otherwise would be an absolute lie for sure.

Even when they were not together in the past they had managed to stay civil to one another. More than that honestly, they had managed to stay together as friends at least. This time, it was as if as Lucas signed the marriage license, they had forgotten how it was like to be around the other without it being awkward and one of them —_or both_— feeling guilty about it. Nowadays it was as if being together –even in the same room, was something bad. Something that was wrong and shouldn't be happening.

They were not friends anymore. Not at all. So Peyton had been right, at this pace, soon enough they would be nothing more than strangers, acquaintances that knew each other _once upon a time._

"When are you leaving?" Lucas asked her softly then, even though he already knew the answer. He had asked Haley and Brooke this same question at least a thousand times during the last week. It was stupid but for more than one reason Lucas was so praying for her answer to be something different to what Brooke and Haley had told him.

"Tomorrow morning…"

It wasn't. That was the very same answer he'd gotten from Haley and Brooke, and just like it did before, it tore him inside. Lucas closed his eyes momentarily and Peyton was able to catch a glimpse of this.

She bit on her bottom lip and breathed in deeply.

"Haley says you are going to New York,"

Peyton didn't know Lucas asked things about her. And well, it made sense, not in any romantic _"I still love you, Peyton" _kind of way, but yes in the sense that more often than not Peyton had also asked the girls about Lucas in confidence. Peyton was still surprised Lucas had admitted to it; she would have never. "It's a good job opportunity…"

Lucas nodded even though he knew she was lying. She wasn't even meeting his eyes anymore. "If that's what you're saying, then I believe you…" He said anyway in spite of Peyton.

Peyton shook her head at him and at this actually shifted her head to look at him. How dare he? "I'm trying to do what's best for _me_? For once I am, so do not try to make me feel guilty about it. _You_ are married, _you_ have a family, _you_ have a job you love. What do I have here?"

Lucas wanted to tell her so many things. She had _him _for starters, but even that would be a lie. She didn't have him anymore, and that fact pained him perhaps almost as much as it did to Peyton. But, she still had other things, no? She still had her friends? Brooke and Haley and Nathan? They were their family. Was Peyton forgetting this? "You have a life here, Peyton. You have the label, and Mia…and you are doing great things here. And you _do_ have a family, too. You have Nathan…and Haley and Brooke and everybody else. You have a lot of people who love you and want you here Peyton—"

"But I don't have _you_," Peyton blurted out cutting him off harshly. She could feel already the tears in her eyes but she wasn't going to cry. She just had to say those words aloud, if only to spare them the pep talk, right? Lucas could say all he wanted, but the truth was, she was leaving town because being so close to Lucas, but at the same time so far, was madding and Peyton had reached that point where she realized she couldn't handle it anymore. It was far too hard, and far too painful. "I don't have you, I _can't _have you, and being here so close to you knowing that, is not doing any good. If I want to move on and carry on with my life, then I can't be here. I can't be near you…" She paused for a minute looking down at her restless hands. "Turned out I'm not as strong as your Uncle Keith was."

Lucas squinted his eyes at those last words. "What do you mean?"

Peyton sighed. "I can't pretend I don't love you when I do. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt me when I see you with Lindsey. I've accepted your marriage, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't break every single time I remember you and I will never be again…" She told him this looking at Lucas straight to his eyes.

He was fighting the urge to look down. Her pain was so raw. He could see it in her eyes, in the tears she was fighting and not letting fall. Lucas felt her pain in her every word and that broke his heart as well. He was fearing the worse. He feared this could well be the last time he saw Peyton, and that terrified him. "You would always be important to me." Lucas didn't know what else to say, he felt out of sorts, and even somewhat desperate. He couldn't lie, so he knew he had to just tell her what he felt.

Peyton's lips formed into a thin line as he spoke, but somehow her features softened a tad too. "You would always be important to me, too Luke."

But. But. There was but. Lucas knew it.

"But you and I, we are in such different places of our lives right now. I am going to miss you –_so much_." She stressed sadly. "I'm going to miss the people you and I used to be. I going to miss all those things I'd thought we would be one day, but…maybe this is just the way things have to be. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do. What I _have _to do, and I know that in your heart you know this too. I want you to be happy, and if Lindsey makes you happy, then be happy, Luke. I've told you this before, and I mean it."

Lucas was utterly quiet for a few moments. Peyton could only hear his heavy breathing filling the cold air of the night. But then he spoke, and she knew they've gotten somewhere. "I want you to be happy, too."

Peyton smiled sadly, and also nodded her head. She blinked rapidly the tears in her eyes before she spoke back. "Then you have to be okay about this. You _have_ to." She told him simply and she really did mean this. She needed that from him. Just as she was strong enough to know she'd lost him and they would never be together again, Lucas had to do the same —as hard as it was.

"You'll always be the first girl I ever loved…" Lucas settled saying, it was finally sinking in the fact that this was goodbye.

"And you will always be the boy who towed me back into town back when we were 17 and just kids playing to be grown-ups." Peyton stated lightly, even though there was pure sadness lacing her words. She smiled but her smile didn't show glee —it was actually exposing the opposite; just how sad she felt right now.

Lucas matched her sad smile and nodded his head. He was slightly startled then when Peyton spoke again.

"I really did love you, though. Ever since I met you, Luke…"

Lucas felt his eyes sting and someone pulling harshly on his heart. He made himself breathe. "I know. I did, too." This was so final he could barely bear it.

"I know," Peyton echoed with a nod. She waited a beat, looking around the rivercourt, she had so so many memories there. Not all of them with Lucas of course. Memories of her childhood, of those high school years she didn't seem to be able to leave behind. Once upon a time she had written her name down on that very court. She had been so full of dreams and hope back then. She had been with Lucas then and had really believed they were going to be together forever. Today however was the day she was saying goodbye to that Peyton Sawyer. To the Peyton who believed in _Happily Ever Afters_, and worlds were true love can actually conquer all. Today she was welcoming a new Peyton. One that was mature enough to know letting go is the only way to grow up.

"I have to go now,"

Lucas barely nodded his head at her words. "I know,"

Peyton matched the movement of his head but didn't move an inch from her spot on the bleachers. She didn't want to go yet, let alone actually say the words goodbye but she had to. As she did to stand up though, Lucas reached out and grabbed her wrist. In spite of what she knew, Peyton thanked the Lord he did that.

She wasn't sure she liked too much what Lucas did afterwards though, but as his face so slowly started moving closer to hers, it was as though all Peyton could do was close her eyes and let this moment be. "You're married." She reminded him in a whisper; her lips mere inches away from his.

Lucas shook his head. This wasn't about cheating or not, this was goodbye. "But you are Peyton Sawyer." He reminded her back, and did not say another word —neither one of them did.

Lucas tilted her head up with his hand, and while cupping her cheek with the other, he moved her head so that their lips could meet. It was just that, a plain kiss, but at the same time, it was the one kiss they knew in their hearts they would never forget. It was in that moment when Peyton's fight to keep her tears at bay vanished, and one too many salty drops fell from her eyes, and onto her cheeks, and then their lips. Lucas could even feel the salty taste on his lips, and this nearly broke him.

He held the kiss for a moment. Held her lips for a moment, but then it was time. Time to let go. "I'm not going to say goodbye." Lucas warned her seriously as soon as Peyton's eyes opened and she started wiping her cheeks.

She had no objection to that, though. "Then don't." She said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I won't either." She stated, but at the same time she did stand up from the bench.

She stood before Lucas.

"Be happy, Peyt…"

Peyton smiled sadly at him and nodded her head. "You too, Luke…" She whispered right before turning around. She started walking in the opposite direction and never, not once, Peyton turned her head back to look at Lucas.

If this was what it took, then she would do it. As much as it was breaking her inside.

* * *

_If you were here beside me instead of in New York  
In the arms you said you'd never leave  
I'd tell you that it's simple and it was only ever thus  
There is nowhere else that I belong_

* * *

Something around five hours after she and Lucas shared that kiss, Peyton Sawyer was boarding a flight with destination to New York City. One hour and forty minutes later, she would be in New York. And while most of the plane ride she cried and felt her heart shattering to tiny little pieces within her chest, that plane ride, the night before, those months in Tree Hill, all that made her a stronger person. A more capable woman. One that was ready to take on the world and whoever than stood on the way. She wasn't less or more in love with Lucas Scott, but she was determined to be happy and succeed, and well, that had been drive enough at the time.

She got to New York and there were no more tears. She decided upon leaving all those feelings of sadness and longing in Tree Hill, on the plane, so when she set foot on that big city of dreams come true, she got to feel hopeful of herself becoming a reality too.

And that had been it. That had been the beginning. The beginning of New York and that splendid new chapter of her life.

_A new beginning._

* * *

_I miss it all from the love to the lightning  
And the lack of it snaps me in two  
Just give me a sign, there's an end and not beginning  
To the quiet chaos driving me mad  
The lone neon nights and the walls of the ocean  
And the fire that is starting to go out_


	3. Chapter Two : ((February))

**Author's Note : **I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to update during the holidays so I'd thought I put this one up today before everything gets crazy around here. This is a much happier chapter, so hopefully you'd like it! Thank you so so much for reading again, and** HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

**Chapter Two : ((February)) **

* * *

The first time she met with Lucas after running into him in the subway had been in February. It hadn't been Valentine's Day, but the day right before the holiday. It had been a weird choice, but after putting off a meeting with Lucas for some long weeks, when he finally asked her bluntly why she was avoiding him, Peyton had had to come clean with him. She had told him how she really wanted to see him but she just didn't know what the point was. After all they had both moved on with their lives, and seriously, what could they possibly have in common anymore?

Lucas had said to that, "I miss my friend. I miss you and I want to see you. Please." And that had made Peyton smile. She had been in her office. Working. Or at least _trying_ to work, when she had finally then agreed to meet him at a local café. Lucas had chosen it, but Peyton had been surprised at how close to her office it was. She didn't tell this to Lucas, but she had wondered day and night for the next few days, if Lucas had also happened to work around the area.

Had they really been living their lives so close from one another but at the same time so _so_ far? To that day, Peyton hadn't heard from Lucas in years. Years literally. It hadn't been so hard to loose contact with her friends over the years. After all she was living in New York and they were not. Every other year she would hear what was happening in their lives. She would send Christmas cards and get quite a few from them around the holiday time, too. They called her on her birthday or send a nice email. They would talk and catch up and pretend they were still the same group of friends they were back in the day, but…deep in their heart Peyton had always known that wasn't true. They were different, and they all had now different priorities. Haley and Brooke were married and had kids, and as much as they all tried to be as close and familiar as they once were, Peyton kind of feared for a long time she didn't have what it took to have those things in her life. And sadly enough, not having them —_a family, kids, a horrible job?—_ meant she didn't have all that much in common with her high school friends anymore.

Truth was, Peyton had learned to be okay with that over time. That was not to say though she didn't miss them terribly some days —especially Lucas to be honest, but she had never ever admit that to anyone. Not even to herself until that day.

Peyton got to the café ten minutes before the time they had set with Lucas. She figured she would need the time to calm her nerves and make herself believe she was cool with all of this. As she waited in line to ask for a drink, she looked out the café's window. The day was terrible, cold and rainy, and her pretty black heels even had bits of mud from the small walk she'd done to the cafe. She looked back up from her shoes and shook her head. She was thirty-two years old for Christ's sake. She really couldn't start acting like a teen ager now all of a sudden. She was a very _very_ capable woman, very busy and damn good at what she did. No high school lover could make her question that, no, not even Lucas.

She asked for one of the specialties lattes. She loved lattes. She loved the taste and she would have one with every meal if only she could. This was only the second one of today so Peyton was fine with it. She swiped her card with a smile and stepped to the side as the next customer asked for her drink. She was intently looking at the pastries when she knew Lucas was there too. She just knew it. She felt it. She looked back then after taking a breath and there he was. Still by the doors of the coffee shop. Gosh, he'd grown up so fine.

"Lucas," Peyton said, and couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips. She could barely believe this moment. She smiled as they walked towards each other.

Lucas then was smiling too as they moved closer. He didn't say anything though. He just looked at her from head to toe for one long minute and then he simply went and wrapped his arms tightly around her small frame. She was just as beautiful and stunning as he remembered, but she was also skinnier. Her hair longer and not nearly as curly as it used to be. She was still blonde though. Blonde waves of hair falling loosely over her shoulders. Lucas hugged her so tightly, her hair tickled in his nose. He remembered then that feeling. He used to feel that a lot —_a lot_— once upon a time when Peyton was more than just an old friend, an acquaintance from his past.

"Look at you," Lucas said playfully as they pulled away from one another.

Peyton's cheeks felt warm and she knew she was blushing as Lucas grabbed one of her hands and twirled her around before him. "Cut it out," She demanded, but she wasn't meeting his eyes. Her voice then was soft and feeble. Right now, she was all _but_ the confident woman she'd thought of herself for the last few years. _Damn Lucas!_

"No, I mean it," Lucas insisted trying to hide the smirk on his face. He knew this was making her somewhat uncomfortable, but deep inside Lucas knew that wasn't completely a bad thing. "You look…very nice." He settled saying once their eyes _finally _met again. She was in her complete work attire. Little black dress, not so long, not so short, but just right. High heels and matching purse. She only had a light suit jacket that surprised Lucas because it really was quite a cold day, but somehow it was indeed working for her, and Lucas could not complain.

Peyton let out a breath. "Well, thanks." Whatever, if he wanted to give her a compliment, then she would just accept it. Plain and simple. It was just a compliment. She could even play the game too. "You look very nice, too. " She said, as she fixed his collar absently. She had messed up a little with it when she hugged him, so it was just polite she fixed it. "It's good to see you stranger," She added after a long moment. Truth was, the last time they saw each other she really thought it would be the last time she saw him period.

Peyton was happy she'd been wrong, but then again, she also hated the fact that it had been almost ten years since she'd seen that face of his. She had missed him so much. So much more than she even knew, and though she couldn't help it, she couldn't ignore the fact that it was wrong. It was trouble. Lucas Scott was trouble. He always had been. "I already, um —ordered," Nice, she was stuttering now. Peyton pointed to the barista who had just called her name for emphasis. Lucas chuckled, but simply nodded along.

"Get a table, would you? Catch up with you in a bit," Peyton grabbed her drink from the counter, and after offering Lucas one of those idiotic '_I-don't-even-know-why-I-am-smiling'_, kind of smiles, she turned around and settled herself on one of the tables. It was one with view to the street, but even though the day was awful, she preferred those tables to the others. She sighed as she took a small sip of her drink. It was still too hot but that was just the way she liked it.

"So…" Peyton said only a tad nervously after a while when Lucas had already joined her on the table. He was the one who had invited her over here, he must of have a reason, right?

"So," He echoed playfully and Peyton just shook her head.

"Don't be silly," She called, but even she was surprised at her own words. _Silly_, really? Was Lucas what, 9-years-old? "What are we doing here, Luke?" Now she was actually a little more serious and Lucas couldn't ignore this.

He shrugged his shoulders regardless. "Can we just talk," He said softly looking at Peyton hopeful. "I haven't seen you in like ten years Peyton Sawyer. I just want to know how you are…"

Peyton smiled gently at him and nodded. She sort of really liked how that sounded. Not the fact that they hadn't seen each other in forever, but the fact, that he just wanted to talk. "I've been doing fine," She told him simply with a smile. Then she twisted her lips though —in just _that _way Lucas remembered her doing so often in the past. "It's even a little boring how well I'm doing sometimes," She said and then they both laugh.

They went on talking after that, about their jobs, and their lives as of now. They laughed and said silly things, and sometimes Peyton really even got to believe it really hadn't been so long since she had last seen Lucas. He was laughing at things she said, at things only _he _could understand because even after all this time he seemingly still knew her so well.

Peyton knew how it had been awkward at first, trying to make small talk with this person she was supposed to know so well but in reality didn't anymore, but…after a few minutes it had become easier. They just fell into a nice pace of their conversation and that had been just…great, and perfect, and familiar, and…_nice_.

"So London? You lived in _London? _How come I didn't know that?"

"I never knew I was leaving until like five hours before the plane took off. I didn't even tell Brooke. I remembered she sent me an e-mail once, she sounded so worried and just plain panicked. She said she'd called me, called my office, left messages and she still didn't know where I was. That had been like six months after I left. My staff at the office was different at the time so of course they didn't even know whom Brooke was asking for. Now that I think about it, I find it quite an amusing story. Back then, Brooke almost killed me." Peyton liked the smile on Lucas' face as she talked. The way he so intently was paying attention to every word she said. She loved this kind of undivided attention. It was weird to get that from men nowadays, she thought.

"How long did you stay there?"

Peyton thought for a minute. "Like two years or so," Lucas' eyes widened a little then. "I wasn't supposed to be gone for so long, but…it just happened that way and I loved it." She confessed with a small smile. "I did miss the States at first so much, I could never find what I wanted to eat, and if I did, it would cost a fortune and a penny." She said playfully making him laugh. "But after a while I got used to it. When I got back here the weird thing was not getting to eat Indian food every other day, or know that I can hop in my car and six hours later I can be in Paris…"

"You make a very valid point Miss. Sawyer…" Lucas pointed out looking at her right in the eye. Their drinks had long been drank, and while part of Lucas knew he should probably let her go back to work —_she'd told him she was busy busy today_— he somehow couldn't. He wanted to know more and more. He wanted to know everything. "How did you end up there anyway?"

Peyton shrugged but the smile that came to her face was impossible to stop from forming. "Nick," She blurted out with a chuckle before she actually thought through an answer for Lucas.

He didn't understand what was so funny, though. "Who's that?"

Peyton looked how serious Lucas was all of a sudden, and she didn't know if smile or be serious too. Was he jealous? That was just wrong. "My boss," Peyton explained him then anyway.

Lucas wasn't an idiot though. He knew that silly laugh as she said his name, and that spark in her eye. "He's not _just_ your boss, is he?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes at the question. See, they hadn't been together for more than two hours and he was already making her mad. How dare he? "Lucas!"

"What?" He asked back trying as hell to play the innocent card well. "It's just a question, and if you are not answering then that means I am right."

Hell yeah he was talking as a nine year old right now. "What if he is? It's none of your business, so cut it out."

"So, he is!"

"Lucas! What does it matter?!"

It did matter. He just couldn't explain why though. "It doesn't." He lied. "I just never thought you were the type to end up with the boss…"

And she wasn't. Peyton knew this, and she also knew Lucas did too. He was just being stupid and a dick. Since when she was a '_type'_. That was just impolite and wrong. "And I'm not, you know that." Lucas could hear the hurt in her voice as she said this, and suddenly he felt so bad about all this. At first he thought he was just playing but then he just couldn't stop himself. "I've known Nick for years. Since I started working in Tree Hill even. He lived in LA, I was here so we were never anything. When we moved to London we just got close, and…nothing, when we came back we just started seeing each other. It's not a crime, is it?" She finally looked up at his eyes again, and that only made Lucas feel awful.

Of course it was not. He had been so out of line. Great, first time he saw Peyton in forever, and in less than two hours he was already screwing it up. "No it's not," Lucas said back softly, looking down at his lap. "I'm sorry I said all that. I don't know what got into me…" He apologized and while it took Peyton a good moment, at last she softened her features and nodded her head.

"It's fine…it's not as if I have never question that same thing before," She said, trying to light up the mood a little and not so surprisingly, it worked. She smiled and Lucas did too as their eyes met again. "We are not serious or anything, but he's a really good person, and…funny, and just nice to keep around." Lucas laughed immediately at her words, and while Peyton did smile at him, she didn't get what was so funny. "What?"

"That is just so wrong to say about a person. _Nice to keep around_, really?" Lucas was laughing so bad as he said that. He even looked kind of cute as he did it.

"Shut up, I like him!" Peyton whined, but this only made Lucas laugh even harder. She took a deep breath and just looked at Lucas laughing it out for a couple more minutes. Once he was done, he apologized even though he really didn't mean it. Lucas got completely serious then when Peyton asking _him _a question for a change. It had felt as though most of the time they had just talked about her and not Lucas.

"How is _Lindsey_…?" She asked softly, stressing unconsciously Lindsey's name for some reason.

Lucas completely changed as she asked the question though. He felt uneasy and he didn't feel as though he wanted to talk about this with Peyton per se. "She's fine," He answered shortly, making Peyton narrow her eyes.

"What is it?" She couldn't help but ask. She didn't want to gossip, but she had been forced to tell Lucas some truths, the less he could do was do the same with her now. "Are you two not getting along so well lately?"

Peyton was so clueless, Lucas thought. "You _do_ know we got a divorce, right?"

No, she did not! "What? When did _that _happen?"

Lucas shrugged his shoulders. "Like one year and a half ago…a little bit more than that…"

Peyton had still been in London when that happened. Still, Brooke could've mention something, no? But then perhaps she didn't even know herself about this. "Why?" Peyton found herself asking simply.

And if Lucas was to be honest, he'd tell her it had been because marrying her in the first place hadn't been a smart thing. Their marriage had lasted almost 8 years, but to this day Lucas still wondered how in the world they managed to stay together for so long. By the end of their marriage, they were barely polite before the other anymore. It had gotten so bad. "We drifted off. I changed, she changed…it was just hard. Marriage is just really hard when…"

"When what?" Peyton chimed in when Lucas' voice trailed off.

"When you are not with the right person, Peyton." Lucas admitted and Peyton swallowed hard.

Had Lucas just admitted that for real?

"I'm sorry, Luke," Peyton said but Lucas just shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't be." He said simply. "It was for the best. Now at least Jack doesn't have to hear us fight with each other pretty much every day anymore."

Peyton didn't listen to half the words Lucas said then. Only one thing registered in her mind. "Holy shit! I've forgotten you are dad now!" She noted, and couldn't help but laugh at her own dorkiness as she said this. "How old is your kid now anyway? It's only one, right? Brooke mentioned him once before."

Lucas found her reaction quite adorable, and while he wasn't going to say this, he was so glad they weren't talking about Lindsey anymore. "He just turned four a little over a month ago…"

"Wow…" That was really the one word Peyton could utter as of that moment. Lucas was one of _them _now. He was a parent. It was so weird to think about him in that way, but at the same time, Peyton was sure Lucas was amazing at it. Wherever this Jack kid was, he surely should know he got the best dad ever. Peyton was absolutely sure of this. Then again, Lucas' words now made her think even more. Did he really get a divorce even though they had a kid? Peyton knew Lucas —_at least she still was hoping she did_— and to have Lucas terminate that marriage already with a child in the middle, things must have been bad…just bad.

"I know…" Lucas said thoughtfully after a while. Even though Jack was almost four already, Lucas some days still was shocked to realize _he _was a father now. Long were the days when he was the child and could be care free about the world. Now things were different in a way Peyton couldn't understand yet. He was responsible for this other human being. That was his greatest responsibility and while it hadn't been easy —_at all_— Lucas loved that kid and would do anything, anything for him. "But then again, at least I'm not the one dating my boss."

"Would you let it go already?" Peyton asked him back laughing, even though her jaw did drop at Lucas' comment. They both laughed but then Peyton actually caught sight of the time on her phone. "Shoot," She murmured and Lucas knew this time with her was about to finish.

"We could go for dinner, or…more coffee, or lunch tomorrow…"

"What?" Peyton asked back confused, still going through a few messages on her phone.

"You and me," Lucas added, but she was still clueless as ever.

"What?" Peyton repeated herself, now even a little exasperated. She had completely forgotten about a costumer coming at 1:30 and now it was almost 3 o'clock already. "I'm late for something, I, I didn't know it was going to take us so long, so I…I gotta go." She was picking up her things already and while Lucas considered the possibility of just letting her go, he couldn't do it, something clicked in him and he realized he wasn't finish with this conversation and he honestly didn't want to be finished any time soon.

"But what about tonight or tomorrow? I can pick you up?"

Peyton had no idea what he was talking about. "What are you talking about?"

"I want you to go out with me," Lucas blurted out and Peyton's eyes widened.

She still didn't get this —at all. "What? Lucas…"

"No, don't Lucas me." Lucas argued, surprisingly enough, quite seriously. "_Go. Out. With. Me_." He stressed this pointedly. "I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend," _yet_ he thought. "I won't even call it a date, I promise. Just go out with me. I liked today. You know, scratch that, I _loved _today. I love to be able to talk to _you _again. Please Peyton…"

Peyton bit strongly on her lip as she thought for a moment. She shook her head. "I'm busy."

"I can accommodate to your schedule." Lucas replied as fast as his words could form.

Peyton gave herself another moment to think about his words, before letting out that long breath she'd been holding. Truth was she did want to meet him again. Today had been the best time she'd had in a very long time already. Lately she was so so busy with work, that this kind of coffee breaks with friends just wasn't in her every day agenda anymore —if, they ever were to begin with. Plus, she missed Lucas —Gosh, so so much. "How about you walk me to my office? Maybe we can arrange something on the way there." Five more minutes. Five minutes was the walk she had to do from this coffee shop to her office. She was getting five more minutes with Lucas.

"Are you serious?" Lucas couldn't help but ask, the excitement in his voice being so obvious.

Peyton chuckled. "Yes, but we really have to go now…"

Peyton wasn't even finished with her sentence before Lucas was already on his feet, and had locked his arm secure around her waist. Why he did this? He didn't know, but Peyton liked it and so did him. They walked like this for around four minutes. Peyton pulled away from him as they came closer to her office and Lucas didn't blame her —the less she needed were rumors about her in her office.

"Tomorrow at eight then."

Peyton nodded. "Yup."

"We have a date—"

"Hey, you said you were not going to call it like that."

Lucas couldn't help but laugh as he also shrugged his shoulders. "What else can I call it, Peyt. It's what it is."

But he had said it wasn't. Oh damn, she knew it, Lucas was trouble! "Just please don't be late," She said as she one more time looked at her watch. Lucas was ready to say goodbye then as she looked up again.

"I won't. I'll see you tomorrow, Peyt…"

Peyton smiled as his arm wrapped around her shoulders and she could smell his cologne. She didn't remember that smell, but she just loved the way it smelled on him. "I'll see you, Luke. Bye…" She said as he pulled back and she was already starting to walk in the opposite direction.

Lucas kept his eyes on her as she walked away, and he then just let out a breath. "I love you…" He said, but by then, there was virtually no one to hear him say those words.

Then again, perhaps that was for the best too…

Time would tell.


	4. Chapter Three : ((March))

**Author's Note : **Quite a long chapter so I hope it makes up for the lack of updates lately! Hope you all had good holidays and enjoyed a lot the last couple of weeks :) Now things go back to normal so I'll be updating more often again. Thank you so much for reading!

**Chapter Three : ((March)) **

* * *

The night she finished things with Nick had been one of the sadness nights of her life. Peyton hadn't even planned it. She hadn't planned or even thought about breaking up with the guy before she just found herself before him, not knowing what else to say, other that she didn't think she could keep doing this. She liked him, she had fun with him, and didn't know a person in this world who was half as smart as he was, but…Peyton just didn't _love _him. And while for a very very long time that was exactly why Peyton was with him —_the further her heart was from his the better_—, now that was also the reason why she knew she had to say goodbye to him.

At the beginning of their relationship, they always said this was something _casual, _they were both grown-ups —she was 31 at the time, he was 35, and both were more than committed with their work. So much that one night, between one joke and the other, both of them did say that if the circumstances called for it, and they had to choose between being together and keeping their job, they would both choose their jobs.

That was how they saw life —Peyton too. That was what life taught her through the years —there are no _happy ever afters_. She can love someone so much, so much, more than anything, and yet the universe will always find the way to take that someone away from her. So it was her reality, attaching to people only brought her heartache, while committing to her work brought her all the opposite results. Being good at her work meant people around her respected her, looked up to her and Peyton liked this. She liked the looks of respect instead of the looks of pity she would get every time she showed any kind of insecurity and her heart ended up broken. Work was her outing. Work was her way of life. Work was what had defined her for the last decade of her life to be honest.

That was why, even though she and Nick knew very well how attracted to one another they were, they also knew that if it came down to it, work would always come first.

Thing had been though, work had never gotten in the way. At the agency they couldn't care less if she was dating Nick or Joe, or even the freaking president of the country. All they cared was Peyton doing a good job and giving those magnificent results they were always hoping from her.

Her relationship with Nick worked —plain and simple, it did. It was complicated but they just were comfortable with one another and made it happen. People in the office whispered things some times, how eventually one of the two was going to break and was going to want more out of that relationship, and since the other wouldn't have that, they were going to break up.

Those rumors went around the office ever since it became public they were 'going out' —never dating, never a couple, just two coworkers who got along really _really_ well and went out together in a deeper way than just coworkers. They didn't actually sleep over at the other's house for at least the first nine months of their 'relationship'. Peyton wouldn't let it happen, even if Nick was borderline on a sleep coma after sex, she would kick him off her bed arguing that under any circumstances he was to stay the night. That that would be too much for her. And she was the same, when she was at Nick's house, sometimes they would call the night and she would just say goodbye and go. But some others, especially after they had slept together, Peyton would just wait in bed until Nick was completely asleep, and then she would sneak off without him hearing her much but breathe.

She did have a toothbrush at his place, and so did Nick at hers, but in all seriousness, that didn't mean anything —_anything _at all. That was just freaking hygiene for Christ's Sake!

By the time they broke up, Peyton did sleep over at his place —a lot to be honest. It was just practical she thought, but truth was, she hated going home and be alone in her apartment. Maybe that was why she stuck around with Nick for so long. No, it wasn't because she loved him, and still found him as handsome and incredible as she did when they were living in London, but…maybe because she just didn't want to alone. Maybe because she was even _afraid _to be alone after all this time.

She was 32 now, and since she started seeing Lucas again —_because for better or worse Peyton did keep seeing him after that time at the coffee shop_— she had come to realize all those things she had denied herself. A family. And no, she wasn't talking about kids —God no! She was talking about having someone in your life you just _know _it's always going to be there for you. She was scared of commitment for so so long, but Lucas in a way had showed her in the last month how maybe commitment wasn't so bad. Right now they were such different people —Lucas and her, Peyton thought. He was in this place of his life where he was lonely and wasn't afraid to show it or say it aloud. In a place where he longed for someone to spend the rest of his life with, while Peyton some days felt sort of allergic to that same thing. She didn't want someone to spend her 'every day' with as Lucas put it for her one day. No, she could barely share a whole weekend with Nick in her house before feeling suffocated and wanting him out of her house for good. But then Lucas would just roll his eyes at her and shake his head saying how she just didn't know what she was talking about. That she'd see "_One day you'll know what I'm talking about. One day you'll realize life is so much better and beautiful and enjoyable when you're looking at it from the eyes of the person you love."_

Peyton had laughed at him so bad. She'd called him on his poetical skills and Lucas had laughed too. But then when all laughter had died, Lucas had been serious and…quiet for a minute.

And then it had been when Peyton thought of Nick and in something Lucas told her once not so long ago. _"Marriage is just really hard when you are not with the right person" _So maybe it wasn't just marriage but relationships overall.

Every day Peyton told herself she liked whatever it was that she had with Nick. Every day she told herself the same thing. He was comfortable and nice, and just the _right _guy for her, but…what if he just wasn't?

Being his wife? Never, Peyton couldn't help but think. She even shuddered and shook her head. She loved him as a person, and loved to spend time with him, but from there to actually marrying him and being with him forever, no, no, Peyton couldn't even envision that scenario.

Tonight when Nick got to her house —_he was the one supposed to sleep over tonight_— He found Peyton with a brush in her hand and a canvas in front of her. She was painting. She was painting in that way she hadn't in like ten years.

"You are painting." Nick pointed out and while she was indeed startled, Peyton tried like hell not to show it.

She turned to look at him from her stool. She wanted to smile at him —at least a little, but…the smile just wouldn't form. As she saw him there, standing just like always, Peyton felt immense sadness washing over her. It had been in that moment when she realized he wasn't the boy she wanted to come home to every day for the rest of her life. She didn't want to be alone but she didn't want to settle just because he was the boy who would no doubt make for a nice husband. For once Peyton didn't feel as if she wanted to play safe in this one. She wanted to feel even remotely, the way Lucas felt when he talk about the future and about being with someone you love with such immense passion that nothing and no one in the world can come in between you.

Sadly Nick just didn't make her feel that way —at all. "I used to always do it. I draw too." Peyton answered then, her eyes on him.

Nick leaned against the room's door. "That's nice," He told her simply with a smile. Again Peyton couldn't for the life of her form one in return. "I'm just going to get comfy. You want some wine?"

Peyton shook her head. She was mute.

He was many things, but not stupid, Nick thought. "Are you okay?" Something had to be up, she was acting strange, and while that wasn't all that unusual for Peyton, this time it was different. She was like zoned out and just out of it.

In the end, Peyton did nod. "I am," She said but even when she hadn't said it yet, both Nick and her knew there was going to be a _but_ soon.

"You think we need to talk?"

Peyton tried to swallow hard the lump that formed in her throat. She didn't answer his question —she thought she better went straight to the point. "I think you should go home, Nick." She told him sadly.

To say he felt as clueless as can be was surely an understatement. "What are you talking about?" He asked her confused as he started walking slowly into the room. "What happened?"

Peyton shook her head. Nothing happened. Everything happened. "You are a great guy—"

It was so generic, she didn't have to say more. "You are actually ending this?" He was hurt and Peyton couldn't ignore this in his eyes. "Yesterday you and I, we were okay, and now all of a sudden, you want an out?"

Peyton let out a long breath. "It's not like that—"

"Then please explain it to me." Nick this time was calmer than before, even though it was obvious this had taken him by surprise.

"We never said this was going to be long term, and while I love spending time with you, because you know I do, lately I feel we have just fallen into a routine, monotony I don't know how to handle…" Nick didn't get her, and honestly, Peyton wasn't sure she got herself either.

"But isn't just that what people seek for eventually? A routine, something that works? You and I, we work Peyton."

Peyton nodded her head because she knew he was right —not completely though. "Maybe we do, but I don't think I'm in that place yet. I don't think I'm ready to settle with a routine that's good enough yet."

Now his pride was really wounded, but of course Nick was trying like hell not to let it show. "Or maybe you are just not ready to settle with _me_, huh?" He puffed and looked away from Peyton bringing his hands to his face.

They were quiet for a moment. Peyton was biting on her lip but couldn't think of a word to say back to that. Truth was, what Nick had said was sort of truth. She just didn't see herself in the future still with him. No. She couldn't see them growing together, or hell, even having a family together. Not at all. She saw Nick as a very good friend, she loved to talk to, and that happened to be amazing in bed. That was about it. And while she didn't expect this either, Peyton was too surprised with how clearly she was seeing things now. She just couldn't keep playing this game.

"You can't tell me now you saw yourself with me in the long term, Nick. We have fun, and I know it's easy with us, but…we never talked about more than just that, the moment, having fun, getting away from work for a while. We were never happily ever after material, and I'm pretty sure you know this."

Nick was still giving her his back, but Peyton felt she needed to say all this too. She couldn't just let him make her feel bad, when all the blame wasn't hers. "Eventually we were going to break up—"

"—I know that." Nick snapped at last, and Peyton looked down. He softened his features soon enough then. "I just didn't know it was going to happen so soon." He admitted softly then.

Peyton nodded her head. "We were growing comfortable with one another. We were taking each other for granted, and I, I don't think that's okay, Nick. I'm sorry."

Silence fell between them for at least four or five minutes then. Nick standing before Peyton, while she looked down and tried to breathe evenly.

"You are going to stay on my team, aren't you?"

And then finally the awkwardness was broken with his words. Of course he was thinking about work now. Peyton chuckled slightly. "What happens here, stays here. We made a promise." Peyton reminded him with a smile. "You and I, we are a great team; I'm not just going to waste that. We are professionals, right? We'll make it work."

Nick was fast to nod. "Absolutely." He assured her, but he wanted to say more and Peyton knew it. "I'm going to miss you, and I'm sad to see this end."

Peyton met his eyes. "I'm going to miss you, too." She promised and then stood up from the stool she was sitting at. She walked towards him, and it was just natural Nick wrapped his arms around her. She leaned in as closer to him as she could. She wanted to remember this later, how he felt, how he smell, how he kissed her head sometimes or tickled her sides when they hugged. She loved him, she did, just not the way _true love_ and _happily ever after _tales called for.

They kissed on the lips one last time when Peyton looked up at him. This was it. Almost two years after their first kiss in London, they were saying goodbye in her apartment. It was painful but it wasn't unbearable. "You are my best friend, you know that, right?"

Nick smirked and did his best not to chuckle. "I'm positive that's not a compliment, Peyton."

She laughed at his words and shrugged her shoulders. "What? You are." She told him helplessly as she pulled back from him. They stared into one another's eyes for a moment then. Peyton sighed and then Nick started looking back and forth between Peyton and the front door. He really was going to miss her.

"So I —I guess I'll just leave." He said not meeting her eyes.

Peyton bit on her lip as they both started walking in the direction of the front door. The doorbell started ringing then before they even got the door. Nick turned to look at Peyton and she just stared at him with her eyes as big as dinner plates.

"Are you expecting someone?"

She shook her head. It was the truth. She wasn't expecting anyone. The only person who ever came to her house this late at night was Nick, and well, Nick was already here with her, so Peyton had no idea who could it be.

"Let me just check," Peyton said as she walked in front of him and headed to the door. "Maybe is one of my neighbors." She said as she reached for the handle. Only it was not one of her neighbors. It was Lucas. Oh God, from all people in the world why was Lucas _today_ from all days, standing before her all of a sudden? _Lucas_? "What are you doing here?" She asked with wide eyes as soon as she saw him.

Lucas seemed mortified as soon as he realized it wasn't just Peyton who answered the door but that weird guy behind her was also there. "Um…eer," He stuttered looking back and forth between the two of them. "I, I didn't know you were busy,"

"You could have called." Peyton pointed out simply.

Lucas felt now even more awkward, but oh well…what was he supposed to do now? He smirked as he shrugged his shoulders at her. "I know, sorry Peyton. Forgot." He said sheepishly, making Peyton smile a little bit.

Nick looked at her and felt sad. It had been forever since she last looked at him the way she was looking at Lucas right now.

"I can come back later," Lucas called hurriedly then.

Peyton was going to say something but Nick beat her to it. "You should stay." He said addressing Lucas. Peyton was surprised at this, but still she stayed quiet. "I was just leaving anyway." He said as he turned to meet Peyton's eyes. "See you tomorrow in the office?" He wondered and Peyton nodded her head. She knew she should have, but she could not for the life of her oppose to what Nick had just said. She honestly really wanted to know what had brought Lucas to her house so late at night. She wanted him to stay. For whatever it was worth, she wanted him to stay.

"Yeah…I'll see you tomorrow, Nick." Peyton stood on her tiptoes and kissed Nick's cheek slightly as he did the same.

"Bye." Nick whispered as he walked past her and past Lucas. The two men did some polite nods addressing one another, but then, before Peyton could process it, Nick was already gone, and she was left alone with Lucas. With Lucas Scott no less.

"Um, um…" Great, now she didn't even know what to tell him. "Would you like to come in?"

Lucas laughed ever so slightly at her shyness and sudden nervousness, but he still managed to nod his head at her. "That'd be great." He said as he stepped inside the apartment. He had never been there before. He had walked Peyton home one day but he had never made it inside before. It wasn't too big but it was warm and full of art and…it just felt Peyton, Lucas thought, he liked it.

"I'm sorry, I feel as if I interrupted something."

Peyton squished her nose and shook her head as Lucas looked at her. "No…" She said softly. "We were just talking."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Peyton assured him with a smile.

"Everything okay between you two?"

It was at that question that she hesitated. She could lie, but…what was the point in that? "We kind of…um, broke up." Lucas' eyes went wide, but Peyton was kind of expecting this. She stayed quiet though, and just waited for him to ask that _"What?" _She knew would come soon enough.

"Wait, what?"

She wanted to chuckle, but for some reason tonight didn't feel as the right night to laugh. Nick hadn't been the love of her life, but he was still someone important in her life. He had been the one guy Peyton had lasted the longest in a very long time. Of course there was Josh, but he was a different story. He had been a fun fling before she flew to London. Or at least that was what Peyton had thought of him all the while as they dated. They were having fun. They didn't even date for that long before something crazy happen. Josh felt whatever ticking clock inside him ticking and he had proposed to Peyton. It had been silly and just the dumbest thing he could have done, Peyton thought. When Lucas proposed to her all those years ago, she had felt torn, and confused and sad, and later on, heartbroken. When Josh proposed, she had wanted to laugh and ask him if he was honestly serious. He told her he loved her —Peyton was never sure if he actually did. She on the other hand, she liked him –a lot– but she never loved him for real. It had felt so absurd for her when he knelt down before her and pulled out that cheap ring. Because well, yeah, of course Peyton had been curious and had eyed the ring. Josh was a musician, a very _very_ damn good one. But he surely needed a few more brains.

Perhaps that was why she had ended up with Nick. He was the polar opposite from Josh. He was _smart _period. He knew everything about lots of things. He was a quick thinker and could work out a problem then and there if asked to do it. That was why he was successful. Why Peyton had been attracted to him –that and the fact that he was so nice to look at, but especially the brains of course.

All that didn't matter anymore though. She had broken up with him, for no actual reason other than she was escaping commitment yet again.

In the end Peyton shrugged her shoulders at Lucas' question. She wanted to explain herself but did it really matter what she said? The damage was made. "It was just something I had to do. Don't come and tell me you are all that surprised I did?"

"You broke up things?" Lucas asked back without thinking. Somehow he just wanted confirmation of what he already kind of knew. Peyton didn't answer but just nodded her head. Lucas was quiet for a moment before he offered her a shrug of his shoulders and a sympathetic smile. "You didn't love him." He stated and while Peyton never envisioned herself admitting this to Lucas from all people, after a few seconds of pondering, she shook her head.

"Nope." She said rather shamefully. She looked down at the floor and made herself take small steady breaths. "But…it's not that simple…don't —don't think I didn't love him, I did, just, I, I—"

"There's a difference between appreciate someone, being attracted to someone, care for someone, to really _love _someone. Sometimes telling apart the difference is the tricky part."

Peyton just stared at him with soft eyes. "Since when are you such an expert in all these things, huh?"

Lucas just chuckled shyly. "I'm not. But I know you Peyton Sawyer, and I've been there in your place. That's how I know. Don't let my current divorcee state fool you. I still know a thing or two about relationships and love."

Yeah? Then how about then you explained her right now how it was possible for a successful –_somewhat_– beautiful 32-year-old woman like her to still be single? And worst of all, not even slightly interested in getting married and start a family?

Maybe it was his fault. "Maybe this is your fault." Peyton found herself saying aloud then.

Lucas was more than just confused as he stared at her with narrowed eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You were the last person I had a meaningful relationship with. After you all my relationships have been a sad parody of what I know love can really be…" She trailed off shaking her head. "I think you really did break me…"

"Peyton…" Lucas called softly. He didn't know what to say. Suddenly this conversation had turned so serious and pivotal that he had been taken off guard. He wanted to tell her how she couldn't honestly be serious. How _them _had happened years ago and what happened in the past should be left in the past. He wanted to tell her that of course it wasn't his fault. That she had just been unlucky perhaps but that of course the fault wasn't his.

Lucas for some reason couldn't voice any of those words and instead he stayed quiet staring into her glazy eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing." Peyton replied right away. "I don't want you to say anything, I just…I…I want you to tell me I'm right."

Lucas shook his head. "Do you still love me?"

"Excuse me?" This time Peyton's eyes snapped right down to Lucas' in the blink of an eye.

"I asked you a question." He repeated seriously, Peyton frowned.

"Of course not. That was years ago Lucas." Peyton reminded him just as seriously. Hurt and pain were lacing her words and she couldn't hide it.

Lucas wasn't having that though. "You don't forget your first love, Peyton. That, that's just the way things are. Maybe the reason it didn't work out with Nick, or Lindsey is that we simply weren't meant to be with them. Maybe we were instead meant to be together. You and —"

"Don't say it!" Peyton didn't even want him to go there. She stood up from the couch and started pacing shaking her head. This could not be happening. She had been so happy when Lucas came back to her life. She really was. She loved to be able to talk to him again and just be the kind of friends the two of them had been in the past, but…loving him? She hadn't even thought about that possibility. Or maybe she had, but it had been in moments of weakness when the stupidest things for some reason entered her mind. She didn't love him. She couldn't love him. It was too complicated.

"Please just stop, Lucas. I, I don't want you doing this right now." Peyton pleaded, feeling already the tears building up in her eyes. "What's next then? Are you going to tell me _you _love me?"

Lucas squinted his eyes looking at her. "Of course I do." He promised but Peyton was being as stubborn as even.

She started shaking her head even stronger. "You don't mean that. You can't."

As she said this, Lucas finally took the cue and stood up as well. Peyton didn't see him or feel him as he moved closer to her, and his hands came to rest on her shoulders. She looked shocked when their eyes met, but Lucas still managed to do his job, and steadied her. "I can, and I do." He assured her confidently. Peyton sighed but didn't break eye contact.

Even when they have been talking for weeks now, this was the first time they were actually talking about _their _past. About Lucas breaking her heart once upon a time. A heart that seemingly hadn't healed those wounds quite yet.

"Even after all this time, you are still the girl I think about when people ask me about love. About my books. About my inspiration. You are still the girls that knocks the air out of me _every single time _I see you. Long ago you stopped being the broody teenager I fell in love with, but…now that I found you again and got to see the person you've become, I hadn't been able not to think in _what if_s. What if I hadn't let you go? What if I had just loved you the way you deserved to be loved…?" He paused, his hand tenderly cupping her cheek. Lucas hadn't practice any of this. All those words he was saying were coming straight from his heart. "What if I decide not to make the same mistakes I did in the past and decide instead to love you? Love you right now? Love you forever?"

Peyton breathed hard, long, unsteady breaths as his eyes looked into hers with so much sincerity and…love. "I think you should go, Lucas." They've missed their chance. She knew this. Lucas was just delusional. He couldn't love her. Not as he was claiming. That only happened in fairy tales and fairy tales were not real. He was just lonely. Yes. Lucas was just lonely and that was why he was seeking companion in her. He didn't love her. He was just confused with his loneliness.

"Peyton." Lucas tried to say something, but Peyton cut him short placing her fingers over his lips.

"Shush." She told him softly. "Please just go. Please. I'm begging you."

Lucas stared at her for a few more moments and then he nodded. "All right." He whispered as he slowly let go of her arms and turned around walking in the direction of the door already.

Peyton wanted to stop him more than anything else in the world. She wanted to tell him how she desperately wanted to believe in everything he said but that she just couldn't. She wanted to love him but she just couldn't so she let him go.

Lucas closed the door behind him and Peyton was alone then again. She felt a few tears fall but she didn't do anything to wipe them away. She was sad. She wanted to feel sad and scared and alone. She didn't want to bottle it inside as she had for some too many years. She wanted to act as she felt and that was sad right now. She had lost Nick, and she had lost Lucas yet again tonight.

And now she was _alone_.

* * *

It was almost four am when Peyton woke up the next day. She had fallen asleep on a couch in her living room, with a few too many dry tears stuck to her cheeks. The noises she heard outside of her apartment made her stir. She was confused and her throat felt sore as she woke up but she still managed to get up from the couch. She walked towards her front door —the noises coming from there.

Michael was the doorman of her building. He was a good man by every mean. He had a lovely family and always treated Peyton as yet another daughter —he had five. One of them Peyton's age— He always made small talk as they waited for a taxi cab together, and even gave her advice sometimes. He was a nice man. Right now however, Peyton could hear his voice rising through her door. Still sleepy she stepped on her tiptoes and looked through the peephole. She couldn't see much really, just Michael standing there saying things she couldn't distinguish. All Peyton could tell was that he wasn't very happy.

After a couple of minutes, Peyton decided she had to know what was happening outside her door. She opened it and was more than just surprised when she saw just with whom Michael was with.

"What the hell are you still doing here, Luke!?" Her question came out strong, and all sleepiness she had before, completely went away as she saw Lucas standing there before her.

Peyton knew she had been dramatic, but she got to think she wouldn't be seeing Lucas any time soon. What in the world was he still doing here?

"Well?" She asked again when Lucas didn't answer.

Lucas was going to say something then, but Michael was faster than he was. "So you do know him Miss Sawyer?"

Peyton was still kind of shocked but she still turned to look at Michael and nodded. "Yeah." She assured him. Michael was a good man; she could tell in his eyes he was just worried about her. "He, um, eh," Peyton tried to explain but the words didn't form so easily. "I know him Mike." She promised one more time, and even though he was still feeling a little uneasy about this person, Michael nodded his head at Peyton.

"Okay Miss Sawyer," Michael said softly at her, before turning to look at Lucas. His features completely changed as he looked at him —they hardened. "It is still against the rules for you to spend the night in the corridors sir." Michael was respectful with his tone of voice, but it still was obvious he didn't like Lucas all that much.

Peyton however, couldn't help but narrow her eyes at Michael's words. "What?" She asked looking back and forth between the two men. "You were going to spend the night here?"

Peyton was addressing him and to that Lucas barely shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't been able to leave. Not in the way Peyton was, he wasn't going to just abandon her just like everybody else in her life had. No. Lucas had been tempted, she had tested him, Peyton maybe didn't even know it yet, but they were going to be together. Eventually. Lucas knew this. He loved her too much to be stupid enough again and let her go. No. Not again. He had already gone through that path and it had been a nightmare. There was no way in hell he was making the same mistakes again.

"I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave you again."

Michael could see the pained expression in Peyton's face, and he felt the need to just say something. "Are you sure you don't want me to see him out Miss Sawyer?"

Peyton turned to Michael and stared at him for a small moment. "Yeah, I'm sure." She answered, her eyes shifting to meet Lucas. "It's okay, Mike. I, um…we'll just go inside."

Lucas wanted to smile, oh God, he wanted to smile so bad but he still didn't do it. When his eyes met Peyton's again, he nodded his head and sighed with relief.

"If you need me you call Miss." Michael called one last time as he gave Lucas and Peyton some last looks.

Peyton smiled at him. "Thank you Michael." She told him sincerely as Lucas started walking into the apartment and Michael in the opposite direction.

"He's…um, _protective _over you." Lucas said softly as Peyton closed the door after the two of them. They looked at each other and Peyton couldn't help but shake her head.

"I thought I've gotten rid of you a long time ago. I thought I was _so_ over you. I didn't even think about you all that often before you just showed up back into my life. I was doing pretty awesome. I was over you."

Again Lucas felt that tingly feeling inside him, he wanted to smile and beam and smirk. She didn't know it yet but she was so letting him in right now. She was going to give them a second chance –or was it a third? Or a fourth? Hell, it didn't matter! Peyton was so going to give them a chance. Lucas just knew it. "But you are not, are you?"

"Of course I'm not!" Peyton all but shouted. She brought her hands to her face after the words were out.

Next thing she knew, Lucas was holding her, his arms around her and his body pressing to hers just as she remembered. She didn't even have to think about it, before she realized it, her head had already found that perfect spot on his chest. Oh God, he smelled so good.

But she couldn't. Or maybe she could, but she was still scared. "But it's too late Lucas."

Lucas was calm as she said that. He wanted to give her time to process this at the same time as help her realize this wasn't a mistake as she was thinking it was. "I don't want to have to convince you about doing this. About being together."

"No?" Peyton's question was innocent, and she scrunched up her nose as she looked at him.

Lucas wanted nothing more but to kiss her. "No. I don't want to _talk you into_ wanting to be with me. I want you to just want it."

And she did. Oh so much.

"But I still want you to know," Lucas started talking again before she could say anything. Peyton was still snuggled on his chest, and honestly, she had no intention to move. "It's not too late. You shouldn't say that. And I know we have history, but that's not technically a bad thing. We've been through a lot, but…we are only 32. We have a lot still to see and live. You are not finished. _We _are not finished."

Peyton swallowed hard, looking down from his eyes to her hands. Lucas' hand caught one of hers and he brought it up to his mouth. The kiss he gave her was sweet and tender…and just amazing. "We are not kids anymore." As Peyton said this, she pulled away from Lucas slightly. It wasn't enough to loose completely contact from him.

"I never said we were." Lucas was fast to answer. Peyton nodded her head. She didn't want to play games. She didn't want him changing his mind tomorrow and leaving her again heartbroken and alone as he had in the past. "And I know you are the one who has to make the choice —So I…I vow right here and now to love you for the rest of my life Peyton Sawyer, but…I cannot promise you it'll be easy."

Was he blind? Had Lucas forgotten everything she had been through during the years? Of course she would never expect this to be easy. "I would never ask you to do that."

Lucas smiled at her, his hand still holding onto hers. "I have a son, and whether I like it or not I'm tied to his mother for life. I would never ask you either to see past this, but…I want so bad to be selfish with you. I want you to want to be with me. I want us to be together and give _this_ a chance." Lucas stressed his words and Peyton knew in her heart he meant it.

"What if you don't like who I am now? Why if you only love the Peyton I used to be…? The idea of what you and I could have been?" Peyton questioned then softly. She didn't let go of his hand, but she wasn't brave enough to meet his eyes.

Lucas made her do it though. He kissed the side of her lips unexpectedly and Peyton just had to look up. "You know how back in high school we could speak about everything? Not just when we were together, but even when we were not?" Peyton nodded her head. That was accurate. Lucas was always that person she could trust no matter what. He was the one person in the world she would tell her inner secrets and know he wasn't going to say a word about it. He wouldn't judge at all. And it worked both ways. Peyton knew she was that person for Lucas too. "I've never been able to do that with another person. I swear that to you Peyton. When I saw you at the subway, and then at the café, it was like I had found a part of me I had been missing for years. You are still so beautiful and smart and you've made me fall in love with you all over again since that very day you agreed to meet me in the café. I don't love who you used to be, I love you —now."

Peyton looked up at him and they smiled at each other. She felt the same way about him and she didn't have to say that aloud —he knew, and Peyton knew he did.

They were in silence for a few moments before Lucas kissed her again. This time it wasn't on the side of her lips, but _on _her lips. Peyton closed her eyes as he did so, and Lucas did too. He loved it how her hands tied on his short hair. He loved how her body felt against his. He loved how she giggled ever so slightly when he ran his hand over her sides. He loved how she tasted. He loved how even after all this time Peyton still made him feel as if nothing else mattered as long as her lips were touching his.

Lucas felt closer to her. Her soul, her body, her mind. He loved her. Good God, he loved her more than anything in the world.

"So what is this mean?"

Lucas asked when they pulled away from each other slightly. He knew what Peyton kissing him back meant. It meant she was onboard. It meant she wanted to give this a chance. It meant she loved him too. Lucas still wanted to hear her say that though.

And even though she took her time —as if weighing this night, and all the words spoken, in the end Peyton spoke. She kept her hands on the sides of his face, and stared at him softly before she shrugged her shoulders at the question. "It means one day soon when you ask me again to marry you, I'll say yes." She smiled up at him and Lucas closed his eyes cherishing those few words. "It means I love you too, but…God damn it Lucas, if you ever hurt me again—"

Lucas didn't let her finish. He kissed her strongly on the lips before Peyton could say anything else. She wanted, but she could not complain. Not at all. "I won't. I swear. I won't hurt you again, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer." Lucas stressed the last words and after heaving a sigh, Peyton nodded her head.

It took her a small moment, but then she smiled.

"What is it?" Lucas knew something was in her mind.

"Would you go to sleep with me Lucas Scott?" It had been a long night —one of the longest in her life and yet Peyton felt right now as peaceful as she hadn't in forever. She felt tired, but at the same time more alive than ever. She wanted him though. That was all Peyton could process right now in her mind. Now that she got him, she wanted him, she wanted Lucas. Every bit of him.

Lucas nodded his head with a smile and let Peyton guide the way to her room.

They lay in her bed and he held her —strongly, protectively. Lucas held Peyton as close to his body as he could and time and time again promised in her ear he would never let go of her again.

Never.


	5. Chapter Four : ((April))

**Author's Note : **This chapter has a bit of back-story within more back-story but hopefully is not that confusing! Just know flashbacks are in _Italics._ Thank you all so much for reading!

**Chapter Four : ((April)) **

* * *

Getting married hadn't been a big affair. Not because they hadn't been able to afford something big and glamorous, but because from the very start, both Lucas and Peyton had known they wanted something intimate and just between them if that were possible. People didn't find out about their marriage for a couple of months after it happened. And again, it hadn't been because they tried to hide it, not at all, but everything had happened just so fast, that they had been so _so_ busy being together and happy that they didn't stop to think about how everybody else needed to be informed about this too.

Lucas had been there, his buddy Bob from work had been there —_he'd been one of the witnesses_—, Jack had been there, Peyton of course, and Laura who had done as the other witness even though technically she was also Peyton's bridesmaid. She helped Peyton so much, and even when the preparations to the wedding hadn't been as big as they could had been for a bigger wedding, there had been still a lot of preparation to do and Laura had been just amazing at it. She had managed most of the details and then managed Peyton's office for the three weeks Peyton and Lucas took after the wedding for the honeymoon.

They had been engaged —_officially_— for about four months before the wedding. Lucas had proposed during the New Year celebration they had. He told Peyton how he didn't want to begin more years without calling her his wife already. Peyton had smiled and nodded at him as Lucas slowly got up from the floor (_he had of course knelt down for her_). She was happy and Lucas had gotten to see even a few tears pooling in her eyes as he slid the ring on her finger.

_"You know this is forever, right?"_

Those six words were stuck in Peyton's mind forever. Lucas was so honest, and the proposal was so raw and from his heart that even though Peyton had wanted to tell him a hundred other things, she had barely formed an "_I know_." Before her arms wrapped around Lucas' neck and she finally cried a couple tears.

_When Lucas noticed that, he hadn't been able to stay quiet. "Peyt…you are crying." Lucas' voice was gentle and sweet. He looked at her only a teeny bit concerned, but even when she was still kind of crying, Peyton laughed and shook her head immediately._

_"No," She lied making Lucas squint. "I mean, yes I am," She was laughing and crying at the same time still. Lucas was puzzled, but he was listening. "But there are good tears Luke, I promise. I, I just can't believe how happy I am."_

_At that, Lucas had nodded his head as strongly as he could. He had been also as happy as could be in that exact moment. She had agreed to marry him. To spend the rest of her life with him. That had by far been one of the happiest moments of his life as well._

_"I love you," Lucas promised sweetly the very instant Peyton looked up at him after wiping her eyes a little. He kissed her nose and she giggled making him smile widely —that kind of smile that you even fear your face may crack? He loved her and God knew he loved to hear her laugh or see her smile. Those things made him just as happy and not for the world, Lucas would trade this moment. "Happy New Year Peyton Sawyer," He told her then, sweet but serious at the same time. He didn't say it, and Peyton didn't need him to, but this could well be the last few months Peyton Sawyer would still be Peyton Sawyer to him and to the world. Soon enough she would be a Scott —finally and by all means, and the thought alone made Lucas' heart swell and race within his chest. He had loved Peyton for so long, so very long, and now finally all those dreams he had dreamed upon her where starting to come true. It was an understatement to say he could not possibly wait to the rest of their lives…the rest of their lives together._

_"Happy New Year, Luke." Peyton told him back with that silly smile she still had plastered on her face. Honestly, even if she wanted to, there was no way in hell she could wipe away that smile right now. She was just that happy. That happy that she didn't care at all anymore about what ifs. About what people may think or not about she suddenly getting married when pretty much all her adult life was spent trying __**not**__ to get married. Trying not to have serious commitment with anybody but herself. Trying to put her job above all and her heart and her feelings buried under layers and layers and layers. _

_This was Lucas though. He was the boy who made her feel more than any other human being in the world could. He was attentive and loving, and sincere in his love to her. He was careful and always always made her feel as the most beautiful girl around even if it was seven in the morning and she had just woken up with swollen eyes and bags under her eyes. Lucas was the only person in the world Peyton felt completely comfortable around. She knew she could be herself and say as she thought and Lucas would never judge her. He was amazing, inside and out, but he was by far not perfect. They were both imperfect and that was just added beauty to their relationship —they loved each other, even, after all their flaws and failings._

_That just had to be love. The real thing. The kind of love you read in fairy tales growing up and wish upon every star to be your love, your story, your life, and…now that it was actually happening to Peyton, it just hit her how very very happy she was about it. She could honestly barely contain the happiness within herself, and then…then Lucas kissed her, and he brought it to a whole new level._

_She whimpered when Lucas' lips moved from hers, but thank Goodness, he was just getting some air because soon after he was kissing her again, a little bit stronger this time, and Peyton just about fell in love with him all over again. In love with his words and actions. With the tender way he cupped her cheek with his big hand, and with the way he then rested his forehead against her temple when the kiss was broken. Peyton loved it how Lucas Scott was the only man who knew her completely and made her feel all those things she'd thought once upon a time she never would again. _

_He was the right one. He was the right person for her, and now it was just about impossible to deny it._

They decided to have the wedding as soon as the weather started warming up a little. And of course it was New York and that didn't happen until well into April, but that still had been okay. The delay had given them time to look for a new apartment —the one they would both share. By then Lucas was pretty much living already in Peyton's small apartment in SoHo. His apartment was by Upper East Side and it was tiny and crumpled with things. Even boxes he hadn't unpack since the divorce —note: that had been over two years ago. He had only chosen the place because it was close to Lindsey's, which meant it was closer to Jack. At the time Lucas hadn't care the rent was a joke and he was paying like three times more than Peyton, even when her apartment was almost three times his.

That still hadn't matter once Lucas slowly, yet surely stopped living there. He got to see Jack just as often, but now he had the added bonus of seeing Peyton more often as well.

At first Peyton had insisted they stayed in SoHo —that was her home, had been for ten years, she had almost begged Lucas not to make her give it up, and well, even when he hadn't wanted to do that, at the end of the day, it had all come down to being practical. If they wanted to keep seeing Jack as often as Lucas wanted during the weekdays, then they couldn't live too far from his school. It had been as simple as that, and even when Peyton inwardly hated having to move, deep inside she knew it was for the right reasons.

At first it had been a little bit of a struggle to find a big enough loft for them to move; initially they wanted a house, but most of the houses they saw just didn't feel right or were not big enough, or were actually too big and old that not even Peyton could phantom living there. They found the perfect loft close enough to Central Park, and Lexington Ave eventually though. It was really nice, not crazy expensive, big enough, and within walking distance of Jack's school –it really had been perfect.

Lindsey hadn't been all that happy about _it _though; she had specifically told Lucas how she simply did not approve of that loft for _her son_ to live there. Lucas put his foot down early enough though. It was easy, just as he explained to Peyton once; Lindsey could complain all she wanted, bitch as she please, but she really didn't have the power to decide where they were going to live. They had joint custody of Jack with Lucas, which gave them just about the same rights over the child. Lindsey could throw as many tantrums as she wanted, but that still didn't mean Lucas was going to give in. He had after all, learned to stand up to her after the divorce. He used to go above and beyond to please her when they were married —_she was indeed the hardest person to please in the world_— but now that Lucas didn't have to prove to her anymore, he was a whole lot more laid back about the whole situation. He was always polite with her, but if she started ranting on and on during a phone conversation —_it had happened about four times since Peyton started seeing Lucas often—_ Lucas didn't think twice now before ending the conversation.

Lindsey honestly had the tendency to get very upset about silly stuff —or the big stuff sometimes too. She had gone pretty much livid when she had found out about the wedding. She had felt betrayed and as if all those years she spent with Lucas had been a farce. Sure, she didn't love Lucas anymore either, but…did he really have to marry _that _girl? Lindsey hated Peyton, that was just about as true as could be, but in all honesty, Peyton didn't blame her so much for that.

Truth was, for years Peyton hated —_or thought she did_— Lindsey as well. She hated the idea of Lucas being with a girl who wasn't she to start with, but then Lindsey just had never felt right to Peyton anyway. Plus for Peyton it was also hard to believe Lucas and Lindsey had actually lasted as long as they did.

She had tried to put that in the past now however, but even though Peyton didn't get to see Lindsey all that often, when the wedding was a fact and everything started happening so fast, Peyton had also come to the conclusion that whether she liked it or not, Lindsey Strauss was going to be part of her life forever from the very moment she said yes to Lucas in the altar —or city hall, but that was still the idea.

And actually the first time Peyton saw Lindsey after she got back together with Lucas had been only a few days before the wedding. It had been all _but _pleasant, and Peyton had even been slapped…not that she deserved it she thought, but again, she had been able to understand Lindsey. She was so hurt, not because she still loved Lucas, but because it must be just hard on your ego to have your husband —okay, ex-husband, married again —_so soon after the divorce_— to that same girl who had haunted their relationship the entire duration of their marriage.

That first meeting between them had still been so so awful.

_It had been a little past nine in the morning when Peyton got 'the call' —the one that pretty much made hell break loose to be honest. She had been still in the apartment doing some work from home. Truth was, she had been having such a big work load lately that she just wanted to be done with it all already. In just a few days she was —finally— getting a break from the office, but in all honesty, that day couldn't come soon enough she thought._

_That was why that day in particular she had decided to work at home during the morning. Then in the afternoon she would at least show up in the office to keep the boss happy, but then as soon as the clock hit 5pm, she was going to run back home. There was so much stuff still to do, pack the apartment, her music, her books —__**his**__ books; it was impressive how many books Lucas had been able to get into Peyton's apartment in just something over five months that he had been coming over on a regular basis._

_Peyton still didn't complain, and instead was deep inside wishing the day until the wedding to come fast enough so she could marry Lucas already!_

_And then, only a few minutes into her day dream about her future wonderful life with Lucas, her phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. Peyton growled at the sound thinking it was the office, but then she didn't recognize the number in the ID of the phone when she saw it._

_She held the phone for a few moments before actually answering it._

_"This is Peyton," She said lightly into the phone, even though to this day she still hated to talk to strangers on the phone, or worse…sales people calling her just on the sake of making her waste her time._

_All of Peyton's assumptions had been wrong though. The lady on the other end of the phone identified herself as Meredith, a teacher from the Buckley School, which also happened to be Jack's school. Peyton couldn't help but be concerned immediately, but also at the same time, she didn't understand why she was getting the call? Okay yes, Lucas was out of town, but what about Lindsey, she was the kid's mom, right? Why was Peyton getting calls like this, huh?_

_Her inner ramblings were broken, when the teacher spoke again, and answered the question Peyton hadn't asked yet. "We can't get ahold of his mother, and since you are an emergency contact—"_

_"Yes, yes I am, did something happen to Jack? Is he okay?" Peyton found herself feeling now shakier than before. Oh God, what if something happened to this kid and __**she**__ was the one to deliver the news not just to Lucas now, but to Lindsey, too? Oh please good God no, let this kid be okay. Please let this kid be okay._

_"He's…he's fine."_

_Oh thank God, Peyton thought, letting out a breath she hadn't known she had been holding. "Then what it is?"_

_Meredith, the teacher on the phone grew uneasy, and Peyton could tell this even through the phone. "He, he's fine, but he um, had an accident."_

_"An accident?" Peyton went again on full worried mode._

_The teacher was fast to speak to this time however. "Not the kind of accident you are thinking, he, um, he just couldn't make it to the potty…"_

_"Oh." _

_Peyton could not possibly think of a different thing to say. She could swear both her and the teacher stayed in silence for at least one or two whole minutes until the teacher was brave enough to break the awkwardness her statement created._

_"We tried to explain to him that it was okay, that he just needed to change clothes, but he's not listening and I can't have one of our teachers all day begging him to change so we were hoping you could pick him up."_

_"Yeah, right, of course." Peyton was answering out of instinct now merely. She wanted to help, and she was going to help, but oh Lord, how much did she wish she wasn't in her own shoes right now. Where in the world was Lindsey anyway? She was the mom; she was the one who should be dealing with this kind of things…_

_"Thank you," Meredith said back at last. She sighed as she reminded herself that this was just part of her job. "Jack has gotten himself in one of the storage lockers, and we just can't get him to step out. I'll have one of my teachers stay with him until you can get here if that's okay with you?"_

_Peyton nodded absently as she was already rummaging her apartment looking for her keys. Damn things! Why did she always have to lose them, huh? "Yes please." Peyton voiced into the phone at last, but then she actually thought through the teacher's words. "Actually, if Jack wants to be alone, let him be. I'll be there as fast as I can."_

_"Oh…okay…" The teacher said back only a bit confused. She wasn't used to talking with the kids' stepparents, let alone taking request from them in the sake of the children, but in this case, she was actually kind of pleased this woman seemingly cared enough for the kid and wasn't just asking for the actual parents to be called._

_"Great, thank you." Peyton answered and waited just enough to hear the teacher say goodbye before she hung up the phone._

_Jack's school wasn't that far from her apartment, she could well take the train to get there, but that would take longer than if she took a cab, so…yeah, in the end Peyton decided in taking a taxi cab to get to his school —as soon as she found the effing keys of the house of course!_

_It wasn't peak hour anymore, so at least that meant the traffic wasn't going to be that much of a nightmare._

_By around 10am in the morning, Peyton was walking down the street to Jack's school. It was an all-boys school, and when Peyton had made fun of this with Lucas, he'd said it was a great school and maybe that was better for little boys. "That way they don't have all those distractions with girls." Lucas had said coyly but Peyton hadn't believed those words at all._

_She had still played along and told him that if __she __ever had a daughter, then she would send her to The Brearley School, an all-girls school, and though Peyton had been beaming all too much as she said this, thinking Lucas wouldn't like the idea, the end result had been the polar opposite. "Fine by me." Lucas had said. "In that case I would be the only man in her life for longer. I can so live with that Peyton."_

_After that, they had both laughed and for one reason or another ended up kissing and kissing until neither one of them could breathe anymore. Everything that day had been said in jest —Peyton had felt so relaxed and just…happy that day. Right now however, she felt as uneasy as could be. She hated to be the one doing this, but oh well…whatever happens happens; she thought as she reached the front desk and introduced herself._

_"And Jack does know you?" The receptionist asked with a raised eyebrow and judgmental voice when Peyton introduced herself as Lucas' fiancé._

_Gosh, sometimes people just sucked. "Of course he knows me. Very well." Peyton stressed seriously. She was sounding confident and secure right now to that lady, but deep in her heart however, she couldn't help but wish time and time again that Jack would let her help him and didn't throw a fit instead…_

_"Okay then." The receptionist said at last. She looked over at Peyton from head to toe one last time before she reached for the phone. "I'll get someone to take you to him."_

_Peyton stared at her for a couple more seconds, before she just turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't even say thank you, this lady had really offended her and Peyton had just hated coming here. She wasn't going to tell Lucas this though —or maybe she would…she told him everything —almost everything after all._

_In only a few minutes however, Peyton was already walking down a hallway of lockers as she had been instructed. She walked past Jack's classroom and saw all the other boys focused in a class. When she finally reached the place she was told Jack was at, Peyton felt oh so uneasy and even thought about turning around and just leave without anyone seeing her._

_But then she remembered that even as awful as Jack had been to her, he was still a child and needed to be protected. She opened quietly the closet's door, and walked carefully inside. Jack was sitting on one corner; his arms holding tightly his legs and his head buried on his knees. Peyton sighed when he didn't even look up at her._

_She wanted to say something, make it better for him to be honest. Tell him this was so not the end of the world and he had to just stand tall and change out of those wet underpants but…it was just not that easy._

_Peyton could barely hear it, but she knew Jack was crying. She could tell by his heavy breathing and the way he was hiding his face._

_"You want me to just take you home, Jack…?" Peyton whispered after a few minutes of just sitting next to him in silence._

_Jack didn't say anything at first, but then he also didn't pull away when Peyton started stroking his back gently. He waited and hesitated, but then at last he slowly lifted up his face to see Peyton. "Did you tell my dad?"_

_Peyton simply shook her head._

_"Could you not tell him?" His voice was so feeble and scared and while Peyton didn't get why he was making such a big deal of this, she was indeed feeling for this child._

_"I won't, but your mom is probably going to do it…" Peyton said apologetically, twisting her lips._

_Jack stared at her for another moment before he sighed. "Could you still not tell him?"_

_"I won't tell him if you don't want me to." She didn't even know why she agreed to that. It was silly, of course she and Luke would eventually talk about this, but…maybe this was just a desperate way Peyton had find to get through this kid and make him trust her._

_"Thank you," Jack said simply before again looking away from Peyton's eyes. "Can we please go home now?"_

_Peyton nodded her head. "Absolutely." She told him simply as she stood up and reached her hand down for Jack to take. He did and stood up behind Peyton as she opened the door of the closet. She made sure there were not kids outside before she stepped out with Jack. Peyton then didn't even bother to sign the checking out paper or whatever they would probably make her sign in the front desk before leaving._

_She didn't care about that, but just about taking this kid out of here. She never really admitted to like Jack to be honest, but right now, she would honestly do everything in her power to spare him any more embarrassment._

_Everything after that kind of went okay Peyton thought. She gave Jack the clothes she'd brought from their apartment for him to change, and he did it quite fast in one of the bathrooms. He put away the yucky clothes in a plastic bag and gave it to Peyton when he stepped out. She didn't mind and just shoved them into Jack's backpack._

_The exited the school through one of the emergency exits that went to the parking lot. They were walking down the street less than five minutes later. Peyton asked Jack again —now that he was clean— if he wanted to go home right away, or rather walk a little around the park and have something to eat. Surprising her, Jack had chosen the second option. He was quiet for the most part of the time, but Peyton honestly did not complain about that._

_Jack ate a pretzel and she just drank a lemonade as they walked the few blocks down the park. They took another cab home, and then…well then it had been when Peyton's luck had ended._

_Right there, mad as could be, in the lobby of her apartment building, there was Lindsey. Lindsey Strauss from all people and she looked…well, she looked great —other than her ready-to-kill face though. She was on her work clothes, neatly put together, her makeup was really close to perfect, and for a lady four years older than her, Peyton was sure she looked even better than Peyton herself did._

_She was mad though. Oh-so mad. _

_"Who the hell do you think you are?" Lindsey all about shouted as soon as she saw Peyton and Jack walking inside the building. She walked rapidly closer to the two of them and Peyton couldn't help but reached out her hand and grab Jack when he hid behind her legs._

_Once again that day Peyton had been surprised by his actions, but maybe she shouldn't have. She in all honesty couldn't blame Jack for being scared at his mom right now —she looked…crazy…_

_"I…—" Peyton tried to speak but the words simply didn't come out._

_"You take my son, __my son__," Lindsey started ranting again, stressing dramatically the words. "From his school and leave without anyone knowing? I go there to find my son only to find out my husband's mistress has taken him?"_

_"They called me—" Peyton explained, but of course Lindsey wasn't listening._

_"—Jack is my son and it's bad enough he has to have any contact with you when it's Lucas' turn to have him, but I will, under any circumstances allow for my child to spend any time with you without any supervision."_

_What was she? Seven? Who the heck Lindsey thought she was talking to? "Trust me, I would have rather go to work today as I had to, instead of losing all my morning getting your son from school. It's not my fault you were too busy doing who knows what that you couldn't take the call from his schoo—-" And right there, before Peyton could finish the last word of her –bold?— statement, Lindsey slapped her face with every fiber of strength she got._

_Peyton was taken aback, but didn't give in an inch. A protective hand instead coming to rest on Jack's back as he was still hiding behind her. "You have a nerve…" Peyton uttered disgustedly. _

_Lindsey just looked at her strongly before reaching out a hand and jerking her son away from Peyton. Jack was taken off guard when his mom grabbed his arm and pulled him away from Peyton, that he even yelped._

_"We are going home now." Lindsey stated without even looking at Jack. "Stay away from me and my son." She warned right before walking past Peyton swiftly._

_Peyton was still kind of in the aftershock of the slap she had been given, but she still managed to say a few couple of words before Lindsay left completely. "Oh and just so you know, Lucas is __not __your husband anymore. Hasn't been for years!" Peyton screamed after Lindsey and if the moment were different, she would be even laughing at the exasperated cry Lindsey let out as she stepped out of the building. "And I'm not his mistress! I'm his fiancé! Just so you know Linds!" Peyton said sarcastically, knowing her words hurt Lindsey almost as much as her slap hurt Peyton._

_In the end when Peyton couldn't see Lindsey anymore, she sighed looking down at her hands. She was still holding Jack's backpack. For the first time since she knew the kid, Peyton was sorry for him. It must be just really hard to deal with a mom like that. Now Peyton even understood more why Jack loved his time with Lucas so much. Gosh, poor Jack… no wonder really he was the way he was…_

* * *

_Lucas came home from his business trip at around 4:30 that afternoon. He'd seen Peyton's things in the foyer as he walked in, and knew she was home. That surprised him, and even made him narrow his eyes —Peyton had been frantic lately about leaving everything perfect at work before their honey moon; she should have been working— but Lucas still liked the idea of having her home to welcome him after the trip he'd had. It hadn't been so bad, but sometimes working with young writers was hard and tedious. That was why he was glad to be home —even though technically this was still Peyton's home, but whatever, they had gotten pretty good at sharing everything lately, so it didn't matter._

_"Peyton…" Lucas called as he set down his suitcases. "You home?" He called again just to make sure. Maybe she had gone out on a run or something._

_She hadn't though, and Lucas was able to tell as much as soon as Peyton stepped out of the bedroom. "What in the world happened to you?" He asked and Peyton wasn't oblivious of the concern in his voice. See, that was why she had hope against hope the redness on her cheek would fade before Lucas got home, but of course not. Now that redness was even turning a shade of purple Peyton was very much hating. Why, why did she have to have such delicate skin huh?_

_In the end, Peyton just let out a breath at the question. It was an understatement to say she was less than pleased to tell Lucas about today's happenings. She shrugged her shoulders. "I kinda got to see Lindsey today…"_

_Lucas' eyes immediately went wide. It didn't take a scientist to put the puzzle together. "What? Why? How?"_

_Peyton rolled her eyes but chuckled at the same time. "It's a long story, Luke." She told him sighing. "Bottom line was that the bitch bitch-slapped me today." Peyton was almost laughing as she said that. She couldn't honestly believe that was how her first encounter with Lindsey after all this time had finished. She had honestly thought they were more mature now and would handle the situation like grown-ups. After all they were indeed grown-ups, right? Or maybe not?_

_In spite of Peyton's light mood, Lucas was sort of feeling the polar opposite from her. He couldn't believe Lindsey had done that. "Who does she thinks she is?" Lucas said seriously, and even somewhat disgusted as he finally walked closer to Peyton and looked closer at her sore cheek._

_He lifted his hand to her cheek and all so very gently ran his finger over it. "Does it hurt you?"_

_Peyton in all honestly felt her heart squeeze at his tenderness towards her. Peyton would always love that about Lucas. He was always her protector, the boy that cared for her as no other could or ever had. He was Lucas and she loved how even though he was mad —because he was— he was still so delicate and loving with her. "I'm fine, Luke." Peyton assured him in a whisper then. She put her own hand over his and stared into his eyes. "I better tell you the story from the beginning."_

_And so she did. Peyton told him exactly what had happened. How she got the call from the school, how she went to get Jack, and then just took him for a snack, only to later find his ex-wife in the lobby of her own apartment, ready to bitch slap her as hard as Peyton could remember anyone slapping her before._

_"She's unbelievable." Lucas wasn't even meeting Peyton's eyes as he tried to rationalize the situation. A part of him wanted to kill Lindsey —literally. She had messed with Lucas' two most important things in the world. She had been awful to Peyton at the same time as being a terrible mother to Jack. Didn't she think before acting that way around Jack? Didn't she think through how he might have been feeling? How confused he must have been? How his mother threating Peyton that way, screaming, and hurting, would only add to Jack's distrust on Peyton._

_Lucas sighed then when Peyton moved a little bit closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined. "Lindsey is just so threatened by you—"_

_"That's a load of bull, Lucas." Peyton told him pointedly before Lucas could say whatever he was going to say._

_He looked at her taken a back, and Peyton chuckled. "She is not threated by me, she is just pissed." _

_Lucas didn't want to agree, but Peyton's logic actually made much more sense than his. _

_"She hates the fact that we are getting married, that I am going to be in her son's life. She, she hates me and that's—"_

_"It's not all right." Lucas was fast to cut her off this time._

_Peyton nodded. "It's not." She agreed simply. "But it is understandable. I'm not that likeable; you only think I am because you love me." Peyton said playfully trying to make him smile._

_Lucas looked at her softly before she chuckled ever so slightly and rested her head back on his shoulder. Lucas kissed the top of her head and mumbled an "I do love you" into her hair._

_Peyton smiled and Lucas was one more time amazed at this woman he would be calling his wife in only a few days, and from that day on for the rest of his life._

_There was silence between them for a few minutes then; both of them drowned in their own thoughts. When Lucas started playing absently with Peyton's engagement ring, she couldn't help when she smile at the sight. In only a few days' time she was going to be his wife. Lucas Scott's wife. Peyton would be a fool if she let Lindsey and her bitterness ruin this occasion for her. Nope. Not at all. She would not let it. "You should kiss me now."_

_Lucas immediately raised his eyebrows and looked at her with surprise etched in his features. "Excuse me?"_

_Peyton couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips. "Lindsey is bitter and full of resentment, we can't help that, but…we can enjoy…this…us," Peyton said, somewhat sheepishly, looking down at their intertwined hands. "Don't let her win. Lindsey threw a tantrum. She's probably expecting now for you to call and be mad and snap at her and you two to have yet another argument. Don't do it. Let her be with her anger." Peyton's words were soft, but she knew she was getting through Lucas. He looked down and licked his lips. Nobody ever told him the no-so-pleasant sides of remarrying. Not that it mattered to him in the very least, but he wished he'd known Lindsey would transform in the person she was now._

_He nodded his head then slightly and Peyton continued. "I know you care about Jack, and our relationship, and I won't say Lindsey is helping any matters by behaving the way she did today but…even though I can't promise you Jack will one day like me, I can at least promise you I will never stop trying so he does –eventually. He's your son, so he's important to me too. I want him to be happy because I know that would make __you__ happy. It's going to be okay, Luke. We just have to give it time."_

_Lucas looked into her eyes seriously for a moment before he finally let a small smile tug at the corners of his lips. Peyton was right. Lindsey's fit was going to have to wait until tomorrow. Today Lucas didn't want to think about her anymore. He wanted to be here in the moment with Peyton. He wanted to kiss her and tell her time and time again how much he loved her and how beautiful and incredible she was. _

_"Can I please kiss you now madam?" Lucas said playfully then. He tucked a long loose curl behind Peyton's ear and smiled when their eyes met and she nodded. "Thank you." He whispered right before he kissed her as he desperately wanted._

_Peyton giggled when he moved from her mouth and kissed her neck; it tickled her and Lucas knew this. He would do just about everything to hear that laugh of hers. _

_"I can't wait to make you my wife."_

_His promise made Peyton smile. Smile wider than she had all day. "Me either," She said back and Lucas nodded. Their marriage wouldn't be just a piece of paper; it was a promise to themselves and everybody else that they loved each other and would do everything, everything in their power to stay together and make each other happy. _

_That was their marriage; the promise of a lifetime together —in good times and bad. It certainly wouldn't be just a piece of paper. _[S1]


	6. Chapter Five : ((May))

** Chapter Five : ((May))**

* * *

It had been around year three of their marriage when Lucas and Peyton made that decision that changed their lives completely. It had surprised not just Peyton but also Lucas how they never actually touched the babies subject seriously while they were dating or after they got married. Their relationship was so comfortable around the other and while they did bring up issues when they had them, babies had never been an issue.

Lucas had his son —_and Lindsey_—, and she surely was enough baby-mama-drama he could handle for a while, that the idea of having another child didn't really cross his mind. Especially when he had been enjoying Peyton and his time alone with her so so much.

Peyton on the other hand, she never thought about babies. She was happy with Lucas the way they were and more often than not when she was with Jack and he was just awful to her, she thanked God she didn't have one of those or else she'd go mad.

That had changed one day however.

Peyton hadn't known why or how it happened, but one evening after an actually very nice afternoon with Lucas outside, she just hadn't been able to tear her eyes away from a picture of Lucas and Jack. It was probably one of the first pictures the two of them had together. Jack was so little, so fragile and vulnerable, yet at the same time he was so safe in his dad's arms. Because of course Peyton's eyes were especially fixed in Lucas' smile on the photo. He looked blissfully happy —that kind of happiness she knew was hardly ever experienced in real life.

Lucas had been _that _happy though as he held Jack, that newly baby boy, and that somehow had made Peyton wondered about her life…her life with Lucas and where they were heading…

_"What…?"_

_Lucas had stared at her for a few minutes already, and she looked so thoughtful, Lucas just knew something was in her mind._

_Peyton however, was very fast dismissing his question. "Nothing."_

_Lucas knew her, he was not buying that answer. "Peyton…what?" He insisted seriously. _

_"I just…" Peyton began, her eyes shifting one more time to that picture of Jack and Lucas. Lucas followed her gaze and then she started talking again. "I see the way you are with him. He…he's a weird kid," She stated and Lucas looked at her funny. Peyton puffed slightly at him. "You know what I mean; he's special and very high maintenance. He likes things certain way and would only accept them that way. Same with people. He's hard to get through but you make it seem so easy most of the time. You understand him, and he loves you so much. And you, you too, you are committed to him more than I ever imagined one person could be to a child."_

_"What are you saying?"_

_"Nothing," Peyton lied and shrugged her shoulders. "We, we actually never talked about it before getting married, and it makes sense, I never even thought about it myself so…it's nothing. Seeing the way you are with him just makes me think silly stuff sometimes."_

_"Peyton"_

_Her eyes were looking down. Peyton knew right then Lucas already knew what she was thinking but they were both somewhat afraid to put it out there._

_"I'm old. It doesn't matter." Peyton uttered then carelessly as she tried to get up of the bed._

_Lucas shook his head immediately though and grabbed her wrist helping her sit down again. He was not sure he heard correctly what Peyton said. Did she really say what she said?_

_"It does matter." Lucas told her back and he was oh-so serious. _

_Peyton turned to look at him again. "It doesn't."_

_Again Lucas shook his head at her. They were silent and staring into each other's eyes for a good while. "You think you wanna have a baby?"_

_In that instant, Peyton couldn't help but feel super uneasy. She wanted to say yes but she couldn't. "I, um, I don't know…"_

_"Peyton, come on…talk to me…" Lucas tried saying again as sweetly as he could. He let go of her wrist then, and instead grabbed her hand tenderly._

_Peyton heaved a sigh. "Why didn't you guys ever have another baby? Lindsey and you I mean…? Jack was planned wasn't he?"_

_Lucas thought the question over for a bit. After a moment he just shrugged his shoulders. "Lindsey was the one who wanted a baby. She told me so, we talked about it, and I wanted it too, but I…I didn't feel all that ready yet unlike her. She…Lindsey she went off the pill anyway but I—"_

_"She didn't tell you,"_

_Lucas wasn't surprised she'd figured it out —Peyton was smart and a quick thinker. "Nope. But…in the end it didn't matter. I was so happy about Jack anyway. I was ready, and I've never been happier than the day he was born."_

_Peyton smiled a little at his words. That love for his son was just one of the many reasons why she loved him so much. "But then why you didn't have more?"_

_It was a fair question, Lucas thought. It wasn't easy to reply though. "Lindsey hated it."_

_Peyton narrowed her eyes. It didn't make sense; Lindsey was __all the time__ miss perfect mom, 'I know it all', 'I can do it all'. She loved that kid —even in a neurotic kind of way._

_"I mean the pregnancy," Lucas clarified before Peyton could ask the question. "She loves Jack, you know that, but she hated being pregnant. She had morning sickness for like six months, she was swollen all the time, she couldn't sleep, she had sugar problems and had to go to the doctor a lot. It just wasn't a stroll to the park for her. She said so; she said even before Jack was born that she was done with it after she had him."_

_Peyton was looking at him funny —she looked frightened somehow. "Are you trying to scare me?"_

_Lucas couldn't help but chuckle. "Nooo!"_

_"Because it looks like you are,"_

_Lucas laughed at her one more time, and without thinking about it, he lifted her hand and gave it a kiss. "I'm just saying pregnancy turned out to be too much for Lindsey. That doesn't need to be our story. You should have whatever you want, and if you want a baby, then we should make a baby."_

_Peyton couldn't honestly understand how he was so calm. She didn't say anything back, but instead brought her eyes down and started thinking some more about this all. Why had she even brought this up in the first place, huh?_

_"What are you thinking?"_

_Peyton took a few more moments before answering the question. "I'm freaking out," She told him honestly at last. Lucas' features were soft, and he was smiling a little when Peyton turned to look at him again. "I never wanted kids. Ever. Not even when I turned thirty and everybody looked at me funny, and judged me because I chose to be single and not make babies ever since my twenties. I broke up with Josh because he wanted to get married and have kids and I always just knew it was not my thing. But…look at me now anyway, now I'm even more positive I suck at being a mom since Jack almost hates me and I never get it right with him—"_

_"—He doesn't hate you." Lucas was fast to correct her._

_Peyton looked at him for a moment before she sighed. "I know, but you also know what I mean; I'm not good with him. So…I don't know, I'm 36 now, and I'm just not sure if I have __any__ business whatsoever wanting a baby or not. I think it's selfish…" She was serious about that, and Lucas could tell that when her head bent down._

_"I don't think it's selfish." Peyton by then was already looking at him with teary eyes. "I just think it took you a little longer than the average to realize you wanted someone of your very own to love and protect as only a mother can. I think…I think you thinking about all this, and worrying about the kind of mom you'll be is what's going to make you an amazing mother."_

_Peyton was silent for a bit, but she still never shifted her eyes from him. "Do __you__ want to have a baby?" Peyton asked Lucas pointedly then. This wasn't just her decision, what she wanted, no, they were married, if they were going to try for a baby then they __both__ had to want it in order for it to be okay._

_Lucas however shook his head. "I don't want to have __a__ baby; I want to be the father of __your__ baby. Our baby. I think that'd be the greatest thing."_

_And right then Peyton all about lost it. She started crying softly, making Lucas reached out and held her tight to his body. "Shhhhs…don't cry, I promise it won't be so bad, and if it is, then I…then I promise I will hold your hair back every time, every single time that you puke." Peyton laughed a little bit while she still was crying, and Lucas smiled at that. "I will go to the baby appointments. I'll help you paint the nursery myself if you let me. I'll root for a little boy if you are rooting for a little boy, or I'll root for a little girl if you are rooting for a little girl. I'll massage your feet and let you sleep on my chest if that's just what'll make you comfortable. I will not sleep in months after our baby comes. I'll make her bottles and change diapers and do all the endless loads of laundry if this is what you really want. If this is what is going to make you happy. I will hold you and remind you every day that you are the most beautiful girl in the world, because guess what?" Peyton looked up at his eyes now. There were tons of tears in her eyes and cheeks, but she was not crying anymore. Lucas Scott surely had a way with words. "You are the most beautiful girl in the whole word, and I love you, and I…I'll do anything for you…"_

_They were quiet for a bit, and then Peyton couldn't take it anymore and had to kiss him. They pulled apart after a moment, but then he kissed her again._

_"I love you, Lucas…"_

_Lucas chuckled at that —He already knew that. "I know. I love you, too."_

_Silence settled for another moment then. Lucas held Peyton as she rested her head on his chest. Several minutes later, Peyton doesn't exactly ask the question, she was almost absolutely sure now, so she just said the words aloud. "I wanna have a baby, Luke."_

_Lucas smiled at her and kissed her hair. "Good," He said simply, but then he added. "Because I was already having a hard time figuring out how I'd do this baby by myself if I didn't get you on board," Peyton laughed at his silly jokes and burrowed her head on his chest letting out perfect chuckles Lucas couldn't help but love._

_He gently lifted her chin a little and kissed her again. "We'll get you a baby, I promise you that…" Peyton smiled and nodded her head at his words. He didn't need to say more, and neither did she. The sweetest kiss sealed the deal, and that was it…_

_That was just the night they decided to make a baby —from scratch. A little human being all by themselves. They decided upon creating life and they were happy about it. They were sure about it now and that was it…that was everything that mattered._

That decision had been made a few weeks ago already, and while some measures had been taken, it was bound to take some time before they could get pregnant and had that baby they wanted.

And while Peyton knew this rather well, today from all days she was feeling insecure and hadn't been able not to overthink the situation more than she probably should. So much that Lucas was beginning to '_worry'_ —not in a really serious way, but somewhat…

It was even impressive for Peyton to see how many times Lucas would walk in front of their bedroom only to —_discretely_— check up on her. At this point Peyton was sure he was going to make a hole in the floor from all the pacing. He was waiting for Peyton to get up and start getting ready, but what if she just didn't want to?

"What if I just don't go?" Peyton asked the question to the air, still lying on her back on the bed, and with her eyes staring up at the fan on the ceiling. She knew Lucas was listening though, and she also knew he knew she was asking _him _the question.

And of course, soon after she uttered those words, Lucas was standing in front of her by the door. "We already talked about this, Peyt…" Lucas said as sweetly as he could.

Peyton made a face, as her eyes shifted down and she met his eyes. "I'm just not sure if I should go, Lucas. It's, ugh, you know it's going to be awkward."

"You don't know it. It doesn't have to be." Lucas was trying his best to be supportive and sweet about this, but sometimes Peyton was just a bit too stubborn. They had talked about this subject around three times; each time Lucas convinced that by the end of their conversation, Peyton was sold and sure she'd go to this so-called baby shower. Lucas had been trying to be understanding about this, but in all honesty, he really was having a hard time understanding just why Peyton was so reluctant about going.

And well, of course he knew the obvious reasons, but…Lucas also knew her, Lucas knew Peyton was a very mature woman, and a very loyal and good friend. That was why she had to go today— because Aimee was her friend, one of the few real friends she had here in New York.

Peyton however didn't see this as simple as Lucas did. In all honesty, she was having a very very hard time getting over herself so she could go to that damn shower.

During the past four years Lucas had been with Peyton, a good bunch of her coworkers and friends had fallen pregnant and Peyton had gone to their baby showers when invited, bought baby clothes when she had needed to, and given them to the respective mothers and babies. Lucas couldn't remember a time she had been so uneasy about doing something.

"Can I just…give her the present, you know?"

Lucas softened his features and slowly started walking inside the bedroom. He sat beside Peyton on the bed as she sat up and hugged her knees tightly to her body. "She's your friend, Peyton."

"I know." Peyton pouted. She hated how easily he had made her feel guilty. She knew Lucas would never do that on purpose, but that was still the way he was making her feel. "But…I'm not going to know anyone there—"

"You know Aimee."

Damn, he was good. "I know, but…all those women are going to start talking about babies and their oh-so-busy life juggling who knows how many kids while at the same time trying to be remotely good at their job–"

"And what's the matter about that?"

Lucas was trying his best, Peyton knew this and she appreciated it, but he was a man. He could never really understand the way she was feeling right now. "The problem is that I cannot relate to any of that, so at the end I'm just going to feel awkward and ready to make a deal with whomever just so I can get out of there." Her words were strong and pointedly, yet Lucas knew deep inside Peyton was feeling as insecure as she hadn't in a very long time. "By the end of those things everybody always starts talking about freaking labor and how long is too long, and the effing pain, and '_who has'_ and _'wee wees'_ expanding in terrible proportions so that the little watermelon can pop put of them through there. It's not all blue or pink onesies, Luke, it's…it's girl talk and camaraderie between moms, and guess what, I'm _not_ a mom." She stated the last part sadly and Lucas grew uneasy then for the first time. All those times they had talked about this party before, Peyton had never confessed all this to him.

He felt bad, but didn't quite know what to do. After a small moment he squeezed her ankle making Peyton look up at him again. "You've never cared about this before. I was with you when you went to Aimee's first baby shower when she had her little girl. You've never made a big deal of it…"

His words only made Peyton sigh. "I didn't really care about all that before. So what, I was the girl with no kids, it didn't matter too much. I made fun of it endless times. I said I was the lucky one, the one who didn't have to run to emergency rooms in the middle of the night with a sick toddler, or live with no-sleep due to a colicky baby. I was the lucky one out of the bunch who could say she had not squeeze a watermelon through her who ha and was happy about it." She hit a stop when her voice rose a bit. Lucas was still stroking her ankles as Peyton made herself breathe deeply a couple of times.

"So what's different now?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders. "I don't want to be the "_lucky one_" anymore." She said finger-quoting in the air. "I want to know all those things all those ladies at the shower already know. I wanna know what squeezing that watermelon felt like, what carrying him inside you felt like, how holding him for the first time felt like. I don't want to be the only one that is quiet when everybody sighs at the memory of the first time their kid said '_I love you'_ back to them." Peyton paused then for a moment locking eyes with Lucas. He reached out his hand to grab hers and Peyton met him halfway. "And I know I'm whining right now, and I know I have to go to the shower, and I'll go, but I…I just had to say all that."

Lucas nodded and kissed her knuckles. "I'm glad you did." He told her sincerely. "And you know having that baby is not just something _you_ want. It is something we _both_ do, and just like you I want to feel all those things with _our _baby, Peyt…and it's going to happen. We just gotta give it time, okay. Who knows and the next baby shower you go could be yours."

Peyton didn't mean to do it, but immediately as those words were out she puffed and started laughing. Lucas looked at her through squinted eyes and she just felt plain bad —even though she was smiling sheepishly at him. "I know, you are right, sorry about the inappropriate laugh Lucas. I'm sorry," She said playfully as her hand ran through his scrappy cheek. "You so need to shave, Luke." She said with a silly chuckle making Lucas smile.

He was serious again as he found her eyes though. "You are going to this shower and you are going to be awesome. You are going to be polite and funny, and you are going to enjoy yourself a lot regardless of everything, I know it."

"How can you be sure?"

Lucas couldn't help but scoff. "Because I know you," He promised Peyton before he leaned forward slightly and they kissed. "It'll be okay." He said and Peyton sighed. "And you know what?"

This time Lucas almost whispered, as if someone could hear him (_they were alone in the apartment_) "What?" Peyton tried asking with the very same excitement Lucas asked her the question.

Lucas however, took a moment before answering; he looked around them goofily before leaning closer to Peyton's ear. "If you go, then when you come back we can try _a lot _for that baby we want." He teased making Peyton suck in her breath.

She looked at him and at the smirk on his face and she couldn't do anything but chuckle and roll her eyes. Only Lucas Scott could make her laugh so hard even though just minutes before she was feeling as miserable as could be.

"You are a tease," Peyton told him playfully when Lucas got up from the bed.

He chuckled at her but didn't deny Peyton's statement. She chuckled to herself for a little while longer after Lucas had already blown her a kiss and disappeared through the door in the search of some food.

Peyton then sighed closing her eyes before she finally got up from her bed as well. Lucas was right —Peyton knew deep inside she _really_ was happy for Aimee and her baby so she just _had _to do this. It would all be over in less than two hours so at least that was something…

And who knew, maybe Lucas was right and someday she would be the one having her own baby shower…

Before any of that, Peyton had to say _thank you_ though.

She walked into the kitchen and saw Lucas drinking a glass of water by the sink. She smiled to herself as she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his body. Peyton rested her head on his back and breathed in his smell. "You are a great husband you know that, right?"

Lucas chuckled as he grabbed one of Peyton's hands and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. "It's going to be okay…" Lucas promised earnestly.

Peyton stared at his eyes when Lucas looked back at her and then after just a moment, she smiled and nodded her head. That was in all honesty everything she needed to hear from him right now.

Everything was going to be _okay_…

* * *

**AN : **My house internet has been terrible lately, so I just hadn't been able to update, I'm sorry! Here you had this little chapter anyway…Thanks a lot for reading :)


	7. Chapter Six : ((June))

**Author's Note : **I got stuck babysitting tonight, so here you go! Have a nice weekend! Thank you so much for reading.

**Chapter Six : ((June)) **

* * *

Lucas got home that day at around 730 in the evening. He went to pick up Jack from soccer practice and stayed with him for a few hours until it was time to drop him off at his mom's. Everything with his son had gone all right, for a change Jack was in a good mood and the two of them had a pretty good time.

Everything until then had gone okay, but…but then Lucas got home and although he didn't want to, he had worried as soon as he saw Peyton. It was only 745 and Peyton was already sleeping on top of the covers. She still had her clothes on and her phone, purse and keys were still sitting beside her on the bed.

Lucas knew they needed to talk, or at least _Lucas_ needed to talk, he was kind of wondering things and assuming things and that feeling of 'not knowing' was just no good and he was for sure driving himself crazy.

He sighed heavily as he tugged his t-shirt off and tossed it on the floor. Peyton hated when he did that but, first, he quite wasn't thinking clearly tonight and could care less about the mess, and second, some habits were just too hard to beat.

Lucas looked at Peyton hesitating a little when she didn't even flinch at his presence in the room —she was still sleeping peacefully and completely oblivious of how much Lucas was overthinking something that perhaps wasn't even happening, but…what if it was? What if it was happening and Lucas just didn't know it? What if it was happening and not even _Peyton _knew?

Lucas then just shook his head and ran his hand over his face —he had to stop this, he needed to make himself stop this and instead he needed to talk to Peyton for once and for all, he thought.

Problem was though…Peyton still was there on their bed, laying on her stomach, eyes closed and completely asleep.

Lucas thought about the possibility of waking her up but of course he couldn't do that.

Instead, he made himself breathe deeply again as he settled slowly next to her on the bed. He looked at her and leaned in placing a tender kiss to her cheek —whatever happens happens he thought, as he grabbed a book from his nightstand and started reading quietly.

It took Peyton a good hour before she even stirred in bed. It probably even was that she felt Lucas staring at her so intently that woke her up —because yes, as much as he'd tried to read his book, of course Lucas was all the more concerned about his wife than the silly detectives in the book he was reading.

He made himself grin sheepishly when Peyton finally turned around and her sleepy eyes met with his. "Did I fall asleep?" She asked him groggily and Lucas couldn't possibly love her more right then. She was his wife, the woman he'd chosen to spend the rest of his life with, and he couldn't even imagine now how was that he lived all those years without her before.

In the end, Lucas chuckled at her as he leaned in caressing her cheek softly and giving her lips a kiss. "Yeah…yeah, you did…" He answered keeping their faces close.

Peyton pouted playfully as Lucas chuckled at her. "It's not funny…" She whined weakly as Lucas pulled back from her and instead draped his arm around her allowing her to rest on top of his chest. They were quiet for a moment —both their thoughts drifting to their inner worries. It was finally time to share them with the other —they both knew this, but now the thing was who was the bravest one that decided to go first.

"Peyton…" Lucas called softly, tilting his head slightly so that he could see her eyes —he wanted to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep again.

Her eyes were still opened though, and as Lucas called her name, Peyton looked up at him. She stared into his eyes for a good long moment before she gathered up her courage and sat up on the bed. She loved him so much, seriously, the last thing on earth she wanted was disappoint him, but there were things she just couldn't control, she thought. "I have to tell you something," She said uneasily, she didn't know it, but unconsciously she was biting on her bottom lip and she was shaking ever so slightly.

However, even though Peyton was now completely willing to let him in on her thoughts, Lucas was faster than she was and raised his palm in front of her before Peyton could say anything else.

She was confused, and honestly Lucas couldn't blame her for him.

"You don't have to say it, I know."

"You know?" Now she really was _clueless_.

"Well, yeah….I know what you want to tell me…" He paused for a minute. Hesitating only a bit. "You are pregnant."

Peyton stayed quiet at his statement, and shifted her eyes looking at the ground; Lucas couldn't know it, but he had just made all this all the more difficult for her. She felt as though she even wanted to cry now —damn hormones. "I, I…" She tried saying, but the words just wouldn't come out. "Why do you say that?"

Lucas grew confused now, too. "Well, just look at you, it's 8:30, and you are already in bed. Tired as can be. You've been moody lately," He said this last part sweetly, and Peyton couldn't help but love him a little more for that. Truth was she'd been terrible lately. One moment she was as happy as she could be, the next one she was throwing a tantrum for nothing and almost bursting into tears at the first thing that went wrong in her day. She had been a mess no doubt these last few days. "You've been going to the potty _a lot,_ and…well, I'm pretty sure you are…late, too…"

While Peyton did find this quite adorable, the fact that he cared so much and paid attention so much, and mostly the fact that he was being so sweet about this, Lucas still was wrong and Peyton felt in truth ashamed to admit this to him. "You, you are right about all that," She told him quietly —even though she wasn't sure about the pee thing, though if she thought about it more, he was somewhat right, but then again she had also been drinking a lot of water lately so it made sense she felt like going to the potty a lot…At least that was what she thought…

In any case, Lucas was growing nervous now somehow —how come she was looking so uneasy when this were good new, right? Wasn't this what they both wanted in the first place? Sure, it happened fairly fast, but they were still good news, or…not?

"Then what is it?"

Peyton let out an audible breath. "I, I'm not pregnant."

Lucas squinted his eyes. He was sure she was. What about the speech he gave her, weren't those enough proof? However, before he said anything else, Peyton's hand came to rest on his cheek, and Lucas noticed then how disappointed he'd felt as she said that. He brought his eyes down —away from Peyton's. She couldn't blame him for this.

"I don't get it,"

Peyton grew uneasy, but she had to say this —she just had. "Luke…" She pleaded him softly.

"Just explain this to me…You said I wasn't wrong and everything I told you was truth…'

Peyton had wanted to believe that too —so badly that Lucas wouldn't even know. "I know, but…I'm not, I'm not pregnant…" Again his face fell, and his sadness was so palpable right now. "I mean, I don't know. I haven't been to the doctor yet." She added, and those few words did make Lucas look up at her with curiosity. "But what I was trying to say is that I am pretty sure I'm _not_ pregnant."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because…I, I was on the pill for like ten years or so, Luke. That, that does something on your body. My hormones are all over the place this month, but…I don't think it's because I'm pregnant but really because my body is reacting since I stopped taking it…"

Lucas still didn't look convinced. How could she be so sure?

"I read online about women who didn't get a period for months, even like 9 or 10 months after they went off the pill. It, it takes a while for your body to go back to normal…" She paused looking sadly at the floor. "I, I am sorry, Luke…I really, really want this but I guess we didn't think it through. All my life I did my best so I _wouldn't_ get pregnant. Took that little pill religiously every day —ask guys to use a condom even when I was on the pill," Peyton smiled bitterly here looking briefly at Lucas —she had made him use one the first time they slept together at his apartment that one time. "Who knew years later I would be miserable wanting the one thing I avoided the most for years…I'm sorry Lucas," She apologized again. She wasn't telling him this, but considering her age and everything she had read about the after effects of the pill on women bodies, Peyton was even now doubting one day she would even be able to give Lucas that little baby they had both already dreamed about since they had _that _conversation.

Lucas however wasn't having any of that. "Don't –_please_, don't say you are sorry about this…" Lucas finally managed to say aloud. He saw the tears forming in Peyton's eyes as she looked down, and he grew somber. He shook his head though as he gently placed his palm on her cheek and slowly made Peyton look into his eyes. "I love you." He promised. "We'll figure this out. You said you haven't even been to the doctor yet?" Peyton just shook her head at that. "Well, then we'll go and we'll see what we can do about this…Don't apologize." He requested sweetly. His thumb running circles gently over her hand. "You know I love you and you know I'd _love_ to have a baby with you —there's nothing I wish more right now, but…if it doesn't happen, then…then we'd still have each other and just know we'll figure it out somehow —together, you know? Even if things don't turn out as we wanted —we will still pull through this one. I…I promise, Peyt…"

She stared at him intently —quietly for a few moments, trying so hard to sink in his words and most importantly, actually believe them —but it just was _so_ hard. Peyton then ran her hands through her face taking a few too many calming breaths now. She knew Lucas was right, but with all this going on, she honestly felt like crying— actually _sobbing _right now. She had really, really wanted this for them. She had wanted to be the one to give him a child —_his child. _Make him happy in that way she knew anybody else could right now. Failing to do that most certainly did make her feel as that —_a failure_ and in spite of herself, in spite of Lucas and the millions of words she knew he could tell her right now, she couldn't shake the feeling away. And then, at last, a few of those tears that so annoyingly pooled in her eyes, made their way down to her cheeks. Peyton tried to cover it moving her face away from Lucas, but there was no way he could have missed that.

"Shush…" Lucas cooed softly, wrapping strongly his arms around Peyton. He loved her more than any other girl in the world, but…at the end of the day he still was a guy —a guy who already had a son at that. Lucas couldn't honestly know how Peyton was feeling right now. She was damn sure almost breaking his heart right now as she cried all too silently beside him. Lucas didn't know what else to do then to soothe her, so he just kissed her —kiss her head and the bare skin of her shoulders. He held her even closer to himself and mumble her how much he loved her time and time again. He wished more than anything right now he could make this all right for her —give her that that she wanted, give her a baby, make her happy, but then again, at this precise moment, Lucas also knew there was very little he could do about that…

"Better?" Lucas asked quietly as he slowly drew back from Peyton so he could see her.

She took a moment, but then after she heaved a sigh, she looked up at him and nodded. 'Yeah, a little," She informed him with a weak smile. She had bottled this up for a few days already and for better or for worse she really was glad to know she honestly wasn't in for this alone —Lucas felt for her, and really was trying to understand why she was so disappointed and upset about this. In a perfect scenario this would only _delay _the arrival of their baby —getting off birth control could indeed mess with her cycles and hormones, but technically it wouldn't mess with her fertility— which was a good thing, but still, this wasn't a perfect world so perfect scenarios were unlikely Peyton thought. She was so worked up about this, and overthinking it so much because what if by the time the pill was done messing with her body she then just _wouldn't _be able to conceive a baby? Because of course she was only 36 but was feeling as the oldest woman alive right now.

Oh Gosh she was so overreacting about this, but…she couldn't help herself somehow. It still helped so much to have Lucas by her side right now. He was wonderful and she knew she couldn't wish for a better husband.

"You know what I think we should do?"

Peyton simply nodded her head. Her eyes trailed down for an instant as she caught Lucas' hand grabbing gently one of hers with his own.

"I think we should stop worrying before we absolutely have to," He told her seriously and knowingly making Peyton —for the very first time that evening— smile coyly at him. She knew he was right —in all seriousness, she had no real facts to worry about…yet. "We should book an appointment with the doctor, get us both all checked up and then go from there. Chances are everything will be okay and it is just going to take us a little bit longer to get that baby of ours, got it?"

Another first that evening for Peyton happened then; she chuckled at Lucas' words. "I got it, Luke…" She complied with a small smile. "You are amazing, you know that?" She honestly had felt unable not to voice that aloud.

Lucas smirked and made that cocky face Peyton knew all so well. "So I've been told," He said smugly making her chuckle one more time.

Once Peyton sobered, Lucas' eyes and hers met and she sighed. Lucas lifted one of his hands and slowly moved it to rest on the back of Peyton's neck pulling her head toward his. Their lips met softly at first but then slowly they deepened into it. "I love you," Peyton whispered huskily against his lips and Lucas nodded.

"I love you, too…" He promised and then they kissed again. It wasn't a secret they both needed this today —the closeness, the intimacy, they _needed_ each other.

Without saying more words Lucas pushed her t-shirt up over her head and started kissing lovingly her bare skin —her shoulders and arms, her neck and lips all the way down to her stomach. It had been said before but he loved this girl —every single bit of her.

Peyton made a little whine when Lucas drew back from her briefly. He unzipped her jeans and soon after she was there next to him in nothing more than cotton panties and a bra. She couldn't help but shiver when Lucas pressed against her in just the right way. She let her eyes fell close for an instant then, thinking how she ever lived without him in her life. Lucas' lips moved to kiss her neck and Peyton almost squealed with pleasure at the feel —she was losing faith on her legs by then, if it weren't for Lucas' hands on her hips she would have been on her knees already. She was only standing with the grip of her hands around his neck. Lucas knew right now it was about her, about making her feel good, feel loved and cared for…

That was not to say Peyton thought Lucas didn't want this or need this just as much as she did. She opened her eyes at last and looked at Lucas' eyes as she worked unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall down his arms.

They kissed again then…and again and again, stronger each time, breaking the kiss only when it was absolutely necessary for them to catch their breaths back. Lucas' hands were now caressing the skin of her waist and her stomach as he kissed her, she was soft and warm —she simply was as perfect as she could be. Peyton would breathe out his name time and again when Lucas kissed her in just _those _places in just _that _way only he knew —in that way only _he _could make her feel.

And that was just the thing. It hadn't never been just about sex with them —it was about making love. About loving and living each other and…_feel. _

Lucas guided them towards the bed again, but both stopped their movements for a small moment. He held his body above Peyton's for a while, his eyes watching her as she also stared at him and her hands ran lazily through his hair. "I love you," Lucas whispered one more time then because he really needed her to know this particularly well.

She looked up steadily at him and for a moment there was silence and stillness in the room.

Peyton felt almost breathless by then, but when she said the words she meant them from her heart. "I love you, too…I always will…"

That night they made love and fell asleep with their bodies intertwined. Their problems were still not solved —in the morning once they wake up their issues and insecurities were going to still be there, but still, the quiet satisfaction was always knowing that if only for those moments when their bodies seamlessly fitted together, there were no worries whatsoever —none. As a matter of fact, in those moments when the two of them became one, there was no one else, there was no world or problems or heartaches, just them and that was it and it was just…perfect. As simple as that; _perfect_.


	8. Chapter Seven : ((July I))

**Author's Note : **July Chapter took me a while to write, and ended up being a monster chapter so I decided to divide it in two! This is the first part and maybe tomorrow or the day after I'll put up the second part! Hope you like it! Thank you so much for reading!

**Chapter Seven : ((July I)) **

* * *

It was only a couple of weeks later when Peyton visited Lucas unannounced in his office. He had been in a meeting actually when Peyton got there, but even when she grew guilty about bargain in there so out of the blue knowing he was busy, she still decided upon staying. She really needed to ask him something, but most importantly needed him by her as she did this.

Peyton flipped through one of the outdated magazines on the corner of Lucas' office as she waited. If the circumstances were different, Peyton would even be mad at herself for being here. There was a time when she cherished her independence more than anything else. She was a capable strong woman, who didn't need of anyone else to be happy and live her life. And well…even though some of those things still held true, she still felt of herself as a strong capable woman —_most days at least_— she didn't think being alone was the answer to her prayers anymore.

She was married now. She had been married for a couple of years already and being with Lucas for about three years steady now —granted she'd been in love with him ever since she was 17 but that was not the point right now. The thing was that even when she held that special sense of pride once upon a time for living a good life by herself, right now she knew having Lucas was ten times better than not having him by her. He was her rock and that was no secret whatsoever. So yeah, even when a few years ago she would have been even ashamed of being here right now at his office waiting for him, today, well today Peyton didn't care about that. She needed him and the best part was that she _knew _how it really was okay to do that —to need him. That was part of what being husband and wife meant —being there for each other in the good and the bad —in the happy and in the sad times. They were there for each other unconditionally and that was honestly so much better than whatever independence she once thought was so happy about having…

"Well, Hi…" Lucas's soft voice broke Peyton from her inner ramblings, and immediately, her head snapped around to the doorway Lucas stood. He was wearing a small smile —warm and calming. Almost immediately Peyton knew she'd done the right thing coming to see him.

"Hi…" She said back quietly, offering Lucas a smile of her own. She really quite love how easy was to smile at _him _and only him even when inside she still was a sea of worries. "You still busy?" She asked him sheepishly.

Lucas chuckled ever so slightly as he finally walked inside his office. He shook his head keeping his eyes locked with hers. He leaned down and kissed her lips softly before sitting behind his desk. "Nah…my next meeting is not till 4. We are good," He assured her confidently. "So…" Lucas said then after a beat only half-playfully. "How are you?" He asked because well, of course he was happy to see her, but he still didn't know why she'd come. She hadn't told anything to his secretary, only that she needed to see him, but that was it. Well, now Lucas just wanted to know the reasons —no one could blame him, now could they?

"Fine," Peyton said simply, chuckling bashfully at the face he was giving her. She smiled. "You?" She added innocently.

Lucas matched his smile but also shook his head. "Peyton," He called and she knew she'd been caught —she had to speak. "What are we doing?" He asked her, curiosity etched on his face.

Peyton waited a beat but then shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted to ask you something,"

"Okay," Lucas was fast to reply. His expression still calm and reassuring.

Peyton bit on her lip momentarily, staring at him steadily before she just decided to stop being stupid and go ahead with this —He was Lucas, she had nothing to be nervous about. "I, I called my OB/GYN's office the other day and, um, they called me back today…they have an opening for this afternoon—"

"—Oh, but that's good, right?" Lucas interrupted.

Peyton didn't mind the interruption; she just nodded her head at him. "Yup…I was afraid they'll make me wait longer," She told him only a tad uneasily.

Lucas just knew something was up so without saying anything, he reached across his desk and tenderly grabbed Peyton's hand in his and kissed it slowly. He toyed absently with her wedding ring as their eyes locked one more time. "What is it?"

She couldn't hold it inside anymore —she had to ask him. No matter how childish she thought it was. "Would you please come with me?" She asked pleadingly. Her eyes shifting down to the floor immediately as the words came out. "I don't think I can do it alone today…" She added softly then, still with her eyes down —for some reason she just couldn't look into his eyes right now.

Lucas however, just smiled ever so slightly at her and leaned in a little bit closer to Peyton. His hand reached up and he hooked his finger under her chin —he gently made her look at her and with an uneasy face Peyton complied. "That's it? Of course I'll go with you. That's why you were all upset? Because you thought I would say no?"

Peyton felt even sillier now. She looked up at him coyly and nodded her head. "Well…yeah…" Peyton drawled out trying not to smile at that sweet face of Lucas. "I just don't want to go by myself…I know it might be—"

"Awkward?" Lucas tried his best guess about _his _impendent visit to the gynecologist this afternoon.

Peyton chuckled at his answer, but then also nodded her head. "Yeah." She agreed with Lucas right before she grew thoughtful again.

"What?" Lucas asked not missing a beat —she was making that uneasy face again.

Peyton looked at him pensively for a moment. She rolled her eyes before she could even tell him anything. "The appointment is at 3:30…" She said twisting her lips.

Lucas didn't get it. "So…?"

Peyton sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "You said your next meeting was at four…I, ugh, I'm sorry I even came," She said stubbornly as she did to stand up already.

Lucas' eyes widened as he saw her trying to leave already, and before she knew it he was already up on his feet and walking rapidly in her direction. "What do you think you are doing?" He asked, and for a minute Peyton didn't answer. Her mouth just opened as the words she wanted to say just didn't come out. "I told you I would go with you—"

"But your meeting?" This time Peyton's question did form fast.

Lucas made a face and shook his head —how could she even _think _he'd let her go to that appointment by herself now. No way. No. "Screw it. Screw my meeting." He told her so seriously Peyton could barely just stare at him and say nothing. "You are my wife, and we are doing this together…there is no meeting important enough that would make me leave you alone in this one," He promised truthfully making Peyton smile ever so slightly. "I love you, you crazy stubborn goof," He said sweetly, before making her look up at him and all too softly, giving her lips a kiss.

"I love you, too…" She promised as Lucas pulled back and their foreheads rested on one another's. "Thank you. Thank you so much for this,"

Lucas shook his head; she had nothing to be thankful for. He had made vows once upon a time to her —he had vowed to always be by her and that certainly was not going to change because of a silly meeting. Plus, even when he knew she hadn't say anything about it quite yet, Lucas knew she was petrified about this appointment. "Just let me make a couple of calls and then we can get out of here…" Lucas informed her and Peyton just nodded as he walked back to his desk.

They shared a look before Lucas picked up his phone, and they both just knew what the other was thinking. They were doing this, and whatever the answers after this evening were, they were still going to stick together because that was just what marriage was all about —at least _their _marriage that was.

* * *

"What a birthday present, don't you think?" She was being sarcastic and couldn't even hide it.

Lucas smiled at Peyton shaking his head but they both knew it was not funny. Here they were like two days away from her birthday, outside of a clinic, potentially minutes away from receiving bad news none of them wanted to hear. What if conceiving their already loved but only in dreams baby was in fact going to be harder than either one of them ever envisioned? What if what Peyton had was not just her period not coming but something more serious?

What if plain and simple they just wouldn't be able to have kids together?

Lucas almost felt himself shudder just at the thought. He didn't think when he wrapped his arm around Peyton's shoulders and pulled her closer to his side. He kissed the top of her head. "Don't say that. I bet everything's going to be okay…" He told her; even though he wasn't sure he believed his words himself. He still needed to say it and Peyton was glad he did.

She leaned up and kissed him softly as they walked inside the clinic at last. She gave her name at the nurse in the front desk and then both she and Lucas sat down on the chairs in the waiting room. Peyton leaned closely into Lucas' side and stayed like this for a few moments. The two of them in silence just waiting; Lucas resting his chin on her head and Peyton toying absently with the buttons of his shirt.

Peyton wasn't comfortable though. Even when she went to the bathroom before leaving the house, she felt like going ever since they stepped out of the taxi again. She had been holding it for a while already but now she was almost bursting. She looked up at Lucas sheepishly as she excused herself to go to the ladies room really quick. "I'll be right back…" Peyton told him sweetly, as she kissed the side of his lips quick enough before all too rapidly she disappeared from his eyes and almost ran towards the restroom.

She realized her hands were shaking slightly as she was washing them a few minutes later. She looked at herself in the mirror before and just breathed in deeply a couple of times —whatever happens happens, she told herself one last time. That had actually been her inner mantra for at least the last two weeks. There were things she simply could not control so she better just grew a pair and faced them. She splashed water on her face one last time before she exited the bathroom and headed back to the waiting room.

By the time she got there, Lucas wasn't anymore where he was when she left. Peyton got to narrow her eyes a bit, but then she saw him; standing next to a nurse in front of an office, waving at her as soon as their eyes met.

Peyton had to brace herself, but then just walked to where Lucas and the nurse were. Lucas immediately wrapped an arm around her and Peyton gratefully looked at him with a small smile.

"The Doctor will be with you two in a minute," The nurse informed them both before she walked away.

They walked inside the office and sat beside one another in front of the Doctor's desk. They didn't really say much to each other as they waited, but Lucas still never let go of her hand and Peyton couldn't help but appreciate the gesture greatly.

When the Doctor walked in at last five minutes later, the two of them were a bit startled. "Showtime," Lucas mumbled with a smile Peyton knew was meant to calm her nerves.

It didn't work too much but she still made herself smile too —Lucas was just too cute when he tried to pretend he wasn't just as panicked as she was.

"Missus…" Doctor Wayne paused for a second looking down at the chart. "Scott…" She finished with a triumphal smile looking at Peyton. "What exactly does it seem to be the problem?" She addressed warmly, in a way actually making Peyton feel at ease somewhat —this wasn't her regular Doctor; hers was booked for like another whole month so Peyton had taken the appointment with this Doctor with the promise that she was reliable and really good at what she did. So far, she kind of looked okay.

"My, um, my…" Regardless of the doctor, she hated coming to the gynecologist —she really _really_ did. "It's my period. It, it hasn't come yet," She explained uneasily; the Doctor just stared at her expectantly. "I came off the pill a few months ago and well, I've read about how common it is for my period to be late because of that, how there is even a medical term to when this happens. So, I, well since it's been a while since I last had one, I…I guess we just wanted to be sure everything's okay…We, we kind of wanted to try for a baby…" She confessed, motioning with her head towards Lucas on her right.

Doctor Wayne turned to look at Lucas and smiled a bit again.

Oh boy, Lucas felt oh so awkward right now. "Lucas here," He said goofily —oh yeah, awkward moments in his book call to humor. "Husband."

"I see…" The Doctor killed a smile of her own at his words but then, squinting a little bit looked at her computer and was quiet for a moment just checking Peyton's history. "So let's start from the beginning, shall we?" She said, addressing Peyton one more time. Peyton simply nodded her head. "For how long were you on the pill?"

Peyton made the calculation in her head again even though she knew how long it had been. "On and off since I'm 17. Regularly since I turned 25…" She explained, that sure made for a whole lot of years.

"That makes…" Doctor Wayne mused, making the calculation herself. "Around 11 years…You are—"

"—36, I'll be 37 in a couple of days." Peyton interrupted; that was yet another thing she knew oh-so clear, she wasn't a kid anymore, the clock was ticking.

"And you've never had any children?"

She hated the question and even felt a little ashamed to admit that to her Doctor, but in the end Peyton just shook her head. What would be the point of lying here, seriously?

"Pregnancies?" Doctor Wayne liked asking the questions just as little as Peyton liked to answer them, but she just had to do it, it was her job and an accurate diagnosis depended to a degree on the questions she asked.

Peyton noticed when Lucas almost cringed, but she understood why the Doctor asked the question. The fact that she didn't have any children didn't necessarily mean she hadn't had any pregnancies. In her particular case it was indeed true, but it wasn't a generalization so the Doctor had to ask. "Nope," Peyton replied at last.

The Doctor grew thoughtful again then as she went back to her computer.

"So you think you may be suffering of Post pill amenorrhea?"

As soon as the Doctor broke the silence Peyton's head jerked up. She gave Lucas' hand a strong squeeze without she even realizing it. "Yeah," Peyton replied rapidly. "I, I read about it online a lot, and I know it's not uncommon. Especially when you've been on the pill for so long…"

The Doctor looked at Peyton for a moment before she ever so slightly shook her head. She saw this a lot nowadays. Everybody having access to the internet now also meant millions trying to self-diagnose at home. Sure, sometimes it's worth it and you save yourself the trips to the Doctor, but some others it can absolutely lead to people worrying themselves out of their minds for nothing. Doctor Wayne sort of had the feeling this was one of the later cases.

She needed to ask more questions though before she could be sure. "So when was your last period?" She had this written on file, but she still wanted Peyton to confirm what the history said.

Peyton thought for a bit. "Um, two months ago I think…"

"I think?" That was what her chart said 'Two months' but then Peyton had also noted how she wasn't completely positive. She had answered that question over the phone, so no one could really blame her for not knowing exactly. Plus, she had always been plain bad about keeping track of her period.

At her Doctor's question however, Peyton let go of Lucas' hand and pulled from her purse her phone. She flicked through it for at least a minute until her magic '_When is my period due_' app loaded. "Um, the last time I had it was May 7…" She answered, still with her eyes on her phone. "I went off the pill a few weeks before that…"

"May 7 then?"

Peyton nodded her head strongly. "Yes."

"Today is July 10," The Doctor informed needlessly, Peyton didn't really understand why.

"Yes…" She answered again with a nod, not sure where this was going. She turned to look at Lucas briefly but he was just as clueless as she was.

"That makes it around 9 weeks since your last period Missus Scott…"

"Okay," _Tell me something I don't know, _Peyton thought. That was why she was here, because it had been two effing months since her last period and she still didn't have a sign of one, and well, while in the past this would've been great, now she kind of needed her cycles to be on track if she wanted to start trying for their baby. How was she supposed to try if most likely she wasn't even ovulating! _Gosh, that was madding. _She told to herself again, breathing in deeply, stupid stupid tears that were already threating to pool in her eyes…

But then the Doctor said something unsettling and both Peyton and Lucas couldn't help but narrow their eyes at her. "Have you taken a pregnancy test already?" For some reason Doctor Wayne knew the answer was going to be _no_, at those faces both of them made.

Lucas' head immediately turned to Peyton, and she just looked taken aback at the answer. "Well, no…" She said somewhat shyly. Both set of eyes were staring expectantly at her. Including Lucas'.

"Why is that?" The Doctor was fast to ask —

Peyton tried to read her, but she just couldn't. When Doctor Wayne first got inside the room she felt warm and just…nice. Now she was serious and threating her as if she were a 17-year-old dumb girl again for not even having considered the possibility when she missed her period the first month. But she still wasn't right in this one, Peyton was sure —at least _almost _sure. "Because —well cause of what we already talked; I was on the pill for so long, and that post pill amenorrhea disorder thing seems really fitting, plus I'm 36 —hell, I'm 37 already," She corrected herself, and though Peyton at this moment did feel completely out of sorts, it was then when finally, Doctor Wayne found in herself a smile to offer to Peyton.

"You do know Missus Scott how a delayed or missed period is the most common pregnancy symptom, right?"

"Well yeah, but," Peyton tried to argue but the words then just didn't come out. She stared at her Doctor for a whole two minutes before she could utter her next question. "What are you saying?"

Again the Doctor offered her a polity smile. "I'm saying we should test you, but I'd say it's very probable you're pregnant…"

Peyton still couldn't process completely her words —was she really saying what she was saying? "What about the pill and…" Doctor Wayne lifted her hand making Peyton trail off.

"Excessive weight gain or loss, extreme fatigue, hormonal problems, tension, even stress can cause a woman to miss a period, but…we as Doctors can't start diagnosing diseases before we'd at least test for the most common reason why you've missed your period this couple of months…"

Peyton swallowed hard at her words, she felt like frozen, just sitting there in front of the doctor listening her saying all these things. Breaking completely her musings then, Peyton felt Lucas grabbing her hand again. She turned to look at him immediately and for a moment; they just stared into each other's eyes steadily. What if she was pregnant for real?

"Would you like to do a test right now?"

This time there was no hesitation. "_Yes_." It didn't surprise Peyton when Lucas answered the question in unison with her. This was big, oh boy, more than that, this was huge…

It were mere minutes then before Peyton was already sitting on an uncomfortable stretcher as a nurse —_quite warmly_— actually drew blood from her arm. Too bad she couldn't help her body from trembling ever so slightly but still, around ten minutes later, the nurse had her blood and was directing herself to the lab.

Doctor Wayne knew for experience —_she had been doing this for some good ten years already_— that it was going to be nearly impossible for Peyton —_and Lucas, too_— to wait calmly the whole hour or so the blood work would take, so she, as a just-in-case suggestion of course, made sure her nurse also brought with herself an urine test.

Peyton looked at Lucas as soon as the Doctor asked them if they wanted to take the urine test as well. She said how blood work would help them determine more things besides just the pregnancy question, while the urine test was "Quick and easy" as she said "And is just as effective to take you both out of the misery of waiting…" She said with a sympathetic smile.

Lucas held Peyton's eyes in his for a beat, but then just nodded his head reassuring her with a smile of his own and a small kiss to her forehead.

Peyton smiled back, and within moments she was already taking the test from Doctor Wayne's hands. She breathed in deeply as she walked inside the small bathroom. She was hoping against hope Doctor Wayne hadn't just given them false hope and indeed that silly stick showed the results she wanted —_she needed_ —scratch that again, _they _needed. Lucas was just as nervous —_and hopeful_— as she was, and Peyton was sure she'd fallen even more in love with him in the span of the last 20minutes.

At last then she opened the package that contained the test and pulled out the stick and the notes and instructions that came with it. She read them one time from cover to cover, and then a second time just in case. She had never actually taken a pregnancy test before. It was a little bizarre for sure, Peyton thought. She was almost 37 after all, and sure, she'd had pregnancies scares before, but they were just that, nothing serious enough that she ever had to take a test.

In any case, when again she felt that stupid urge to use the bathroom Peyton knew it was time to do this. It wasn't shocking whatsoever that she felt like peeing _again _right now —whether or not she was pregnant, one thing was for sure, for the last two or so weeks she had surely been spending an awful lot of time sitting on the toilet.

She proceeded then to pee in the little plastic cup to then dip the plastic stick in the liquid. She was trembling again, but for the first time that day Peyton had the fleeting feeling that perhaps everything was going to be okay. She did as she had to then, and after making a little tiny prayer to whomever was listening; Peyton stepped out of the bathroom with the test in her hand.

She shared a look with Lucas as she joined him back in the office. He did the half-standing up gesture gentlemen are supposed to do when a woman walks in the room, and Peyton just about loved him some more for that. He was _so _the man she wanted to have her babies with —or really, not _babies_, she didn't need 7 or 9, with just _one_ little baby that looked at least a little bit like him Peyton knew she'd be the happiest woman on earth.

Doctor Wayne had the stick resting on her desk as they all waited the few minutes before the results showed up.

Oh good God those for sure had to be the longest three minutes of her life Peyton was sure.

"So you falling pregnant is a good thing is my understanding, right?" Doctor Wayne asked out of the blue —she really just felt like filling the silence, no one could blame her, now could they?

And sure enough, at the question, both Lucas and Peyton looked at each other again, and both smiled and nodded. "Yeah…" Peyton said, looking at Lucas out of the corner of her eyes. "We were trying but I just didn't think it could happen so soon, especially since I, I…" She trailed off looking down at the ground at biting on her lip.

Doctor Wayne had a guess of what this petite blonde woman was thinking. "Just so you know, I've delivered perfectly healthy babies from women even 10 years older than you Missus Scott,"

Peyton looked up at this piece of information, and couldn't help the smile that played on her lips.

"So did you take any beforehand actions when you went off the pill? Better diet? Prenatal vitamins?"

Peyton chuckled and turned to look at Lucas immediately. She wasn't positive, but she was kind of seeing that silly little pink blush on his cheeks as the question was asked. "Oh yeah," Peyton answered goofily at last. She reached out and took Lucas' hand in her own giving it a playful squeeze. "This one here bought me like, what, 2, 3 year supplies of prenatal vitamins as soon as we decided upon the baby," She confessed to the Doctor though her eyes stayed in Lucas as she spoke. He looked guilty but then again, he was also then wearing the cutest of smiles.

"Can you blame me?" He asked looking at the doctor. "I wanted to make sure we did this right,"

Doctor Wayne smiled at the pair —the more she listened the more she found it hard to believe Peyton hadn't had the cleverness of taking this pregnancy test weeks ago. They looked like such a lovely couple —still really in love, and just plain hopeful about the possibility of this baby. "Well, like I tell all the other mommies, it really is never too early to start taking the prenatal vitamins…if anything they'll only keep you strong to when you and baby will actually need it…"

Her words took a moment or two to register completely for Peyton. Was she really just called a '_mommy'_? It felt so weird, but…wonderful at the same time. She could be a mommy, a mom, a real mom. The desire and longing in her heart only growing as she thought of this. Her heart was thumping so hard, almost like a mad person's heart. She wanted this so badly. She wanted Doctor's Wayne statement to be accurate, she wanted to be a _mom, a mother _herself, and, even if Lucas hated her for this, she wanted to be a _real_ _mom_ and not just the stepmom to a child who didn't even like her.

Peyton didn't get to say any other words, when before she knew it a timer on the Doctor's phone went off, and she picked up the test with her latex covered hands. The next three seconds felt like three hours for Peyton as the Doctor, without meaning to do so, formed a smile on her face as she looked up at them—at that Peyton Elizabeth Scott (nee Sawyer) honestly nearly thought she was going to faint.

"Congratulations you two…You are going to be parents…"

And then Peyton burst into tears…_damn hormones_.


	9. Chapter Eight: ((July II))

**Chapter Eight: ((July II))**

* * *

She was okay, she knew she was, she was happy, and maybe that was it, she wasn't crying sad tears but happy tears, right? This was just too much and even when Doctor Wayne indeed made an amazing job transitioning her from the idea of her being terribly sick, to the –_granted extraordinary_— news that she was pregnant instead, Peyton still felt shocked. Utterly and completely shocked.

She couldn't believe that for who knows how many weeks she had been carrying, literally carrying and giving life to another human being and she didn't even know. This, this feeling of fullness right now in her heart simply had to be _happiness_.

And it wasn't as if she wasn't happy before, when it was just Lucas and she —and well yes, she did feel awful for not including Jack in that statement, but it was just complicated, she thought. The thing was, right now, right in this moment she felt the happiest she'd been since…most likely since she got back together with Lucas three years ago.

She was settled and happy and oh good Lord, looking _so _forward to their future now. They were having a baby. They were actually and factually having a baby in just months…

All those nights she laid awake watching as Lucas slept beside her, wondering why they waited _so long _to get it together, thinking in all the time they've wasted, all those nights and all those years being unhappy without the other, surely paid off the moment that Doctor told them she was indeed pregnant. Pregnant _with a baby_ for Heaven's Sake!

Realization hit Peyton full force right then. She squeezed her eyes tight as the tears simply kept falling. She could feel Lucas staring at her, his stare was so powerful. He was keeping himself put though —if only for a little while. God knew inside he was way more thrilled about this than he cared to admit right now in front of their Doctor —their _baby's _doctor now.

Lucas chuckled to himself then again as one more time the fact that he was going to be a father hit him. He looked at Peyton, a smile on his face as he did so. She still couldn't believe it, it had been roughly three minutes since they'd known the good news, but Lucas knew —_really, he knew_— how this still felt far too surreal for Peyton.

And then, at last when her eyes fluttered open, she shook her head a little feeling only the slightest bit embarrassed, but then her eyes met Lucas and suddenly she was okay again. Everything simply was _okay _now —just as he told her they would. "We are having a baby, Luke…" Peyton whispered to Lucas earnestly. Her eyes sparking with that undeniable spark of happiness.

Lucas stared at her for a long moment –both completely forgot where they were and with who they were. But if Doctor Wayne didn't mind –_and she didn't_— then Lucas wouldn't either. He was going to be a Dad for Christ sake! Cut him some slack as he digested the news with his wife. He chuckled nervously then but also smiled. "I know." He nodded his head before —_finally_— putting his arms around Peyton and hugging her as tightly as he thought was possible. She had just made him the happiest man and she didn't even know it…

Peyton sunk in his familiar scent and just laughed as Lucas kept doing it too. "I love you, thank you, I, I, I, just…thank you," She rambled as she pulled away slightly from him and their eyes met. She smiled.

Lucas shook his head though. He didn't say anything but simply leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "Don't be silly," He told her sweetly, wiping with his thumb one of those salty tears that had fallen to her cheeks. "God Peyton I love you," He stressed and within seconds both of them were chuckling at how unbelievable crazy but at the same time perfect this was.

Doctor Wayne felt honestly, only the slightest bit awkward about this moment and the interchange before her. In a way though, this was why she had become a doctor in the first place, not to catch diseases precisely, but to help others. To heal, and why not, give good news like those of today's every once in a while.

She cleared her throat at last though, making Lucas and Peyton feel a little bit guilty and embarrassed again. Peyton blushed slightly, and Lucas loved the way she looked down at the ground for a moment and her curls fell in front of her face. He let out a breath; God help him if this woman ever got any more beautiful and given the current circumstances —_she was carrying his child_— then Lucas was sure it was a matter of time before there would be no hope for him. She was the most beautiful being he had ever been with in his life. Not even when Lindsey found out she was pregnant with Jack, Lucas had felt this happy. And that of course was not to say he loved Jack any less than this baby, but…this was Peyton. She was his first love —his first and only love at that. Of course he was over the moon about this.

"We are sorry," Both Luke and Peyton cried in unison and although she didn't want to, Doctor Wayne laughed as she nodded.

"It's fine…" She assured them. "I know how this can be a little too emotional —especially for first time parents…" She explained warmly, offering Peyton a small smile as she discretely handed her a box of Kleenex.

Peyton accepted that gladly, but before she could even thank the doctor for them, Lucas was already speaking. A huge —and I mean _huge_ grin spread across his face. "So now what, doc?" He asked casually, smirking and just being pretty and charming and just all those things Peyton adored about him.

"Now we take care of that baby, make sure she eats well, rests, takes her prenatals, little to none stress, we'll go through all this in your first actual prenatal appointment." Doctor Wayne said looking at Peyton. "So if everything goes accordingly, we'll be meeting him or her in about…" She paused looking at her calendar. "Seven months or so…" The Doctor announced, watching as again the two of them exchanged happy looks. "I'd like to perform an ultrasound on you though," She said before either Lucas and Peyton began talking again. The Doctor saw then however how both their set of eyes narrowed at her words and she shook her head —her intention hadn't been to worry them. "It's routine. I'd just like to give you an actual due date and since your periods are a little over the place from the pill Peyton, an ultrasound can gives us the more exact results…" They still didn't look convinced for some reason. "Plus, we'll get to take a look on that little one and make sure everything's going as it's supposed to."

And then, with those words, Doctor Wayne actually saw the beginning of Peyton's smile again. "I'd like that," She mused aloud without missing a beat. "You'd like that?" She asked innocently turning to look at Lucas for his opinion. She didn't wait for him to answer though. "We'd like that," Peyton answered for the two of them as Lucas just looked at her and squeezed her hand playfully.

"You're unbelievable, you know?" He told her with a knowing look making Peyton smile.

"You love me," She said back playfully making Lucas laugh.

Oh dear God he did. It was so good to see her smiling and being carefree and silly again. She hadn't been the same since all this began, but now…well now she was just happy and goodness did that suit her…

"Okay then," Doctor Wayne said at that point. "I have to see a couple more mommies for their checkups, but…I'll try my best so the ultrasound tech can squeeze you in today, okay?" Peyton just nodded. Distractedly Lucas did too. "I hope you don't mind waiting a little bit though. Tops half an hour…maybe even an hour," She said only a tad uneasily. Truth was, she really wanted to take a look on this precise baby. There was so much hope put on him already; that the Doctor really wanted to just make sure that little baby was as he was supposed to be. Peyton was seemingly healthy, and didn't even reveal her age all that much either. But, the fact that pregnancies do in fact become a little bit more risky after the 35-year-old mark wasn't something Doctor Wayne could ignore either. Just to be on the safe side she sort of felt the need to keep a closer eye on Peyton and this baby —just in case…

* * *

Peyton looked around the room curiously as she did to sit down on a stretcher. She was almost ready for Showtime now; they had given her a hospital gown, though probably she didn't need it. Doctor Wayne had told her that if they were right and Peyton was indeed 9 weeks pregnant or so, then the fetus would be big enough to be caught with a normal ultrasound machine and she would not need a vaginal ultrasound —which to say the least she _detested_, so…yeah, this was a good thing.

They had Lucas waiting outside as she got ready and changed; Peyton couldn't help but think it was a little bit weird. Why would they do that? As if he hadn't seen everything she was before, right? How did they think she got pregnant in the first place, then?

Peyton wanted to chuckle, but then she realized she was all by herself in that room and laughing alone would make her look just a _little bit _wacky, she thought. She heaved a sigh looking around again. There were informative paper sheets almost everywhere, cardboards with pictures of babies from the very _very_ beginning until they were actually born.

"Hey…" Lucas whispered loudly as he poked his head inside the office, breaking Peyton from her thoughts.

She looked at his guilty face —Peyton was sure no one had told him to come in yet— and smiled. "Hi,"

"You okay?" He asked still from the doorway, still trying to be cautious. There was this one nurse outside, the one with all the insurance paperwork, oh was she terrible! Lucas hated to deal with people like that, but oh well…today in all honesty he didn't mind too much. After all he was told today he was going to be a father again. Best news ever. Not even rude cranky nurses could take that away from him, he thought.

Peyton in any case, nodded her head at Lucas. She tried to play it cool even though inside she was more nervous than she could admit. "I'm fine,"

Lucas nodded at her. "Uh, huh," He was not convinced.

Peyton saw that face he made and playfully she rolled her eyes. "A little nervous, but…I'm excited about seeing him…" She added then so softly, Lucas could barely make out the words.

He did understand completely what she said and what she meant though. "You think it's going to be a boy?"

Peyton hadn't really been thinking when she said 'seeing him' but…well, if she thought about it more, yeah, she kind of did think the baby most likely was going to be a boy. "I guess so," She told Lucas sweetly with a shrug. "You Scott boys do not only have boys after all?"

Lucas puffed. "What?" He asked back confused but still with a smile on his face. "Who's to say that? I'd love to have a little girl with you. She, you know, she'll have your eyes and…your pretty nose as opposed to mine, and…she'll have your hair and she'll be perfect…"

Peyton's heart warmed completely as she heard him talk so fondly about that little girl they hadn't met yet. She loved him oh so much right now. Today more than any other day. Lucas Scott had given her a baby of her very own to grow and take care of now —nobody had ever before done something as magical and special for Peyton. "It'd be nice if we have a little girl too…" She granted softly. "But what I meant was that…you know…Haley has three boys, doesn't she?"

Lucas squinted his eyes; you could barely even tell his eyes were open now really. Peyton smiled at that, but still waited until he said something at her statement. "Well yeah,"

Peyton knew she had a point. "And well your Dad, he had you and Nathan…Not to mention your Dad also had a _brother. _Plus, you've already made a boy yourself Luke…"

Lucas then immediately thought in Jack and how he was going to tell him this. He didn't want to jump to conclusions but something told Lucas Jack wasn't going to be very happy about it. He stayed quiet then though, he knew Peyton had more to say.

"They say your swimmers are the ones who decided the gender of the baby, so…" She twisted her lips playfully as she thought. "I'm pretty sure the odds point towards a baby boy for us, too…" Her voice was soft and sweet every time she mentioned the baby and Lucas just loved that.

He took a moment to think about her words though. It kind of made sense to be honest. Oh, but no. "What about my sister? Lily is a girl,"

_Well, don't say! _Peyton thought as she chuckled at Lucas enthusiasm as he said those words.

"My mom had a girl _with _Keith, so…well, so maybe we'll have one too…"

Peyton didn't argue him in this one. She just nodded her head and mumbled an "Okay…" as silence slowly fell between them.

It didn't last all that long though, before Lucas could acknowledge it, a particular short lady stood behind him. She was trying to get inside the room he was so blatantly blocking.

"Ahem," She said simply.

Lucas jumped on his spot and turned to look at her with surprise and with a sheepish smile on his face. "You must be the technician, right?" He asked innocently.

This girl was young, no more than 25 or 26 Lucas thought, but she still had a serious face that actually did make her look a bit older. She still just nodded at Lucas' question as she started walking inside the office. "You are the Dad, right?" She asked, turning around just in time to see Lucas closing the door behind him.

He nodded.

Mandy, the ultrasound tech, nodded her head at him too. It surprised Lucas but as she looked at Peyton, her expression actually did change and she smiled in his wife's direction. Perhaps this girl just didn't like men or dads all that much and much rather preferred the mommies? It was just a thought but Lucas still found himself smiling at that.

"We are going to make a routine ultrasound today," She started saying as she sat on her chair behind the machine and started pressing buttons already. "We pretty much want to date your pregnancy which means I'll figure out the gestational age of the baby. I'll check the placenta, location of the fetus and make a bunch of measurements you really should not worry about,"

Peyton smiled nervously at her, and craned her head round looking at Lucas. He was holding her hand tightly, his eyes staring at the screen strongly even though the technician hadn't even put the gel on Peyton's tummy yet –let alone turned on the screen quite yet. He was anxious and nervous and excited, and Peyton understood this because she was feeling all these things and even more, too. "Ready?"

Peyton's voice broke him from his musings, and Lucas couldn't help but smile sincerely at her. He shifted his eyes looking at hers and held her stare for a minute before kissing fondly the top of her head. "Ready blondie…" He said back.

"Let's do this then…" Mandy said as she reached down and got the gel, squirting it all over Peyton's belly.

She winced a little bit at the feel of the cool gel, and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them again, Peyton looked over at Lucas and he was smirking. Quite honestly, he really wanted to laugh at that face she made. "Dude, it's cold!" She whined shaking her head at Lucas.

He chuckled, but then they didn't say more as Mandy proceeded with the scan and placed the wand on Peyton's stomach. She started pressing on her belly as finally some images started showing on the screen; everything was indistinguishable at first, just a grey-ish looking tunnel. The technician started clicking more buttons, freezing the screen and making measurements before she even pronounced a word.

_Everything was going to be okay and she was going to see her baby. _That was all Peyton could think about, and all she cared. And well, yes, it was true she had only known about this little baby for a fairly short amount of time, but in her heart she knew she loved him already and longed to see him and make sure everything was _o k a y_ with him.

And it was then when Peyton's heart nearly flipped over and she gasped as both she and Lucas squeezed each other's hands —_even tighter_— as Mandy announced that was their baby on the screen. It really was something in between a blob and a teeny alien, but…it wasn't that, it was _their _baby and the feeling in her heart at this was too overwhelming to put into words.

The images on the screen started becoming clearer slowly. It was there; a baby. A body, a head, two arms, two hands, two legs, and two feet. It was a baby —_an actual human being_ —it was impressive seeing it there on the screen moving, squirming, and knowing that it was in reality only as big as a grape. Well, a grape with a head, arms and legs that is.

And most importantly really, a _beating heart_. The technician smiled this time at the two of them as she informed them what that rapid thump was –it was the heart. It was the healthy beating of their 9-weeker's baby.

Peyton's breath caught up in her throat, as her eyes were liked glued to the screen. She couldn't look elsewhere. She just couldn't. She couldn't miss even a second of that little baby. Her eyes started welling up with tears and she couldn't believe herself —she so was going to be one of those moms who cried at everything little thing their baby every did, but…she so couldn't care about this right now. Some of her tears fell but she really wasn't crying —or well, technically, she was but she was also laughing. Laughing and crying but mostly just feeling as happy as she had ever felt before. This kind of love was something Peyton had only seen and heard from other people. Her friends, they pretty much all had babies and Peyton had thought she'd known how it had been for them, but no, not all the books in the world would have prepared her for this moment. For the kind of love she was feeling towards the itsy bitsy baby in her tummy _and _her husband.

For Christ's sake, it was _a baby! A baby! _Inside her, growing and living. _They _have done this. It honestly couldn't exist a feeling better than the one she was feeling right now.

Peyton turned quickly to look at Lucas, and she smiled shaking her head at the tears in his eyes. "You…you're, you are amazing," Lucas all but stuttered as their eyes met.

He kissed her lips tenderly, but also pretty fast. Peyton understood this though, none of them wanted to miss anything.

"Everything seems to be fine…see that little hand?" Mandy said as her eyes were also fixed on the screen.

Mutely, but with big grins on their faces, both Lucas and Peyton nodded. They could see it, they could see the little hand, but then they also could see the teeny tiny fingers. How both his hands reached up and in seconds the baby was touching his face with his hands, and then the next one he was arching his back and moving rapidly.

"According to the size of the fetus, the due date is…" She paused squinting her eyes a little. "February 11." She said with a small smile as her eyes shifted up and she was met with Lucas' and Peyton's smiling faces. She wanted to chuckle —this never get old. The raw happiness on expectant parents was always priceless when it was sincere. "Congratulations, you'll meet your little baby in about seven months…" She said truthfully, as she handed Peyton —_again_— a box of Kleenex. She smiled as she went back to her machine. She made a few more clicks here and there, the image of the baby stayed on the screen for at least a couple more minutes, before it just faded. The tech started printing out the photos of the baby as little by little Peyton's heart started slowing down.

"Thank you…" Peyton uttered quietly in Mandy's direction, before her eyes shifted to Lucas.

"You okay?" He asked before Peyton could ask him the same question to her.

Peyton smiled at him as Lucas lifted her hand gently and kissed it lovingly. "This is kinda like the best day of my life," She promised and Lucas quite honestly didn't need to say the words back. Peyton knew, but that adoring and happy look on his face, that this was one of the best days of his life as well.

"I love you," Lucas said then, right before his lips met hers in that perfect kiss.

Mandy was smiling all the while as out of the corner of her eye she looked at the pair. When Peyton finally turned to look at her again, she tried hard to kill her smile but still managed to keep her features soft. "Here," She said offering Peyton a towel to clean her stomach. "We'll send these results to your Doctor, and then on your next visit she will discuss them with you." She informed them, they just nodded in assent. "Everything looks perfect about the baby so far though. That's all I can tell you,"

Lucas helped Peyton sit properly on the stretcher then, and they both smiled looking into each other's eyes for a moment.

"Any other questions I can help you with?" Mandy set as she went to get the printed pictures of the fetus and handed them over to Peyton.

She and Lucas thought for a minute but none asked the question for a moment.

Not quite surprisingly, Lucas was the one with the courage to ask it. "It's still too soon to know the sex, right?" He asked, and while Peyton did look a bit shocked about him asking that question, she couldn't deny she had wanted to ask it, too.

Lucas knew better though, back in the day when Lindsey had been pregnant with Jack, they hadn't been able to tell them if he was a boy or a girl until the mid-pregnancy ultrasound. Peyton was still like eleven weeks away from this, so Lucas didn't have his hopes up. He still needed to ask.

"If you really want to know, I could give you a guess, what I think it is, but we can't be sure until the 20 week ultrasound." Mandy started explaining. "You think you want to know what _I _think?" She asked, and immediately Peyton started biting on her bottom lip.

"Do you want to do?"

Lucas would be lying if he said he didn't, of course he did, but, it still wouldn't be the end of the world if Peyton wanted to wait. "I guess it'd be nice," He told her truthfully. "But it's up to you if you wanna us to know, or not." He reassured her with a smile.

Peyton thought about it for a small moment before she asked Lucas this one thing she needed to know before she made a definite decision. "Did you and Lindsey found out what Jack was going to be?"

Lucas nodded his head. "Yeah…" He answered simply ignoring how much he really did not want to speak about Lindsey in this precise moment of Peyton's and his lives. "We wanted to know. She wanted to make the nursery accordingly so we just figure it out…"

Unlike Lucas, Peyton didn't really mind so much that Lucas was talking about Lindsey, but his words still helped her come out with a decision of her own. She wasn't saying this just because but she really only cared for that baby to be healthy and fine and happy. She honestly couldn't complain if they got a baby boy or a baby girl. "I think I want to wait," She told Lucas, only a tad uneasily. She wasn't sure if he was going to agree or not. "Don't you think it'll be kind of nice to be surprised once she's born?" She tried asking innocently. Her subconscious had betrayed her though and Lucas had caught this one.

"You said _she_?"

Peyton puffed and shook her head. "I meant once _she_ or _he_ is born," She corrected making Lucas smile. He stared at her eyes for just a little while longer before he nodded.

"I think I can live with that…"

Peyton nodded her head at his words. "You sure?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay," She said looking at him. She then shifted her eyes looking at Mandy. "I think we are good for now." She assured Mandy with a silly smile on her face.

"Fair enough," She said back simply. "If you two change your mind in the course of the next few weeks, you can always find out at the 20week appointment, and that scan is actually pretty reliable figuring out the gender." She explained. "If you don't have any more questions, I think we are done here. You can get dressed now, and also, if you need to use the rest room, they are down the hall past the vending machines." She said offering Peyton a knowing look. She had done this ultrasounds so many times in the last few years, and one thing was always certain, more often than not, the expectant moms were nearly exploding with a full bladder by the end of the ultrasound. It was just something about those first weeks of pregnancy.

"Yeah thank you," Peyton said back, knowing Mandy had just saved her from getting lost in the clinic looking for the frigging toilet. God knew this baby was pressing in just the right places making her feel as though her bladder would burst in any given minute.

"You're welcome. Congratulations again on your baby," Mandy said before offering them both a small smile, before she finally left them alone.

Peyton walked behind a curtain and got her clothes from the hanger she'd put them only a few minutes before. She took off the hospital gown and stood on her panties and bra for a moment as she tried to clean her sticky belly a little bit more.

"How are you feeling?"

Peyton heard Lucas then ask her that question as she put her pants back on. Gosh was it good to finally know her pants weren't feeling that tight all of a sudden because she was putting weight but because her body was making room for the baby. She still then felt like smiling at Lucas' question. "What can I say, Luke," She said, still hidden behind the curtain. "About two hours ago I was just me, thinking the worse about this period thing not coming down, and now…" She paused, her eyes inadvertently shifting down to gaze her stomach. "Well, now I'm apparently _pregnant._ With a _baby_. A baby with arms, and legs, and fingers, and toes, and eyes, and a nose…and everything. _A baby_. I…I'd say then I'm pretty awesome," She concluded, laughing to herself as she put her t-shirt over her head.

When she opened the curtain and stepped into the office again, Lucas was sitting there grinning happily as images of what this baby would be like, filled his mind. Peyton had been right when she opted not to know the sex of the baby. For one reason or another, Lucas just knew it'd be perfect. It surely wasn't going to matter whether it was a perfect little girl with her mommy's eyes, or a perfect little boy with his. It was going to be _theirs_, and it was going to be _perfect_, period.

"So how are _you_?" Peyton asked him back then. He'd started with the questionnaire; now it was her turn. God knew she also really wanted to know what was going on through his head. And well, yeah, that smile on his face that simply wouldn't wash away did say a lot of things, but still, Peyton wanted to hear him use his words so she'd know for sure.

And then when Lucas finally answered, so flippantly and casual, but still with so much meaning in his few words, she'd known she wasn't the only one who thought this was the best thing that could've happened to them.

"I'm awesome," Lucas said simply, smirking in Peyton's direction. There wasn't the slightest bit of sarcasm in his voice. He really did want this just as much as Peyton did. "I know I already went through this once," He pointed out, because deep inside he knew in the back of Peyton's mind she kind of _did _wonder how special this could be to Lucas when he had already experienced all once before —

The thing for Lucas was though, that he'd experienced it all with a woman who was _not _Peyton and that made this completely different. He couldn't ever tell Peyton that he loved this baby she was carrying now more than he loved Jack, but he could absolutely tell her that this time he was cherishing the experiences much more than he did before. And that was simply because she was her, and he was him. "But even when I love Jack more than anything, his first years where some of the hardest years of my life," He confessed, looking down for some reason. As he paused talking though, he did get up from his chair and started walking in Peyton's direction.

She looked at him softly as he approached her, and just stayed quiet as she knew he had to say more.

"Lindsey had a difficult pregnancy, and for some reason I was always the one to blame for everything. I read once that sometimes pregnant women get aversions to some things, foods, smells, stuff like that. I swear Peyton that while she was pregnant and then afterwards the first few months after Jack was born, Lindsey had an aversion to _me," _Lucas said pointedly, as at last his eyes shifted up to meet Peyton's.

He smiled softly when she cupped his cheek with her hand. "Don't say that," Peyton told him sweetly, but that still didn't do much for Lucas. He shook his head.

"It was awful and just anything I did could please her. We still got good times, too. Like right after Jack was born, I swear to you I did love her, but…it's just different." As he said this, his right hand went up to rest lightly over Peyton's still non-existing baby bump.

She couldn't help but bit on her lip as Lucas did this. "But what if I become as crazy as Lindsey and hate you all of a sudden?"

Lucas chuckled at this. "It won't happen."

"But how do you know that? What if it does?"

"It'll still be different." Lucas assured her as confidently as he could. "Lindsey and I…I —You know how sometimes we talk about how great it would've been if back in the day I hadn't marry Lindsey and you hadn't had to move away?" Peyton just nodded shyly —they hadn't had that conversation that often. Perhaps just a couple of times, and to be fair, both times they'd be wine involved. "You and I we wasted way too much time not being together. I love you and I have loved you for years…ever since I can remember. But…you must also know that I can't never regret for real that I married her. She gave me Jack and for that I will always love her, but even then…you. You are you, Peyt. You are the first girl I ever loved. Yes, I was over the moon when Lindsey told me she was pregnant. I went to her ultrasound appointments, helped with the nursery, read every book, love Jack with all my freaking heart, but…Lindsey is not you and I think by now we both know how important that is. _You _are having _my _baby. You are Peyton. These are not just good news. Nope, this is a _dream come true _Peyton. You are that, you are my dreams come true. Everything you do, everything we've lived together. I love you and I know, I just know in my heart this is the best thing that could've happen to me; marrying you, living my life with you, having my babies with you…"

And then she couldn't help herself anymore, she chinned up and after staring into his eyes for an instant, Peyton pressed her lips softly to his. It was just that, a gentle kiss yet it carried all the weight today meant. There was no return after today. Everything was changed. Everything was better. She felt happier. He felt happier. There was no way in hell to go back to what it once was after today. He loved her. She loved him —_oh so freaking much_— and together they had made a baby.

Oh good God , _this _was the life she'd been praying for all those years…

_—With Lucas._


	10. Chapter Nine : ((August))

** Author's Note : **A bit of a long chapter, but I hope you still like it though :) Also, I hope you all had a GREAT Valentine's Day! Was still feeling the love after tonight so started writing :) Hope you like it!

**Chapter Nine : ((August)) **

* * *

4 O'clock…just a couple more hours of work and she'd be able to go home. Peyton sighed and closed her eyes then for a moment. She had felt all sorts of miserable that day. She chuckled slightly at the irony of it all. For around nine whole weeks she was pregnant but didn't know it. For those 9weeks, the only pregnancy symptom she could say she had was tiredness…_tiredness_ that to this day still haunted her. She felt as though she must be carrying triplets or something for how tired she felt. As of two days ago, she was officially in her thirteen week of pregnancy. Her doctor told her between this and the last week she was supposed to start feeling better and less tired.

Well, it was not working out for Peyton that way so far. She still felt so sleepy and tired all the time. Not to mention now she was even feeling that horrible need to vomit every three minutes. Because of course _now _she had begun to feel morning sickness. Peyton knew it would be funny if she weren't feeling so miserable for real. 9 weeks she was pregnant without knowing, and no morning sickness –cero, nada, nothing. Then she had two weeks of blissful pregnancy. She still was tired but now she knew _why _she was tired all the time, and so it gave her reason enough to take one —_or more_— naps throughout the day and don't feel guilty about it.

Around four or five days ago however, those blissful days of no-major-pregnancy symptoms had disappeared. Now for a reason beyond her, Peyton had begun to experience what doctors and everybody commonly call morning sickness —only she felt sick like all the time, at work, driving, at home, before eating, after eating, _during _a meal, it was bad. The sickness even woke her up at night and didn't let her sleep.

Peyton had only dealt with this for a few days now, but she knew she already was so done with it. According to the doctors and the books she had read recently, morning sickness was common at the _beginning _of the pregnancy and usually went away around week 12 to 14. Well, Peyton was indeed the exception that proved the rule right then. She had started feeling the constant nausea around the end of her 12week and had been all shades of miserable ever since.

Peyton tipped her chair back still with her eyes closed and breathed in deeply. Her right hand momentarily went to rest on the warm skin of her belly. Peyton was almost positive no one could tell she was pregnant yet, not even that she'd gained weight —because she had put on at least three pounds actually— but she knew, she knew her once flat stomach wasn't that flat anymore. It was slight, barely noticeable, but if she pressed against her shirt, she could feel the small bump on her belly. Her baby…

Oh God she really did want to go home right now…just two more hours and she'd be able to do it. She couldn't think in something other than her bed, _sleep_…Two more hours. She breathed in again but then a knock on her door startled Peyton terribly. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up quickly. "Come in." She called, coughing in the hopes of waking up herself some more and pretend to whoever was at her doorway that she was working as hard as ever.

In the end however, Peyton just puffed as she saw just who knocked at her door. "What are you doing here?" She asked Lucas sounding just a tad annoyed. In all honesty, Peyton had just worried the one at the door was her boss and then she would have to explain just why her report wasn't finished yet.

"Came to visit. Figured you may want a ride home?"

His words came out so casual that Peyton almost believed him. "Liar," She said, at last laughing a little at Lucas. "Sit down…" She motioned him with her head towards the chair. "Now tell me the truth, what's up?"

Lucas was caught and he knew it. He smirked one of those smirks that he knew Peyton could not resist, and made her smile some more at him. "So…Brooke's in town…"

"Okay." Peyton said back simply. She did narrow her eyes though. She already knew this but she didn't get just why something as Brooke being in town was enough to have Lucas coming to her office instead of just wait until they both got home in the evening.

"She came this time 'cause of your birthday, right?"

Peyton nodded, but this wasn't entirely true. Her birthday had been almost a month ago but since Brooke hadn't been able to make it then, just now they were going to celebrate her so-called 37-birthday. "She's coming on business, but assured me I'd be lucky enough to get to spend an afternoon out shopping with her. I was lucky she could even fit my birthday in her calendar." Peyton announced, little to no emotion in her voice even though she was biting back a laugh.

"Brooke's words?" Lucas tried his best guess.

Peyton just looked at him as little by little she finally let herself smile. "Yeah. But I…I'm happy I'm going to get to see her. It's been months…"

Peyton didn't get to see Brooke often, but when she did, they already had sort of like little rituals between them. Like going shopping. Because oh yes, every time Brooke Penelope Davis-Walker stepped foot in New York City to see her Peyton, the two of them of course _had_ to go shopping.

Peyton at this point really didn't complain much and honestly did enjoy those little outings with Brooke. She loved her and to this day shop was still what Brooke did, so Peyton was more than happy to spend time with her that way.

Shaking her head a bit, Peyton stopped thinking and instead looked at Lucas. He nodded absently at her words for a moment, but his mind was wandering somewhere else.

"What is it?"

"Are we going to tell her?" Lucas asked back, and while Peyton felt lost for a small moment, she then realized what he was talking about it. Her eyes fell to her belly.

"About the baby?" Lucas just nodded. One of Peyton's hands came to rest lightly over her stomach, and Lucas couldn't help his heart swelling at the sight. It had been a few weeks already, but he still couldn't believe it yet. They had made a _baby_…

"Well," Peyton began but as soon as she started talking, Lucas could tell he wasn't going to like what she was going to say. "I haven't really thought about this, but I, I just don't think I want to tell everybody about it yet…"

"Why not?" Lucas was fast to ask then. "Everybody usually waits until the 12th week mark or something. We are already there. We could tell them…"

Peyton grew even more uneasy now. "I don't know," She told him looking down at her lap. "I think I just want to wait…Do you think Brooke could tell?" As she said this, Peyton stood up and lifted up a little her shirt. Sure, she knew her stomach did look somewhat different, and her clothes felt a whole lot tighter around the waist lately, and some button shirts didn't even button anymore, as well as some pants, but she still was hoping Lucas would say '_no'_ to her question.

"No," Lucas answered at last. "But what does it matter? Lots of people share the news about their pregnancies way before they are even showing,"

"Yeah, but most women are not 37 having their first baby." Peyton stated not missing a beat and couldn't ignore Lucas' wounded look as she said this.

He couldn't believe she was still having doubts. And well yes, of course nothing could guarantee they were going to have a healthy pregnancy but why couldn't she just stay positive. Why did she have to overthink this so much? Why couldn't she just be…happy about this and not worry?

"You are saying you think something bad could happen to the baby?"

Peyton didn't want to admit it but it was true. "We don't know that—"

"The doctor said everything looked _fine!_" Lucas empathized strongly. "We saw the baby less than one week ago Peyton. He's fine!"

"I know," Peyton told him back, already feeling the tears in her eyes. "He's fine now but…what if something happens, later…we can't be sure…"

Lucas shook his head at her. He was angry and he didn't want to be angry at her and say things he would regret later, so after looking at her one last time and shaking his head, he stepped out of her office closing the door behind him.

Peyton cursed under her breath as she sat back on her desk. She couldn't believe they were doing this at her office, where virtually nobody knew she was pregnant.

Peyton knew Lucas though, she knew they'd finish that argument sooner rather than later. They never went to bed mad at each other, so she knew this was going to be okay…eventually…soon enough Peyton hoped.

And just as she was at the verge of letting that one lone tear fall, Lucas walked back into the office. He barely made it to the elevators. He was only gone for like 2 or 3 minutes.

"I understand why you are saying, and that you want to be cautious about this, but…Peyton…you gotta understand me too," Lucas' voice softened then. "I'm so _so_ happy about this baby I can not wait to share the good news with everybody. Especially our family." He said.

His words hung in the air for a moment and then Lucas just sat again in front of Peyton. "I'll do whatever you feel comfortable with though…"

Peyton sighed and nodded her head. He was making an effort, the less she could do was meet him half way. "Can we hold on the news at least until the next scan? Please?" She asked Lucas tentatively. That scan would be made during the 20-week appointment when the doctors made an structural ultrasound looking for anomalies and pretty much making sure the baby had a head, a spine, all his limbs, all that…so…yeah; it wasn't so unreasonable to ask that, was it? "Or until I start showing for real…whatever happens first?" Peyton asked sweetly, even though she still was oh so nervous about this.

"So afterwards if the appointment goes well, and your bump is more than just that bubble under your belly button—"

"Hey!" Peyton interrupted immediately. Her eyes wide as dinner plates. "You said you couldn't tell I was pregnant before!"

Lucas chuckled at this one. "And I can't. I mean, I don't think anybody can tell but you and me. I know your body almost as much as you do if not even a little bit more. I know your stomach. I know it's a little bloated but it is not because of one too many desserts but because of our baby. I can tell you are pregnant, Peyt…no one else will…"

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay…"

"So after the next appointment we'll tell them, then?" Lucas asked then when he realized Peyton interruption didn't let him finish his previous thought. "We got a deal,"

Peyton did think about it for a second, but then just nodded her head. She wanted this baby so badly, she didn't want anything, anything in the world to happen to him. And seriously, was it really so bad she wanted to keep this for herself and Luke for a little bit longer? They were going to go from a family of three —_including Jack_— to a family of four in only months' time. That thought took a while to get used to, right? Peyton thought so anyway.

"We gotta a deal then…"

"Okay."

"Okay"

* * *

It had been humiliating, scratch that, more than humiliating, it had been awful; she had been walking home with Lucas, it wasn't that late yet, Peyton left work with him at just around five, it was even still light outside, and damnit, everybody had just happened to be coming home at the same time. The streets had been so crammed with people, and you'd think Peyton had gotten used to the crowds of people in New York's streets already, and hell, even _she_ had thought she was used to it, but pregnancy just messed with her body so much she hadn't been able to help herself in the middle of their walk.

An alley, she had been diminished to vomit, to _puke _in an alley due to this baby. She had been all right leaving the office, her conversation with Lucas ending in good terms, and a loving kiss and 'I love yous' were offered, but then, say ten minutes into the walk she was overwhelmed by a terrible smell. She hadn't been able to figure out quite well what was it —_most likely a mixture of New York City's citizens finest body odors_— but for Peyton the stench resembled very closely rotten fish mixed with urine or God knows what else.

She didn't even have time to think about it, Peyton started feeling flustered and began sweating cold. And then it quickly progressed and she felt nauseous. She felt her stomach lurched and whatever food she had managed to eat at lunch without running to the restroom for this exact reason, started making its way back up.

"S_hoot_," Peyton put her hand in front of her mouth as she frantically tried to tell Lucas what was going on at the same time as she tried to find a place to do this. "Sick, I'm going to be sick." Peyton managed to say at last, as another wave of nausea came over her –this time she couldn't stop it. She saw an alley that from where she was standing looked as though was empty. Peyton ran in it as fast as she could. There were a couple trashcans and Peyton crouched beside them emptying her stomach for like the fourth time that day.

Morning sickness her ass —she had been getting sick all day regardless if it was morning or night.

"I hate this," She said uneasily as she felt Lucas coming up behind her.

He knelt beside her and Peyton then felt his arm wrapped around her frame. Lucas hadn't noticed at first, but she was crying now, big tears streaming down her face, and that did nothing short of break his heart. "Peyton…" Lucas whispered at the sight of her tears.

She didn't get it, she wanted to get a hang of this sickness and keep going with her life —that was what a magazine told her, how eventually she would just 'get a hang on her morning sickness'. But that was a load of bullshit and Peyton knew it. She just wanted it to stop already; she didn't want to be throwing up in alleys unable to control her own body —her own freaking body. It was a feeling she knew Lucas couldn't understand and so she didn't blame him for not knowing what to say as she cried.

Peyton let him held her in his arms though but she couldn't seem to stop crying. Now perhaps it were even her hormones getting the best of her. She definitely felt better now though —not just the nausea, but just having Lucas holding her made her feel safe.

Plus suddenly Peyton couldn't even pinpoint just why she had been crying. She tilted her head meeting Lucas' eyes. There were still some tears in her eyes and Lucas reached up his hand and cleared them. "How are you feeling now?" He was so gentle and loving —Peyton honestly couldn't help then when she felt a smile forming on her face.

She nodded her head letting out a breath. "Better," She told him sincerely as Lucas got up from the floor, and reached his hand out to Peyton, helping her up as well. Peyton looked at Lucas' blue eyes seriously for a few seconds before she shook her head and looked away.

Lucas was puzzled. "What?" He asked confused, catching up with Peyton who had already started walking out of the alley.

She stopped in her tracks and then looked at Lucas from head to toe. "This baby better be cute, Lucas Scott because otherwise all this puking I swear is not going to be worth it!" Peyton said playfully before at last Lucas gave in and laughed. None of that was true though, not at all. Her baby could be the ugliest baby on earth —_that so wasn't happening though; that baby was Lucas' kid after all. His genes!– _and even then Peyton would still love him with all her heart and know all of this silly sickness was well worth it because of him.

_All_ of this was worth it, _the baby_ made it worth it, Peyton knew this and that was why for the better part of the time, she tried not to complain too much about those things that pregnancy brought along. Morning sickness had just caught her off guard honestly. She'd thought she had been lucky and hadn't had to go through that part of pregnancy. But then it happened and it had been awful right from the start. Plus her emotions were all over the place these days too, so she really hoped Lucas didn't blame her for this kind of outburst of emotions.

"You're terrible Peyton…" Lucas said back in jest as well as they both started walking again. Two minutes ago she had been a complete mess and now she was even making jokes about their baby's future looks? God, she was something else, but Lucas loved her —_so much_.

Peyton snuggled up close to his side and Lucas wrapped his arm tightly around her frame. He chuckled as she looked up at him and their eyes met. "I love you." He did, he loved her…and thanked her. In all honesty, Lucas wanted more but to Peyton to know how he did appreciate so much everything she did. Every single little thing. No matter how small. She was growing his baby. _She _was giving him or her life —God, she was incredible and Lucas knew he loved her now more than he ever had —and honestly, that was almost impossible since Lucas had always loved her more than anything else in the world, but now things were different. It wasn't just the two of them anymore. Now they had a baby —whether they had met him already or not, he was still there, and for better or worse —_most of the times for the better_— that baby was already very much part of their lives.

* * *

_Saturday, 6:35am…_

"Love you, too, B…I'll see you…bye…" Peyton chanted on the phone before she put it back down on the coffee table. Today it was Saturday and the day of her shopping spree with Brooke Davis was finally here. Even though Peyton had worried for the last three days about not being able to keep her morning sickness at bay during her day with Brooke —_Brooke couldn't know she was pregnant, hence, she couldn't see her throwing up every three minutes, right?_— Peyton somehow now felt a little bit more confident about her so important task of not throwing up all over her best friend.

She was still feeling a bit wary about it, but she was almost positive she'd solved the mystery. Call her crazy or whatever, but _key lime pie _most certainly settled her stomach. Peyton laughed to herself leaning back down on the sofa. It had been yesterday afternoon after the whole alley-throwing-up fiasco. They were walking home with Lucas when she saw this weird little fish store and saw in there key lime pies on one of their refrigerators. Up until now Peyton knew she hadn't feel anything resembling a legitimate craving, but as she saw those pies she hadn't been able to ignore them, and instead had to make Lucas buy her a couple. They had barely been able to make it home before Peyton had already open one of the pies, grabbed a spoon, and started digging on it. She smiled sheepishly at Lucas as she ate and her face got all yucky with whipped cream but deep inside she didn't care. She really felt as though she needed to eat that pie even if she would vomit it minutes later.

And the funny thing had been, she never did. Peyton was home with Lucas no later than 5:45 in the afternoon, and before six she had already ate her pie. She hadn't been sick at all last night, which was a new. For the last few days she hadn't been able to go without getting sick for more than two hours, now _because _of her pie she was sure, she had been almost twelve hours without getting sick. The unmistakable nausea woke her up barely at six this morning but still Peyton didn't care. She had been twelve hours without getting sick! Hell yes! Peyton had found her cure! Now bring on the shopping spree because she was ready! Lucas had bought a second pie after all! In your face morning sickness!

_Saturday 9:42am…_

Key lime pie theory failed. Too much for her morning sickness cure…

Peyton had been doing so good, after hanging up with Brooke, and actually managing a small nap on the couch, she had gotten up, taken a shower in the guest bathroom —_she hadn't wanted to wake up Lucas, it was Saturday after all_— she had gotten dressed, she had made herself some breakfast —strawberries! She had had strawberries for breakfast before having a good slice of key lime pie— and then she had proceeded to finish getting ready. She had been putting on make-up! Make-up! Peyton usually went makeup-free during the weekends, and actually she barely even used any during the week anyway, but today she was feeling good, she had been able to eat, she didn't feel nauseous, and she was going out with her best friend at 11 so she'd thought, what the heck Peyton Scott, you might as well look presentable to this date. After all she indeed did not see Brooke Davis every day, right?

But in any case, at around 9:15 everything Peyton thought had under control had failed. She had been looking at her freshly washed hair, and glowy skin in the mirror when the increasingly familiar urge to throw up returned. Peyton didn't get it; she'd eaten her pie this morning! Just like last night but today sadly the effect hadn't been the same. Three sad hours after she woke up to her head hanging over the toilet, she was back there again. It sucked! Especially when she really thought she had found the cure to settle her stomach from the effing nausea.

"You've been there for twenty minutes, Peyton…open the door…" Lucas tried for like the fifth time. He could still hear the sounds of gagging coming from the other side, and he knew Peyton was just being stubborn trying to deal with this by herself. "Come on blondie, open the door." He tried again, this time his voice was soft. Lucas sat on the floor and rested his back against the bathroom door. "Please." He added, but still her answer was nothing.

Her head was still above the toilet and her stomach kept emptying itself.

"You want me to call Brooke?"

Peyton could hear Lucas' voice from the other side of the door. She narrowed her eyes as she rinsed her mouth with water. Why would he need to call Brooke? "Why do you wanna call her?" She asked as she quickly and suddenly opened the bathroom's door.

Lucas didn't see it coming and fell to the floor when Peyton opened the door and he suddenly lost his balance. He had been resting his back on that door! "Peyton!" He whined when he looked up at her from the floor and saw she was trying oh-so hard not to smile.

Well, at least that smile was so much better than she crying.

"Sorry," Peyton said coyly then as Lucas got up from the floor. He muttered an _"It's okay"_ under his breath and Peyton chuckled a little. Once he was standing, she asked him the question again. "Why do you wanna call her?" She asked as she reached for her toothbrush and tooth paste, and started brushing her teeth.

Lucas looked at her for a minute and then shrugged his shoulders. "We can figure out something so you don't have to meet her today." Peyton knew he had a point, but then she also made a face and Lucas knew she was holding something back. "What?"

"But I wanna go," Peyton whined looking away from Lucas' eyes. She didn't want to meet his eyes and let him see the pout on her lips. She didn't get it, she didn't even like shopping so much, but she really did want to see Brooke. She was her best friend, and even when Peyton didn't want to tell her the news about her baby quite yet, she did want to spend just a girls' day out with her friend. She honestly didn't want the stupid sickness to get in the way of that.

Too bad that was not in her control though. What if she honestly couldn't control herself and ended up throwing up all over Brooke's designer clothes? "I'd just tell her it's a fluke…" Peyton thought, but the words came out of her mouth at the same time. Lucas looked at her waiting for her to say something else. "If I get sick and she's there. I, I can just tell her I caught something, I'll tell her I caught something from Jack!" Peyton added as if that were just the best idea she had had all day since the key lime pie failure debacle. Lucas made a face at her words though. "What? Kids are supposed to be carriers of the germs, no?" Well, apparently no given the face Lucas made and how he shook his head looking away from Peyton. What did she say? Wasn't that true anyway?

"Anyway, are you okay now?" Peyton nodded her head dutifully. She always felt fine afterwards —too bad the feeling never lasted longer than three hours…or three minutes… "Good," Lucas said leaning in and giving her forehead a kiss. "You should go then, Peyton…I mean, if you really want to go, you should go." Lucas said then as they both started exiting the bathroom. He in all honesty didn't think Peyton should go since he knew she _really _wasn't feeling all that well yet, but on the other hand, Lucas knew rather well what Peyton wanted him to say and if going today with Brooke was going to make her happy, then Lucas was going to agree with her even when he knew better.

"You really think so?" Peyton asked tentatively, Lucas nodded his head slowly.

"Just try not to think about it. Relax and go have fun. Drink your teas and put some saltines from the pantry in your purse. Don't let Brooke see them." Peyton smiled and chuckled because she just loved Lucas so much and he always made her feel better. He wasn't even the one who didn't want their friends to know about the bay, and yet, here he was, giving her all those tips to help her keep the secret _and _the morning sickness away. "She's been pregnant three times; she'll figure it out if she sees your purse full of saltines and ginger tea."

Again Peyton chuckled, but this time she also lurched forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Lucas' torso. "You are the best husband ever, you know that?" Lucas smirked immediately and Peyton shook her head burrowing her face on his chest. He kissed her head and Peyton kissed the hand that came to caress her cheek at the same time. "I love you," Peyton whispered and felt as Lucas nodded his head.

"You too…" He said as the two of them stood in the middle of the hallway just holding one another. "And you too little one." Lucas added this as his hand cupped Peyton's tiny bump. Peyton chuckled but then she also nodded. She loved that little one a whole lot too.

_Saturday 1:21 pm…_

Okay, so maybe this wasn't going to be as simple as Peyton thought it'd be. She met with Brooke a little after 11 at a boutique Brooke loved downtown. Up until then everything had gone all right since that store really wasn't Peyton's taste so all she had had to do was sit down in the dressing area and comment on the one too many outfits Brooke tried on. She did really well then, she laughed, and talked, and started catching up with Brooke about the last few months. Brooke had the craziest employees and Peyton loved to hear the stories Brooke always had to tell about them. Especially since Brooke always did exaggerate her stories, making the stories ten times more entertaining.

After that they went to lunch and while Peyton thought things were doomed to go south then, she had managed to get through lunch with only a couple runs into the ladies' room so far. She had only felt nauseous so far with no vomit, so at least that was something.

It wasn't until they made it to Nordstrom —_the one and only department store Brooke agreed to go to with Peyton_— that Peyton started to panic a little. Why in the world she didn't think about this before? She came in a shopping spree with Brooke! A _shopping _spree! She was expected to _shop! _Problem was however, that Brooke knew Peyton too damn well. She knew Peyton was a size four and always had been. She knew Peyton's weight hadn't honestly changed dramatically since she was fifteen. It was just the way Peyton was. She was a size four period…only recently she really wasn't anymore. She could hardly button any of her pants anymore. She had even gone and bought two size eight pants that at first when she bought them buttoned perfectly, now a little tightly, but still…a size _eight_…

What was Brooke going to think of her sudden weight gain? Would she really just buy it and trust Peyton when she said it was just that, _weight gain? _That she had been eating too much? God, she hoped so!

"Hurry up Peyton!" Brooke called when she came back inside the ladies room. When Peyton went in she had stayed out and looked at some pretty nice tops, a jacket she definitely _loved _and knew Peyton would look great in it, and a couple dressy pants she wasn't too sure about but wanted Peyton to try them on and see how it looked.

Problem was, Peyton was taking damn too much time in the bathroom. "Peyton!" Brooke whined again.

Peyton took another deep deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom. "Calm down!" She said only a tad annoyed as she headed towards the sink to wash her hands.

Brooke however, just rolled her eyes at Peyton. "Look what I got." She said excitedly then showing Peyton all the treasures she'd found. "I'm going to give them to one of the ladies so she can separate a fitting room for us!" Brooke chirped as she exited the room again.

Peyton sighed. Oh crap she had forgotten about the sharing of the fitting room. Fuck! She cursed as she splashed water on her face one more time. Brooke had had that habit for years. She thought it was just nice, and cute, and _fun, _to share a fitting room. The two of them would get in there and just take turns trying out stuff. It was fun —when they were fifteen. Certainly not now that they were both grown women in their thirties—_Brooke most certainly had to dial back on that one though; she still looked 25 for sure, Peyton thought_—

"You go first!" Brooke sang excitedly as she perched herself on a stool and waited patiently for Peyton to try a few of the items she had so perfectly chosen for her.

Peyton smiled politely as she stood up and reached for the clothes. Heck, she was even sweating cold right now. Why in the world she was so nervous!? Breathe just breath…

She shook her head then as she grabbed one of the tops. It was so cute; Peyton couldn't help but think as she grabbed it. It really was. Brooke was a lot of things, some of those Peyton didn't quite approve to be honest, but she honestly did have a great sense in fashion, and she just knew which clothes would look good on her and others.

If only Brooke knew she was pregnant and didn't have to put Peyton through the agony of buying completely gorgeous clothes she was not going to be able to put on again in just a few weeks' time?

This so was not a good idea…

Only maybe it was…For a reason beyond Peyton the top Brooke chose fit her so great. It had an empire waist so it fitted loosely over her stomach. Not that she had worried since her bump was certainly invisible for the naked eye of people other than she and Lucas, but still…it was just so convenient this top wasn't stretchy enough that Brooke could tell just how little by little Peyton's stomach was rounding…

"What do you think?" Peyton asked with a smile on her face, when at last she turned from the mirror and looked at Brooke.

Brooke raised an eyebrow looking at Peyton from head to toe and then nodded. Peyton rose and eyebrow at her, and Brooke had to smile. "I'm pretty good don't you think?" She laughed and Peyton couldn't help but laugh as well.

Okay so maybe this _could_ turn out okay.

For the next fifteen minutes Peyton tried on three more tops and a dress. The dress was gorgeous and Peyton hadn't even wanted to take it off. It was black, and long enough. Perfect for a dressy dinner party, or even for the holidays Peyton was sure. And the best part, it was a very giving dress. If she didn't turn into a whale from now until December —_and she honestly wasn't planning on it_— Peyton was almost, _almost _sure she could maybe be able to still wear this dress.

The tops were all right, the first one she tried on still being her favorite. One of the others was nice, also fitted her fine in her midsection, but was a little too tight on her boobs. The same thing happened with the other two tops and Peyton had been surprised Brooke hadn't made a comment on that. Instead, she'd squished her nose and shook her head, motioning Peyton to just take them off.

Peyton was left waiting in the fitting room as Brooke went to find some more stuff for her to try on. They still had the pants for her to try, but Peyton was again dreading that moment. There was no way those would fit her. She had to sit down then again when she felt her stomach doing nothing short of acrobatics_. Crap —not now, please_. Peyton tried to concentrate in taking deep small breaths; there wasn't even a trashcan close by, just the four walls of the fitting room and a mountain of very expensive new clothes. No no, she certainly couldn't just give herself the luxury of throwing up right now.

She breathed in and out a few times but then the nausea rose up and she panicked a little. She swallowed slowly and clamped her lips tightly shut breathing through her nose

It was in that instant when Brooke walked back into the fitting room. A concerned look filled her face immediately. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked looking at Peyton and at how pale and sweaty she looked right now. "Are you gonna be sick?" Brooke asked, already panicking inside a little too.

Peyton however just shook her head, her eyes and her mouth tightly shut as she focused in breathing slowly and steadily.

It took her all she got, but at last the nausea settled back down again. Phew…

"I'm, I'm fine…" Peyton whispered weakly as little by little she started feeling better. She ran her hand through her face and after taking a few more steading breaths, she opened her eyes. Brooke was still there looking at her with concern, but as their eyes met, all the brunette did was give Peyton a sympathetic smile.

"Right you are." Brooke agreed sarcastically with Peyton, she was all but convinced but if Peyton wanted to believe she was fine, then Brooke would go with it. "You are pale as a ghost Peyton, are you sure you are all right?"

Peyton thought about it for a moment, actually deciding if she was well enough to keep doing this or if she wanted to go home, and well, surprisingly enough she did feel okay now, sort of, but yes, she didn't feel as though she was going to throw up any time soon now. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Brooke's eyes stayed on Peyton's for another moment or two, but then Brooke just shrugged and turned around after muttering something about getting Peyton some water to clear her mouth or something.

Peyton was then left even more puzzled sitting in that fitting room. Did Brooke really just drop it so easily? Brooke Penelope Davis? The girl Peyton had known since infancy, and knew would never let go of things so easily, let alone something about the show Peyton had just given? Something certainly had to be wrong, Peyton thought.

By the time Brooke came back with her water, Peyton was already feeling so so much better. She took the water from Brooke and thanked her, and was then even more confused Brooke didn't even ask her what was wrong with her, she just kept doing what they were doing, commenting on awful clothes she'd seen, and on just inadequate workers. She acted as though nothing had happened and that puzzled Peyton a lot. She didn't say anything though, and instead tried to act as normal as possible too, but deep inside it felt as though they both knew something but were trying to keep the other from actually figuring it out.

Peyton knew her secret, the little person living in her uterus, but what about Brooke, why was she acting so normal about her best friend almost throwing up on her in a fitting room? In other circumstances, Peyton was sure Brooke would be panicking about catching whatever bug Peyton was sure carrying…

"Earth to Peyton, you there?"

Peyton shook her head but then look in Brooke's direction again. She had totally zoned out thinking nonsense. She offered a smile at last. "Yeah sorry…you, um, do you want me to try something else?" Peyton asked as casually as she could sound then.

Brooke looked around the fitting room, and then at Peyton.

They still had the pants and a couple of dresses. The dresses weren't really Peyton's taste and Brooke knew this, so it really didn't matter if she wanted to try them on or not. And then they had the pants. "Nope, I think you already tried everything I brought. You wanna check out now?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes, what in the world was wrong with Brooke? She used to never, never ever, let Peyton not try on something she'd picked for her —never. "What about the pants?" _shut up! What the hell are you doing? Are you an idiot! Do you want or you don't want Brooke to know you are pregnant and fat! There is no way you are fitting in those pants! Why would you bring them up!?_

And in fact, Brooke did look confused at Peyton's question. She looked at Peyton funny for a minute before she shrugged her shoulders and perched on the stool again. "Try them on then."

It was as if she knew it already, her attitude was messing so much with Peyton she could barely hide it by then. And then something even weirder happened when as she started picking up a pair of really really nice jeans, Peyton started feeling her eyes water. Why couldn't Brooke just ask her what was wrong with her? Peyton knew it was better if she didn't ask her, that way Peyton didn't have to lie about the little person in her belly, but…she really wasn't thinking straight anymore she was sure. She was hormonal and just plain confused…

And apparently now she was crying too, because before she could do anything about it, her tears started falling.

Brooke widened her eyes as she looked over at Peyton and realized she was crying ever so softly as she changed it into the pair of pants. "Are you okay?" Brooke asked, and couldn't help but roll her eyes at Peyton's answer.

"Yeah yeah yeah…" Peyton replied absently as she tried in vain to wipe her eyes. She tried then one more time to button these pants, but they were not even meeting. Nothing close to it.

Peyton shook her head and without wanting it, more tears pooled in her eyes and fell steadily down her face. Peyton was startled a little then when Brooke came from behind her, and rested her hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about the pants. Even if they fitted you now, they were going to get too small for you to wear soon anyway. I don't even know why I brought them."

Wait a minute, what the hell was Brooke talking about it? Good Lord did she know?

Peyton turned to look at Brooke with confused and teary eyes. "These are just clothes Peyton…there are way more important things in life…Your body is changing P. I promise you this time that's not necessarily a bad thing." Brooke paused offering Peyton a soft smile. "I'll let you change. Wait for you in the cashier…"

Brooke left the dressing room then and Peyton was then even more confused than ever. What in the world just happened? Why, why, why she hadn't been able to keep those idiotic tears at bay? Crap, now she was genuinely experiencing every pregnancy symptom fully.

Peyton took a good few minutes before she stepped out of the dressing room. She changed back into her normal clothes and looked at herself in the mirror one too many times making sure she really did _not _look pregnant. There was no way Brooke could know, she probably just said all those things for complete different reasons other than actually _knowing _about Peyton being pregnant…

But then again, what if she did know? What if somehow she did figure it out?

When Peyton caught up with Brooke again, the brunette did hell of a job acting as if nothing had happened. They paid for the clothes and quickly Brooke proposed a different boutique to go to now. They hoped in a taxi and it was then when things became silent between them.

Peyton bit on her lip as she forced herself to look out the window. She was so effing nervous, as if a national secret was in her hands. She was shaking and even sweating cold right now too. It was just stupid she thought shaking her head one more time. "Brooke…"

Brooke shifted her eyes from the taxi window as well and once she met Peyton's eyes, she shrugged her shoulder and smiled softly. "You don't have to say anything. Clearly you don't want us to know or talk about _that_ yet so I…I can respect that."

Peyton was still a bit puzzled, but finally she accepted she and Brooke now were for some reason sharing the secret Peyton was meant to keep from her. "How did you know?" Peyton's guard then finally fell and she felt lighter. Screw it, Brooke was her best friend, even if Peyton was not supposed to tell Brooke about this, at least she was going to give them a couple minutes to freely talk about it before they had to go back to pretend Brooke didn't know anything.

Brooke in any case, couldn't help but smirk at Peyton's question. "I've been three times there, Peyton…after the first time I promise you get like this superpower that allows you to spot all those first symptoms and signs of…" Brooke trailed off smiling devilishly in Peyton's direction. Peyton for some reason blushed and had to look away. "Signs of the _fluke, _you know?" Brooke said playfully making Peyton chuckle. It had been quite obvious for her. Not immediately, but it only took Brooke a couple hours with Peyton before she figured it out. The way Peyton was at lunch, barely looking at her food and taking very deep breaths before just excusing herself to the bathroom. The whole sparkling water instead of wine at lunch too. The constant potty breaks again; seriously, did Peyton think Brooke was silly or what? She'd gone to the bathroom like six times in the last four hours. Peyton had also asked a lot about her kids, and while that was at some extend normal, Brooke also knew Peyton honestly did not care if Evie liked or not her preschool teacher. Brooke had had lots of cues from Peyton and it really did make Brooke happy to know she hadn't been mistaken. Plus Peyton's body certainly did look different. She didn't exactly look _pregnant, _but Brooke could absolutely tell something was different. "Not to mention your boobs are huge now Peyton…that totally busted you out." They both laughed hard at Brooke's comment. Peyton had been surprised to hear that one and when she argued how Lucas had never made a comment on her breasts yet, Brooke laughed even harder and assured her men never, never ever, found it in themselves to complain about that special symptom of the _fluke._

When they stopped laughing though, silence fell between them for a minute or two. After a while they both turned to look at one another again. "In all seriousness, I am very happy for you and Luke…"

Peyton stared at Brooke for a moment, but then just smiled and nodded. "Yeah…me too…"

Brooke nodded as well, but then after giving Peyton a funny look, she reached out and wrapped her arms around Peyton's shoulders. They didn't hug for too long though. "My lips are sealed but you gotta promise to call as soon as its official and I promise to act surprised too."

Peyton thought about it, but then sharply she just offered Brooke a nod of her head. "Deal." She agreed extending out her arm for Brooke. They shook hands but soon after they were both laughing again, and hugging as well. Peyton laughed and shook her head as she hugged Brooke, and Brooke whispered in her ear yet another _congratulations. _"Thank you…" Now this was why Brooke was her best friend. No one else in the world would have been able to understand Peyton. Understand how she really wasn't ready to tell on the world about her pregnancy but at the same time was dying inwardly for some reassurance about how this baby was indeed the best thing that could have happened to her.

_Saturday 6:42pm…_

Peyton finally got home after her day with Brooke, to find Lucas in their living room watching a game on the TV. He just looked her way as she walked in, and then padded the seat beside him. They didn't say much to each other, but Peyton still managed to snuggle up as close to Lucas' chest as she could. He hugged her as Peyton said today had been fun…

And it really had been. By the end of the day she and Brooke were still pretending Brooke didn't know anything about the baby, and that was okay. Peyton wasn't even going to tell Lucas Brooke knew, because she knew the secret was going to stay there until they were ready to share the news for real with everybody.

On the other hand, Brooke Davis now actually knew Peyton was pregnant…maybe it was weird, but that knowledge alone just made all this pregnancy thing all the more real to Peyton…

Yeah, today had been a good day.

* * *

**AN : Thank you so much for reading!**


	11. Chapter Ten : ((September))

**Author's Note :** Thank you for reading! :)

**Chapter Ten : ((September)) **

* * *

Coming home today had been awful. It was cold, and windy, and it had been raining on and off all throughout the day. The worse part for Peyton had been though, the fact that she had been a little underdressed for the weather. She had taken a jacket to work, just not one that actually helped with the cold, but was merely there to look pretty on her —even though these days Peyton had been little by little realizing how less and less clothes looked all that pretty on her anymore.

The transition had gone slowly though, her clothes feeling tighter and tighter every day even though for weeks all she had to show off of her baby, was a tiny bubble under her belly button. Now however, as Peyton looked down, she could actually see a way rounder belly than the one she remembered ever having. Especially when she sat down, she could now see it rounding under her shirts. She liked that, she liked that was one of the many reminders she had about that little baby growing inside her. Even if that meant her pants didn't meet these days, she still wouldn't trade the little belly for the world.

Lately she had been so busy with work that unless the baby kicked —_and boy, wasn't that awesome?_ — Peyton would somehow forget the little thing was even there sometimes. That made her feel as guilty as could be, but she knew it was just the season. September through November were just such awful months for Peyton. Even though once upon a time Peyton's work was directly with the bands and their managers nationally, now Peyton's job had grown into a more '_serious'_ position –so to say. She worked with about six countries besides the United States, so sometimes getting everything done on time, and having everybody happy was a little bit of a nightmare.

Especially lately when a whole lot of pressure was suddenly put on her because of her baby. Because she was pregnant. Not everybody at work knew she was pregnant yet. She didn't feel like putting that out there for everybody's knowledge yet, she was still happy keeping the baby for herself —and Luke—. But from the few people who knew about it, Peyton's boss was one of them. He had had to know when she had almost cried last month because of a lazy intern who hadn't known how to do his job. Paul, her boss, had been right there to witness the whole thing, and with a very very concerned look on his face had asked her if everything was okay. Peyton had sighed with teary eyes, and then had come clean to him about the baby. Surprisingly enough her boss hadn't made a big deal about it and had just made her promise to try to keep the outburst to the minimum. Peyton had nodded her head, but then in a small whisper, Paul had added how he knew sometimes she couldn't help it, saying his wife had been an emotional puddle for all of her three pregnancies. When the tone of the conversation had changed, Peyton had smiled politely and agreed with him with a small watery chuckle. His words hadn't been all that soothing though. She didn't want to be an emotional puddle for months on end. She wanted to be in control and show him pregnancy didn't and would not affect her job. And so that was why Peyton had been working harder these last few weeks. She had to show him how she could still be pretty awesome in her job, even when she was carrying precious cargo within herself.

And well, if that meant working extra hours at home after work, then so be it, Peyton thought as she went through yet another contract —this time coming from Brazil.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lucas walking inside the living room then though. He was holding his phone and was squinting funny at it. Peyton narrowed her eyes for a bit but then went back to her computer when another email popped in her mailbox. She squinted at the screen looking at some numbers that didn't quite match, but then Lucas spoke and her focus completely disappeared.

She breathed deeply as his words carried and he moved closer to her. "Why does it say DC in my calendar?"

"I'm going there on business on the 24…" Peyton answered absently; her eyes still on the computer. "I'm only going to be gone for like 3 days but I have like all-day meetings all three days so it's going to be a bit nutty…"

Lucas just stared at her for a moment in silence. He waited until Peyton finally lifted up her face and looked at him. "Isn't this one of those things you should tell me?"

She didn't understand the question though. "But I did tell you, didn't I? It's in your calendar." She pointed out matter of factly. "What is it?" She asked him, sort of impatiently when Lucas just kept staring at her.

"It's…" Lucas tried to say but it was in that moment when he heard that little voice inside his head telling him better to shut up. The less he wanted was patronize Peyton and he knew that while this wasn't going to be his intention, that was how Peyton would see it. "Nothing…" Lucas added at last sighing. He looked at Peyton's eyes and tried for a smile. He did it but Peyton knew it was a fake one. Lucas was really bad lying to be honest. "It was nothing. Thank you for telling me. I…I um, I'm going to go figure out dinner okay?" He said but didn't really wait for an answer from Peyton. He just gave her a last look as he turned around and exited the room.

Peyton sighed heavily and just knew she'd screwed it up -how exactly she didn't know, but she so had…

She closed her eyes shut and brought her hands to her face for a minute. She shook her head slightly before she just closed her laptop for once and for all and stood up from her spot in the living room. "Lucas…" She called him as she walked into the kitchen. Lucas was washing some plates —they had a dishwasher for Pete's sake! Use it! That was not the point though.

"Do you need something?"

"Don't play dumb"

"Peyton!" Lucas called but was smiling as he did so.

Peyton was serious though. "Tell me what you wanted to tell me." She demanded softly —even nicely some would say.

"You are not goi—"

"—Even if I'm not going to like it." She chimed in knowing exactly what he had in mind.

Lucas puffed at her words and smirked. Even when she said this, they both knew it was only partly true. Sure, Peyton would let him talk and pretend —_read: pretend_— to be okay with what he said. But then, later in the day she would be brooding for no reason and Lucas would just know it was because of that conversation the two of them had and she didn't agree with. She was always easy to make up with though.

"It just threw me off a little that you didn't tell me about that trip before…"

_Why_? Peyton thought. It really wasn't the strange for her to go on business trips some days. Granted, she had been extra busy lately and that was why she hadn't actually discussed it with Lucas, but for once, she really hadn't overthink this. They needed her in DC, she was going to DC, it had been as simple for her…

"You are worried, why are you worried?" Peyton asked him after a beat. Her voice was soft as Lucas walked closer to her. She knew behind all his words Lucas was just worried for some reason, and she just didn't get it quite yet either.

"You want to know the truth?" Peyton just nodded her head at his question. "I'm worried because I know how you overwork yourself sometimes Peyton; _especially_ when you are by yourself. And I know you don't like it when I nag you about it, but…you are pregnant now," Lucas pointed out then —as if Peyton could really forget —and well yes, she did, but Lucas didn't have to know that. She stayed quiet at his words. "You got to remember that. Things are changing, and you have to slow down…you're cooking that little bun, remember?

"I know…" Now he was just making her feel like an awful mother and the baby wasn't even born yet…

Lucas saw the way her lips were rapidly forming into a pout and he sighed with a smile on his face. "Don't look at me like that," He said playfully, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to his body. "I know this is all new for you but…that's why you have me. And I'm only saying this because I know you…I know how much you work some days. How you would go nights with no sleep just so a demo or a track would be perfect. I love this about you, your passion and drive, but we also gotta watch out for the little person…"

"So you are saying I shouldn't go?" Peyton asked, looking up slightly into his eyes. She was glad when Lucas immediately shook his head. Not really because she wanted to go to DC so badly, but because she wasn't so comfortable with him trying to tell her what she could and could not do. Perhaps it was wrong, but even when Peyton loved him more than anything else in the world, she didn't like Lucas bossing her around —even though this conversation was the complete opposite to that.

"No, not really," Lucas answered shaking his head. "All I am saying is that I want you to take it easy. If you are tired, take a nap, okay? If you are hungry, eat, if you feel weepy, call me…just give yourself a break…don't push yourself so hard anymore…"

Peyton looked steadily into his eyes for a good moment before she nodded her head. She wouldn't admit it openly but he was so right. She really didn't understand completely yet how much things were _really _changing, and how much they would change once the baby was actually born. They hadn't talked about it, was Peyton going to stop working? Get a nanny for the baby? Daycare? They hadn't talked about any of this, and Peyton knew it hadn't been because Lucas hadn't wanted; it was because she just wasn't ready for all that yet.

But then again, perhaps she was now. "How about if you go with me, then?" Lucas' eyes fell into a squint immediately as Peyton spoke, and she couldn't help but smile at this. "Why not?" She asked him again sweetly, with a shrug of her shoulders. "I don't really have to be there till Monday, but we could go on Saturday or something and just stay a few days down there. This way we are not apart for so long and you can help me take care of the baby while we are there,"

As Peyton mentioned the baby, Lucas felt his heart melt and he couldn't help himself when he leaned in and gave her forehead a small kiss. "You know I'd love that," Lucas really really did; he wasn't telling her this, but he couldn't even phantom those days without Peyton, but — "But I think we have Jack that weekend, so—"

Peyton didn't let him finish. "—He could come, too." She offered simply and Lucas loved how honest she seemed. "I can just use my miles to get his ticket, and you know he's just going to _love _the place. DC is _beautiful, _and they have all those museums, you know he'll love getting to see all that."

Lucas was honestly a bit surprised she was making the offer, but he couldn't complain. Peyton was absolutely right about this, Jack would certainly love to go and Lucas knew he would have a great time. If only someone could assure him Jack and Peyton could survive a weekend together without an argument. After all, the whole thing for Lucas was to get Peyton to relax and God knew she almost never did it when Jack was around the house. Then again, they were never going to get better if they didn't even try to be together in harmony, so maybe Lucas should give Peyton more credit; after all, he knew she was really trying as she said this. "Have you even thought this through?"

Peyton shook her head. Of course not! She'd come up with the whole thing in like the last 2 minutes or something! "No," She told him honestly. "But I want you to come…You _and_ Jack…"

Lucas couldn't help the smile on his face at that one. "I think we can do that…" Peyton matched his smile then.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Lucas answered sweetly. "It'll make for a different weekend. I'm sure it'll be good for him to be away from everything if only for a couple of days. Perhaps we could even…" Lucas let his words trail off, but it had been too late, Peyton kind of suspected what he was going to say.

"You think we should tell him about the baby while we are there?" _Away from Lindsey,_ Peyton thought, but had to bit her tongue hard not to say it aloud. That would only get her in trouble so she'd better just kept her mouth shut. In the end, while he was uneasy about it, Lucas did nod his head. The secret was out for some, but not for everybody —Jack didn't know yet, _Lindsey _didn't know yet. "If that's what you want…" Peyton told him after a beat. She knew Jack was smart, but even then, she wasn't letting her baby bump show that much, for him to realize she was pregnant and not just a little bit fat. Lucas had been upset for weeks when Peyton said she wasn't ready for Jack and Lindsey to know though. Peyton knew Lucas felt as though he were lying terribly to Jack, so maybe it wasn't so bad if they did tell him —after all it would give Lucas peace of mind, and that was always a good thing.

Then again, his peace of mind would also depend in how Jack would react to the baby, but ah well…Peyton really had to stop jumping to conclusions.

"Well yeah," Lucas answered at last. He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't want to lie to him anymore and he _is_ going to be a big brother whether he likes it or not, so I think I'd rather give him as much time as I can to get used to the idea of the baby…"

That actually made sense, so Peyton just nodded her head. "Okay." She couldn't help but notice Lucas was surprised she gave in so easily. She smiled at that face he made.

"Okay?"

"Yup," Peyton chanted back simply. She leaned in closer to Lucas and lifted her hand cupping sweetly Lucas' cheek. "You are right, and I don't want you thinking I'm putting this off," even though she actually was / had been. "So let's do it. We'll tell Jack, and then the secret will be out…" She said only half-playfully and Lucas knew this. She was showing strong, and silly about telling Jack now, but deep inside she was oh-so nervous and she couldn't hide it. It did scare her a lot how Jack was going to react to this. They had always try to not let Peyton's and Jack's '_problems'_ get in between Lucas' and Peyton's relationship, but deep in her heart Peyton had always known Jack's well-being would always be one of Lucas' most important priorities and that if it ever came down to him choosing between she and Jack, Jack would always win hands down —that was why she tried to never get into arguments with Jack. That was why she had been putting this off for the last few weeks. That was why it made her nervous to think the utterly terrible way Jack would react to this, because what if he just hated his little brother or sister? Why if Lucas could never love this new baby because Jack could never be okay with it?

Peyton sighed and shook her head absently then. This kid she was carrying was _Lucas' _kid too, just as Jack was, and as such she had to trust Lucas would love him or her.

And of course he would, Peyton knew she was just being silly and insecure —_and perhaps even hormonal_— but, wouldn't still be awesome if Jack would just like the idea of the baby?

Peyton was daydreaming and she sort of knew it, but honestly nobody could blame her. Lucas was holding her; holding her in that way only he could. He wasn't letting go of her and perhaps he wasn't going to for at least another few minutes. Every now and again he did that, just held her close to his body. Sometimes he would let go after just a couple of minutes, some other, they would stay intertwined in each other's arms for as little as 20minutes, and for as long as either one of them needed.

Today both needed the closeness, the reassurance that they were well and happy and together…if only someone could assure them that was the way it would stay…

* * *

Before taking off, Peyton had tried to visualize their trip to DC in the best way possible. She was as optimistic about it, as she hadn't been before in something that concerned Jack to be honest, but she just had a "_good feeling_" about these few days in DC.

She and Lucas had picked up Jack from school early that day, and though Jack actually did complain a little about "_missing so much school_" in the end, Peyton had known it had been just a little show he'd done. Once they made it to the airport, Jack had had the hardest time hiding his excitement, and that was why Peyton had felt a little hope about the trip.

But then they boarded the airplane, and while at first sight everything looked fantastic —Peyton had gotten an upgrade to first class for the three of them. As soon as the plane took off, Peyton's face turned ghostly white and she felt that feeling she hadn't felt already for over a month —_nausea_, that unmistakable queasy feeling and sensation of unease; _morning sickness_.

Before that plane ride, Peyton had been so over morning sickness. Completely. She had been happy with herself since unlike many women, her morning sickness lasted only about three weeks —granted, they were the most miserable three weeks of her life, but just three weeks in comparison to what some of the other moms she knew went through were nothing. Brooke had been sick to her stomach for like eight out of the nine months of the pregnancy of her third. Peyton merely shuddered at the thought; she couldn't take it, she was a sucker, honestly a sucker compared to the average pregnant woman she was sure then. She couldn't handle the feeling, it wasn't just the nausea, she also started feeling lightheaded after a while, and she actually couldn't even keep tea and crackers down when the morning sickness actually hit her full force —as right about now apparently.

She hated it. She hated it so much that as soon as the seat belt sign on the plane went off, she got out of her chair, and nearly ran to the —_tiniest_— bathroom ever in the back of the airplane. She heaved right away, but the queasy feeling didn't go away. She sat on the toilet, fully clothed, with her eyes tightly shut and a spinning head. The baby was moving like crazy so at least Peyton knew he was okay. She breathed small breaths then trying yet again to calm her obviously upset stomach. It took her some well fifteen minutes before she felt as though she could get out of the bathroom. She splashed water on her face at the same time as she thanked God her mascara was waterproofed. She rinsed her mouth one too many times before looking at herself once last time in the mirror _—the picture was scary to be honest— _and finally stepping out.

When she walked down the aisle nobody was looking at her thank God again, they were all busy with their books, or iPads or laptops. When she reached their seat, Lucas was right there with his eyes full of concern on her —_he'd knocked the bathroom door a couple of times, Peyton just hadn't answered_— and surprisingly enough, as she walked to sit down again, Peyton noticed Jack was looking at her with something strangely similar to concern in his eyes as well.

"Are you okay?" His question was idiotic, Lucas knew this, but he just couldn't think of anything smarter to ask her. In the end, he really just wanted to know how she was, even though obviously she wasn't well.

Right before sitting down Peyton looked at him and shook her head without saying a word. She swallowed hard as she sat on the window seat —maybe that was it though, she was airsick, it wasn't morning sickness. Then again, she had never ever before suffered of airsickness, and what she felt today actually resembled a whole lot her days of morning sickness, but ah well…in the end Peyton just narrowed her eyes and shut the blind of her window before turning to look at Lucas.

Her cheeks were as pale as can be, and Lucas had to bit his tongue in order not to make a comment about it. He was sure she was feeling way worse than she looked. "I ordered you some ginger-ale."

Right because ginger-ale was her freaking savior in the shape of a canned soda. Peyton let out a breath trying not to look at Lucas. All he wanted to do was help, and she knew —_deep inside_— that she really wasn't mad at him, she just felt sick, and now tired and sleepy too, but then she was also cold and still shaky from her trip to the restroom, so there was no way she could get any sleep right now. But…Lucas was trying to help, so she couldn't hold that against him and instead she had to appreciate it. "Thank you," She said softly, once she was done with her inner ramblings and complaints.

"How bad is it?" Lucas asked again, but this time his question didn't bother Peyton so much. Much less when Lucas brought his hand up and tenderly stroke her cheek.

Peyton shrugged her shoulders but her face was telling everything Lucas needed to know. "Awful," She whispered —honestly, she didn't want Jack to hear her. He was in the aisle seat while Lucas was sandwiched in the middle of her and Jack. "I'll survive though. Don't worry. It's not that long of a trip thank God…" She added, trying for a small smile.

Lucas matched her smile and leaned in to kiss her forehead. He had honestly wanted to kiss her lips, but Peyton hadn't been the only one thrown back to the times they dealt with morning sickness, Lucas had too —in a way. He remembered how adamant Peyton was about kisses on the mouth. She used to say she felt gross and yucky and that if he wanted to kiss her, Lucas had to either wait until she brushed her teeth —_a couple of times_— or settle kissing her cheek or forehead.

See, Lucas wasn't as incompetent as women sometimes made him feel. "You should try to sleep maybe." He said and Peyton knew he was right. Sleeping would make her stop thinking about nausea and the freaking bouncing plane, so yeah, she would try to sleep even though she also knew the chance of actually falling asleep was slim.

Peyton had to smile then though, when Lucas got one of the complimentary blankets out of the plastic bag, and laid it over Peyton as she tucked her legs up and curled up in a small ball on the seat. "Thanks." She told him sincerely. Right then she appreciated so much Lucas had come to this trip, what if she had been alone when the whole throwing up drama hit her?

Peyton shook her head —she really was glad he was here. "I love you."

Lucas smiled at her and just nodded.

Peyton didn't wait for Lucas to say the three words back before she closed her eyes and focused in taking in small breaths frequently. She was dozing off, but even faintly, she listened when Jack called Lucas and quite seriously asked _"What's wrong with her?"_

He was mostly confused Lucas could tell, but also at some level, he was worried. "She's fine, just got a bit of motion sickness."

Jack didn't look convinced at the answer. First off, Peyton looked all _but _fine. Secondly, it sure looked as if she had something more than just motion sickness. Jack hated when Lucas lied to him —or kept truths from him, in the end it was the same. He squinted his eyes and looked away from Lucas and down to the iPad on his lap. So whatever, it didn't matter if his dad didn't want to tell him what Peyton had, in the end it wasn't as if Jack cared at all for her.

Less than ten minutes later however, Jack remembered something his grandma had told him a couple of years ago. They were on a road trip, and he had gotten carsick. She had pulled a sucker from her purse and assured him the candy would help settle down his stomach. Jack had looked at her as she were crazy, but he had taken the lollipop anyway. He had been oh so surprised, when the silly sucker actually worked —not for too long, but it did the trick for a little while.

"Daddy," Jack whispered then, looking to his side where Lucas was reading a book. Lucas turned and Jack spoke again. "Can you get my backpack from the overhead bin?" Lucas narrowed his eyes and just stared. Jack scowled and tried as hard as he could not to roll his eyes. "Please." He added only a tad annoyingly.

Lucas thought about it for a small moment before silently, he got up from his seat and reached the silly backpack. As Lucas handed it to Jack, he saw Peyton stirring slightly out of the corner of his eyes. "Damn." He cursed under his breath; the less he had wanted was wake her up, she wasn't completely sleep for sure, but she was getting there.

"Sorry," Lucas chanted softly as he sat down again and his eyes met Peyton's as she slowly opened them.

She didn't have time to reply before Jack was already calling Lucas attention again.

"What is it?" Lucas asked as he turned to look at his son again.

Jack was quiet for a moment, but then just shrugged his shoulders. "Here," He said stretching out his arm in Lucas' direction. Peyton was suddenly also looking at him from her seat, but Jack couldn't be bothered to look at her. He was going to say what he was going to say and he was going to say it just to Lucas.

Lucas looked confused as he took a couple lollipops from Jack's hands. "So you are giving me this, why?"

"For her," Jack said pointedly without looking at Peyton. "Grandma Alice gave me once one when I got car sick on a road trip with Mom. They helped so maybe it can help her."

Lucas was still confused, but then after sharing a quick look with Peyton, he let himself smile. "Well, thank you Jack."

Jack's eyes narrowed and he shook his head before looking back down at his lap. "Whatever." He muttered after a moment and Lucas couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips. Jack tried so hard not to like Peyton, even when truth was Lucas was almost positive he did, but Jack still felt as though he _should _hate her, because that was just the way Lindsey felt about Peyton.

In the end, Lucas turned to look back at Peyton still with a silly smile on his face. "Want to give the suckers a go?"

Peyton was desperate to be honest. She would have whatever right now if only that meant she would feel better —_or at least less bad_— if she took it. That was why Peyton didn't even think about it; as soon as Lucas gave her the lollipops, she unwrapped the paper from one and put it inside her mouth. It took a moment, a long one at that, but just when she was about to give up on Jack's magnificent idea, she realized the feeling on the pit of her stomach was fading and she could barely feel it anymore. Who would have known? Lollipops! Peyton started then milking on that lollipop as if it were the actual savior of her life.

She hesitated before doing it, but after about fifteen minutes, and while she was still feeling better from all the queasiness, Peyton leaned over Lucas so that she could tell Jack something.

The little boy turned to look at her with squinted eyes and such a serious look on his face. Peyton couldn't help but smile at him. "Thank you so much for my lollipop, Jack." She told him kind of playfully, but for some reason Jack just knew she meant her thanks.

He stayed quiet for a minute or two, before looking away from her. "You are welcome. I'm glad you feel better."

Jack wasn't meeting her eyes but he was still saying the words. Peyton felt happy in that moment, and actually felt _hope _again in that trip. Motion sickness aside, this plane ride had showed her that Jack Scott actually cared a little itsy bit about her. That was always better than Peyton thinking he hated her with all his being, so yeah, maybe this trip was going to go well after all.


	12. Chapter Eleven : ((October))

**Chapter Eleven : ((October)) **

* * *

Although two whole hours had gone by, Peyton knew this staff meeting was all but over. It was the end of the month so everybody was taking their sweet extra time going through every little detail of next year's go-to plan for the company. Peyton yawned but managed to cover it up with her report folder. Her brain was certainly somewhere else. These were the kind of meetings Peyton thought were pointless. Everybody commenting on how they were doing their job, how, what, and why? Was this a preschool show and tell? She shook her head but then also looked to both her sides making sure nobody was looking. The less she needed now were her coworkers thinking she was crazy —or _crazier_ perhaps was more accurate.

Today was a glorious Monday outside. The weather had been cold and very chilly recently, but then today the city woke up to a glorious 70 degrees and Peyton had been thrilled. She had made Lucas meet her up for lunch and afterwards they'd gone walking through the park for a while. All that had been amazing. Problem was though, now Peyton was more exhausted than she should be at three in the afternoon.

Now that the secret of the baby was —_finally_— out, almost everybody in that room knew she was pregnant.

Of course, at pretty much six months it was damn too hard to keep the pregnancy a secret, but still…

Peyton had indeed gotten quite a few _"Oh my God, really?"_ As people stared at her stomach. She had barely smiled politely and nodded her head. Peyton didn't say this aloud often but she hated when they said that. Did everybody really think she was just getting fat all these months?

Again Peyton felt as though she wanted to shake her head. There was no point in going there. She was _pregnant, _not just _fat. _She knew this…of course everybody else did too…

Someone called her name then though and Peyton was startled. She didn't let it show however. Peyton then just looked up, made eye contact, and nodded her head. God, she was getting so good at that. She looked down at her report and then looked up nodding one more time.

The manager who called her name looked happy enough with her answer —_or lack off_— and went back to explaining rapidly. Peyton sighed but after giving herself just a moment to think again how pointless this was, she actually did start reading the report she'd been given earlier.

Once the meeting was over Peyton was relieved, but not completely. Lucas sent her a text around two telling her how Jack was going to come over tonight. Lucas said how Lindsey had a bad flu and didn't feel as though she could take care of the child. Peyton sighed but tried not to care. So what, her afternoon of alone time with Lucas in a perfect day like today had to wait…so what, it wasn't as if New York was going to start freezing in the next few weeks. Oh wait, it will…

Peyton was wearing a big smile anyway as she entered her home later that day. She was hoping Jack was having one of his 'good days' today and maybe, if she was lucky, they could all go out for dinner, have some dessert and then come back home so that Peyton _—& baby_— could get some rest at last.

She wasn't being so lucky though. Peyton heard Jack's cries from his bedroom as soon as she set foot on the loft. "Lucas, Luke, you home?" She asked needlessly.

Lucas came out from the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand and all. He was cooking dinner and that just about made up for the screaming child in the other room. "Hi there…" Lucas said trying to sound casual. He wasn't fooling anyone though.

"What's up with him?" Lucas made a face at the question but took a moment before replying. He kissed Peyton _hello_ and patted her belly softly as he greeted his wife.

"Same old same old…" Lucas told her as they pulled away from each other and both started walking back inside the kitchen. "He's throwing a fit because his mom sent him here. He was crying about a project or something they were supposed to be making and how he needed to be home with his mom."

Lucas explained the circumstances time and again but Jack just wasn't listening. He kept on saying how it was not fair and whatnot.

"You did what you could, Luke. This is not your fault, you know that…" Peyton said tenderly running her hand over Lucas' cheek. He smiled softly and nodded his head as he also closed his eyes and leaned into Peyton's touch.

"I missed you." Lucas said even though it had been less than five hours since they had seen each other.

Peyton got it though; when Jack was like this, she and Lucas really did get to act like a little team trying to get through the kid. "He loves you, we know he does, and he loves to spend time with you, I, I think he's just mad because his mom ditched him."

"Peyton!" Lucas' eyes immediately went wide but he was also smiling. He would never say something like that on his own, but now that Peyton put it out there, Lucas couldn't deny it either. Lindsey had honestly sounded all _but _sick over the phone earlier.

"Tell me if I'm lying?"

Lucas was quiet at her words making Peyton beam. After a small moment Lucas pulled Peyton to him and he hugged her for a moment. "Dinner is going to be ready soon, go get comfy and maybe by the time my chicken is ready Jack will be finished with today's tantrum…" Lucas said only a tad annoyed as he let go of Peyton.

She looked up at him a little apologetically before she reached up a little and kissed his lips. Lucas smiled and so did Peyton. If only she could make days like today all right for him. Peyton knew Lucas always thought Jack didn't like him; love him, as much as he loved Lindsey when he acted like this when he was at their house. Peyton felt in all honesty very guilty about Jack throwing this kind of fits because she knew he wouldn't if she wasn't in the picture, but…ah well, she could always hope this was just a phase and Jack would soon outgrow it…

After Peyton changed out of her work clothes, she walked by Jack's room and saw him hiccupping and still breathing heavy by his bed. Peyton felt bad for the kid, she did, but at the same time she knew he was the one who made this harder than it should be. Then again, he was only eight. "Jack…" Peyton whispered quietly from his doorway.

Jack looked at her immediately; he was startled somehow, he didn't know Peyton was home already. "Go away!" He nearly cried, looking away from Peyton quickly as he did to burrow his face on a pillow.

Peyton sighed but still waited a moment.

When Jack realized she wasn't going anywhere, he lifted his head from the pillow. "What do you want?"

Peyton stayed quiet until Jack met her eyes. "Your Dad is almost finished with dinner, we figured you must be hungry, so come to the table whenever. Lucas said we can watch one of your movies after dinner if you want." Jack loved his movies —boring as heck documentaries about random things but he still loved them. Peyton knew this, and while Lucas never said they could watch one tonight, she also knew he was just as desperate as her to make Jack content and at least pleasant to be around tonight, so she knew he wouldn't mind if they cave in and watched the movie tonight. "Come on Jack, it sucks your mom got sick, but you are here kid, so deal with it. Don't take it out on your Dad, he was very happy to have you tonight and then you do things like this?" Peyton pointed at the holly mess of books Jack had done in his room. She didn't really want to make the kid feel guilty, but in a way she did want him to know how it wasn't really acceptable for him to behave the way he was. "Come have dinner with us."

Jack still didn't look convinced, but at the very least he wasn't screaming at her to go away anymore. "Mom promised she was going to help me with my project." Jack said quietly after a beat.

Peyton twisted her lips, but decided not to pity on this child. "Your project is not due for another couple of weeks, so I promise you Jack it's not the end of the world if you don't work on it tonight—"

"—How do you know?"

Peyton couldn't help but chuckle slightly. Of course she knew. Jack saw her as anything but his stepmom, but Peyton anyway did know what was going on with him all the time. Even his school things she was always up to date with. "I just do." Peyton said back simply. "I'm getting hungry so I'm going to help Lucas set the table, come when you are ready…"

And with that, Peyton disappeared from the room. Nice, she kept her cool, told him as she had to. Peyton right now was even proud of herself as she walked to the kitchen. Now she only had to cross her fingers and hope Jack did indeed come to the table. "Went to say hi to Jack." Peyton informed Lucas casually as she strolled inside the kitchen and went straight to the refrigerator. She opened it and looked over for something to drink; she could feel Lucas' eyes starting at her though. "Now that he knows I'm here I'm sure he'll go back to love you instantly." Peyton added playfully even though she knew her words were true. Jack was being a little brat to Lucas today, but now that Peyton was here too, and given how much she annoyed him, Jack had, simply had to team up with Lucas because his father was certainly better than Peyton…

"Don't say that," Lucas shushed her matter of factly. Peyton looked at him with a smirk on her face, making Lucas shake his head. "Just stop that. Go ahead and help me with the dishes and the drinks. Dinner's ready." Lucas said as he walked with his baked chicken into the dining room. Surprising him a little, Jack was there at the table already. Sulking. But he was still at the table nonetheless. "Glad you decided to join us." Lucas said simply not making a big deal of Jack finally caving in. "Peyton's getting drinks, how about you go help her while I carve this?"

Jack made a face puffing. "Dad!" He whined but Lucas didn't even look at him.

"Go," He said simply as he started working on the chicken again.

Jack rolled his eyes as he got up from the table and walked in the kitchen's direction.

He was looking down the whole way and didn't even realize Peyton was already holding the three glasses of water and was walking into the dining room at the same time. She was also focused in not spilling any of the drinks on the kitchen's floor that she didn't see Jack walking in front of her either.

It was a split second, one moment Peyton was walking slowly in the dining room's direction, the other she was tripping over Jack and in a thud falling to the floor on her knees.

The glass made a loud noise breaking against the hardwood and Peyton cursed as her knees hit the floor full force. "_Shit_,"

Lucas came running into the kitchen as fast as he could, only to see Peyton on the floor, standing on all fours, while Jack was standing at the other end of the kitchen looking very much confused. "What did you do? I just sent you to help!" Lucas couldn't help then when his voice rose as he asked Jack those questions.

Peyton looked up and tried to stand up but couldn't help but wince with pain as she tried to do it. "Ow, ow," She said as Lucas rushed to her side. "I'm sorry, I'm fine. I —it wasn't his fault," She said rapidly as Lucas wrapped his arm around her and helped her sit down on her bottoms. "I'm just clumsy, I didn't see him and then I just lost my balance, it's…I'm fine," She said even though clearly she was not. She hit the floor so hard. She hadn't wanted to stumble down and bring Jack with her, so Peyton had been able to move to the side a little, but then she stumbled over her own feet and the three glasses she had been holding fell off to the floor as well as she did.

She sat back resting her back on Lucas' chest and tried to bend her knee. "Ouch," She winced again.

Lucas looked at her worried but then just shook his head. Was a simply family dinner too much to ask? Why something always had to happen, huh?

"You want me to help you stand up?" Peyton looked over at him, and nodded her head.

It hurt doing it, but then she tried not to make any faces. It was just an accident. She didn't need to make Jack feel any worse than he already did. "Thank you, I'm fine." She chanted even though all three of them in the room knew that wasn't true. Absently, Peyton's hand then came up to rest on her belly. She stroked it lightly taking in a small breath. She knew her baby was very well cushioned in there, but she still couldn't help but stroke it as soon as she felt the baby kicking back. Heck, the baby had probably even woken up by the sudden tumble to the floor Peyton did and was now even complaining about the interruption of her slumber. Peyton thanked the lord the baby was kicking though. Those kicks were indeed just a reassurance that the baby was fine and that was just priceless.

"How does it feel?"

"Fine." Peyton replied fast, even before Lucas had finished asking his question. She let go of him and gave two steps trying to show Lucas how it really didn't hurt and she was fine. The part that sucked though was that it really really did hurt her. Peyton tried to dismiss Lucas once again as he asked her if she needed ice or something but she stubbornly shook her head and said they better eat before it got cold.

She limped to the dining room and then Lucas and Jack didn't have a choice but to follow. "I'm sorry I screamed at you, but…be more careful, _please_." Lucas quietly told Jack as they walked alongside. "She's pregnant, you know that, she's carrying a baby, we can't have her falling down like this. It's not safe, not for her, not for the baby. Promise me, you'll be more careful…"

Jack stared at Lucas' eyes for a moment before nodding. Peyton was already calling them from the dining room, and while Jack now felt all but hungry, he did wish he could stop screwing it up in front of Lucas. "I promise."

"Good," Lucas said back with a strong nod. In that moment he finally cracked a smile and ruffled Jack's hair. "You know that one in there is your baby sister or brother, so take care of it, okay?"

Again jack nodded, but he did find Lucas' words a bit weird. Not weird weird, but yes somehow. He had known about that baby for a few weeks now, since their trip to DC, but Jack had in all honesty never thought about that baby as his soon to be brother or sister. Sure, it was a given, but maybe he didn't think about it like that because Peyton wasn't his mom…

Jack really didn't feel one way or the other about that baby, but he wished he could find a way to make Lucas believe that. After today Jack was sure Lucas was going to think he didn't like the baby and even wanted to hurt it…that just sucked, Jack thought to himself. It was bad enough Lucas was going to love that baby more than he loved him, but now Lucas would even think he needed to protect the baby from Jack and that was just wrong…

Ah, none of this would have happened if his mom had let him go home today. She wasn't sick, Jack knew this, Lindsey was just sick of _him _too and wanted a break. Jack knew this but it still hurt. What if after the baby came Lucas wouldn't want him anymore either?

Oh no…all of this just _sucked_…

* * *

Today they had all call it a night early enough. At around 9 Lucas put Jack to bed, and after watching a show and getting some reading, he and Peyton made it to bed as well. She had been falling asleep on the couch, so Lucas suggested they just went to bed. Peyton agreed but sadly enough as soon as she reached the bed, she stopped feeling so sleepy. Lucas on the other hand, well, he had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Peyton was lying on her side, nestled as close to Lucas as she could. He was holding her to him protectively, and Peyton loved how now at nights Lucas also kept one of his hands over her belly as they slept. Eventually during the night, she had to break off from him just so she could get comfortable, but still, while Lucas was still holding her _and _the baby, Peyton felt actually quite happy. She felt cared for and protected, and mostly, _loved_. Lucas valued so much the fact that she was carrying his baby, and that just about made up for every bump they might find on this road.

Tonight the baby was overly active. Peyton wasn't completely sure, but she thought the baby's kicks were what was keeping her awake. Every time she was starting to drift off, thud, she would feel a strong kick that would wake her up completely again. She rubbed her belly as the baby kicked and smiled even though she desperately wished she could sleep through the kicks.

What Peyton didn't realize at first though, was that the baby's kicks were so strong tonight, that they managed to even wake up Lucas from his peaceful slumber. He had felt the baby move before but never this strong. Lucas had thought he was dreaming, but then he woke up and realized the little jerks against his palm were not part of his dream, but actually his baby kicking outward from Peyton's belly.

Lucas was still confused but as his eyes opened, he gave Peyton's belly a soft stroke and started searching for her eyes. "Do you feel _that_?" He asked her surprised with a big grin on his face.

Peyton however, looked at him with a look on her face. Did Lucas really just ask that? Of course she could feel it! The baby was inside _her_ remember? "Of course I do." She told him with a chuckle in the end.

For a few minutes then, the two of them chuckled and '_awwed_ and _ohhed'_ as the baby kept moving. Lucas didn't move his hand an inch from the belly until Peyton did to lift up her pajama top. She hadn't even known why she'd done it, but as they both saw the warm skin on her tummy, their eyes also got to see little feet and hands trying to get out of there. "Wow!" Peyton mused first, laughing at what her eyes had just seen. "Did you see that?" She asked looking at Lucas for a second.

He laughed and nodded his head. "She's like trying to break through," He said amazed at their little baby.

Peyton was also pretty shocked as she kept feeling the baby move, and now also _saw _him do it. "I feel her move a lot but I have never actually seen her do it. That was amazing," She said, looking down at her belly as she tenderly stroked the side where she knew the baby was. Right now, the baby was sort of pushing out with her head and Peyton could feel the whole thing.

"Heard that baby, you amazed the two of us and you haven't even been born yet," Lucas said playfully before he smiled at Peyton and kissed her lips. When he finally moved his hand from her belly, Lucas only did it to stroke Peyton's cheek and kiss her for a few more minutes. "I love you, you know that, right?"

Peyton nodded and then just watched as Lucas pulled from her and instead reached down cupping with his broad hands her round belly. He stroked it tenderly for a small moment before giving it a kiss. "I love you, too. I can't wait to meet you, you know?" The question was made in a whisper, but Peyton still managed to understand what Lucas said.

It made her smile. "I love you, too, Luke." She promised as Lucas' eyes one more time shifted up and met hers. There was a moment of silence then. Peyton sighed as the baby little by little slowed down her movements, and Lucas settled back up on the bed hugging her to his chest. "Do you wanna talk about tonight?" She figured they'd better talk now that they were both awake and not sleepy.

"Do we really _have_ to?" Lucas wined slightly even though he knew Peyton meant well with this.

She didn't hesitate, just nodded her head. "It really wasn't Jack's fault. Trust me, I'd know." Peyton told Lucas seriously, even though there was a bit of a smile on her face. "We just ran into each other —literally. I'm clumsy as it is, but now you made me this big, fat pregnant lady, so it's no wonder it has gotten worse." She chuckled a bit at her words, and Lucas couldn't help but do the same.

"I know…I know." He sighed. He had been wrong snapping on Jack the way he did, but after everything he pulled today, Lucas even wondered how come he didn't lose it earlier. "We can't get a break, now can we?"

Peyton smiled apologetically at Lucas but shook her head. It really did seem as though they couldn't. Even at the smallest attempt of normal she, Lucas and Jack tried to have, it always ended up in something like, well, in something like _tonight_. Total chaos.

"Peyton…" Lucas called after a moment, breaking Peyton from her musings.

"Yeah?" She asked, arcing her neck so that she was facing Lucas.

Lucas was quiet for a moment, staring at her eyes until finally he thought of a way to ask this. "You said before I've made you big and fat, and pregnant. What did you mean?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes immediately. "Nothing, I was just saying." She said with a shrug of her shoulders, but Lucas knew her, he knew better, and he knew she wasn't meaning completely what she was saying. There was more to her comment, and Lucas knew it.

"Peyt…" Lucas called simply one more time. He just looked at her as they stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. Peyton hated and loved this about their relationship, he knew her so much.

"You're beautiful you know?" Lucas said before Peyton could dismiss whatever he was going to say. "You are very _very_ beautiful; in fact, you are the most beautiful girl I know."

Peyton smiled at him but she still shook her head looking down from his eyes. "Why, thank you for saying that," Peyton told him simply with a small nod. She waited another moment or two before she looked up at his eyes. "I would have killed you if you told me something different." She said chuckling quietly.

Lucas laughed too but at the same time realized Peyton really didn't believe what he told her. Was this something just all women had to do? He didn't want to compare, but Lindsey had been the same back in the day. The difference however, Lindsey had pretty much screamed at Lucas for about three to four months about making her fat and awful. Truth was, she did gain a few more pounds that she probably shouldn't have, but it hadn't been terrible either. At the end of the day she had been pregnant, and that was something Lucas hadn't been able to make her understand and be okay with her own body.

Lucas only hoped the story to be different with Peyton. And in all honesty, Lucas was all but lying. She really did look as beautiful as could be. It may be a cliché, but pregnancy totally suited her and it was in Lucas to make Peyton believe this now. "Peyton, listen to me," Lucas said seriously surprising Peyton a little. He sat up on the bed, and positioned himself right in front of Peyton. Feeling a little uneasy but still knowing Lucas wasn't going to back off, she sat up on the bed as well.

Lucas reached down, holding her hands into his, and for a minute they were in silence. "You are my wife, and I love you, and you are right if you think I'm biased, but I swear Peyton I am not lying when I tell you you look so beautiful right now. You are six months pregnant, but you are not fat —at all." Lucas paused sliding his hand over her stomach. Peyton was smiling softly when he looked up at her again. "I'm not going to go to what it's like to be pregnant, because I don't know, I can't know that. But…I guess it's normal to feel insecure about your body to some extent, but still, know, I'm serious Peyton, _know_ I love your body just the way it is right now, just how it was, just the way it will be. I love you and I wasn't lying when I said you are the most beautiful girl I know, you are…" He promised, right before Lucas leaned in and kissed her lips.

"Do you wanna tell me when you started feeling like this? I didn't have a clue…"

Peyton sighed, feeling still a little stunned at everything Lucas said, but at the same time reassured. She hesitated for a good few minutes before Peyton actually felt as though she could let all of this out. "You know how everybody knows at the office now?"

"Ahhh…" Lucas muttered as little by little he started understanding where all this came from. "Did anyone say something to you?"

Peyton shook her head. "It's not that. It was just the looks to my stomach and sometimes the shock faces I got from people when I told them I was pregnant…" Peyton's voice grew quieter now and she searched for comfort in Lucas' arms. He hugged her again and went through her words in his minds.

"Peyt…" Peyton just looked up at him from her comfy spot over his chest. "Did it ever cross your mind the shock looks were because for some you may not look pregnant? Not because you look fat, but because you don't? Because you still look far too skinny to be almost six months pregnant already?"

No way, Peyton thought. She shook her head. "I promise you I'm not skinny—"

"But you don't look six months pregnant either, and we know it. Think about it Peyton, not everybody can actually hide their pregnancy for so long."

Peyton thought about it for a moment and then just sighed. She didn't care. In all honesty, she didn't care what everybody thought, it had just gotten to her, but it probably was because of the pregnancy itself and the fat that she was as hormonal and sensitive as could be. "It doesn't matter, Luke."

"What doesn't?"

"What they think. So what if they think I'm ugly and fat right?" Lucas rolled his eyes but still couldn't help but smile at that sense of humor Peyton had. "You don't think I am, right?"

"Absolutely not. You are gorgeous." Lucas stated and for once that night, he was almost positive his words had gone through Peyton.

"Okay." Peyton agreed finally with a happy smile on her face. She couldn't help herself then when a big yawn escaped her lips and Lucas laughed at that.

Peyton smiled too and stared at him before resting her forehead on his and closing her eyes. Lucas was for sure the only man in the world who made her feel this way. In just a few minutes he was able to made her feel beautiful again. All those doubts she had about her body the way it was now, what he was thinking. It felt stupid now, but she had in all honesty wondered if Lucas thought she was gross and fat now, but after tonight Peyton was actually quite sure that was not the case.

"Love you…"

"I know," Lucas said back kissing her forehead. "I do too." There was a small moment of silence as their eyes met. "Now let's go to sleep, okay…"

"Yeah…"

"Good night."

* * *

The next morning Lucas was called in his office for a meeting, and so Peyton was in Jack-duty. She fed him and packed his backpack and made sure he wasn't forgetting anything. All she had to do was get him to finish his breakfast and then drop him up at his school. Sounded easy enough only in practice Jack hadn't stop sulking all morning. He was now sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his oatmeal, stirring that thing so much Peyton was starting to feel a little nauseous just seeing that.

"Are you going to eat that?" She asked unable to stay quiet anymore. "I can fix you something else if you want. I just thought you liked oatmeal." And he did. Oddly enough it was his favorite breakfast food after Lucas' special French toast.

Jack in any case, barely even looked up at Peyton, before his eyes went back to his oatmeal and he kept on stirring.

Peyton sighed heavily. "Well, you have to hurry up because in just a few minutes we gotta leave if you don't want to be late for school…"

Still no answer. This time Jack barely even flinched as she spoke.

Peyton threw her head back and shook it. She went back to her bedroom then and finished getting ready. Ignore the unwanted behavior. That was what every book she'd read told her, so she was going to try it out yet another time right now.

When she came back to the kitchen though, Jack was just as she left him, staring down absently at his bowl of oatmeal. "Why do you have to be like this Jack?" Jack still wasn't even looking at her. "Your Dad tries so hard to make you happy, and yet every time you come you act like this and that's not okay kid. We are trying to be here for you, be good parents—"

"—You are not my mom!" Jack interrupted angrily.

Not ideal, but at least Peyton had managed him to say something. "And I never said I was. But I am married to your dad, and you're his son, so guess what little dude, we are going to be in each other's life for a long time whether you like it or not."

Jack frowned and stared strongly in Peyton's direction. "You should just go away! You are awful! My dad used to love me before you came, now all he cares about it's you."

Peyton puffed and shook her head. If only he knew. "Jack your dad loves you." Peyton said softly then after a while. Time and again Peyton repeated to herself then how this child was just that, a child.

"No he doesn't! He loves you, and now he's not even gonna want me because of that baby!" Jack was by then nearly crying, his eyes completely filled with unwanted tears. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" He shouted as he stood up from the table and attempted to walk past Peyton.

Peyton took in a few breaths as she grabbed his shoulders and prevented him from getting away from her.

All the while Jack fought her and didn't stop crying. It took just that for Peyton to stop being so angry at that little boy.

He was so damn stubborn though. "I know you do." Peyton said patting Jack's back awkwardly as the kid kept crying. "But I don't. I love your dad with all my heart, and you are part of your Daddy which means I gotta love you, too—"

"But you don't!" Jack cut her off screaming one more time. "You don't love me, and now my dad is not going to love me either. Even my mom is tired of me,"

Peyton felt so bad, she wanted more but to hug Jack right now, but she knew that if she tried Jack would only start fighting her even more.

"You are wrong, Jack. You shouldn't think like that. I promise you there are no two people in the world who love you more than your Dad and Lindsey. You are their son, and you are the most important thing they have. I swear that to you."

Jack was quietly staring into Peyton's eyes for a long moment, before he just shook his head strongly. "You don't know anything!" He told Peyton loudly as he finally walked past her. He stood by the door and harshly wiped the tears on his eyes. "Can we just go already? I'm going to be late to school."

Peyton sighed shaking her head, but didn't argue anymore. "Sure, let's go." She said and just that they did.

It saddened her, knowing for sure now just how sad and confused Jack was. He thought he knew everything but in truth he had no idea. He had no idea how much _everybody _loved him. He was a smart kid, and more often than not be would make the darnest comments that would leave everybody cracking up. But then there was this other side of him. The angry side. The side that didn't want to let anyone in because he simply was afraid to get hurt again…

Peyton's eyes shifted and she looked at Jack. Suddenly this kid reminded her so much of those days once upon a time when it was _she _who fought the world in that very way Jack seemingly was doing now.

If Peyton could only figure out a way now to get through him…perhaps in the same way _Lucas _got through her once upon a time…

Now the question was certainly how to do that…_how?_

* * *

**AN : Thanks for reading!**


	13. Chapter Twelve : ((November))

** Chapter Twelve : ((November))**

* * *

It was around late-November when Lucas had noticed something changing in Peyton; it had been like a switch had been flicked on in her or something. The change had been subtle, so much that Peyton probably didn't even realize it was happening and she was doing all these different things now, but Lucas knew better. He watched from the outside —_as he had for years on end now_— and he knew, he could feel how different she was now.

They went back home for Thanksgiving. It was a tradition already, even before Peyton married Lucas, she would still always go around that time of the year to visit. Granted, she didn't _always _go during Thanksgiving —and that was mainly because Lucas and 'his family' —_at the time_— used to go every other year to spend the holiday in Tree Hill as well. Lucas never knew Peyton avoided him, and in a way Peyton never admitted to herself she did it either. At the time she had thought she was just so over Lucas that she really didn't need to see him, or let him see her. At the beginning Haley would look at her funny and tell her how it was just stupid she refused to spend thanksgiving with all of them only because Lucas was coming too.

But maybe Lucas hadn't been the problem, Peyton had thought sometimes, maybe she just hadn't been able to see _him_ _married_ _with_ _Lindsey_. Being a couple with their son and all. Maybe she just hadn't been strong enough to bear that.

At least that was how it was during the first years, after a while the fact that Lucas and Peyton were never home at the same time was just the way things were, and eventually everybody got used to do it —even the two of them.

Now things were completely different though, so much, that for the last couple of years, Lucas and Peyton had made a point to be home for thanksgiving. And the amazing part was that they had been always welcomed with open arms and open hearts.

Before the trip, Peyton knew everybody was happy she was pregnant —_they told her so_— but still, not until she actually went home and saw everybody —_she with her big belly and all_— was that she actually realized just how very very happy for them everybody really was.

They were thrilled about the baby, and couldn't stop talking about it, telling her how beautiful she looked, and how well she was carrying —as if it were a bad way of doing so? Peyton hadn't understood that part, but she had still been more than welcoming of all the good thoughts and compliments everybody gave her.

She even got to have a small baby-shower while down there in Tree Hill. She had all but expected that. All the girls had gone to a pretty nice local restaurant for brunch, and enjoyed the chatter and camaraderie only life-long friends could share. There had been presents for her baby —lots of those, and for _both_ genders which Peyton felt bad about. She had made them spent God knew how much money in blue _and _pink baby clothes because she just hadn't wanted to find out the sex.

Nobody really cared about that though, and in the end, Peyton had had an amazing time. She had finally seen what it was like to be the spotlight in one of those dammed baby showers. She had loved it though, contrary to what she once thought she would feel. They had even played games, and shared secrets. They talked about all the nice things about being pregnant, the little kicks, the rolls and ever summersaults of the baby sometimes, the fact alone that she was _literally _growing a human being within herself. But then the not so nice topics had also been discussed, the tiredness, how swollen her feet could get, the heartburn sometimes, _labor, _life without sleeping after the baby was born, breastfeeding, pumping and an endless list of things Peyton actually had quite some fun talking and hearing about.

Haley had told her how the first three months were allegedly the toughest —at least while the baby was still a baby. But then she had also told Peyton something no other mom had before, Haley had told her how despite how little or how much the baby slept, she would grow used to it, and within days she would learn how to live according to that little person's schedule. She told Peyton how those first three months were ten times harder on men that it were on the moms. She said how there was just something wired in their brains that helped them get through those first months, and still love that little one with every single fiber of their selves.

Peyton had smiled and felt teary eyed as everybody smiled and nodded their heads in agreement to Haley's words.

After they came back from Tree Hill was that Lucas saw Peyton finally being more conscious about her pregnancy. Not that she hadn't before, not at all, she always was careful enough about what she ate and didn't. What kind of exercise she let herself do and don't, but from time to time, she still had trouble figuring out when too much was too much. She was Peyton, and Lucas knew this, and that was why he wasn't surprised when for the first two trimesters she actually tried to act as though she wasn't pregnant. She cared and talked about her baby lots, but she was never keen about accepting special treatment because she was pregnant. She tried those first few months to show herself strong; as though she wasn't uncomfortable and pregnancy wasn't taking a toll on her. She had wanted to show everybody —_including herself_— how pregnancy didn't define her, and she could still be the same person even though she had a baby in her belly.

Lucas understood this, and he didn't really nag her about it unless she was overworking herself too much. He did things for her but tried like hell not to let her know he'd done it because he knew by then she was already having trouble doing it. Even silly things, like how one time she spilled some milk on the hardwood in the kitchen and was honestly trying to get down on her fours to clean it. She had been almost seven months pregnant at the time.

Lucas had gotten a paper towel from the counter and cleaned it before Peyton could even kneel. He didn't tell her anything, he just did it and then just continued with what he was doing without giving the matter much importance, but of course right then, they both knew it. She wasn't supposed to do that. Peyton had Lucas and whether she liked it or not, she was going to learn how to lean on him for support and help eventually.

In the end, Lucas was so glad it did happen sooner rather than later. Lucas noticed how after getting back from Tree Hill, Peyton wasn't all that annoyed anymore about Lucas lending her a hand when she was going to get up from a chair. About him running hot baths for her when she just looked exhausted. When he let her sleep in in the mornings he knew she was only waking up early to supervise things others were doing at the office.

After coming back from Tree Hill, Peyton realized what she was doing wasn't just 'being pregnant' and though she thought she'd known it, she hadn't. She hadn't realize how from now on her life would be in a great extend about that little person she was growing. She hadn't realize how not everybody is capable of doing what she was doing. How being pregnant and give birth is really admirable, and the ordinary miracle people witness every day. She didn't have to feel ashamed about needing help every once in a while, because even when she couldn't do things as fast anymore, or remember things at all sometimes, those things were okay because in the end she was doing something much more important than everybody else; she was carrying a baby. She was giving it life and keeping it safe from everything wrong in the world. That was hard work as if was, and not until Peyton had the chance to be with her friends, her family and _talked _about all those things, was that she realized it really was okay if she didn't work her 50+ hours per week anymore. She shouldn't do it as a matter of fact, and that was because her baby needed her attention more and her care.

And so that was why as soon as they got back to New York, before even going through all the presents they got in Tree Hill, Peyton went out and about and _finally _started preparing for their baby. She talked with Lucas and they finally decided which one was going to be the baby's nursery. They went shopping for the crib and all the furniture they needed for the room. She bought clothes on her own for the baby, and Lucas made a thousand hours of research before he decided on a car-seat —on _three_ really; he bought already the extra ones the baby would need as he grew up.

Once upon a time Peyton had told Lucas she didn't want to do any of those things until the baby was born. He hadn't questioned her why at the time. He had just stared at her and then move on. But, deep in his heart, he'd known it. They had already had that conversation in the past. She was _still_ terrified about something happening to the baby during the pregnancy that she wasn't letting herself dream with this baby's future too much until she was sure he would be okay. Until he was born and screaming and kicking and crying his head out as every other newborn baby she'd known.

Peyton had had a conversation about that with Brooke and Haley while she was in Tree Hill. It had been after the baby-shower when they got home. Peyton and Lucas were staying at Nathan's and Haley's, and as soon as they went inside the house that day, Peyton had excused herself and gone into her room.

It had taken her the entire way home from the baby-shower place for Peyton to start feeling guilty about some things. She had had such an amazing time at the shower; she had laughed and stroked her belly tenderly every time anybody said something nice about her baby. They all felt so much hope about that baby and cared for him so much already. They cared so much that they had already made room in their hearts for him or her. Peyton could even dare to say they loved him already.

And it wasn't as if she didn't. She did love it, with all her freaking heart, but she couldn't dare dream and imagine what this baby was going to grow up to be because —_Heaven forbid_— what if something happen to him?

_Then_

_She was lying in bed, on her side, with her eyes only half closed as one of her hands rested on her belly. She felt so big already. Haley had said so, her belly had definitely popped out in the last couple of weeks. There was no denying she was pregnant now and that little life was living and growing within herself. Especially not when Peyton felt her kick so often now. She loved that but at the same time terrified her. She was thirty-seven years old, and every single time she went to a Doctor's appointment she was scared to her every bone the doctor would tell her something was wrong with the baby._

_She was afraid and that was why she hadn't bought a single thing for the baby. Hell, she hadn't even chosen a room in their house for the baby, let alone talk with her boss about maternity leave and whatnot._

_She hadn't let herself imagine her future with her baby, and yet everybody here in Tree Hill were so happy for him or her that had even already schedule play-dates and 'alone-time' with the little one once she was born._

_Peyton sighed shaking her head. She was already feeling tears burning in her eyes and a lump in her throat, no, no way she was having that. She gently patted her belly where the baby was sticking out his hand before she got up from the bed and out of the room she went. She didn't have to walk much before she found someone who could certainly take her mind off her silly thoughts. "You doing laundry? Where did everybody go?" Thank God Brooke's room was just next to hers and she had the door open, Peyton thought. Her feet were kind of aching, and a little swollen, she thought it was weird since she hadn't been standing all that much, but ah well…all that mattered now was they she'd found Brooke and for once she actually wanted to hear her talking on and on and on about whatever._

_With a small smile on her face, Brooke looked up at Peyton from her bed. She was staying too at Nathan's and Haley's this week, but unlike everybody else in her family, her almost five-year-old didn't know what it was like to stay clean for longer periods of time, hence she went through at least three outfits each day. "Yes I'm clearly doing laundry. I wouldn't but Evie hasn't been introduced yet to the secrets of staying clean," Her words made Peyton chuckle as she sat down in front of Brooke by the bed. "And I don't know. Everybody was still down stairs watching a game when I came upstairs to do this. Lucas wanted to come and check on you but Haley and I didn't let him." Peyton raised a curious brow. "You love him and he loves you so much but sometimes boys just don't get some things."_

_Peyton suddenly felt the entire mood of their conversation changing and she looked down sighing. She still didn't feel that ready or comfortable to talk about her stuff yet though. "Where's Evie anyway?" Ask about the kids. That was the perfect distraction and Peyton knew this; she had known it for a few years now and it always worked with those friends of hers that were parents. _

_Brooke however wasn't just one of those "friends," she could read right through Peyton but she still chose not to push it right now. She took in a breath as she folded yet another little tee-shirt. "She's probably still downstairs finding ways to stall naptime." _

_Peyton's eyebrow raised and Brooke chuckled. Evie was almost five already. "Does she still nap?" Peyton asked her confused. "Are five-year-olds even supposed to nap?"_

_Brooke rolled her eyes even when she was wearing a big smile on her face. She shrugged her shoulders. "What can I tell you, Evie might be ready to give up nap time, I am not," She pointed out seriously making Peyton laugh one more time._

_She didn't know yet how precious naps were and how much did they help in long days with small children, but Brooke wasn't going to be one to tell that to Peyton right now. Everything that Peyton didn't know right now about kids, she would know eventually, once she started living all those new experiences with her baby. "Enjoy the first two years of that little one," Brooke commented after a moment pointing to Peyton's tummy. Peyton looked down following Brooke's eyes, but then up at her eyes again. "They need sleep so much during those first years, it's amazing." She said lightly, smirking slightly._

_Peyton took in her words and nodded. "Noted." She said before breathing deeply and throwing her head back a little. The more they talked about naps, the more Peyton felt as though she was the one who needed one. "When do you stop worrying about something happening to the baby?" There, Peyton finally dared to ask the question. Her eyes were closed though and she almost whispered her words though. _

_Brooke however, just looked at Peyton softly and stayed in silence. She waited quietly until Peyton lost her patience and opened her eyes again and turned to meet her own eyes. Then, Brooke thought was okay for her to answer to the question. She felt a little bad she couldn't give Peyton a more 'happy' answer, but she knew answering with the truth was the best she could do. "Never."_

_Peyton narrowed her eyes and Brooke was almost sure, she also began pouting. "You never do, Peyton. I'm sorry." Brooke added a little apologetically. "Yes, you do feel grand relief when the baby is born and you see him there breathing and crying, and actually living in the outside, but…if you ask me," Peyton nodded her assent lightly. "I'll tell you I actually feel more in control about their safety when they are still inside me. Once they are born, as they grow up, they start being their own little person and you can't stop them from doing things you know, but they don't know will hurt them. I love my children, all three of them, but not a day goes by when I don't worry about them. After everything we lived, you think there's a day I send them to school and don't worry if they are going to come back safely?"_

_Peyton hadn't even given any thought to that. She hadn't thought that far into the future with this baby. She had been way too busy worrying about the right now to even think about the worries ten years into the future were going to bring. _

_Brooke reached out her hand and squeezed gently Peyton's hand. The blonde jumped a little but at least her thoughts did hit a stop at Brooke's move. They looked at each other right in the eye then. "You never stop worrying, but just like with everything else, you get used to it. Worrying actually comes along with motherhood, so…we just learn to live with that, okay…?"_

_Peyton felt her heart racing a little within her chest, but she still nodded her head. What in the world had she gotten herself into?_

_The room had been completely in silence when all of a sudden, both Brooke and Peyton noticed Haley standing there on the door with a silly grin on her face. "You guys okay?" She asked innocently._

_Peyton nodded as she and Brooke chuckled ever so slightly. _

_"Yeah…just telling her the amazingness worrying for your kids is…" Brooke chimed in answering Haley's question._

_Haley chuckled but twisted her lips too as she looked at Peyton apologetically. "It's a fact." She assured Peyton as if that was just a well-known secret every mom knew but Peyton. _

_Peyton still didn't question their words for an instant though. Haley had been doing the mom-thing easily for almost twenty years now, and Brooke for a little over ten. What did she have to say for herself? A couple of years of caring for her husband's son one day per week and every other weekend? Nah, not even close to the real thing, Peyton thought._

_"It never ends, but it does get easier after a while…" Haley added, then her face turned thoughtful and she added. "Or after a few years, but it does get easier. Eventually you just accept that you can't possibly protect them from everything and that's that."_

_Peyton closed her eyes at Haley's words, and all three women in the room knew how the power of pregnancy hormones were just now taking a toll on Peyton. "It's okay, Peyton." Haley said soothingly then, walking inside the room and sitting beside Peyton. She placed her hands on Peyton's shoulders and squeezed them a bit._

_Peyton opened her eyes then and looked at them with teary eyes. She wasn't letting her tears fall, and so at least that was something. Stupid hormones really made her such a girl sometimes. _

_"Yeah, P. Sawyer, don't cry…" Brooke touched her hand, and Peyton offered her a small watery smile in return._

_"Yeah…" Peyton replied simply, as silence once again settled between them._

_Haley thought about talking for some good couple of minutes before she just said what she needed to say. "Don't kill him, but Lucas told us how you still haven't bought anything for the baby."_

_Oh hell yeah she wanted to kill him right now._

_Peyton still only puffed and shook her head. "I was just waiting a little longer to do it. I —I thought that was just the prudent thing to do." Peyton said as a lame excuse. She got looks in return from both Brooke and Haley, but they really weren't judging, at least Peyton didn't think so, they were just looking at her funny for the silly excuse she gave them._

_"And it is, I guess…" Haley said with a small shrug of her shoulders. "But we saw your face as you opened all those presents we got for the baby—"_

_"You loved them. You really really did." Brooke chimed in making Haley nod._

_"Maybe what you said about prudence is right, but…you have been dying to buy things for the baby and we know it."_

_Brooke nodded her head so strongly at Haley's words Peyton felt as though she wanted to strangle both of them. Hormones, hormones she told herself again. They were not one little bit mistaken though. "So what if I had?" Peyton answered and couldn't help how defensive she sounded. "It doesn't matter if I wanted to; I knew I wasn't supposed to do it."_

_"Why? Because you are worried and scared something terrible can happen?" Haley answered her own question; Peyton just nodded and looked away. "Well, get over yourself. You really want to enjoy this pregnancy and remember it as a time full of hope and longing for that little life. Not a time full of worrying. Believe me; you'll have the rest of your life to worry about him."_

_Peyton didn't look convinced at all, Haley and Brooke shared a look, and it was in that instant that Haley knew she needed to use the bigger guns; facts. "What week are you now, Peyton? 26, 27?" Haley asked her then, and Peyton couldn't help the confused look on her face._

_"I'm like…28 weeks, almost 29weeks pregnant on Monday…" She answered, still not knowing where the heck Haley was going._

_Haley smiled and shook her head at Peyton a little. "Here is the lesson Peyton. Even if your baby were to be born right now —heaven forbid," She cut herself off but then kept going. "He would still have 95% chance of surviving. One day less of NICU time for every day you keep him inside you. Having seen babies at 25, 26-gestation age in the NICU when Alex was born, I can tell you nowadays having a preemie baby is not the end of the world. Even if your baby is born tomorrow chances are she would still live a great long life…"_

_Peyton was quiet, but Haley could tell her words had finally done something in her. "95 percent?"_

_Haley all about grinned at Peyton's quiet words. "95 percent." She assured her with a big silly smile._

_95 percent. That had been one of those moments for Peyton. One of those conversations she could never forget and one of those that completely changed her perception on things._

_95 percent_

* * *

Lucas came home from work at 530 in the afternoon that day. Peyton had worked from home that day, taking an extra-long weekend after thanksgiving. In a text message, she told Lucas earlier how she hadn't been able to do much progress with work, but otherwise she'd had a pretty decent day. —considering it had been raining cats and dogs outside, she had had an amazing day staying home to be honest—

In any case, as Lucas entered the house and walked into the living room, he realized immediately just why Peyton hadn't made that much progress with work —she had been certainly busy with some other things. "Did you really do all that laundry?" Heck, Lucas' face was almost that of terror. His eyes widened as he saw not one, but four, _four _laundry baskets sitting on the floor by Peyton.

She laughed as she noticed Lucas, but didn't reply right away, she just shrugged her shoulders. So what? She had been carried away. For sure that wasn't a bad thing; after all they _did_ have to wash eventually all of the baby's clothes before they could even put them in the drawers in his newly furnished room.

Because yes, it had been Sunday yesterday and Lucas' and Peyton's job had been to assemble all of the baby's new furniture —even though all she did was hover over his shoulder making sure he was doing a 'good job'—

Case in point was however, that baby had a room with a crib, and a dresser, and a bouncy sit, and a playing mat, and a rocker, and a changing table, and even some books and toiletries. It had been a huge advance that had been done in less than three days so Peyton was feeling kind of proud of herself and Lucas today. She had even sent a picture of the still-in-the-works nursery to Haley and Brooke, so they could see she was getting over herself even though of course she never completely stopped worrying about the baby.

It was getting better though; especially when baby hardly ever stopped kicking her various internal organs these days.

"You did all the assembling, this was the least I could do," Peyton said at last with a small shrug of her shoulders. Lucas laughed and then walked closer to Peyton. He bent down giving Peyton a small kiss to her lips. "I'm glad you are home," She whispered softly against his lips. They both took a moment taking in each other, but then Peyton narrowed her eyes. "Weren't you supposed to pick up Jack today? Is Lindsey coming over to drop him off then?" Peyton unconsciously squished her nose and made a face. Quite honestly she was not wishing to see Lindsey right now. And to be honest, for a change it wasn't because of that mutual dislike they shared, but because today was one of those days when Peyton was feeling huge and honestly didn't feel as though she wanted to see Lucas' ex looking all gorgeous with perfect body and all that.

Lucas however just shook his head at Peyton as he did to sit down next to her on the floor. He moved two of the laundry baskets out of the way, and then wrapped an arm around Peyton's body pulling her closer to his body. "I told her I had an early meeting tomorrow so couldn't take him to school, and I wasn't going to ask you to do it given how he's been lately with you." Lucas confessed but Peyton could tell he was feeling all but okay with his own words and actions.

"Luke," Peyton sighed pulling away a little from him just so she could meet his eyes. "Why did you do that?" She asked him softly. He had no early meeting tomorrow and it honestly was no secret Peyton had never had an issue dropping Jack off at school. It wasn't always pleasant, but it was on her way to work so she had never minded. Even when Lucas was right and lately he had indeed been nasty to her.

Lucas sighed too and shook his head. "He's been so awful lately, not just with me but with you too, and even on the phone, he's just so angry and…" He paused running his hand over his face. "I just felt like we need some peace and quiet and I knew that wasn't going to happen if Jack was here. I want you to stay calm, and comfortable, and honestly I just don't want Jack giving you unnecessary headaches…"

"Luke…" Peyton said softly his name then. She knew this was really hard on him; really really hard. Lucas had never _never_ bailed on Jack. Never. The fact that he had done it now told Peyton Jack's attitude was getting to Lucas more than he was letting on. "I'm not going to defend Jack, but he's acting out and we know that's somewhat normal, right?" Peyton asked, knowing deep inside she was sort of actually defending Jack, but whatever, she just didn't want Lucas to feel awful and instead she wanted to help fix this. Lucas in the end did nod his head. Of course it was normal for kids to act out with the prospect of a new sibling. "I think I guess Jack just didn't get it completely," Back when they told Jack about the baby during their trip to DC, he just have been sort of okay with the news. He had shrugged his shoulders before he came to the conclusion that the baby was why Peyton had been acting so weird lately —he had been talking about all the vomiting and tiredness of course— But still, other than that Jack hadn't said much about the new baby. "Now I think Jack actually gets there is actually going to be a whole new person in his life. One who is going to happen to also be his sibling, and worse of all, a little person that will also have _you _as his father? Jack knows it sucks enough he has to '_share'_ you with me, imagine what he's imagining now that you're going to have a new baby to father, too?"

All those words were a lot of information for Lucas to take in, but he still knew that wasn't something he didn't know. "I know Peyt…but I'm…" God, he was just feeling so out of it. His own son sulking and throwing tantrums at everything and anything while they were supposed to be spending 'precious time' together? "I'm just tired, so I thought a time out for the two of us couldn't be so bad…" Lucas said but his eyes did shift to the floor as he said that. He couldn't even believe that himself.

"You feel bad about it, don't you?" Lucas looked up and just nodded. "Then it is not working, and it is bad." Hell, years of knowing that boy at least gave her the right to be blunt with him about some things. And she was right, plus also pregnant, so Lucas had to suck it up if he didn't like it. "Why don't you give Lindsey a call? Tell her your meeting was canceled and you'd like to pick up Jack? We could go have dinner somewhere? The three of us?"

Lucas looked at Peyton with nothing short of utter confusion etching his features. "What? Are you serious?"

Peyton met his eyes and simply nodded her head. Maybe it was the maternal instinct kicking in a little early, but for once she was letting herself be in Jack's shoes and to be honest, the view from there wasn't that pretty. "Yeah, our relationship is only going to get better if we try and make it better. Not if we just avoid each other. He's your son, and he's probably now being miserable thinking you ditched him because now that you are going to have a new baby you don't need him anymore."

Oh crap, Lucas never thought about it that way, and while Peyton was being way way too dramatic, Lucas also knew her words were maybe even true and Jack was thinking all those things right now. "You paint a very tragic picture missy," Lucas said letting out a deep breath. He closed his eyes but then just looked strongly into Peyton's big green eyes. "But you are right. I don't ever want him thinking I don't love him because, God, that's just not true, so…"

"You'll call Lindsey?" Peyton chimed in, offering Lucas a sweet kiss. She chinned up and kissed him after Lucas nodded his head. "Good." She nodded, winking her eye at Lucas playfully as they pulled away from each other. "You call her then, while I go pee because I'm seriously bursting, change clothes and then we can go." Peyton said her master plan aloud but then for a couple of seconds none of them said anything. Peyton just looked around herself —_and at her big belly_— before looking back at Lucas with a sheepish look on her face. "Before all that you are going to have to help me up, though Lucas." She paused looking around herself again. "I didn't think this through before sitting down on the floor." She laughed and Lucas did too. Her belly was certainly getting bigger every day and now getting up from the floor no less was becoming quite the challenge.

Lucas however just laughed and got up from the floor quickly, lending Peyton his hand for her to support herself and get up from the floor as well. She did it and did to go in her room's direction right away. Lucas however, had different plans, and instead of letting go of her hand, he pulled Peyton back to him and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Thank you," He said simply and Peyton knew those two words summed out a whole bunch of words Lucas could be saying right now. She helped him see those things Lucas didn't want to see himself. She helped him understand his inner thoughts, and that was just something only Peyton was able to do.

"Don't mention it," Peyton tried to say before Lucas stole a kiss from her again. This one was more passionate than the last one, and once Lucas pulled away, Peyton was sort of breathless but also feeling quite happy and just content about the man she 'chose' to spend the rest of her life with. "I love you." She said before shaking her head and smacking Lucas' chest. "But enough of distractions, go call your son while I try to squeeze myself in whatever piece of clothing I can find that are not sweatpants." Peyton laughed all the way to her room and from there she could hear Lucas laughing too. She loved him so much. It was true Peyton might as well be Jack's less favorite person, but…in any case she knew that kid was going to be in her life forever —_because of course she planned on spend the rest of her life with Lucas_— so sooner rather than later she knew the two of them would get over themselves and their fears and finally have a civil relationship.

Until that way however, little steps was all Peyton could do. Eventually, the kid just had to realize she wasn't the enemy and neither was Lucas.

* * *

_Dear Baby : _

_(Or Gummybear? Or butternut-squash? How do you prefer to be called? Right now you are the size of the butternut squash just so you know)_

_Anyway baby, here is mommy writing again. I've tried to talk to you about this whole dancing on my bladder thing, but I don't think you are listening. If this is going to work, you need to know you always need to listen to what I tell you baby. Waking up every two hours to go to the potty is not really doing it for me, baby…_

_I hope you are comfy in there though. Lucas told me it was going to start getting tight for you inside me, but hopefully not too much. I'm also sorry we still haven't decide on a name for you baby, but given we don't know yet if you are a boy or a girl, Gummy-Bear Scott is how we are calling you (you were the size of a gummybear once, you know?) _

_You are bigger now, much bigger, my belly is big and I can feel you move a lot. Tonight at dinner you were a good baby and let mommy enjoy her dinner. You made me feel a little drowsy and queasy in the morning when I woke up, so I was a little afraid I wasn't going to be able to keep down the Italian we had for dinner last night. It all turned out okay though baby. Even Jack tried to behave and your daddy and I realized as much…_

_Have I ever told you about Jack? He'll be your big brother Gummy-Bear. He's a tough kid to get through but even when a few months ago I wouldn't have said this to safe my life (maybe it's you who is making me a softy actually) but I'm never going to stop trying until Jack accepts we are family now. You realize we are going to be connected to him forever? I hope he likes you…I hope __**you**__ like him sweetie; he sure is a good boy at heart, but I think he has just being through a lot in his short life that it's even hard for him to open up to others without fearing he'll be hurt in the end._

_Enough of that sad stuff though. Other than keeping me up with a full bladder every other hour, you are a very pleasant fetus to be around. Your Daddy and everybody couldn't be happier about you. We don't have a big family with lots of grandparents and endless counts of uncles and aunts for you baby, but Luke and I will make everything in our power so you always feel loved and well taken care of. We have a bunch of good friends who love you already so rest assured knowing the outside world is not going to be so bad._

_One last thing Gummy-Bear, your mom loves you. You were a very wanted baby, and while I waited quite some time to have you, I know now the wait was so worth it. I love your Daddy and he loves me, and we both love you with all our hearts. I know I spend a lot of time just worrying about you and that's why you have gotten to see me cry and just be all weepy some days. Know this Gummy bear, the crying is partly your fault because of all the hormones rushing through my body. Your mom has in truth become quite sappy since you'd been living inside me._

_Anyway baby…your mommy is getting tired now so I'm off to catch some sleep. Please go easy on my bladder okay?_

_Much Love,  
Mom._

_PS: I promise Daddy & I will come out with a good name for you. You won't be no "Aiden" or "Sophia" as BabyCenter keeps insisting we call you. Don't worry baby, we have your back._

* * *

**AN : Thanks so much for reading!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen : ((December))

**Chapter Thirteen : ((December)) **

* * *

Christmas this year was a quiet affair, Peyton was ashamed of it, but she did feel too tired and too big by this baby to do something more of what they did. That hadn't really been much, much to Jack's bad luck to be honest. Lindsey was out of the city, not that Peyton could actually tell Jack, but she had chosen to spend her Christmas holidays out in some sunny beach, away from the cold cold New York winter, with her new boyfriend. Which really wasn't that new, they had been dating for almost a year now, but not Peyton, not Jack had known about him until recently. To say Jack didn't like him was an understatement. Some days Peyton even thought Jack liked her more than he liked Andrew, the new boyfriend, and that honestly was saying a lot.

So in the end Jack had been stuck with her and Lucas in their apartment. They had a nice dinner at 8, both Lucas and Peyton had cooked it which had been fun, and for a while Jack had even been there in the kitchen with them hearing them chat as he read, and even making comments every once in a while.

They ate dinner and watched a movie, but of course Jack thought it was lame. Peyton had rolled her eyes at him and chosen to ignore Jack for the rest of the evening. It's a Wonderful Life was not lame, and she couldn't accept him saying things like that. And no, she didn't just suddenly loved the movie because she was pregnant, and hormonal and emotional, she loved it because _her _mom loved it and would always put it on Christmas Eve so that was what Peyton wanted too for her kids —yes, not just the one in her belly, but also Jack. Things were not supposed to be so hard between them, but oh God, it was as if sometimes Jack enjoyed it when she was upset.

Peyton sighed as she flipped a page of her book. Lucas was so soundly asleep already. He had been for the last two hours or so, but she…well, Peyton couldn't for the live of her fall asleep. She had reached that point in her pregnancy when she felt too big and heavy to roll over comfortably. Not to mention every time she lay on her back she felt as though she couldn't breathe well, and of course her legs would go numb when she slept on her sides, so yeah, she was pretty much screwed, and so she was reading. Reading a pretty good book, but sadly enough her thoughts were too loud and didn't quite let her concentrate on what she was reading.

The whole movie fiasco hadn't been the worst part of the night and Peyton knew this. There was this one thing Jack had asked Lucas and Lucas had said no, but of course Jack had had to insist on the subject tonight. Thing was, the one who had ended up losing the most had been Peyton. For some reasons now it was _her _fault Jack wasn't getting his way even though from the start Lucas had told him no.

Jack was having his birthday in approximately two weeks, give or take, and so tonight he started ranting on and on about how his Dad had always taken him to this cottage in the White Mountains for it. When Jack turned one, Lindsey, Lucas, and Jack had gone all three of them together to the mountains. When he turned two, the three of them had gone again. When he turned three, Jack and Lucas had gone by themselves, and for his last 4 birthdays that was the way it had been. Jack would _always _go with his dad for his birthday to the mountains and he would have a blast, even though up there was as cold as cold could be.

He still wanted to go this year too but from the very start Lucas had been adamant about not going. And seriously, there was no way he was leaving his severely pregnant wife to fence for herself for over a week right now. Peyton needed him even though she never admitted to that, but Lucas knew she did.

He loved Jack —_more than anything else_— but he also loved Peyton and their baby just as much and this time he had had to choose between them and Jack, and sadly Jack had lost —which as Peyton came to realize later, he could all but accept.

He had thrown such a tantrum that night that Peyton could hardly believe it. Jack wasn't three or four years old as he was when she met him, he was almost nine now and as such a big boy it was hard to believe he had gone to tears and screams to get his dad to agree with him and take him to the mountains for his birthday.

Lucas handled it okay Peyton thought. At least at first, he was stern and kept his cool —even when Jack was screaming at the top of his lungs, which Peyton found more than admirable since she had felt as though she could squish that little boy with her bare hands if he would just shut up. But he didn't, and Lucas remained smart about it and didn't give in…until…

Yeah, there was a _but_, Lucas didn't give in, but then Jack said something Lucas hadn't considered before and all his sternness went away.

"_She can come, too!" Jack cried, almost screaming, big crocodile tears falling freely down his face. The reason Lucas was saying no to him was Peyton. Always Peyton. His dad always had to please Peyton now. But whatever, even when Jack didn't like her, he wanted to go with Lucas to the mountains and if that meant having Peyton coming too, he'll do it. He didn't care as long as they actually did go as he wanted._

_When Peyton heard Jack crying that, she didn't give it much thought until she shifted her eyes and saw the way Lucas was squinting his eyes —thinking, she'd known, and she had also known Jack knew this too. He saw when his dad for a minute stopped paying attention to the screams and instead started thinking if it could be possible. The baby for sure wasn't due in quite some weeks, they would only be gone for a week, seven days top, and to be honest he really loved the mountains just like Jack._

_He couldn't admit it to his son, but he really also hated so much they couldn't go this year, but…maybe they could. Lucas turned then to look at Peyton and she immediately knew what he was thinking._

"_Absolutely not!," She said back seriously, making both Jack and Lucas stared at her._

"_Why not?" Jack cried then again. He moved closer to Lucas then so that he was in front of Peyton just like his dad. "I really wanna go Peyton!"_

_Yeah right, because crying like a scared little boy was going to do some much for Peyton. No. Absolutely not. She wasn't just going to go to the freaking woods, the mountains because a spoiled little boy like Jack wanted it. No. No way in hell. "I'm pregnant." She pointed out looking at Lucas. He was the grown up, he had to understand._

"_I know," Lucas told her uneasily. "But—"_

"_Lucas!" Peyton interrupted because she just didn't understand how fast he had changed his mind about this. Where was the guy she had seen just mere minutes ago telling Jack there was absolutely no way he left her alone right now, how he needed to be there for her. Well, where was that guy? Peyton needed him because this certainly was not in her best interests._

"_I know you are pregnant Peyt…I know that," He assured her trying to be sweet about this. He even grabbed her hand tenderly but Peyton yanked it away with a scowl. "But maybe we could go; the baby is not due for weeks, just think about it. It is so beautiful out there this time of the year. I told Jack we can't go because we can't leave you alone right now, but…maybe if you went too, then, then it'll be okay. We'll go just like Jack wants, and I won't have to leave you alone as I don't want."_

_Peyton shook his head at him. Lucas did not just say that in front of Jack. "I'm not going," She said stubbornly, looking at Lucas death serious in the eye. By now she cared very little Jack had started crying again. "You are unbelievable; I'm going to bed now…" She said stoically, and then just did as she said. She turned around on her heels and marched her way up the stairs as Jack kept crying and throwing a fit like a two year old, and Lucas did his best to calm him down._

_She felt bad for Jack, and of course for Lucas, too, but he was asking too much and he needed to understand this. They didn't even know if it was safe for her to travel, and yet he had given Jack hope about them all going? It was wrong. Lucas had made a mistake, and now he just had to deal with the consequences._

_When Lucas made it up the stairs, Peyton was already in their room, in her PJs, sitting in front of the mirror removing the make-up she'd put on for tonight. She had grabbed her hair and pulled it up into a messy ponytail. She did not care anymore if she looked pretty or not. It was wrong, but she only cared about being upset at Lucas and wanted him to make this better already._

"_How is he?" Peyton broke the silence as Lucas stood in the doorway just looking at her. She didn't turn to look at him, but she knew she had to speak or else he never would. "I'm sorry I stormed out that way." She was upset but she couldn't ignore her mistakes either._

"_No, don't be sorry, please." Lucas urged as he let out a long breath. The less he needed was Peyton apologizing now. He was the one who had screwed it up. He was the one who was sorry about everything tonight. "Jack's fine now, I think. I talked to him. I think he understands a little why we said no."_

_We. Now Lucas actually said we, but no when he made Peyton make the decision for the two of them downstairs. _

"_I'm glad." She was short with her answer then. She still didn't turn to look at Lucas but instead stayed sitting on her spot cleaning her face from all make up. When she was done she put some lotion on her hands and rubbed it. Lucas all the while just stayed by the doorway, looking like a small child grounded, or a…a dog, actually yes, a dog. He looked like a dog that had done something really bad and he knew it._

_When Peyton was finished and stood up, Lucas' eyes immediately shifted up and he found hers. "Peyt…" He called softly, hoping she would look at him so they could start fixing this instead of she just being mad, and Lucas just being sorry. _

_And sure enough, after heaving a sigh, Peyton looked up at him and kept her eyes on him too. _

"_How are you?" Lucas asked shyly and Peyton had to sigh again._

"_I'm fine, baby's fine…"_

_Lucas shook his head at her answer. "I didn't ask about the baby. I asked about you."_

_She looked at him funny. "I told you I was fine." Peyton said pointedly, letting silence overtake for a moment. Then she just gave in and softened her features. "And I am, I'm fine, but I just hated how you put all the decision on me before. Jack hates me as it is, the less we need is you giving him more reasons to resent me."_

"_He doesn't hate you." Even as he said the words Lucas knew they were not entirely true. "But I know what you mean, and I am sorry for that. I wasn't thinking, I was just trying to find a solution that would make us all happy."_

"_I guess that didn't work out very well, did it?"_

_Lucas looked uneasy for a good minute before he just shook his head. Peyton looked down and felt sad for a moment, too. All the anger she had towards tonight, and Jack's tantrum transforming in an instant in sadness. Sadness towards this kid that indeed was just a kid, and he really didn't know better. They did. They were the adults but perhaps they were failing, too._

_When Peyton's eyes shifted up again after a moment, she saw Lucas walking slowly towards her and she smiled sadly. He opened his arms and she sunk deep in his chest as he hugged her tightly —well, not that tightly since she had the big belly going on for her, but tight enough that Peyton melt within him. She felt so safe, no matter what, no matter how screw up things were, she always always felt safe and taken care of when Lucas so kindly hugged her to his chest, and kiss the top of her head every so often._

"_I love you, and I'm sorry for tonight, Peyt…"_

_Peyton shook her head but didn't look up at him. She waited a bit to speak. "Don't worry about." She assured him and Lucas nodded —once again leaning down to kiss her head. "And I love you, too."_

And so that was how they made up. Jack was a troublemaker between them, but to that day, Lucas and Peyton had never really been _mad _at each other —_for real_— because of him. Thank God, Peyton thought, and hopefully that was the way it was going to stay.

Peyton shook her head then and looked at the clock in her nightstand; three in the morning already and she couldn't find sleep. Lucas stirred and mumbled some indistinguishable words as he rolled to his right side. It was already an instinct the way he reached out his arm in aim to drape it around Peyton's body. He found her legs at arm's reach though and knew she was awake, still sitting up on their bed trying to read whatever book in her hands. "You awake?" Lucas mumbled sleepily.

Peyton squished her nose uneasily and felt like a three-year-old just caught stealing a cookie for some reason. "No." She lied blatantly making Lucas laugh even in his sleep. He still couldn't open her eyes.

His hand however did manage to shift up slightly so it was resting somewhat on Peyton's extended tummy. He was still so asleep, but he still managed to stroke his thumb in small circles over her tummy. Peyton thought in the immense tenderness his strokes had and that made her smile. She was _so_ glad he was the father of her baby.

"You want me to go get you something?"

Again she smiled but shook her head. "Nah…Go back to sleep, Luke. I want to keep reading, but if I get hungry I'll just get it myself…"

"You sure?" He asked her again, his eyes closed and his words running together with sleep.

Peyton smiled. "Yeah. Go back to sleep." She told him one more time as she leaned down a little and kissed the side of his head. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Lucas promised back before slowly he started drifting off to sleep again.

Peyton stayed put for a few more minutes; reading on her book, watching the way slowly Lucas' strokes on her tummy started coming slower and slower until he just stopped moving his thumb and she knew he had fallen asleep again.

It was also three thirty now and while Peyton did think about it for a few minutes, she decided staying in bed wasn't the smart thing to do. She was hungry. Maybe that was why she couldn't sleep. Because baby was hungry and if baby was hungry then she was hungry, so she'd better eat, right?

She slipped out of bed quietly, Lucas didn't even notice. She smiled at him one last time as she stepped out of the room and walked down the stairs. Peyton was oh so surprised when she saw that little form of a boy standing there by the kitchen table.

"What are you doing?" Peyton whispered her question, but even a whisper was enough to startle Jack.

He looked at her confused. "What are _you_ doing awake?" He asked back the question.

Peyton wasn't having any of that though. "I asked the question first. Why are you awake? It's late." She pointed out. Her voice stayed low though and she honestly wasn't being all that unkind at all. She just wanted to know.

Jack however, dismissed her question easily then. "Your question is not valid." He assured her cockily. "I'm eight years old, today is Christmas. It's no wonder I'm awake."

Peyton wanted to laugh. Oh my God she did, but she didn't give in. She kept in her smile and just nodded her head. Jack had looked so serious as he said that. She had a good answer for him too though. "Well then I'm pregnant;" She pointed out rightly. "Technically my job as this big pregnant lady is to be hungry all the time, so this makes your question invalid then too. I'm awake cause I'm pregnant and hungry."

Jack was quiet for a good moment —pondering the answer. "You are right." He admitted at last. He had read it somewhere, maybe it was in one of Lucas' books, how pregnant ladies actually were hungry more often than normal people so Peyton had this one right. See, Jack didn't like her, but he'd admit a person is right when a person is right. Even if that person happened to be Peyton.

"So…do you want something, too? I could fix you something." Peyton tried with a smile as she made it inside the kitchen.

Jack followed behind her but kept on his face an incredulous look. "No." He said plainly, but even then, it made Peyton smile a little. Only Jack.

"Right, because I am the only one who does the snacking this early in the morning, huh?" Peyton said playfully, because even though it was faint, she could see the shadow of a smile sort of playing in Jack's lips.

"Yeah…" Jack replied at last as he watched intently as Peyton got an apple from the refrigerator, peeled it, and started cutting it in small squares. He thought it was a bit weird she was doing this. Usually _he _was the one who had his apples that way —he had sensible teeth so of course he couldn't just bite on an apple just like everybody else. Peyton on the other hand did not have sensible teeth as he did and always ate her apples without peeling or cutting…

"Why are you chopping it off?" Jack had to ask. For some reason he just _had _to.

Peyton however, just shrugged her shoulders and looked up at him with a silly smile on her face. "So we can share." She told him as if that were the most obvious thing.

Jack wasn't having that though. "But I told you I didn't want anything." He whined, and while Peyton did roll her eyes, she wasn't the slightest bit upset.

"I know," She said back simply. "But you are going to see me eat now and I know that's going to make you a bit hungry too, so I thought I'd cut the apple since that's the only way you'll eat it. I'm just saving us both the trouble." She paused her tirade looking up at Jack again. "So do you want some now? I thought I'd get some strawberries too."

It was oh so very faint, but right before he looked down at the ground, Peyton could see Jack was smiling a little. "Fine," He mumbled under his breath as he slowly perched himself on a stool in the kitchen.

Peyton smiled to herself but didn't answer. This was also the thing; Jack wasn't —_so_— awful when it was just the two of them. He usually was okay when he wasn't around Lucas and _had _to show him how much he hated his stepmother and how much they had both ruined his life. Peyton had tried to explain this to Lucas a lot —he worried oh so very much about their seemingly non-existent relationship— but he would always look at Peyton funny as she said those things. As if Jack was incapable of manipulating and lying — yeah right, Peyton thought and couldn't help the roll of her eyes then.

Right now however she didn't care too much about that. Instead she was choosing to care about Jack being pleasant enough to be around and this delicious fruit snack she was getting to herself —and Jack for that matter, too.

After she was done with the apple, Peyton moved around the kitchen getting some strawberries from the fridge and also some pineapple. Jack liked those fruits and she kind of was feeling like eating them right now too.

"Are you still upset about last night?" Peyton dared asking as she placed some of the chopped up fruit in a small container for Jack, and another one for herself. She knew she probably shouldn't even mention the topic right now that they were seemingly getting along, but…they needed something to talk about, so why not the most recent problem between them?

Jack in any case, just looked at her for a while as Peyton slid the bowl of fruit before him and sat on the stool right next to him. "Thanks," He said turning only slightly to look at her. He was silent for another moment before actually answering her question. "I just hate I'm not going." Jack admitted at last.

Peyton looked at him uneasily but didn't say anything.

"And it's not as if I can go by myself." He pointed out and while Peyton wanted to smile at his seriousness —he honestly was talking about this as if it were life or death. "I would tell my mom but she's way too busy with Andrew to even look at me these days so it's no use…"

Peyton narrowed her eyes at that last part of his statement. "You know your mom is with Andrew?"

Jack felt the urge to make a '_Duh'_ noise at Peyton right now. "I'm not a baby, you know? I know things. I, I see things. Of course mom is with him…"

Peyton felt uncomfortable again then. At times she really forgot Jack was just a child in the end —even if he showed much more mature and grown up all the time. He still loved his mom and hated the fact that now she spent less and less time with him. "You don't like him, huh?"

Jack puffed. "Nah!" He said loudly before he realized again that it was three in the morning and his dad was upstairs sleeping. "No, no I don't." He replied again, this time more softly. "At all. But it's more than that. I, I don't like _you," _He confessed, uneasily, but not untruthfully. Peyton didn't answer but just listen. "But I think I hate _him_"

That time Peyton didn't even try to hide her smile. "So you don't hate me, huh?"

Jack brought his hands to his face immediately and shook his head. Was that the only thing she'd understood from what he said?

Peyton couldn't help but giggle at him at this one for sure. He had never admitted that one. "Come on, answer." She urged him playfully.

Jack growled. "I don't." he said pouting. Their eyes met. "Most of the time." He added and Peyton laugh.

When she stopped and realized jack wasn't laughing, not even smiling, she realized he was actually serious about this. "What?" She asked him softly.

"You are my sister's mom; you are…kinda like family, right? I can't hate you, can I?" Jack asked this so seriously, Peyton was barely believing her eyes.

It was in those moments when she actually did feel a large amount of affection for this kid. She felt as though one day she could even love him and be more than the silly stepmother that barely knows the way he eats his apples. "I guess not." Peyton answered simply with a nod. "I mean if we are family and all, right?"

Jack nodded his head. "Yeah…that's what I thought…" He concluded before breathing in deeply and looking up at the ceiling. "Maybe next year we can go then." He turned to look at Peyton, she looked quite puzzled. And honestly, Jack wasn't surprised, she could be quite slow sometimes. Especially now that she was pregnant. "To the mountains I mean —for my birthday. You think babies can go up there, or…is it too cold for them…?"

Peyton did as if she was thinking about his question hard. "We'll have to ask but I'm pretty sure we can go…I bet baby will like it."

Jack sighed, sadness filling his tiny almost-nine-year-old features. Peyton honestly felt for him in that moment but couldn't think in something smart to say so she just reached out and somewhat awkwardly patted his back.

Jack turned to look at her eyes.

"Are you still hungry? Would you want me to fix another apple for you?" Peyton offered kindly.

Jack shook his head though. "I think I'm sleepy now. I'm just going to go upstairs to my room and sleep. You should do the same." He told Peyton with a serious face as he got up from his stool.

"I will." She assured him as Jack stared at her from the floor.

"Thank you for my fruit, Peyton." Jack said and waited put until Peyton smiled and nodded her head at him.

"You are welcome."

Jack nodded his head then too as he started moving in the door's direction.

"Good night, Jack…" Peyton chanted quietly, still sitting on the kitchen's table.

Jack didn't stop walking but did turn his head slightly. "Night." He said back simply as he kept going.

Tomorrow morning he would go back to be the spoiled little boy he always was when Lucas was around, but for now Peyton kind of even loved that child. Because honestly, he was just that. A child. He was vulnerable and needed people around him to love him and care for him. God knew he was going to have a hard time growing up giving that personality he had, the less he needed to be honest was his own family turning their backs to him, right? His words, not Peyton's. She was so sure that if she went now and told Lucas about this little interchange with Jack, he would never believe it.

Peyton however, knew in her heart it had happen so for now that was enough. Jack was right, she was his sister's —_or brother! They still didn't know but Lucas was so sure it was a girl, so Jack was kind of thinking the same_— mom and just for that Peyton knew she'd be bonded with Jack forever. She really wished those two kids to get along —regardless if it was a boy or a girl. Peyton hoped against hope whatever resentments Jack had towards her didn't pass on to her baby yet-to-be born. Considering tonight, maybe that wasn't going to be as hard as Peyton had thought it'd be. Jack had been even sweet about the baby —_he never had been before_— so perhaps that was a good sign. He was growing up and perhaps finally he was going to stop seeing her as the evil in his story.

When Peyton went back to her bedroom, she was feeling a little bit sleepier than before. Maybe she indeed was just hungry. It was almost four am now, but thank God, Jack was actually a good sleeper. If she was lucky, he would be down until around eight and then they would actually start Christmas Day properly.

Lucas stirred as Peyton settled back on the bed. This time he even opened his eyes slightly to see Peyton get under the covers. "I heard noises…"

Peyton chuckled at him. He heard noises but was not bothered to go downstairs to check it, huh? What if something bad had happened? Nothing had however, and that was why she kind of laughed at him then. She brought one of her hands up and gently started stroking Lucas' forehead. "I was with Jack,"

Lucas made a confused look.

"Don't worry; we just shared a snack…" Peyton assured him, and without wanting to do so, Lucas sighed with relief.

Peyton turned thoughtful after that and Lucas squinted his eyes. "What is it?"

Peyton gave herself yet another minute before she spoke. "I think maybe we could go to New Hampshire for his birthday."

"What?" Lucas asked back immediately. He was so not talking this comment lightly. He even sat up on the bed as soon as Peyton said those words.

She smiled at his goofiness, but then just shrugged her shoulders. "I said _maybe_, so don't tell Jack. I don't think it's fair for him to miss on this because of _me_, so…I don't know, I want to go to the doctor, if she says is fine, then its fine, we can go, but…"

"Thank you," Lucas didn't let her finish before he was already grabbing gently her head and moving it closer to his. He kissed her strongly and Peyton couldn't help but laugh into that kiss. He was crazy. Hell yes he was.

"I'm not saying I'm going—"

"But you are meeting us half-way, Peyton, that's more than enough." Lucas interrupted her again but Peyton didn't mind.

She was quiet for a moment as she stared at him with her lips twisted. "He's your son. You love him and want him to be happy. It's only my job to at least _try _to make him happy, too, right?"

Lucas smiled sincerely before taking Peyton's lips into his own again. One of his hands unconsciously went up to rest on her belly and Peyton out of instinct too brought her hand up and rested over Lucas' as he kissed her. "I love you," Lucas promised, and one more time Peyton laughed.

"I'm so sleepy," She mumbled between a chuckle instead of replying the three words back. Lucas laughed at her and then just held her to his chest leaning them both slightly on the bed again. Peyton settled nicely resting on his chest and Lucas just held her tight and kissed her head as she slowly —_and finally_— started to drift off to sleep.

"Night night…" Lucas whispered softly after a while.

Peyton acknowledged him but she was already half-asleep. "Love you, too…" She managed to mumble back and Lucas smiled.

Took them years, but even though that was sad, knowing he was finally with the one he was supposed to be all along, freed him from everything wrong in the world, and just made him feel at…peace.

* * *

**AN : **Sooo...what do you think? Like always I'm enjoying a lot writing the Peyton/Child dynamic, but this time it's different from all my other stories since for starters Peyton's not the kid's mom, and to top that, said kid doesn't like her...It's been fun to write that ;)

But anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and I promise _December_ will be up soon. I'm getting carried away with that chapter so I'd probably end up making it a two parter, but still, it should be up soon.

Thank you so so much for reading!


	15. Chapter Fourteen : ((January))

**Chapter Fourteen : ((January)) **

* * *

_2:00am_

Today was January 9. A Wednesday. And what marked the beginning of day 04 out here in the mountains. In the middle of nowhere…

Jack, Lucas and Peyton had all arrived to the vacation cottage in the woods on Sunday. Really late on Sunday, but still Sunday. The trip had been long and not really all that pleasant. Lucas had had to drive the whole way from New York to New Hampshire. He hadn't complained one single time, and Peyton silently loved him a little bit more because of that. Even more so because she had absolutely been a nag, a pain to travel with, but she honestly hadn't been able to help herself. She had been so, so uncomfortable. Even though her doctor had given her the green light to travel, there was very little to nothing she could do to stay comfortable in the six plus hours travel time until they got to New Hampshire.

Peyton was officially 35-weeks pregnant now and while deep in her heart she had hoped the doctor would have told her she couldn't travel being so far along with her pregnancy, other than giving her a few too many recommendations, the doctor had been very supportive about her "_vacation_" —"_last hurrah before the new baby came_" he'd called it.

Peyton hadn't agreed with him in the slightest bits, but she still had come. As uncomfortable and freakishly cold as she was right now.

But even then, even at 35-weeks pregnant, and still with five weeks to go before her baby came, if anybody asked Peyton, she knew she would tell them how she was the only pregnant woman alive who wished her last month of pregnancy would drag just a little bit longer.

She was terrified —physically and emotionally terrified about the birth of the baby. She wanted to be sure everything was going to be okay, but then at nights, when she couldn't sleep —which was almost every night now— she would think in all those fears and insecurities that had taunted her for months now since she found out she was pregnant. She loved this baby so freaking much, and that was what made this mothering thing all that much harder. She didn't want to screw it up.

Those feelings of fear however, only came in waves and most of the times Peyton indeed dreamed with the day she finally would see the little face of her baby, but then sometimes she would think also about her baby's life —how he was going to be? If she would be able to bond with him or her right away? If she would love him right away —even though she knew she already did. If the baby would have colic? What if heaven forbid her baby ended up being just like her, and did drugs in high school?

Oh God, she needed to stop. Peyton then just shook her head strongly and looked at the clock_; 2:11 am._

She knew it was awful but she hated how Lucas could sleep so soundly sometimes. He looked so peaceful while Peyton just battled and thought over and over again those inner ramblings that made no sense whatsoever for sure…

She rolled slowly onto her other side, and snuggled closer to Lucas. He didn't wake up, he barely even opened one eye as he slid his arm around Peyton's back and pulled her gently closer to him. Peyton rested her head on his shoulder and forgot about how much she hated the way Lucas slept, when he so tenderly kissed her head and mumbled a "_Go to sleep_" followed by a second kiss to her head.

Peyton sighed at his words but didn't reply. If only it were that easy. She knew she at least had to try though, so as soon as she felt Lucas was drifting off to sleep again, Peyton closed her eyes, too. She was so tired, that honestly it took her only seconds before she was feeling her eyes heavy with sleep. She didn't fight it, her breathing slowed down as she vaguely heard the beating of Lucas' heart beneath her ear. The feeling he gave her was incredible —it was a kind of peace and happiness Peyton knew she couldn't get anywhere else.

_2:23am_

And then suddenly she was completely awake again. And it hadn't been this time again because of the thoughts of fear in her mind, but because of that twinge of pain in her stomach. She had felt them for a while now. Almost since she woke up the first time that night after Lucas and she had gone to bed. That had been a few minutes before one in the morning. Now it was a little past two, and the silly pain was still there.

It couldn't be something though. No, not at all. Peyton still have like five weeks to go, so it really made no sense she was worrying about that pain now. "Ow." She squeezed her eyes tight as she felt her stomach hardened a little_. 2:27 am._

No. No way in hell she could be in labor. _No. Way_.

They were in the middle of nowhere —literally, the last thing that could be happen is she going into labor. No, that just couldn't happen. Peyton knew she had exactly four weeks and five days to go with this pregnancy, and the doctor had told her not even four days ago that she was completely fine and her baby had no intention to come out any time soon. Peyton had trust her, and she wanted, she needed to still believe this, so she pushed the strange feelings aside. She knew strange pains during pregnancy weren't laughing matter, or stuff she could ignore, but this just had to be something else. It couldn't be labor. It just couldn't.

She had read about false labor happening a lot to first time mothers in the last few months. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was false labor. After all Peyton had never done this, she didn't know what actual labor felt like so yes, she had to be right, and this _had_ to be false labor. No way in hell she could be in labor when outside their little cottage hell had broken loose and the worst snow storm she'd seen in years —seriously, _years_ was happening just outside her door.

No way.

She looked at the clock again_. 2:50 am_. Yes! Over twenty minutes went by and she didn't feel any strange pains anymore.

Phew…

* * *

_4:00am_

She hadn't been able to stay in bed any longer. She had been able to sleep for at least half an hour until that pain —_she refused completely to call them contractions_— in her stomach woke her up again. It was a tad stronger than before, though not really painful yet.

She padded down the stairs and stopped at the bottom step, struggling a little to sit down there. She remembered, one too many years ago when one time she went on vacations with her dad to the mountains too. They were by themselves for a full two weeks, no traveling out, no phones, no TV, no nothing. That was one of the few vacations Peyton remembered she shared with her dad after her mom died. She remembered how she would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, and with sleepy-eyes she would come down the stairs, stop halfway and then just watch as Larry read books, wrote down stuff on notebooks, or drank something. Peyton remembered her Dad always doing something ignoring completely the fact that it was the middle of the night and he was supposed to be sleeping.

A couple of times Larry got to see Peyton sitting by the stairs, and both times he smiled at her, offered some hot cocoa and then told her they should just snuggle up in the couch downstairs and read a book together. Larry that time had told Peyton stories about brave men in horses who fought battles for their beliefs. She had liked that, and actually she still did. She respected so much people with courage and actual thrive to do the things they had to do.

Peyton had always wanted to be brave, ever since she was a little girl, ever since her mom died. She had vowed to her mom years ago that she would always try to be strong and brave despite the circumstances.

Today it just felt damn too hard to do that…

"Keep an eye on this baby, okay mom…" Peyton whispered then into the air. "Please…" _4:11am_

In that instant she felt the pain coming slowly again. She closed her eyes tightly and breathed deeply as she counted while the pain passed. "1, 2…3…4, 5, 6…7…ow, ow, ow," She cried wincing a little. This time she had felt it stronger; but it still wasn't painful per se. She felt just a whole lot of pressure this time.

When all hints of pain were gone, Peyton ran her hands through her face and then brought them down to her belly. "What's up with you huh?" She said looking down at her swollen stomach and stroking it ever so slightly. "It's too soon for this to be the real thing, so please tell me this is _not _the real thing?" Her eyes stayed on her stomach as she thought about all those things she didn't want to think; what if _this _was indeed the _real _thing?

She shuddered just at the thought. _Oh please God no. Do not let this be labor._

For about two hours Peyton stayed downstairs trying to get some sleep, while at the same time being as quiet as possible when pain hit her stomach. For a while the timing was erratic, she would feel the pain every fifteen minutes sometimes, others every five or even three minutes, but then it would slow down again, and she wouldn't feel anything for around 20 or 30 minutes until again pain would hit and it would be stronger than everything before.

Now it was a little past seven in the morning, and she was beginning to feel a rhythm. She had her phone out and while she hadn't wanted to do it —_almost cried about it to be honest_— Peyton was now timing this hardenings to her stomach. Every ten minutes she had been feeling this pain for the last hour. It was exact. Every ten freaking minutes her stomach would feel tight and hard, and she'd feel pain and pressure on her belly. It was regular now, like a clock beating within her.

Peyton breathed out when the pain finally loosened its grip. She started hearing steps upstairs and she knew Lucas was awake. Jack was a good sleeper, especially in days as cold as today, so she knew it had to be Lucas. It wasn't long then when Peyton started hearing him coming down the stairs.

He had been surprised not to see her in bed, usually Lucas was the one who woke up before her, especially in days like today when it was rainy, and cold, he knew she liked it to just stay in bed a bit longer and snuggle until the day cleared up. By the look of things, Lucas didn't think the day would clear up any time soon though —the storm was still crazy outside— but he still liked the idea of extra-snuggle-up time with Peyton this morning. Problem was, she was already awake and not even in bed anymore.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Lucas looked around until he saw Peyton by the small living room. She was on the couch, her legs propped up on the coffee table. Her eyes were closed but Lucas knew she was awake. He didn't know why or how, but he suddenly started worrying inwardly. "Hi…" He whispered softly into the air. "Can't sleep?"

Peyton took in a deep breath still with her eyes closed, and then just shook her head. "Nope…"

Lucas' eyes unconsciously fell into a squint. He moved closer and sat by Peyton on the couch. She still refused to open her eyes and Lucas didn't like this. "You okay?" He asked her again even though he knew Peyton hated when he asked that. If he could tell she wasn't okay, what was the point in asking, he already knew the answer, right?

Peyton however, just shook her head ever so slightly at the question.

Lucas felt an enormous lump in his throat right away and he couldn't explain for the life of him the nagging feeling he started feeling then in the pit of his stomach. He didn't say anything for about a minute, but just leaned down a little and cupped tenderly Peyton's cheek, giving her lips a soft kiss she didn't see coming.

It was finally then when she opened her eyes. She barely waited for their eyes to meet before she just said what she had to say. "Luke," She whispered uneasily even though she was trying to sound as calm as she could. The way she was biting on her lip and fighting the strong urge to look down just told Lucas that she was all but calm however. Peyton in any case did make herself keep going and then just blurted out the information. "I think I'm in labor…"

There the words were out. There was no going back now. She hadn't wanted to admit it herself but it was undeniable at this point. Her stomach wasn't just tightening because she had indigestion and had eaten something she shouldn't. It wasn't tightening because her body was preparing for the so-called 'real thing'. _This _was the real thing. The pain and pressure she had been feeling for hours now was not just _pain, _those were contractions, and now no matter what she did or what position she was, they were just growing stronger and longer. So much that with the last contraction she hadn't just felt uncomfortable and achy around her midsection, she had felt the need to stop doing what she was doing and breathe through the pain as it passed.

Lucas wanted to ask her if she was sure, he wanted to remind her that it was still too soon, that she could be mistaking whatever contractions she was feeling with Braxton hicks or something. However, before he could voice any of that, Peyton felt the beginning of another contraction building and her breath got stuck in her throat as she closed her eyes tightly. She sat up, getting her feet off the coffee table and onto the floor, as her hand went to rest on her lower belly and she remembered to breathe, breathe, and breathe some more through the pain.

A couple of seconds had to pass before something finally kicked in in Lucas and he started sinking in the idea that this was really happening. He wrapped an arm around Peyton's shoulders, and unconsciously with his other hand, he started rubbing the small of her back.

Lindsey had barely even let Lucas touch her when she was in labor with Jack, but Lucas then also remembered how once when Haley was in labor with her third, and Nathan was still trying to find a sitter for the other two kids, she had asked Lucas if he could put some pressure on her back. Haley had said how it helped her cope a little, and since Nathan was a no-show for at least an hour more, Lucas would have to do.

Lucas hadn't thought about that day in years, but now he was actually kind of glad he had had that conversation with Haley since Peyton did seem to be grateful about that little stroke to her back.

Lucas was all sorts of pale, when Peyton was finally able to look up at him after the contraction passed.

"How long has it been going on?" His question came out calm and Peyton thanked him a thousand times inwardly for this. The less she needed was Lucas panicking just as Peyton was sure she was.

She then thought over a little as to when was it that she started feeling the sensations. "A while. Since around 2. About five hours then I guess…They are just starting to get strong…"

Lucas could see the raw fear in her face as she spoke, and in that moment he desperately just wanted this to be a dream —a stupid nightmare, he could just wake up and forget all about. That wasn't going to happen apparently, so Lucas set himself to try like hell to keep his calmness. He needed to be strong for Peyton. "How often are they coming?"

Peyton sighed with relief again, she was really so _so_ glad Lucas wasn't lecturing her now about not waking him up earlier or whatever. She had been so sure this really wasn't happening so it hadn't even occurred to her to actually tell Lucas about it. "Seven minutes now…"

Lucas just nodded his head before he pulled Peyton to his side and held her close to his chest. She had tried so hard, honestly, so freaking hard not to cry all those hours, but now as Lucas held her and she was finally able to share this with someone else, Peyton felt all her resolve fade. The tears formed faster than she was able to process it, and before she knew it they were already falling down her cheeks and she was shaking ever so slightly beneath Lucas' arms.

"Shush, shush…" Lucas cooed, feeling inside completely out of sorts but knowing they would pull through this one —they _had _to. "It's going to be okay."

Peyton in all honesty wanted to refute that comment, but she just couldn't. She desperately wanted to believe just that.

With Lucas' arms still holding her tight, Peyton for some reason then started feeling a big urge to call 911 and tell them the situation they were at.

Peyton remembered then how her cellphone was crap and had had zero signal for the last four days they had been in the mountains. She started crying harder then. The storm was terrible out there; there was snow everywhere —_everywhere. _There was certainly no way in hell an ambulance could make it through that and get to them. She felt hopeless for a minute then, but then after a small moment, something also happened and Peyton remembered not everything was lost yet; the baby kicked, she kicked Peyton so hard, it made her crying hit a sudden stop.

Peyton opened her eyes looking down at her belly for a minute; she rubbed it slightly before looking up at Lucas. "What are we going to do?"

* * *

_Wait_

That was honestly all they could do now. Labor was progressing and so was the storm. There was nothing they could do to stop either one of those, and so all they could do was wait. Wait until something gave an inch; until the storm miraculously stopped, or Peyton's labor did —which it wasn't going to, so yeah, they were just waiting now.

It was unnerving but at least Peyton was finished with the tears now and Lucas had finally accepted Peyton was _really _in labor at last. The initial shock of it finally wearing off and now they were finally thinking in a proactive way. Unlike Peyton's cellphone, Lucas' always had a better signal than hers, and so they had been able to communicate with 911.

They had been asked a lot of questions, how far along was she, when did the pain begin, were the contractions regular, just how regular, did she feel pressure on her pelvis area or just pain around her belly? Endless questions and all for what? So in the end, the attendant would tell them how most likely Peyton was indeed in labor?

Big shock lady, Peyton thought to herself but didn't have time to voice it before another contraction started. She gripped Lucas' hand so hard as he was still on the phone.

The lady was by then telling them a few of the standard measures in case the ambulance didn't get there in time —_the snowfall was of about 11inches outside their door_— she explained things about birthing areas, cleanness, the baby coming down the birth canal, pushing, the cord, the placenta…it had been a lot of information for Lucas to take in, but he had still nodded his head and made a point to remember each and every of those things.

The one thing the 911 person seemed the more concerned about, was the fact that Peyton was only 35weeks pregnant. She told Lucas how women could indeed birth their own babies, but she was afraid the baby would need medical assistance upon delivery. The closest pediatric medical center was less than fifteen miles from where Lucas and Peyton were staying, the problem was, getting the ambulance to them. That was indeed the tricky part.

When Lucas hung up the phone at last, Peyton was back resting against his shoulder. She was so tired already and this was just the beginning. Lucas kissed the side of her head and then just said three words. "I love you,"

Peyton smiled even though her eyes stayed closed. She had panicked a lot as soon as she realized this wasn't a drill and she really was in labor, but now Lucas was beside her, and she actually did feel a little lighter just because of that. The contractions were still seven minutes apart, but they were however lasting a bit longer —almost a minute actually.

Peyton sighed, but still tried to stay calm. She had overheard that as Lucas talked with the 911 lady. She had said how it was important —_for the baby's sake_— to keep the mom as calm as possible. Peyton felt all but calm, but if calmness was what her baby needed, then she would force herself to stay calm.

"You want me to go bring you some tea? Are you hungry?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes looking at him, she had been so busy worrying, she hadn't even realized how yeah, she really was very much hungry…and cold, so yes, she would use that tea too. "Yeah…" She admitted coyly offering Lucas a shy smile.

He smiled too and leaned down kissing her nose. He might not even know it, but as he leaned down and kissed Peyton, his hand also reached down and stroked her belly. Lucas always did that, and to this day Peyton wasn't sure if he did it consciously or not.

"Just get me some tea and…bread or something, okay?" She said sweetly and Lucas nodded his head. It was a crapshoot, the ambulance might well be here in time or it just couldn't. Peyton might well have her baby in the hospital or she just couldn't. Good things could happen, and bad things could do. The best they could do now was cope with this as it came, and if a little treat would help, then Lucas was more than glad to do it.

"I'll go check on Jack while you get me that…"

That last past of her comment came when Lucas was already on his feet. He looked back at Peyton through squinted eyes. Lucas hadn't said anything but Peyton knew he deep inside wanted to check on Jack and make sure he was fine and not eavesdropping what was going on downstairs.

"Don't." Lucas said back anyway. "Just stay here, I'll bring your things."

Peyton shook her head simply as she also got up from the couch. "I want to change clothes anyway," She explained and in the end Lucas just nodded.

"Be careful." He warned as Peyton made her way to the stairs. She wasn't in that stage of labor where she couldn't walk around anymore, but Lucas still needed her to be as careful as could be. "Watch you step and call me if anything happens."

Peyton looked at him with a sad smile for a minute before nodding. This was so not how this was supposed to be happening.

Peyton still just shook her head as she finally started making her way up the stairs. She did it slowly, not because walking was painful per se, but because she felt that strong pressure in her pelvic area; this baby was definitely pushing down and wanting to come out already.

She reached Jack's room at the end of the hall and was glad to see he was still sleeping. The less she wanted right now was Jack getting all scared and annoying around her. She was being mean with the kid, she knew it, but nobody could blame Peyton, now could they? She was in labor and stuck in a freaking old cottage up there in the freezing mountains…

She sighed shaking her head before turning around. This wasn't Jack's fault, she knew it even though it would be so easy to just blame it on the kid.

In any case, Peyton in the end just did as she told Lucas she would. After checking on Jack, she walked the way to hers and Lucas' bedroom and changed her clothes into something a little bit more comfortable. She had wanted to come downstairs again to Lucas, but after being a while in the room, all that close to the bed, Peyton just couldn't go away and simply had to stay and lay down a little.

She felt the strong pressure and pain right then as if on cue as soon as her head hit the pillow. She was taken aback, but still Peyton didn't forget to breathe through it; that honestly seemed to be the one thing that helped her cope with the pain.

By 8:30 that morning, Jack had woken up and Lucas had tended to him for a few minutes making sure he ate some breakfast and wasn't scared by the storm outside.

Peyton had stayed in her room and decided not to go out after Jack woke up. She for some reason didn't want the kid to know yet everything that was happening.

Right now, she was sitting by one small futon at one corner of the room, while Lucas sat on the floor before her, resting his back against the side of the bed.

"What are you thinking?"

They had been in almost complete silence as they waited for the next contraction, and so Peyton took a moment before actually shifting to look at him. "I thinking this is something they should teach you in the so-called prenatal classes."

Lucas could feel the beginning of a smile on his lips. Even in these moments, she was still the same old Peyton with the weird sense of humor he knew and loved so much. "Yeah?"

"Hell yeah." She assured him with a strong nod. "For what? For like eight weeks, we listened an almost stoned 50-year-old lady telling us about breathing and breathing and breathing. About going into walks when you are in pre-labor. About not rushing to the hospital unless your water breaks. About calling in first. About birth plans. About the bag, about the clothes, the diapers and even the freaking drugs. I think I would have rather pay her to tell me what exactly to do now…"

"We still have 911…"

"I know," Peyton said back but she didn't mean it. She drifted off thinking and Lucas felt uneasy.

"Tell me what you are thinking?"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I was thinking in the worst case scenario."

He didn't want to know, hell, he didn't want to think about anything with the word _worst_ in it. "And that is?"

"That is that we deliver the baby here. The storm is not giving an inch, we can't drive, the ambulance is not going to be here and soon enough the power is probably going to die which means our phones are going to die eventually, which means we are not even going to have 911..."

"Peyton." Lucas called disapprovingly.

"I told you it was the worst case scenario, didn't I?" He nodded his head. "Besides you know it always happens. Always always with a bad storm you know the power is going to go eventually." He is quiet and Peyton knew she had made a point.

She didn't have all that many time to rejoice before a contraction hit her strong and lasted a good while. She breathed and coped but God she was scared. "They always tell you how you'd be okay once you get to the hospital. How even when you would be in unbearable pain, once you are in the hospital you can sit back and relax knowing the doctors know what they are doing, but…what happens when we just can't get there?"

Lucas felt so awful. As awful as he had never felt before in his life. He wanted so badly to make this be a nightmare and have them all wake up back in the city with their doctors and hospitals and machines and technology to assure them their baby is okay. "I don't know, Peyton, I'm so sorry," he said bringing his hands to his head.

Peyton is quiet for a while. "I know you are thinking this is your fault." Lucas looks up at this. He so was thinking that. If he hadn't pressured Peyton so much into coming. He nodded his head. "But it's not. It's not yours, not even Jack's…it's mine. I got myself into this. You didn't force me to come. Neither did Jack. I came because I wanted to; I thought it was the right thing…" She paused for a minute, looking around and rubbing her belly absently. Two minutes went by since the last contraction. Five minutes more and she'd feel the pain again. _Please, please God keep those contractions that far from each other! Please let them stay that way for a while!_

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Scratch what I said, it's not my fault, it's the freaking Doctor's fault. She was the one who told me the baby wasn't coming any time soon, and well…look at us, four days ago we were at the doctor's office, and now we are here, and I…"

"You what, Peyt?"

"I'm terrified," She admitted with a shrug. "I like this baby a lot, you know?" Her eyes fell to her tummy and she smiled sadly. "I don't want anything to happen to her."

"And it won't."

She wanted to believe that too but somehow she wasn't feeling as optimistic as Lucas. "Maybe you are right, but we also know how much the possibilities to a disaster increase when we are here in the middle of nowhere, by ourselves, being all but prepared to do this on our own…"

Lucas couldn't think of a thing to say for the longest of time. This was bad. He knew it. "I'm right here with you. For whatever it's worth." Lucas said shyly with a shrug. "You know, you can be sure I'll do whatever is in my power to get that baby out safe. I swear that to you. I, God I love it too much and you know this…"

Peyton smiled at him and nodded her head. "I know you do, Luke…" She told him sincerely. "Then again they did tell us first labors usually take longer so maybe I'll be stuck here in labor enough till help can come…"

Lucas smiled then finally. He liked this better. Not worst-case scenarios conversations but some hope on her part.

"I sure as hell wouldn't mind spend three days here with contractions if only they can assure me she'll be okay…" Peyton added before Lucas could say anything. He smiled at this too.

"You are an incredible mom, you know?"

Peyton shook her head. "No I'm not."

"You are. You wouldn't mind sacrifice yourself for your kid and that makes you the most wonderful woman in my eyes." Lucas assured her and Peyton just looked down.

If only he knew she was being selfish. She wanted this baby to be okay because she needed this chance at motherhood with this little one she had grown to love so so much during this time she'd carried him. It wasn't selfness as Lucas thought, she was actually very selfish, but either way she indeed did need this baby to be okay. She needed it.

Right then a contraction hit her again and she grimaced as she curled her body around her belly. This one felt ten times stronger than the last one and not only Peyton felt this, but in a way, Lucas did too. He stood up from his position on the floor and moved closer to Peyton rubbing strong steady circles on her back.

She shut her eyes tightly and cried wrapping her arms tightly around Lucas' neck.

"It's okay…" Lucas cooed because he honestly had no idea what else to do. "Shush, you are okay. Just breathe with me, okay…breathe…slowly…that's right…" He coached ever so softly, as little by little the contraction started loosening its grasp.

"Oh God," Peyton groaned catching back her breath. She didn't let go of Lucas for at least another minute though and Lucas didn't mind one single bit. When she pulled back he smoothed her hair away from her forehead and Peyton tried for a small smile. The contractions were now actually starting to hurt; but like, really _really _hurt. "Thank you," She told Lucas when _'Thank the Lord Lucas is here'_ was the one thought running through Peyton's mind right about now.

Lucas shook his head though. "How about if I run a bath for you, or something?" He asked when his and Peyton's eyes met. "Maybe that will help you relax a tad?"

Peyton stared at him for a minute as she thought about it. She didn't feel like getting into the bathtub right now, but she would definitely use a little of hot water. "You are right," She said with a small nod as she stood up from the futon. Lucas followed after her as Peyton started going through the closet. "We should probably start looking for the emergency kit and…you know, get clean towels and blankets…" She said quietly with her back to Lucas. He didn't answer anything right away so Peyton turned around to see him. "Just in case, you know." They should probably call 911 again to get an update on the ambulance too, and even update them about how labor was going. Peyton didn't feel like saying this aloud though, so she just waited then for Lucas' answer.

He nodded his head but was mute. Peyton sighed looking down. "I don't want to do this either, but I think given the circumstances we have to."

Lucas swallowed hard, yet one more time, he gave her a nod of his head. "I know. I'll get your bath ready and then I'll go look for that."

Peyton smiled at him and let Lucas hugged her for a small moment. "Just go get everything, I think I just want to get a quick warm shower…"

"You sure?" Lucas asked pulled back from Peyton and squinting his eyes. The contractions were getting quite strong now, what if she slipped or something. Lucas shocked his head then though. He shouldn't be thinking like that. Those were not the positive thoughts he and Peyton needed.

In any case, Peyton nodded her head at him. "Yeah, I won't take long," She assured him knowing exactly why Lucas was worrying. But seriously, she didn't want to deal with more than two contractions on her either, so it'll be okay, she was going to be out of the shower faster than it'd take her get in in the first place. Honestly, she just wanted to see if some warm water on her belly during the contractions would make it feel better or worse…

"Okay." Lucas said giving her forehead a kiss. "I'm going to see if I can get our emergency kit from the car. I'm not sure what we have in there, but maybe something will help." Peyton just nodded her head and Lucas did too. He didn't want to leave her along, but if they were doing this, then it ought to be team work.

All in all, both of them desperately did need that little baby to be safe and sound.

"Luke…" Peyton called right before Lucas was able to get out of the room. He turned around to look at her but didn't speak. Peyton shrugged her shoulders and twisted her lips. "Regardless of what happens after, in just a few hours we are going to be parents…you and me…" Peyton said softly and closed her eyes when she started feeling tears pooling at the corners of her eyes.

Lucas felt a huge lump forming in his throat, but he still didn't let her see how sick with worry he was feeling right now. Lucas instead smiled at her. "You and me…" Lucas echoed and his voice alone was enough to make Peyton look up at him. "We are going to meet our baby." He stated and Peyton nodded still with her eyes full of tears.

Lucas spoke again then before she could say anything though. "We're never given more than we can handle," He stated, and right then Peyton couldn't help the small watery chuckle that escaped her mouth.

That was so not the first time Lucas had said to her. "You really believe that, right?"

Lucas nodded cockily. "Yup."

Peyton chuckled again and rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine, I trust you, whatever," She said goofily making Lucas smile. "Now just go get all that stuff, I'll be out in a few minutes," She said, already with her towel in hand, as she started making her way to the bathroom.

Lucas chuckled at her, but then inwardly prayed his words were true. They _had _to make it through this one. _They had to._

* * *

Even when Peyton had thought the contractions couldn't get any harder than they had been, she started feeling the really awful ones right as she was about to step out of the shower. She couldn't even think about anything else through them. She could hardly breathe. It was a kind of pain she was sure could rip her in half. She felt as if someone were squeezing her tighter and tighter from the inside. Peyton rocked back and forth trying not to scream but it was in vain, the pain was still there and it wasn't going away. "nnnnnnnnrrrrrrrhhhhhh" She grunted, feeling the tears falling freely down to her cheeks. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts," She cried oblivious that Lucas had walked inside the bathroom already. She was sitting on the floor, the water from the shower still running. She was leaning against the wall bent over her belly.

Lucas was frozen for an instant; he had feared this moment all day. He had known Peyton was handling the contractions rather well, but he also knew eventually those same contractions would be much stronger than she ever thought they could get.

"Hey, shush, I got you. I'm right here." Lucas promised rushing to her side. He knelt on the floor and honestly did not care one bit he was getting all wet along with Peyton. "Breathe. It's going to be okay. You just have to breathe."

Peyton's eyes were tightly shut as she groaned feeling the contraction slowly fading. She started letting out breaths as the pain slowly started going away. "This one hurt so…so much," She whispered, her eyes still closed as she leaned in and let Lucas hold her firmly against his chest.

Lucas nodded in silence and kissed the top of her head. "I know, I know…" He said back keeping a steady hold on Peyton. "You want me to help you out of the water?" He didn't even have to ask the question, of course she did. And plus they needed to do this fast before another contraction began…

Peyton was barely able to get to the room and get a couple of clothes on before she felt that unbearable pain again. She held onto Lucas for dear life, and cried rubbing on the bottom of her stomach with one hand as the pain subsided. It was horrible. It was a horrible pain she couldn't even begin to describe.

Lucas cradled Peyton on his arms and let her rest a little there. His eyes wandered in the clock's direction though. "They are getting closer." He stated simply and those words and his tone alone were enough to make Peyton shudder.

The contractions had taken a big jump; from coming every 6 or 7 minutes, now they were coming barely 3 minutes apart.

Peyton in the end, looked up at Lucas, and nodded biting on her lip. He was right. "Maybe we should call 911 again…ask them how soon they are going to be here…?" Her voice carried so much fear, and even when inside Lucas was feeling just as terrified as she was, he tried like hell not to let it show.

"Yeah…I'll do that," Lucas assured her with a small sad smile before gently he gave her lips a kiss. Peyton kissed him back and she was trying to smile slightly as Lucas pulled back from here. "I got everything the lady on the phone told me though. I found a few scissors, and shoe laces, and we got plenty of blankets. I put the heat up a little too. She said the first concern after a baby is born is keeping her warm, so at least the house will be warm enough now if she decides to come before help gets here."

Lucas' big broad hand went to rest right on the top of her belly and it didn't take more than that to make Peyton start crying. She needed so badly for this baby to be born okay…

* * *

By one in the afternoon, the 911 attendant had convinced Lucas and Peyton how maybe the bathtub now was a good idea to help Peyton deal with the pain of the contractions. She said the water generally helped women in labor relax and so Peyton was now giving it a go instead of staying in bed as the contractions kept coming.

She only had to walk a few steps from the bed to the adjacent bathroom, but it was so hard. She honestly merely felt the baby's head between her legs. Not that she was going to say that to anyone, but that was exactly how it felt.

Peyton hadn't told Lucas yet, but Peyton was almost positive she had been pushing during at least the last two contractions. Not that she had wanted to; it had been just something her body had made her do. She shook her head holding on even tighter to Lucas' arm as they walked slowly towards the bathroom. He had been so strong that day; Peyton knew she'd be even more terrified if she didn't have Lucas right there next to her. He had gone to check on Jack downstairs a few times, but every single time she had needed him, Lucas had been right next to her to hold her hand and rub circles on her back when Peyton asked him to do it.

Help was supposed to be going their way, but it was taking too long. Far too long in Peyton's opinion. She needed them here, right now, not one hour from now, she needed them now to catch her baby and make sure he was okay.

Peyton's thoughts drift as she felt a contraction forming again. She was standing up but held on to Lucas as hard as she could. She knew that if it were not for him, she wouldn't be able to hold herself straight. "Nnnnnnnrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh." She merely screamed gripping tightly Lucas' neck. "I can't do this. It's too hard, it…_fuck_, it hurts too much," Peyton started crying then, big tears running down her face again. "I can't." She was all about sobbing by then and Lucas knew he had never in his life felt as useless as he was feeling right now.

"I can't do this. I can't. I can't —Owwww…" The contraction hit somehow a peak making Peyton's knees give up. Her knees buckled but Lucas didn't let her fall to the floor. He held on to Peyton as hard as he could. The contraction began waning and Peyton could breathe again.

She didn't get to rest too long though, before she started feeling an unmistakable wetness running down her legs. "Oh shit, oh shit shit shit…" She cursed breathlessly. Lucas looked at her confused and Peyton shook her head. "One of two things just happened Luke, I either just wet myself or my water just broke…what do you think?"

Of course leave it to Peyton to be sarcastic even during labor. Lucas anyway just looked down to the bathroom's floor, and then back up to Peyton. He didn't tell her right away but he felt so damn relieved when he noticed the water coming from her was clear. Clear meant baby was at least safe from one of the too many complications he was about to face after being born.

Her water breaking meant the baby was _really _coming now, and Lucas just knew Peyton was panicking now even more than before. God knew he was…

Lucas couldn't let Peyton know that though.

"I, I promise you, I swear to you Peyton I'm going to do everything in my power to get this baby out safe." Lucas promised earnestly yet again then. He locked eyes with Peyton and she swallowed hard. "We may have to do this on our own, but that doesn't mean things have to go wrong. We went to the classes, we read a thousand books and we know what we have to do. Now, we just…we just have to do it now…got it?"

Peyton didn't even have to think through his words, she nodded her head right away. "Got it…"

Lucas took all of fifteen seconds before nodding his head and going back to business. "What are you feeling?"

Sadly enough, Peyton didn't have to think through this question too much either. "I don't think I can do this for too much longer…it hurts too much…" And sure enough just as she finished saying those words, another contraction hit her and Peyton started panting and gasping for air. Without completely knowing she was, she started pushing again and for some reason that did make her feel a little bit better. As if she was liberating herself from the immense pain and pressure.

As she was in the middle of the contraction, Peyton could vaguely hear Lucas shouting out to Jack to bring the emergency kit he left downstairs. Peyton didn't want Jack here, he didn't want that little boy seeing all this and traumatizing himself most likely from all the screams and tears and pain around him.

Peyton was in no position to complain about it though, and before she knew it, a very much frightened Jack was making his way inside the bathroom with a bunch of blankets and a small plastic container on top. "Daddy…" He called making Lucas turn to look at him at the doorway. Peyton was still holding on to him, and crying, but Lucas still made himself be calm and matter-of-fact as he spoke to Jack next. "Peyton's in labor. That means she's going to have the baby and she's in a lot of pain. I may need your help so I need you to stay close, understood?"

Jack couldn't say anything; he was mute, paralyzed with fear.

"Understood?" Now Lucas' voice was firmer and louder, Jack jumped a little.

"Yes," He let out scared, as he slowly walked further into the bathroom and settled the blankets down next to a pile of towels on the floor.

Peyton's contraction waned then and she opened her eyes. She started shaking her head immediately though. "I don't want him here." She sobbed looking back and forth between Jack and Lucas. "I. Don't. Want. Him. Here." She said again, this time stressing each word.

"Peyton—"

"—No." She cut Lucas off crying hard. "We are here because of him. This is his fault; this is _your _fault for listening to that stupid little boy's tantrums and bringing us here."

She didn't mean that, Lucas knew she didn't mean that, and even Peyton did. Too bad out of the three the only one who didn't know that was Jack. He had never cried before because of something Peyton had told him, but this time it had felt different. Jack had stared at Peyton as she spoke and he had felt the tears forming in his eyes with each word she said. He never admit it, but he didn't hate Peyton, and he really thought she didn't hate him either —at least not most of the times— but maybe she did.

Jack did to turn around and leave but Lucas shouted after him. "Stay." Lucas said, and Jack was surprised his voice was so much softer now. Lucas honestly needed him here, he didn't know what it was like to deliver a baby, but he at least knew an extra set of hands would somehow have to help.

Peyton didn't say anything else as another contraction hit her, and so Jack didn't say anything either. He did stay in the room though. He stayed and watched as Lucas slowly helped Peyton inside the tub finally. He stayed and watched as Peyton cried out with each contraction. Now Lucas was on the phone and he looked so serious and scared.

Not as scared as Peyton looked, but almost.

"She says maybe you should try to squat, Peyton…as you are pushing, try and squat a little, okay…"

Peyton was barely listening anymore. She was so tired. So exhausted, and yet she also knew she needed to keep going. She needed to birth this baby and get her out safe. "Nnnnnnnnnnnrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh." She pushed as hard as she could, with every single fiber of herself as she felt the contraction. Everything hurt so bad, but with Lucas' support she did as she was told and squatted on the bathtub. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts." She cried, but right now it really didn't hurt so much as it was burning down there. "Ow, ow!" She cried squeezing her eyes tight. "Oh God."

She opened her eyes and realized she was seeing two Lucas' for some reason. Peyton couldn't stop to think this through before yet again she felt a strong contraction coming. This was it. She knew it. She couldn't do this any longer, she was too tired, and the pain was too big. She needed this to be over. She needed this baby to be born now. "NNNNNNNNNNRRRRRHHHHHH," She pushed hard for a few too damn long moments, and then she heard Lucas gasping.

"Oh my God." He said suddenly shifting his eyes to look up at Peyton. "I can see the head. I, God, I can see the head." Lucas managed to say but he was far too shocked to form coherent words right now. Suddenly Peyton was to him even more incredible than Lucas knew she already was. "You are doing it Peyt, the baby is coming. You are doing it." Lucas said then, feeling now extremely proud of his girl and their baby. "Breathe, you are doing so good, the baby is almost out."

Peyton was sobbing, but for an instant, she looked down and saw it. She saw her baby. She saw it for the very first time and suddenly all that strength she thought she didn't have, came rushing to her in a split second. She pushed one more time then; as hard as she could and with every bit of herself. Her baby was coming _now_.

It felt so weird how in seconds, literally _seconds_, she stopped feeling completely. Honestly, two seconds ago, she had been feeling the most awful pain she had ever felt in her whole life, and now…now she felt nothing, no pain, no pressure, no nothing.

_Nothing_.

It took Peyton some good twenty seconds before her mind came back rushing to reality. She looked down quickly to the water and saw Lucas pulling that precious tiny baby off the water. Peyton wasn't thinking, not at all, right now she was acting out of instinct as she reached out and grabbed that little baby in her arms.

It was slippery, but Peyton managed to get a good hold on it. She hugged it all too carefully to her chest but immediately she could tell something was wrong…the baby felt lifeless in her arms. Peyton's heart sunk for a moment but she then just did as she knew she had to. She pulled back from the baby a little and rested its little chest on her own palm. He was so little. Peyton was crying, but then she was also rubbing its tiny little back. She cleared his face, there was a gooey white thing all over the baby, and there had been some of that also in his nose and mouth. It took a moment, perhaps even a minute, Lucas' eyes were already filled with tears just like Peyton's, but then…then the baby coughed and finally, they could all breathe again.

Peyton closed her eyes tightly at the sound and looked up to the ceiling. If there was any God out there, she thanked him with all her being for this miracle. She turned the baby again so that she was facing him. The baby's face was all scrunched up and he was sort of like a color between red and purple. His feet. Suddenly Peyton remembered she was supposed to tickle his feet slightly or something to keep his circulation going. She did so, and once again the baby coughed. It was a half cough half grunt, they could all tell the baby was having a little bit of trouble breathing but regardless he was doing it.

"Hand me a blanket, would you…" Peyton was surprised her words even came out. She was so mesmerized with her baby she had completely forgotten about everything else. About Jack and Lucas.

Lucas nodded and with a small smile helped Peyton wrap the blanket around the baby's tiny body. It definitely was small. Far smaller than Jack was when he was born.

Peyton decided to finally look between the baby's legs as she wrapped the blanket around the baby. She chuckled and both Lucas and Jack were nothing short of shocked at that. "It's a girl," Peyton said in pretty much a watery giggle. She leaned down and kissed tenderly that baby's head. "You are a little girl. You are _my_ little girl." She cooed feeling the warmth and softness of her baby's skin. The baby was quiet now but her eyes were open. They were grey and sleepy. She sure as hell didn't know what she was doing here either. "Mommy loves you sweet baby." Peyton whispered, feeling awestruck as she gently stroked the baby's skin.

After a small moment, she looked up to see Lucas, and saw him looking back at her with a small smile. He was happy, Peyton could tell, but he was also as worried as could be. "Call 911." Peyton told him simply, her voice soft before she shifted her eyes down and looked back at her baby. She wasn't that much purple anymore, she was actually pinking up but Peyton still worried for her.

She was so _so_ _so_ beautiful though. She was perfect. Every single part of that baby was perfectly made. Every little delicate line on her face was perfect, and beautiful. "Just hang in there sweet girl, help is going to be here soon…" Peyton told the baby so softly that not Lucas not Jack could make out words from what she said. She said those words to the baby, however, deep inside those words were also somehow directed to herself. Peyton suddenly started feeling just tired, and sleepy —she watched as Lucas talked on the phone, but she was starting to have a hard time keeping her eyes open.

She looked down at the baby then; she ought to stay awake, Peyton thought. She breathed in deeply looking up, and for a split moment, her eyes caught sight of Jack.

Jack had been crying silently all the while as the baby had been born, he had felt terrible, but…now Peyton looked sort of okay —_though her face was turning kind of green now, he thought_— she was at least smiling slightly, and Jack thought how that had to be a good thing.

Plus the baby was now doing that squeaky cry she did after being born, so that ought to mean she was kind of okay, too, right?

"The lady is asking me if you are still feeling contractions, Peyton?" Lucas asked then after a moment. He was still holding the phone in one hand, but was looking at Peyton waiting for an answer. She had closed her eyes but was still holding on tightly to the baby. "Peyton!" Lucas repeated when Peyton seemingly didn't hear him.

She was startled a little, but after a moment, opened her tired eyes and looked at Lucas. It was then that Lucas realized how pale she looked. She felt exhausted all of a sudden, and something inside her did tell her it wasn't normal, and it wasn't just the normal tiredness post-labor. She started worrying when she realized she was having difficulty holding on to the baby properly. She was so little, and slippery, even with the blanket, Peyton was having trouble holding her. Lucas started worrying right then too. He didn't even bother to ask Peyton, he just knew in his heart something was wrong.

"She's looking pale now, tired, and just zoned out." Lucas tried saying urgently into the phone. "No, not the baby, Peyton, my wife!" He cried exasperated before looking back at Peyton. She had closed her eyes again, Lucas went back to the conversation and listened.

Not even thirty seconds passed by before he looked at Peyton again, but this time he was honestly startled by the color of the water underneath Peyton and the baby. It was red, dark dark red, _shit, _she was losing blood —lots and rapidly. Of course they couldn't tell before because she was in the water, but now Lucas understood completely what was going on, and he panicked. A whole new level of panic rose up in him and for an instant he froze again.

"Jack, Jack, hand me the, the um, hand me the, the, fuck, please hand me the emergency kit!" Lucas all about screamed then, and Jack found himself crying hard again. He didn't know what was going on, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to know, but he knew it was bad.

He did as Lucas told him though, and then saw as Lucas frantically started pulling out things from the kit. He got the scissors and the pair of shoelaces he had boiled in hot water earlier.

"We have to get you out of the tub, okay?" Lucas started telling Peyton even though she felt already too weak to completely comprehend what Lucas was saying. "I'm going to cut the baby's cord, and then we're going to get you both some help. The lady said the ambulance should be here soon." Lucas kept talking nervously as he started looking for the baby's cord. It had been at least twenty minutes since the baby was born but even so the cord was still pulsating some.

Lucas in any case, did as he had been instructed. He tied a couple of knots to the umbilical cord of the baby, and then after making sure he had tied them enough, he used the scissors and cut the cord between the knots. The baby started crying immediately then, softly enough, but she still cried and Lucas thanked the Lord then she was still hanging in there.

Lucas worried now more for her mother though. In a split second he had a memory rushing to his mind and he cursed and hated himself for it. Senior year, the school shooting, Peyton bleeding and losing consciousness by the second. No, no way in hell Lucas was going to let history haunt him now. This was different, but at the same time, just as that time, Peyton _needed _to be okay. She and the baby had to make it.

Peyton slowly opened her eyes as Lucas started taking the baby from her. "It's okay. We just need to dry her up and keep her warm now. Help is coming." Weakly Peyton smiled then but soon after Lucas took the baby from her, she closed her eyes again, and slipped slightly into the tub. Lucas screamed her name but she wouldn't respond.

Lucas breathed hard, and tried to think in what to do, in one hand he had his newborn daughter and in front of him he had the love of his life fading rapidly. "Jack, I need you to hold the baby." Lucas instructed, his eyes still fixed in Peyton.

Jack was shaking and crying, scared as he had never been before, but he still managed to walk towards Lucas. He sat beside his father and looked up at him. "Is Peyton okay?" He cried, but Lucas was too busy worrying to answer.

Lucas took a quick look at the baby's face before kissing strongly her forehead and placing her gently in Jack's arms. "_Do not let go of this baby, Jack Scott_. You hold her and don't let go of her until I tell you. Promise me, you will. Swear you will." Lucas was beginning to cry by then, and Jack couldn't think in a worse thing in his whole life. He had never seen his dad cry, but he was so scared. So completely and utterly scared today.

"I swear."

The next seven minutes were much of a blur. Lucas pulled Peyton out of the bathtub and took her into the bedroom. She was limp, and even though she was breathing, she wasn't conscious anymore. It took less than five minutes before the towels Lucas laid Peyton on, were soaked with blood. Oh God, this wasn't good.

It was then however when Lucas could finally hear something other than his thoughts and worries. He heard noises coming from the outside of their cottage, and without knowing he was holding a breath, Lucas let it out.

There were two ambulances parked outside the cottage when Lucas saw through the window, they came inside the house rushing and immediately as they saw Peyton, at least three paramedics took over and moved Lucas aside. "She delivered?" Lucas heard one of the paramedics ask.

He nodded his head realizing he was crying by then. "Yeah," Lucas answered uneasily as he watched Peyton's limp body on the bed. "The baby, she, she's in the bathroom. My older son is holding her."

Nobody answered back, and instead five more people then made their way into the bathroom. The next thing Lucas saw was a tall man holding onto his daughter. The baby girl was now wrapped in some sort of foil and she was being fast taken out of the room.

"Where, where are you taking her?" Lucas asked as the other paramedics were putting Peyton onto a gurney.

The paramedic holding the baby turned around with an uneasy frown on his face. "Nearest ER is six miles from here. We are going to do everything we can for the both of them." He promised before turning around and quickly taking the baby to the ambulance.

Lucas grabbed Jack's hand as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom, and then the two of them exited the house as the paramedics now rushed Peyton into the second ambulance. "You can ride with your wife Mr. Scott," one of the paramedics called from behind him starling Lucas.

He couldn't reply anything, as soon as he saw the ambulance carrying his daughter taking off, he held onto even tighter to Jack's hand, and climbed them both into the ambulance with Peyton.

Oh please God, don't let them give up now…


	16. Chapter Fifteen : ((January II))

**Chapter Fifteen : ((January II)) **

* * *

_Hour One_

Lucas was holding onto Peyton's hard as strong as he could —as if his life depended on it in that moment. He felt so helpless right now. He had done as much as he could back in the cottage, but what if it hadn't been enough?

Right now his brand new baby daughter was who knows where, while he was here with Peyton barely hanging on. She was so pale, and the EMTs had said in between their stupid medical lingo how Peyton had lost a fair amount of blood and how her blood pressure was dangerously low, and her pulse was so accelerated.

In the ambulance they hooked up Peyton to an IV and started monitoring her vitals. Lucas honestly felt sick with worry as they just waited to get to the hospital. The ambulance was forced to drive slowly enough given all the snow and the storm. Lucas cursed under his breath and leaned down feeling hot tears building in his eyes.

Only a few seconds later, the voice of one of the paramedics startled him and his head jerked up towards them. "She's coming around, she's coming around." The paramedic said, and it took Lucas less than a second to shift his eyes towards Peyton.

Her eyes were slowly fluttering open. Lucas let out a breath, and without meaning to do it, he thanked God greatly for bringing her back. "Come on, Peyt…it's okay…you are okay…" Lucas started mumbling quietly as very slowly Peyton came around.

Her eyes were looking up and she saw two set of eyes looking down at her with concerned looks; none of them were Lucas even though she had heard his voice. She closed her eyes again for an instant and breathed in deeply. She had a mask on her face —she turned to look at her side and saw the clear tube taped to her arm —what the heck was going on?

Right then she heard Lucas' voice again; she blinked and looked ahead. There he was, looking worried and panicky; Peyton suddenly felt guilty about that, but then in a rush she remembered the last twenty-four hours and she froze. "The baby?" She managed to say, her voice husky and barely understandable.

But of course she was asking about the baby, Lucas inwardly had been asking himself the same thing for the last thirty minutes at least since they took their little girl away. "She's…she's in a second ambulance Peyton—"

"—Actually they are already in the hospital with the infant," One of the paramedics interrupted addressing Peyton. She looked up at him and listened as he went on. "I don't know how she's doing, but rest assured knowing they are doing everything they can for her in the hospital," As he said this, he looked at Lucas for a small moment too. He didn't know exactly what it felt to go through something as this family before him had, but he did feel compassion for them. "Right now we are taking _you _to the hospital too. Your vitals are a little worrisome, and we are afraid your uterus is not contracting the way it should."

Peyton closed her eyes feeling tiredness washing over her again. _God please let the baby be okay_. She felt Lucas squeezing her hand right then and she opened her eyes. _"I love you."_ Lucas vocalized making Peyton nod her head ever so slightly.

The paramedic spoke again then before she could tell Lucas anything back. "The good news is that as soon as we make it to the hospital," He paused looking to the front of the ambulance. "In less than five minutes hopefully, we'll be able to start you on oxytocin that will help your uterus begin contracting again so that we can actually deliver the placenta. This happens rarely, but thankfully when it does we know what to do."

Lucas unconsciously sighed with relief even though inside he was still terribly worried. "You are going to be okay…" Lucas promised Peyton sweetly giving her knuckles a kiss.

Peyton swallowed hard but nodded her head at him. She quickly zoned out again feeling weak and sleepy. The EMTs had explained that to Lucas earlier, and told them how that was just due to the loss of blood, but that they had already notified the blood bank, and Peyton's fluids would be replaced accordingly as soon as they made it to the hospital.

Peyton however barely registered any of what was happening, until she felt the gurney she was laying on hitting the pavement. They were here. They were at the hospital. Slowly she opened her eyes again but she didn't see Lucas. She saw the sky and how it was already dark. It was also cold —very very cold.

The next thing Peyton saw was a fairly young doctor dressed in light pink scrubs hovering above her. What kind of doctor wears _pink _scrubs anyway? "Where's Lucas…" She asked huskily, knowing without really knowing that he wasn't there anymore. "Where is he?" Now she was even starting to panic and her heartbeat was rising.

Her doctor was having none of that however. "You need to control yourself," She said seriously, Peyton could tell this lady was playing no games. "I need you to breathe deeply and stay calm."

Peyton wanted, oh heck yes she did want to tell her something back, but somehow she just couldn't, so she then just did as she was told. She started breathing in and out into the oxygen mask the doctor gently handed her.

Once Peyton was calmer, and the doctor had checked her quickly and her monitors, she addressed the blonde again. "I'm Doctor Cage," She said in a softer tone of voice now. "Right now we are starting you on oxytocin through your IV and hopefully this will help us deliver your placenta. You understand what I'm saying?" Peyton simply nodded her head. "We need to stabilize you a tad more, but once you get there we are going to move you up to labor and delivery. The hemorrhage is already ceasing, so those are good news." She assured Peyton matter of factly, yet keeping her voice soft and nice now. "As for your family," Peyton's head immediately jerked up as she heard the doctor said this. Doctor Cage now finally felt as though she had Peyton's undivided attention. "Mr. Scott was required to stay outside with your oldest,"

Peyton was lost and didn't comprehend for a minute, but then she remembered Jack. Crap, Jack! How could she forget the little boy! What kind of mother was she? Peyton started cursing herself inwardly then, but regardless, the doctor kept talking.

"We are keeping him updated and as soon as we finish here I'll let him know it is okay for him to come." Peyton started nodding with gratitude then, but it was still obvious for the doctor how she was also waiting anxiously for whatever she had to say about the baby. "All I know about your baby was that before you came they were taking it up for some x-rays."

"Why?" Peyton couldn't help but ask immediately. She pulled the mask from her face, and stared expectantly in the doctor's direction.

She started shaking her head. "I don't really know, but her doctors probably just want to check for fluid in her lungs, and the maturity of her lungs too."

Peyton tried to take that all in, but suddenly she started feeling the need to cry. What kind of mother was she that didn't even know for sure where her baby daughter was?

"What if I ask a nurse to check on your baby while you wait here?" Doctor Cage asked then upon the tears in Peyton's eyes. For some reason she had felt obligated to help Peyton right now —and not just medically.

Peyton nodded her head biting strongly on her bottom lip hoping this would stop her tears from falling. "Thank you, I, um…really, just thank you…"

"Don't worry about it," The Doctor said simply before a couple of nurses made it into Peyton's examination room. "I'm just doing my job."

* * *

_Hour four…_

For four hours now Lucas hadn't stopped thinking about everything that happened. He had honestly, factually, and truly helped deliver his very own baby. The thought was surreal and Lucas was still having a hard time believing it. Shaking his head, Lucas then rested his head against the wall in the hallway and let out a deep breath.

They should be taking Peyton soon to a room and that was a relief. The doctors had even needed to take her up to an OR. An _OR_ for Heaven's sake! Peyton had been able to deliver the placenta, but apparently it wasn't as simple as that, and the placenta hadn't been delivered completely. That was why the doctor had suggested a simple enough procedure to ensure every bit of placenta was taken out of Peyton's uterus. The procedure in the OR hadn't taken too long, and as far as Lucas was told, it had been more than successful. Peyton was now in her path to recovery, and in just a few minutes Lucas would be able to see her again. Lucas ran his hand over his face and remembered himself to breathe.

He knew however, he wasn't going to be able to be completely calm until he got to see both Peyton and the baby.

Because of course now there was the baby too. Lucas hadn't gotten to see much of her yet, just through a glass before a nurse took her again. The baby was as of now still under observation and that was killing Lucas inside. He had hoped that by the time Peyton was out of the OR, he would have some more news on the baby, but he just didn't, and that was maddening.

It was frustrating, and upsetting, and in all honesty, Lucas just wished he could do something for both of them other than just wait and wait in the effing waiting room.

"Are you hungry?" Lucas' eyes in that moment shifted to Jack yawning by one of the seats before him. He cursed at himself then also for not being much of a father to Jack today. Everything had happened so fast, and the possibilities to a complete disaster had been so big that even when it ashamed Lucas, he knew had had put Jack as the last of his priorities.

It was wrong, but even though Lucas knew this, he also knew he wouldn't have done anything differently if he were given the chance.

Jack in any case, could barely even look at Lucas as he asked him that question. "No…" He answered quietly, shaking his head, and keeping his eyes down on his hands.

Lucas sighed and after waiting a small moment, he went to sit by Jack. He didn't say anything but just stayed there. They had barely spoken a word since they got out of the cottage. Jack had cried and had been as scared as could be. Lucas knew this, and as they got to the hospital he had let Jack know the doctors would now make sure Peyton was okay now as well as the baby, but Jack wasn't stupid and he had realized early enough things were all _but_ okay.

"You know," Lucas started speaking softly then, his arm coming to rest around Jack's shoulders. The little boy turned to look at his father, but stayed quiet. "They did tell me Peyton had done great in her surgery. They said she was responding well to treatment and hopefully she's going to be just fine."

Jack stared at Lucas seriously for a long moment before he reluctantly, nodded his head. He knew what Lucas was doing. He was telling him Peyton was all right just so that Jack would stop feeling guilty about everything that happened. Well, guess what? It wasn't working. "Right," Jack said simply, looking back down at the ground.

"Jack." Lucas called his name only a tad strongly this time. "She _is_ okay—"

"Then why are you still so worried?" Jack pointed out uneasy. He rolled his eyes and got up from his seat putting some space between himself and Lucas. He hated when people treated him like a little boy. As if he didn't know better and couldn't tell when people were so sick with worry they could throw up at any given minute.

Lucas was just about to say something, he was already getting up from his own seat, when both Jack and he heard an all too familiar voice coming from behind them.

Lucas immediately closed his eyes and sighed. Thank God, she was here to take Jack.

_"What the hell happened?"_

Lindsey was moving fast towards them, and Lucas had little to no time to say anything before she was asking more questions.

"You made a nurse call me out of nowhere to tell me my _husband _needs me to come here as fast as I can, and then you don't even bother to answer your freaking phone? What the hell is wrong with you Lucas?" Her voice was loud, and she was so angry, but honestly Lucas did not care. Not one little bit.

He didn't even care about the strong slap that came next and landed right on his cheek. Lucas in truth only cared right now that Lindsey was finally here and she could take Jack, and then Lucas would have one less thing to worry about.

"_Mom! _Stop please_." _Jack cried then pulling Lindsey away from Lucas. He looked up at his mom with tears in his eyes, and right in that instant all of Lindsey's anger was transformed into concern once again.

She let out a long breathe as she looked down at Jack. She had gotten to think the worse. "I thought something bad had happened to you." She admitted softly before pulling Jack into a hug.

"I'm fine," Jack breathed out looking shyly back and forth between his mom and his dad. "Peyton's not."

"What the heck is wrong with her now?" Lindsey asked back and as she said that she was staring at Lucas.

Lucas was quiet for a moment but then he shocked his head. He couldn't do this right now. "Don't come asking things like that now Lindsey…it's not as if you care," Lucas told her angrily before turning to Jack again. "You are going with your mom now—"

"—But—"

"—No, no buts." Lucas cut him off strongly. "Everything is going to be okay." He added stressing every word he said. Lucas not only needed Jack to believe this, he desperately needed to believe it himself too.

"I wanna stay; I don't want to go Dad, _please_."

Jack's pleas almost broke Lucas' heart, but there was nothing he could do about this. "You can't. You have to go with your mom right now." Lucas looked up briefly at Lindsey as he said that. Wordlessly he told her to step in and help him out with Jack. "I have to stay here with Peyton, but I will call you when everything is okay again. I promise."

Jack was still all but convinced but he didn't reply to Lucas' words anyway.

"Come on, Jack." Lindsey said as he grabbed Jack by his shoulders and guided him in the direction opposite to his father. She shot at Lucas a deadly look before she completely turned around. "Don't you ever —_ever _Lucas, talk to me the way you did tonight in front of Jack. _Ever." _Lindsey warned seriously looking at Lucas.

Her words didn't have the result she hoped for though.

Lucas scoffed and without looking at her again, he turned around and walked out of that tiny waiting room. He heard Lindsey angrily calling after him, but in that moment Lucas just couldn't care. All he cared right now was the fact that Jack was with her right now. Lindsey was a hell of a lot of things, but one thing was true, and that was how much she loved Jack. Part of how angry she was tonight was because she hadn't known exactly what was going on, and had probably made herself sick with worry not knowing what was going with Jack.

Lucas knew he should've probably done a better job informing her, but he knew Lindsey and knew all the questions and ranting she would have given him over the phone if he had called her in person.

All in all, Lucas couldn't do anything about that anymore, and all that mattered now was getting some information on Peyton, and of course on the baby too.

* * *

_Hour Six_

It was a quarter to ten when Peyton woke up groggy and still feeling sleepy in a hospital room. She didn't open her eyes at first but instead went through everything that had happened today. She shocked her head ever so slightly and swallowed hard —Ow, that hurt a little.

She brought one of her hands up to her face, as she slowly opened her eyes. Took Lucas some full 10seconds before his eyes turned quickly in her direction. He let out an audible breath and softly, Peyton made a point to try for a small smile.

Lucas got up on his feet as fast as he could then, and went to hold Peyton's hand immediately. He kissed her knuckles as he thanked God and then after a moment gave Peyton a small kiss on the forehead. "You are okay." He wasn't asking her, Lucas was stating the facts he had been dying all day to say.

Peyton breathed in deeply staring softly into Lucas' eyes. "Yeah…" She agreed as Lucas took a seat on the chair next to her bed.

"Baby's doing fine," Lucas assured Peyton before she had the chance to ask. "They kept her under observation for the longest time. They thought she might have some liquid in her lungs, and the Doctor told me she was kind of breathing funny, so that's why they had her on the ventilator—"

"Not anymore?" Peyton interrupted and was oh-so relieved when Lucas shook his head. "Good," She said closing her eyes as she finally smiled that smile she had been trying for since she woke up. Baby was doing good. Those were honestly Peyton's new favorite words in the world right now.

"They have to keep a closer eye on her, and she's still in the NICU but I got to see her before I came here, and she's…God Peyton, she's amazing."

Peyton then not only smiled, but she also let out a watery chuckle at Lucas' words. She was dying, honestly, dying to see that little one, but at the same time, it was just so relieving to know she was okay and Lucas had seen her already.

Peyton was quiet after that for a couple of minutes; her eyes closed as Lucas ran his thumb over her knuckles, watching as Peyton smiled softly with her eyes still closed.

"Did it really happen?" Peyton whispered. She played and played time and time again today in her mind and she still couldn't quite believe it. "Did we really deliver our baby?" Her eyes opened as she asked the question.

Lucas was for the very first time that day feeling some sort of peace and calmness. God, the feeling felt so foreign right now, but also so good. He nodded his head. "We did," He agreed, before his head began shaking. Peyton looked at him with her eyes narrowed. "Heck, _you_ did it Peyton. You delivered the baby and if everything goes well we'll be taking her home very soon."

There wasn't a thing Peyton wished more than see her daughter again right now and never never let go of her again. Take her home to her family and show her the place in the world Peyton had made especially for her with Lucas' help. She heaved a sigh then remembering where they were. They were in New Hampshire. Her baby girl had been born in New Hampshire. Oh well…there were worst things in life, right?

Peyton chuckled softly and Lucas stared at her as if she were crazy for laughing at her own inner ramblings. "I wanna see her." Peyton demanded, still with a smile on her face.

Lucas chuckled at her but didn't get the chance to answer before Peyton's room door opened. They both shifted their eyes to look at the door, and there was Doctor Cage again.

"Good to see you came around,"

Peyton wanted to smile so bad at the doctor's words, but all she managed was a polite nod of her head. She wanted to see her daughter. Could someone just bring her? Or could she just get up and go get her? Whatever, Peyton just wanted her here with her right now.

"Surgery was a success and we managed to get all remaining placenta tissue from your uterus. The procedure wasn't really very invading at all, and I am expecting full recovery from you. Are you experiencing any pain?"

Peyton looked at the doctor and narrowed her eyes. Now that she thought about it, it did hurt a little bit down there, and her head too…and her back… "Can I just take Tylenol or something? I don't even know if I can nurse my baby or not, but just in case I don't want anything strong." Peyton wasn't completely sure were all that certainty she was talking about came from, but it sure came in handy right now.

Doctor Cage offered Peyton a nod meant to show her understanding before she answered. "I will personally make sure your baby's milk is safe; just tell me from one to ten your level of pain right now."

Peyton had to think about it for another moment. It wasn't that much that it hurt, she kind of felt just uncomfortable. "Three maybe…" She said coyly. Lucas shot her a look and she smiled. "Maybe a five,"

Doctor Cage made some annotations to Peyton's chart, and then looked back up at the two of them. "I take it you met already Doctor Smith?" The doctor was looking straight at Lucas as she asked the question, and so Peyton turned to look at him too.

Lucas nodded. "It's the neonatal doctor," Lucas informed Peyton before addressing Doctor cage again. "You think we can get an update soon?"

"I'll make sure you do." Doctor Cage told them both without thinking about it twice.

Peyton breathed with relief, and Lucas just smiled holding tightly onto her hand.

Doctor Cage was already on her way out when Lucas simply had to call her before she was gone. "Doctor…"

Doctor Cage turned and her eyes fixed with Lucas'. "Thank you." Lucas said simply, making the doctor nod her head.

As far as Lucas was concerned this woman saved his wife —She and Doctor Smith, and the EMTs and the nurses and just everybody who helped Peyton and his daughter, were right now to Lucas the people he was the more thankful to.

He would have died if it hadn't been for them saving them, a whole lot more than thank you was due in his part for sure…

* * *

_Hour Seven_

Peyton felt a sudden onset of tears as her eyes traveled to the door. Less than one minute ago she had been feeling so sleepy, the sudden realization that she hadn't really sleep for almost twenty four hours catching up with her. Lucas had been gone for ten minutes and Peyton hadn't had him by her side keeping her awake anymore with silly tales about the bright and amazing future he was hoping for their family. After he stepped out of the room, she had given in and closed her eyes. She knew it was important she stayed awake, but she had felt so tired…she had even begun to drift off a little…thinking, dreaming too about that future Lucas liked to dream about aloud…

Peyton smiled, but then she heard the door opening and her eyes flew open. Lucas was here now, and he wasn't alone…in just those few fleeting seconds that took Peyton's eyes to catch sight of that tiny little girl in his arms, all signs of exhaustion she might have felt before, completely vanished. There was her little girl, her daughter, the little person who made all what happened that day worth it.

"Six pounds, two ounces…she's tiny, but…" Sweetly Lucas looked down at the sleeping beauty in his arms. "But she's all ours Peyton…" He whispered, as slowly and so so carefully, Lucas walked the remaining steps to Peyton's bed.

She smiled, and chuckled, and cried at the sight of the baby. The last time Peyton saw her baby girl had been exactly seven hours ago, only minutes after she'd been born. Seven hours in the past wasn't that much for Peyton, today however, it had felt like an eternity.

"Can I–," She chuckled nervously, shaking her head. "You think I can hold her?"

Now it was Lucas' turn to chuckle at Peyton. He was so in love with her —now more than ever if that were even possible. "Of course you can," He said needlessly. Lucas kissed softly the crown of his baby girl's head before he carefully placed her down in Peyton's arms.

She really was tiny, much tinier, and vulnerable than Peyton ever thought she'd be. She was beautiful though. The most beautiful baby girl Peyton had ever seen in her life. "Hi…" She cooed looking down adoringly at her baby. She felt awestruck and overtaken by so many emotions in that moment. "I'm your mama baby, remember me…?" Her question came up with a watery chuckle, and in that instant Peyton knew she never wanted to let go of that little girl —_ever_. She had never felt love as strong as the kind she felt right now. She had loved before, hell yes she had, she loved Lucas so much, with all her being to be honest. But the kind of love she was feeling right now was completely different. So much powerful and great and strong. She would give her life any day for that little girl in her arms. She would give up everything —everything and then some more if that meant her baby girl was going to be happy and safe. Peyton felt right then that immense _need _to protect her, to keep her safe and unharmed forever.

That was her job now, she was undeniably made for this. "We made this, you know?" Her smile was coy but so pure and genuine as Peyton looked up at Lucas, and nervously giggled before her eyes traveled down again to the baby. Peyton ran her forefinger tenderly over the baby's face, she was sleeping, soundly, her tiny chest rising steadily as she took breaths evenly. That little girl was in all honesty the most perfect little thing Peyton knew. The fact that she had been able to make such perfect thing was indeed a mystery for Peyton right now. She never thought of herself as something out of the ordinary, but right about now Peyton was positive she had made something greater than anything else she had ever done in her life.

"We did." Lucas agreed with Peyton at last. He looked lovingly at his two girls for another moment or two before that huge smile formed on his face. He chuckled at the sight and thanked God they were okay for like the hundredth time. "We made her. _You_ made her. You are amazing," Lucas promised with all his heart as he leaned down and finally gave Peyton's lips that kiss of love he had been dying to give her since the very first moment he saw her holding their baby.

"I love you, Peyton, I…" Lucas paused for a moment; he pulled away enough from Peyton catching sight briefly of the little baby cradled in his wife's arms. Lucas then nodded his head; he was certain, more than that in all honesty, he was utterly sure about his love for Peyton and this baby —there wasn't the smallest doubt about it. "I really really do."

Lucas' words made Peyton smile as she nodded her head. "I know." She knew Lucas loved her. She knew he did just as much as she knew _she _loved him. There were no doubts; especially not now. One way or another Lucas saved her —again. And most importantly, he didn't just save her, but he also saved their daughter, and that was something Peyton knew she would never be able to thank Lucas completely. "I love you too —so much you have no idea," She stated, steadily looking into Lucas' eyes now. She was serious, but her voice was also tender and soft at the same time. "Both of you," She added making Lucas laugh a little as his eyes —_one more time_— traveled down to their daughter. She was still sleeping, but her little hand had somehow wrap around Peyton's thumb. Peyton smiled at this as she also looked down at the baby. "Is she okay?" Her question then came out far more soft than she would have wanted it. She still hadn't talked with the baby's doctor, all she knew were the little pieces of information Lucas had managed to tell her in between interruptions of the nurses. She knew Lucas had told her the baby was doing fine earlier, but Peyton needed to know just how fine she was doing.

Lucas took a breath at Peyton's question, as he moved a chair closer to the bed and sat down. "She is, but of course we gotta keep a closer eye on her." Peyton's eyes narrowed as he spoke and Lucas knew she was worrying now. _Crap. Stop there, don't say anything else, start over you idiot! Your job is to put her at ease!_ "She's a premmie, Peyt…" Lucas started again after mentally slapping himself on the cheek. "She's doing amazingly well, she's even breathing on her own and has for the last couple of hours. That was her doctor's main concern because everything else looked great. When we got here she was having trouble keeping her temperature and breathing, which the doctor said was completely normal. They kept her in the NICU for four whole hours and by then thank God her breathing straightened up. They let me bring her here, no?"

Peyton rolled her eyes playfully when she couldn't help but smile at Lucas' words. "Yes, but…"

"No, shush." Lucas cut her off shrugging his shoulders. Just stop worrying woman. "She's really doing great. They have to check on her temperature and vitals hourly now, and her glucose ever three hours for the next 24 to 48 hours," Now Lucas was honestly just parroting everything the Doctor had told him only ten minutes ago in the nursery. "If everything goes well the doctor promised we'll be able to go home no problems."

Peyton was serious at his words even though she knew she should be happy to hear everything Lucas was saying. It was just so hard to believe though —especially after a day like today. "But we still have to keep a closer eye on her?"

"Yes, of course," Lucas answered simply. "She's a premmie, Peyton." Lucas repeated himself then just in case Peyton didn't hear him the first time. "She was born five weeks before she was supposed to. She's doing great now, but she _is _smaller than most newborns. She _is _at a higher risk of getting jaundice, as a matter of fact it'd be weird if she didn't," Lucas knew Peyton didn't understand what he was saying, but he had a point. "But the baby is also stable right now and that is everything we can hope for now. There are thirty-five weekers like her who have to spend weeks in the NICU, the doctor told me we can probably go home_ with _her in less than two days. She _is _okay, Peyton."

Peyton's lips twisted ever so slightly as she looked at Lucas. After a beat, she looked down at the baby. "She does look okay…" She admitted slowly as a silly smirk started forming on her lips.

Lucas rolled his eyes at Peyton, but then also couldn't help but laugh. Peyton simply was something else. "She is." He promised, his hand reaching out to caress the baby's soft skin. "She is…" Lucas repeated then, but that time it had been more so to convince himself rather than Peyton.

"You promise?"

Peyton's voice broke his inner thoughts again, but as patiently as ever, Lucas nodded his head. His eyes stayed on the baby though. "I do."

"What about her brain?" Peyton had done so much reading for the last six months. She had read about premature babies and all the possible complications. The brain and the lungs were the most important ones that she remembered. She already knew her lungs were just fine, now she worried about the brain.

Lucas however, simply nodded his head again. "Normal."

"Her hearing?"

"Normal." Lucas assured her.

There was silence for at least a minute, Lucas squinted his eyes and at last shifted his eyes and looked at Peyton. She had been looking down at him and the baby with a silly smile on her face for that whole minute. "Okay." She said finally letting herself be _completely _happy that little baby was there in her arms, healthy. Peyton then motioned Lucas with her head to move closer and he agreed easily. They kissed then lovingly again and didn't let go of one another until they absolutely had to. "She's so pretty, isn't she?" Peyton asked him and Lucas smiled.

"She's gorgeous, Peyt…"

For another twenty minutes or so, Peyton and Lucas managed to be their little family of three in the hospital room. They talked about a few more things, gushed over the baby, Lucas got to hold her again until she woke up and Peyton —_delicately_— demanded to hold her again. All the while she'd held the baby she'd been sleeping; now that she was finally awake she wanted more but to have her in her arms.

The door to her room opened not two whole minutes after the baby woke up though. How did they know? Peyton wondered, looking in the Doctor's direction. She didn't know this doctor, but by the pink scrubs, Peyton sort of guess this one was her baby's doctor.

"I see she's awake." The Doctor pointed out at the little whining she heard coming from Peyton's arms.

Peyton stared at her frozen for an instant, before rapidly looking down at the baby. She couldn't help but chuckle. Good God, she was mom —she was a mom to that beauty in her arms… "Yeah…" Peyton answered finally. She smiled coyly in the doctor's direction as she settled down the baby.

"I'm Doctor Smith; I'd been looking for her since she got here."

Peyton nodded as her eyes darted back and forth between the doctor and the baby.

"I have to do a small checkup on her but then after I'm done a nurse will come so the baby can be fed. Right now she should be fed around 8 to 12 times a day…so a nurse will help you figuring that out, if you want to nurse, or bottle feed or whatever. She has been fed two times with a bottle, but it shouldn't be a problem if you decide you want to breastfeed instead."

Peyton took a moment to take in all that information in, but then after a beat she just nodded her head. She hadn't really given much thought to the feeding dilemma before today, but she'd figure she would give breastfeeding a go and see how it goes. "Yeah," Peyton managed to say.

The doctor was already moving closer to the bed and pulling some instruments from the small stand next to the bed. "I took a look on your chart, and I don't see a problem why you shouldn't, so go for it. I bet this little one will be the one winning in the end." She cooed as she slowly took the baby from Peyton.

Peyton couldn't help herself, but she really did feel sad she wasn't holding her baby girl anymore. She didn't want to be one of those months that couldn't leave their kids alone one second, but she had _just _gotten the baby, she didn't want to let go yet if at all…

In the end, Peyton settled down taking a few breaths and just looked at the doctor as she unwrapped the baby from the blanket, and started snapping open her little outfit. Peyton wondered then where those clothes came from since most certainly Peyton hadn't brought any, but in any case she couldn't stop herself from thinking how cute her baby looked in those tiny ducky PJs.

In that instant she also figured out her _baby _needed a name, but as of that moment, Peyton honestly had no mind for that, so she just shook her head and instead started listening carefully to what the doctor was saying.

"I'm going to make her mad a little, but I promise I'm not going to take long with this…" The Doctor said as the baby started crying as she did her exam.

"Her color is great but I will not be surprised if her skin turns a bit yellow throughout the next days. Keep an eye on that, check her mouth, her eyes, her belly, see how I check her belly and her nose," Doctor Smith said as she pressed softly on the baby's nose and then let go seeing how fast the baby's skin turned pink again. It was a simple examination, but it really was vital it was made frequently in babies as small as this one. "Do that a few times a day for the first two weeks or so. There is no need to be concern about jaundice unless she's lethargic and doesn't want to nurse…treatment is fairly simply so there's no need to be concerned, just keep her close and make sure she's eating enough and all that good stuff of parenting." Her tone of voice was light, but Peyton however was serious.

"I will." She said back simply. There really was nothing funny about her baby's health,

"Okay." Doctor Smith said back as she kept looking at the baby. She looked at her eyes and made the baby open her mouth as wide as it would go. "She's looking great, I'm not worried about her, but again, just keep her close by, different things can show up here and there and we don't want to miss anything."

Those words actually did do quite a bit for Peyton —and for Lucas too, if the doctor wasn't worried for her, then maybe perhaps the two of them could begin to breathe again now knowing baby girl was in fact really doing okay.

"We have to do her glucose test now, and then again early in the morning. We've done one so far, and everything looked great. We have to prick her foot to do this test, so it's your choice if you want it do be done here or in the nursery. One thing I can tell you and that's how she's not going to like it." Doctor Smith warned as she placed the baby back in Peyton's arms.

She and Lucas shared a look, and then Lucas answered for the two of them. "Do it here, it's fine."

"Good." The Doctor said back not missing a beat. "She's probably going to want to nurse afterwards so it's perfect if she's already here with you," She said looking in Peyton's direction.

Peyton smiled politely and then looked down at her baby. Her eyes were wide opened now, and she looked so comfy and calm in her arms. She surely had no idea what was coming. "You are going to be okay." Peyton promised smiling sweetly at the baby.

Doctor Smith watched for a small moment before writing down a few too many things in a chart. After she put it down she informed Lucas and Peyton a nurse would be coming in just a few minutes to perform the test on the baby and assist with breastfeeding if it was needed.

And sure enough, not three minutes after the doctor left her room, a nurse with a small box walked inside the room. This one was older than Doctor Smith, Peyton could tell. She looked a bit tired, but nonetheless offered Peyton a huge smile and a big honest congratulations as she saw the baby.

"She's going to be so mad after we prick her but rest assured this is something some babies go through regardless of their gestational age." The nurse assured them as she was already assisting Peyton with a couple positions that would work better whenever the baby had to nurse.

It took them some good thirty minutes of trying, but finally after the nurse came up with the idea of have Peyton give the baby a little of formula right on her mouth with her finger to get her used to the feel and taste, the baby became a little more interested in nursing.

Took a few minutes, but after quite a few attempts, the baby latched on and started sucking. The feeling was strange, Peyton hadn't known that was how it was going to feel, she wasn't sure she liked it, but she still decided to suck it up. After all she was doing this for her baby and that was what mattered.

"Your milk is probably not going to come in for at least three or four more days, but the colostrum you are giving her is more than enough for her right now."

Peyton nodded at yet more information. She tried to sink it all in, but it was a bit hard. Twenty-four hours ago she had been still pregnant, thinking she had weeks to go before baby came, and now…well now baby was already here and she was trying to figure out how not to starve her baby. Good times.

"Dad can help me with the test if he wants, or I can call another nurse—"

"I can help." Lucas said quickly before the nurse had even finished talking.

She chuckled but then just instructed Lucas to get the baby from Peyton, and told him exactly how to hold her. "Shush, shush…" Lucas cooed to the baby as he held her close to his chest.

It took less time then for the nurse to grab her heel, than for the baby to start crying and squirming in Lucas' arms. Peyton bit on her lip as she saw the nurse taking the blood sample from her little girl's foot. If she didn't know better, she would have probably already gotten out of that bed and taken her baby from that nurse.

She _did_ know better though and that was why Peyton did nothing but just watched. Took that small prick for Peyton to see her daughter crying for her for the first time.

Lucas tended tenderly to the baby and held her protectively in his arms when the test was finished, and the nurse had the blood she needed. He cradled the baby close to his chest and rocked her slightly. He didn't think before he started moving in Peyton's direction though. Peyton was the mom, she was a mom, she was the mom of _his _baby…God, even right now with his baby girl crying big fat tears, Lucas still felt as the luckiest man alive.

"You got her?" He asked Peyton before completely letting go of the baby.

Peyton smiled briefly at him before properly holding onto her baby girl. "Shush, you are okay baby. Mama has you…" She whispered to the baby quietly. The nurse had been right though, she had said earlier how feeding would probably be the one thing to calm down the baby after the glucose test, and sure enough, it calmed her down only seconds after she started eating.

Peyton chuckled when the nurse muttered an _"I told you so."_

Around two hours later Peyton finally agreed to try to get some sleep. Lucas held the baby sitting on the rocker by Peyton's bed after baby had been changed and fed. She was still awake now as Lucas held her but he could tell she was all too sleepy too and soon enough she would close her eyes… "Welcome to our family little princess." Lucas said quietly looking down sweetly at his brand new daughter.

He had thought Peyton had already fallen asleep, but of course not. She stayed quiet and kept her eyes closed for a few more minutes though. "Where's Jack?" There, at last Peyton asked the question.

Lucas was taken aback a little by her voice but still shrugged his shoulders when Peyton finally opened her eyes and stared at him. Of course the mere mention of family had made them both think of Jack; yes their family was complete now with that sweet little baby, but Jack was part of this family too and they both knew it.

Lucas could tell himself all he wanted, but deep inside he was also feeling so guilty about Jack and about how his birthday had turned out to be. His eighth birthday was tomorrow, exactly in less than 2 hours, and instead of being with Lucas and Peyton up in the mountains as he had wished, he was somewhere stuck in a crappy hotel in New Hampshire until Lindsey could find a flight to take them both back home…

Not the birthday he had hoped for his son for sure, Lucas thought. "Lindsey came and got him…"

Peyton slowly nodded her head. "How is he?"

Lucas in all honesty couldn't answer right away to that question. He sighed looking at the baby. "He was scared…" Lucas told Peyton sadly without meeting her eyes. "I know Jack acts as though he's 40 already most of the times, but he is still a little boy. He had no idea what the heck was going on today and if you and the baby were going to be okay…"

"I know." Peyton had no idea what to say, but one thing she did know, Lucas was right in what he said, and she understood this.

After a beat Lucas let out a breath and shook slightly his head. "I already called him and told him both of you are okay, so don't worry, go to sleep now, the baby here is also drifting off as of right now…so…sleep Peyt, okay…?"

She thought through Lucas' words for a small moment before just nodding her head. "You are right." Peyton agreed simply. She closed her eyes but her mind could not shut up for some reason. She was exhausted, she _should _be exhausted and she was, but somehow she couldn't shut up her thoughts.

"You know we gotta name her, right?"

Lucas chuckled at Peyton, her eyes were closed but she still sounded wide awake as she asked the question. He refused to answer though. "Go to sleep." He ordered playfully. "I agree she needs a name, but it's not happening tonight, Peyton Sawyer. Go to sleep." Lucas rarely ever called by her maiden name anymore, but right now it slipped and it did seem fitting somehow for him.

Peyton chuckled quietly but only a few seconds later they both sobered; the two of them were wearing content smiles on their faces though. "Fine, good nite…" Peyton grumbled playfully at last. "I love you." She chanted and Lucas chuckled softly.

"I know…"

"I meant our baby but I love you too, Luke…"

Lucas shook his head but didn't say anything else. Inwardly he was thinking how was it possible to love a person so much as he loved Peyton?

Nah…figuring out that one was definitely not happening tonight either…

"Night Peyton…"

"Night Luke…"

* * *

**AN : **Hope you liked this one…Peyton has yet to see/talk to Jack, so you'd see that in the next chapter :) Thank you so much for reading!


	17. Chapter Sixteen : ((February))

**Author's Note : **There is one of those terribly awful tstorms outside today so...this chapter happened to be finished sooner than I thought :) Here you go! I hope you like it, and like always thank you thank you so much for reading!

**Chapter Sixteen : ((February))**

* * *

It felt so weird for Jack to be feeling the way he did right now. He felt so bad about everything; even though it had been a while already, he still felt way too guilty about everything that happened a few short weeks ago. He felt as though it had been all his fault that Peyton's baby had been born the way it had. He felt guilty Peyton almost died and the baby too —that was the way he saw it. Peyton had been in so much pain and he had seen it all, for him, Peyton had been all too close to die. And then the baby breathing so bad at the beginning, he had really felt terrible. Even after they finally got out of the cottage and went to the hospital. Jack had seen how worried Lucas was, and how terrified Peyton had been. Jack had seen the blood coming from Peyton, and yet all she had cared had been the baby and making sure she was okay.

Even though Lucas had shipped him —_so to say_— right away back to his mom for the rest of the winter holiday, now that Jack was finally back at the house he had to see Peyton, but he couldn't help feeling awful. _Even, _when Peyton and baby were actually okay. That was what his Dad had assured him time and time again anyway.

When he walked into the nursery he found Peyton folding a little pile of teeny tiny clothes. Jack had looked for her in her room but she hadn't been there so he came here. He was glad he had found her. "Hello…" He whispered into the air hoping Peyton would hear him.

Peyton was surprised to see him there, but nevertheless she smiled at him. This kid looked already as scared as could be. The less he needed was her making him more anxious. "Hey," She told him back simply as she kept folding the last of Baby Dianna's clothes. "Didn't know your mom had dropped you off already." She pointed out, seeing how uncomfortable Jack looked in his skin. This was the first time Peyton was seeing him since that day in the cottage, and while Jack would never believe her, she still did feel awful about that day and how she had been with him.

"She brought me a little while ago. I was downstairs with my dad…" Jack nodded as he started walking inside the nursery.

Peyton was by the rocking chair and as she motioned him to do it, Jack sat on the footrest. He looked awkwardly around for a moment.

Peyton broke the silence. "Did you see Di?" She asked, shifting up her eyes from the little clothes. The smile on her face and God, even the hope and happiness in her voice was so palpable. If one thing in this world made her completely happy these days that was certainly her baby. She was unbelievable, by far the most amazing human being Peyton knew. But then again, as of today, as he looked there all cute and vulnerable, Jack wasn't so bad himself either. He didn't show that side often to Peyton, and for obvious reasons, Peyton liked it when he did. It made her feel useful, as if she _should _protect him, and as if she actually _could —_as if Jack was actually letting her doing it.

Plus, in the end, Jack indeed smiled a little at Peyton's question. "Yeah I did," He replied shyly at last.

"What do you think?" By then, Peyton's eyes were completely focused on Jack —she really wanted to know the answer to this one.

Jack pretended to think about it for a long moment before chuckling ever so slightly and looking down at his hands. "She's cute," He admitted even when he knew Peyton would make a big deal of him saying that. Admitting he actually liked this baby? Even after everything he had said about pretty much hating her from the moment they told him about it? Well whatever, Jack thought. Now that the baby was actually here and after everything that happened in the woods, Jack actually didn't mind little Dianna anymore. He was telling Peyton the truth before; he actually did think that baby was kind of really cute. Plus she really didn't cry so much so that was actually a very good thing, Jack thought.

"She is, isn't she?" Peyton gushed and Jack chuckled again. He did nod his head after a little while though so Peyton smiled too.

They were quiet for a moment after that. Peyton finally finished folding her clothes, and stood up placing them carefully inside a drawer at the other side of the room.

Jack bit on his lip as Peyton gave him her back, and then he breathed. He needed to say this. "I'm sorry, Peyton."

Peyton narrowed her eyes immediately and didn't waste a beat before she turned around. "What?" She asking him confused.

Jack looked uneasy and did not say a word for another minute or so. He broke eye contact with Peyton and looked down at his feet. "It was my fault. You were right, I, argh, I made you go to the mountains, you didn't want to go, but I, I was stupid and made you and Daddy do it. I, I'm so sorry," He apologized restlessly without meeting Peyton's eyes.

And Oh God, she felt awful. She could deny this all the wanted, but it was her fault —_hers and hers only_— that Jack was feeling this way. It didn't take a scientist to figure it she'd been her most horrible self to Jack the day of Di's birth. She was ashamed to say it, but she had blamed it all in Jack, and he just didn't deserve that. "Jack, come on buddy…" Peyton said softly at last. She closed Dianna's drawer, and moved back to where Jack was. She stopped short when Jack rose to his feet and stepped back, before Peyton could reach him. "It was _not _your fault." Peyton tried to insist, but Jack was stubborn and shook his head strongly.

"Of course it was." He retorted anxiously. "You were so sad that day, so scared, I could tell, and you were in so much pain, and…and you couldn't get to the doctors because we were in the mountains and _I _was the one who made us go, so it was me, it was my fault we ended up stuck there as you said."

Peyton sighed and cursed herself inwardly. And there went her hope to be a good mom —she'd broken this kid and now she didn't have a clue as to how to fix him. "Jack listen to me," Peyton tried but Jack wasn't listening at all. He kept shaking his head and even turned around from Peyton when she tried to steady him with her hands on his shoulders.

"No," He all but shouted, and Peyton knew he was already at the verge of tears, she raised her voice a tad.

"Jack, stop it." Peyton ordered sternly, that motherly voice she thought she hadn't perfected yet —apparently she had though, because as soon as she said this, Jack stood still and his eyes shifted up to meet hers. "That's better, thank you," Peyton said, now a little more calmly taking in a breath as Jack did too. "It was _not _your fault what happen. I, Gosh, Jack I said really _really_ nasty things to you that day and for that I'm sorry." She admitted.

Certainly _"It's your fault for listening to that stupid little boy's tantrums and bringing us here" _hadn't been Peyton's finest moments or words she could've told Lucas about Jack, but she had done the damage regardless. Granted, she had been in the middle of one of the strongest contractions she felt that day, but that still wasn't enough of a reason to say such a thing of Jack. She knew this now. "We didn't know Di would come early. For all you and me and Luke knew, the baby wasn't supposed to come till February, if anything it was Di's fault for coming early." Peyton tried saying lightly in hopes of a smile from Jack, but he wasn't giving an inch. He still looked as sad and terrified as he had never looked before in front of Peyton. "I was scared that day Jack. I was so scared and in pain, and…I just wasn't thinking right. I did _not _mean what I said. I just needed someone to take out my frustration on and you were there. You were the easy target—"

"What do you mean easy target?" Jack interrupted softly. His voice soft and scared.

Peyton sighed and smiled sadly. "It means you are eight years old and I'm thirty seven, I should have known better. I should've known you were scared that day too—"

"You were screaming _so_ bad, I, I didn't know what to do." Jack confessed in something just above a whisper.

Peyton's throat felt tight and she tried swallowing the big lump that formed. She hesitated for a moment before she reached up and gently caressed Jack's cheek making him look up at her. "I know sweetie." She told him slowly with a nod. "And you were _so _good that day. You are not stupid Jack. Not one little bit. You are way too smart and that day you did just as you had to. As _I _needed you to do; as Lucas and Dianna did too. You helped Lucas bringing stuff and staying calm and most important protecting Di as Lucas helped _me_. Everything wouldn't have turned out as well as it did if it hadn't been for you."

Jack listened and looked at her seriously. Peyton seemed sincere, she actually did, and Jack would know. He knew how she was when she said something just so Lucas was happy. Like, "_Oh Jack I love those new sneakers_." Or "_Jack, I loved that art project you made_." She didn't even know that project she saw wasn't even his but Daniel Muller's and Jack had just taken it on accident. Plus the project was awful, he knew it, and yet Peyton said it was awesome, of course she was lying, but…now she did look as if she was saying the truth. "Do you mean that? You really don't think I'm stupid?"

Peyton was shaking her head before Jack had even finished saying those words. "No." She told him seriously. "Not at all. I was the one who messed it up with you. I made a mistake, so I'm the one who should be sorry. Not you, I swear."

A swear was something big, Jack thought. You don't swear just because. You only do it when you really really mean something.

"We could have never envisioned what happened that day. We could have never known Di was going to come early, and that it was going to be such a big storm that same day too. We had no way to know that. You couldn't have known that. And what matters is that baby is fine now, and I know you never meant wrong when you insisted we went to the mountains. You just wanted to spend your birthday, your special day with your dad. _I know _you never wanted something bad to happen to the baby, did you?"

"No, not at all. Absolutely not." Jack replied immediately, shaking his head. "Baby Di is…you know, my sister. Even mom called her like that. I don't want anything to happen to her."

Even though Peyton was dying to hear what exactly Lindsey had to say about her baby, right about now she just couldn't focus in that part of what Jack had said, she cared only about the part when he called Di his sister, and pretty much told her he loved her. Peyton didn't reply there to his words, but instead she smiled sincerely and reached out her arms wrapping Jack into a hug —a big, tight one.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked chuckling slightly, but certainly startled at Peyton's actions.

Peyton chuckled too but didn't let go of him. "I'm hugging you," She pointed out the obvious and Jack rolled her eyes.

"I know that, but I meant, why? Why are you doing it?" He whined trying to look up at her. He wasn't really all that annoyed though, he was even smiling.

"You are my daughter's brother, right?" Jack just nodded. "Well you are, and so that means we are family, and well…family hugs each other," She explained goofily before squeezing Jack only a little bit tighter and he squealed. "Thank you for everything you did that night, Jack." Peyton said then, a little more serious now as she slowly let go of Jack. She stared into his eyes —Gosh, they looked just liked Lucas'. "I really, really hope you can forgive for how I acted that night with you…"

One more time, Jack nodded. Quite honestly he was quite happy Peyton had made it out okay from those mountains—not just the baby, but Peyton too. Jack wasn't going to tell her this, but he had kind of missed her during all this time he didn't get to see her. "Do you forgive me for being stubborn and made us all go to the cottage even though Baby Di was still in your tummy?"

"I said you didn't have to apolo—"

"Do you?" Jack insisted.

Peyton heaved a sigh, then she nodded. "Yes I do, Jack."

Jack nodded his assent. "Then I do, too."

"So we are good?" Peyton asked, only a bit hesitantly.

"I guess so."

Jack answered and she knew what that meant. It meant everything was indeed good between them —for now. While they were not in front of Lucas and Jack had to play his little spoiled boy part, and Peyton the evil step mother part. She didn't care too much about that right now though. For better or for worse, she was cherishing and savoring this moment with Jack. Those sure didn't come often, so Peyton better made a good job saving this memory deep in her heart so she never ever forgot it.

As if in cue then as Peyton was going to say something else, a big wail was heard from downstairs. In normal circumstances Peyton would have grimaced at the sound of a child's wailing, but oh well…this child was _her _child, and one way or another, _Di_ was calling her, and that was good. That made her feel needed for, and she honestly just couldn't wait until she could get a good hold on that little girl of hers.

"You wanna come help me with Di?" Peyton asked with a raised eyebrow looking at Jack.

He chuckled at her funny face and then just nodded. "You think I can hold her?"

Peyton made a silly puffing sound as she turned to look at him again. "Of course," She laughed as she started guiding the way downstairs. "You are good kid, Jack. Remember that, okay?"

Jack looked at her softly for a small moment. "I will."

* * *

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Peyton was startled a little, but she then settled down fast enough. She looked over at the door, and sighed deeply at the question. "Nothing…I was just…you know…thinking…"

Lucas was quiet then, looking softly at her face and then down at Di. Peyton was holding her after the baby nursed. Di slept so _so_ peacefully; most of the times Lucas genuinely envied her for being able to rest so well. In any case, after just a moment, Lucas' eyes shifted back to those green of Peyton. "Thinking about what?"

Again Peyton sighed. "I was just thinking that we could go to a Starbucks or something…" Lucas eyes narrowed and it was given he was confused. Peyton smiled at that.

"Okay," Lucas let out clueless, making Peyton chuckle.

"You know what day is today?" Lucas shook his head. He thought about it fast, but nope, it was still February, it wasn't their anniversary, it wasn't July so it wasn't her birthday either, nope…Lucas had no idea what the heck was today. "Five years ago I met you at that coffee shop close to my office," The memory dawned on Lucas and he smiled. Turned out it was indeed their anniversary. Five years ago today they had started their relationship all over again. "Look at us now," Peyton added then when obviously Lucas was at a loss of words. "We are married, really happy at that, we have a five week old little girl, we haven't sleep in at least three months, and yet I know I'm the happiest I've ever been…"

"You mean that?" It took Lucas a good moment to come out with the words, but at last he just asked that simple question.

Peyton didn't even have to think about it. "Of course." She said softly, as her eyes slowly traveled down to her daughter. "So that's why I thought we could go to Starbucks for a bit. I know it's cold but we can bundle the kids up and take them. Jack and I can have some hot cocoa and you can have whatever. This one is probably going to sleep for a while so we are good…" She said, motioning Lucas with her head towards their sleeping baby.

Lucas smiled and nodded his head. "Sure we can go. I'll go get Jack ready, you get Di ready. It's kind of really chilly outside so get her a couple blankets —heck, get her ten," Lucas said as a second thought laughing. Peyton laughed too but understood completely his point, they wanted all but for Di to be the slightest bit cold outside.

She wanted to make a slight change to Lucas' plans though. She stood up from the rocking chair she had been sitting, and started walking in Lucas' direction with baby Di carefully cradled in her arms. "How about…" She started saying as she reached Lucas and tenderly placed the baby in his arms. "You get Di ready, and I go get Jack ready?" Peyton said and immediately as her words were out, she looked up at Lucas and they exchanged a look.

Lucas was in all honesty so proud of Peyton; she was trying now as hard as ever to have a –good– relationship with Jack, and not just one that was almost non-existed. Lucas had been here all day as Peyton had tried to include Jack in all different kinds of things; in lunch making, in baby changing, in choosing what TV show to watch after lunch, she even asked Jack his opinion on some pants she'd bought. Maybe Peyton didn't know he'd noticed —Lucas hadn't had the chance to tell her so yet— but he had noticed every little thing she'd tried to do different with Jack today. She was trying to make their relationship better and Lucas was oh-so glad Jack was in a way letting her. He wasn't being cold and rude to Peyton as he most of the times was. In a way, Jack was trying too, and for that, Lucas in truth could not complain.

He smiled at Peyton and leaned down kissing her lips softly. "I love you." He promised knowing well enough he had said those same words at least ten times already today. Lucas didn't care though because he knew that was the truth. Thank God Peyton knew that too.

She smiled too and sighed before nodding her head. "Love you too." She patted Lucas' arm softly before stealing one last kiss from him, and walking past him and out of baby Di's room.

Who would have known it, but having Di had definitely made Peyton softer —way softer if she could say so herself. Peyton had never before seen Jack the way she saw him now, not just as _Lucas'_son, but somehow as hers too. And in a way he was, so why not act as a mother figure to him, too, right? And besides, it wasn't as if being an mom and care and love a child unconditionally was that hard —at least that was the way Peyton was feeling right now.

Perhaps she was saying that partly because of the sleep deprivation and tiredness, but in her heart Peyton knew doing right to Jack was what she had to do, and for once in her life, it wasn't because she wanted to make Lucas happy, but because she genuinely cared for that little boy.

After all she hadn't lie to him at all, Jack had indeed helped and made it possible somehow for baby Dianna and her to be okay, so for that, Peyton would forever be grateful to that child.

* * *

_Dianna S. Scott_ was the name Lucas and Peyton had given their daughter. The _S _in her name was as in _Sawyer_, honoring Peyton's former last name. Lucas had liked the name Dianna ever since they both bought a baby names book a few months ago. Lucas thought it was classy and elegant, and he plain and simply liked it. Peyton hadn't loved it as much as Lucas did at the beginning, but then after a few hours of sharing with her daughter, Peyton realized baby Di _did _indeed look like a Dianna.

It had also been a wonderful coincidence that with her name Dianna was also honoring her late grandmother, Anna.

As of today, baby Dianna was five weeks old. She was weighing around 9 pounds but still to Peyton felt as the tiniest and most delicate little baby on earth. She had her Daddy wrapped around her teeny finger, and surprisingly, Peyton didn't care one bit. Sometimes she could still feel the tears forming in her eyes at the way Lucas so carefully and lovingly cradled the baby every time she shed even the smallest tear. Lucas loved that baby and for the last five weeks he hadn't had eyes for anything else but that baby. He loved to tend to her every need and so far had made a good job complaining as little as possible about the lack of sleep.

Because that was the thing, even at five weeks old, Lucas knew already Di was just like her mother. She was a night owl. Dianna's longest nap usually was during the day; around 10 or 11 am, and as of recently, she slept for around 3 to 4 hours. At nights however, her routine was still quite a mess.

For her first two weeks of life, Dianna Scott shared a room with her parents. She slept on a cradle right next to Lucas and Peyton's bed. On her third week however, they moved her to her own bedroom, and since then she had slept on her full size crib. The advice to do that had come from Haley who very wisely said babies needed to get used to their own beds from the very start.

The problem with this was however, late night feedings were a lot more work. Lucas and Peyton now slept with a baby monitor in their room. They could look at that little screen and see how the baby was doing, and of course, know when she had woken up by her cries.

Peyton was still in maternity leave so she was staying home with Dianna. That meant that Lucas was in charge of the nights. Every time the baby woke up —_which at night seriously happened every two hours or less_— Lucas was the one who had to get out of bed, get to Di's room and get her. He would change her diaper as baby screamed her head off, and then he would bring the baby to Peyton in their room. She would feed the baby —_half-sleep, half-awake_— and once Di was calm and happy again, Lucas would take her back to her room.

There were some nights though when Peyton was awake enough that she would keep the baby in her arms for a few more moments after Di had eaten. Tonight had been one of those nights, and while Peyton knew she should just give the baby to Lucas and get some sleep while she could, right now she honestly just wanted to look at that baby's precious face for a little while longer.

"Is she…she…done…?" Lucas mumbled half sleep lifting his head from the pillow slightly. Di was a slow eater while Lucas on the other hand, was a very very good and heavy sleeper. By the time Di was usually finished with her feedings, Lucas had fallen sleep already again long ago. He still never complained when Peyton woke him up again to take Di back to her room.

Peyton tonight however, just looked down at Lucas and smiled caressing softly his cheek. "I got her, don't worry. Go to sleep, I love you." She whispered keeping her hand on Lucas' cheek.

He was so sleepy and his eyes felt so heavy, and while Lucas wasn't sure if he was dreaming this or it was real life, he still worked on a smile as he nodded his head. Soon after, he was closing his eyes and Peyton smiled.

Unlike her Daddy, Di was oh-so very awake tonight. She didn't care at all it was nearly four in the morning; she was just pretty content to be in her mama's arms. Di was quiet and calm, and very alert as Peyton held her in her arms. "You are refusing to nap, huh?" Not that Peyton was expecting an elaborated answer, but a coo would have done it, geez…

Peyton chuckled quietly at her own silly thoughts. She gently ran her index finger over Di's chubby cheek and then all the way down her face. "You know, the sooner you realize your mama and daddy need their sleep, the better off we will all be." Peyton said nodding her head as in for emphasis. Di was still staring at her with soulful eyes as Peyton cooed at her silly words and let her finger ran down the baby's neck. It was then when Di's comeback began. Her mouth opened wide and Peyton was damn too positive her baby girl was so smiling at her. Di started then cooing up at Peyton as though the two of them were actually having a conversation. "So you are not going to sleep in on the weekends either, huh?" Peyton said goofily as Di kept babbling up at her. She had never before done something like that, sure Di cooed every now and then, but never for more than ten seconds, now she had been doing it for at least a minute.

It was then when Peyton remembered Lucas. She didn't even take her eyes off of Di as she reached out and slammed Lucas on his side.

"Ouch," He cried immediately, shaking his head confused as slowly Lucas lifted his head from his pillow and looked over at Peyton. "Peyton, what's wrong?" Lucas asked but then Peyton was just smiling and almost giggling as he stared at her. She didn't answer and then only seconds later Lucas was awake enough to see what was happening —to _hear_ what was happening. He might of be dreaming again, but he was as of right now totally sure his five week old was arguing with her mama.

Di was mumbling sounds up at Peyton, at the same time as her face was breaking in that perfect, toothless, just-gums grin. "Holy shit!" Lucas exclaimed and _then, _Peyton actually turned to look at him. "Argh, sorry, language," Lucas corrected himself as he sat up better on the bed. He eyed at Di adoringly and couldn't help the enormous grin that formed in his face as well. "You are smiling little munchkin," He whispered, softly stroking Di's cheek and neck just as Peyton was doing. That apparently was what was making her smile, and sure enough, just as Lucas touched her cheek delicately, Di's face broke on a smile again. Lucas then just _knew_ their baby was definitely ticklish as heck as her mama. That thought made Lucas chuckle loudly and Peyton looked at him funny for a bit; he shrugged and then both looked back at the baby. "She's like a mini-you, is scary," Lucas said finally after a beat. Peyton looked at him with a small smile as she shook her head.

"Can you believe she's smiling already?"

Lucas thought over the question for a moment before he realized the answer was fairly easy. "Nuh uh, but then again, I can't believe either I'm wide awake at four am and don't mind one little bit."

Peyton nodded because it was as though Lucas read her mind. "Me either," She agreed simply. So what if her nights lately were spent more staring at her precious daughter than sleeping. These months were surely going to fly by, Peyton knew in her heart she had to make the best of it, and cherish them as much as she could…

"Lucas…" Peyton called his name softly a moment later. Lucas had still his eyes on their daughter, as Di slowly was beginning to become sleepy again.

Lucas looked up to look at Peyton just as she turned off the light on the nightstand. They could still see each other and while Lucas had a good view of her eyes, he had very little idea what she was thinking. "What's up blondie?"

Peyton chuckled at the nickname that was only partly true anymore. Her hair wasn't so much blonde anymore as it was light brown with highlights, but she still liked the sentiment Lucas always carried when he called her that. "I was just thinking," She began and then both of them had to laugh —she was always just '_thinking'_ "How does this all feel for you?"

Lucas narrowed his eyes immediately at the question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean as in with Di, you already went through all this, right? With Jack, all his firsts and whatnot? I know you love them both, that's not what I'm asking." Peyton warned before Lucas could even think she was doubting that. She was not. At all. She was damn sure Lucas loved Di just as much as he loved Jack, so that was kind of the thing, Peyton wanted to understand how that felt for him. "I was just wondering in how different this experience is for you than it is for me. This is my very first time with a baby, the late night feedings, the diapers, the first smiles, all the milestones…you already did this. You were still in your twenties when Jack was born, right?"

Lucas simply nodded his head. "See, it's just so different, so I was just…you know, trying to understand…you really think you have the upper hand on this?"

Lucas chuckled softly at her words, but then also let himself go through her every word for a moment. His eyes landed on Di's ever so sleepy form, and without planning it, a smile graced on his face. "You are right when you say it's different." Lucas started answering. He shifted his eyes from the baby and looked up at Peyton. "With Lindsey we were both so lost at first. We had no idea what we were doing most of the times. At that time both of us had to keep working far too soon after Jack was born. She hardly took any maternity leave and instead worked from home part time while at the same time taking care of Jack. Those first few months with him were so hard –and to be honest that had little to do with Jack himself. He was a pretty good baby…" Lucas said thoughtfully as he eyed Di one more time. Dianna and Jack were so different. Jack always was a good sleeper as a baby unlike Miss. Di, and while Di turned out to be a much better eater, Jack wasn't so much at first. "After he was born he had a lot of stomach little issues. He couldn't handle milk, so we had to mix it with a special formula just so he wouldn't throw up whatever he ate. That made Lindsey feel awful those first couple of months. She felt bad because she simply couldn't feed her baby properly. It wasn't her fault but she always felt responsible anyway…"

Peyton let one of her hands slip into Lucas' and he smiled looking up at her eyes. "Well, it's a good thing then this one eats like a champ, no?" She asked innocently and although quietly, Lucas chuckled at those words. Miss Di was indeed the best eater he knew though. She could eat all day if only they let her. She was much more alert that Jack was at her age. Lucas still remembered how much Jack used to sleep, and how worried Lindsey would get while the baby was sleeping sometimes. She was always sure something bad had happened to Jack and eventually she would always enter the baby's room just to check under his nose to make sure he was indeed breathing.

If Lucas were honest to himself, he would tell Peyton that Lindsey had changed a lot after Jack was born. She never went back to be the Lindsey Lucas met once upon a time. After Jack was born that little guy was the only thing she could think about —well, Jack and her work. She forgot how to be anything more than that. She stopped hanging out with their friends, she stopped talking to Lucas about anything other than Jack and the household. She became a mother and while Lucas had never doubted how great at that she was, Lindsey somehow also forgot how to be wife. After Jack was born they stopped going to the movies together, out to dinner, or even for walks as they used to do during their first years of marriage.

Lucas never blamed Jack for that, because maybe at some level he had also forgotten how be a husband to Lindsey —just as she had some of the blame for the fallout of the marriage, so did Lucas —first off because what he felt for her wasn't nearly as strong as it should be, and secondly, because Lucas simply didn't try hard enough to get her back and he knew this. All those times Lindsey refused to have a normal conversation with him, or all the times she looked at him as though he was crazy when Lucas proposed they used a babysitter so they could go for dinner during the weekend. Lucas knew now he had settled with what Lindsey became. He didn't know better, as he did now. He didn't know becoming parents wasn't the same as stopping being husband and wife.

In a way Peyton had taught him this without even knowing it. They were a team raising Di and they had been from day one with that baby. There hadn't been a time when Lucas had felt Peyton pulling away from him; she had instead leaned on him when she needed help with Di —when she was feeling lost or confused about something. After Jack was born Lucas used to feel every so often how annoyed Lindsey sometimes seemed to feel as his mere presence. She never liked the way he held Jack, or the way he made his bottles or his bed.

Peyton was indeed oh-so different in that matter. Every win was _their _win, just as every misstep was _their _misstep. They would laugh together at their mistakes as new parents, and they were learning together just what the best way of dealing with Miss. Di was. Unlike what Peyton thought, this experience was after all, all new for Lucas as well. In all honesty, he was all but familiar with this way or raising a child. All he had known before were frowns and worrisome every single day for the first months of his baby's life.

"You want to know what the biggest difference is for me about being a father this time to Di than what I went through with Jack?" Peyton nodded her head, steadily looking into Lucas' eyes. "This time I am actually enjoying this so much. I'm loving every minute of this baby's life and I love you are letting me be as involved in her care as you are. I didn't get to do that before. Sadly I didn't get to enjoy my son so much when he was a baby, but…you know, we are doing that now, with you…and with Di, and that just makes it all the more amazing…"

Peyton was quiet for a small moment then. She thought over everything Lucas said, and everything he didn't say too. "You are an amazing Dad, you know that, right?" Lucas stayed quiet. "You are. This little baby," She said looking down at Di. "And Jack are so lucky to have you as their dad. We all are lucky to have you here with us, Luke. Don't forget that. These two kids couldn't wish for a better father than you…" Peyton said sweetly as she started moving closer to Lucas. He leaned in too, and only seconds later their lips were meeting in a soft kiss. Peyton closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she managed to see Lucas still had his closed. "Their mommy couldn't wish for a better husband either…" Peyton added and at that Lucas' eyes opened.

He was curious as in her use of words; did she do it on purpose or it just slipped?

Peyton's next words answered Lucas' inner questions. "Do you think Jack will ever see me as a mom too? Do you think he will ever really accept me?"

She had meant it when she said "_their mommy_" and Lucas was so very glad in his heart for that. "I think he will." Lucas answered and Peyton was only a bit surprised with his certainty. "As a matter of fact I think he already is starting…"

They were quietly staring into each other eyes for a good moment before Peyton nodded. "Yeah, I think so too." After the day they had today, for some reason Peyton was also very hopeful about her relationship with Jack. He had been so so sweet with Di, and helped Peyton a lot, and also _talked _to her a lot. Peyton got to hear all about some of his friends —Jack had never never before done something like that. They bonded today and for the sake of their family Peyton really hoped this was just the beginning. That Jack didn't go back to hate her next week when he came over again. That they could become friends. That he could trust her. That Peyton could trust him. That they could have a relationship…

A real one. Independent from Lucas and Lindsey and all their issues…

Oh well, Peyton could hope so at least. "Do you wanna spoil her and let her sleep with us tonight?"

Lucas didn't even have to think about it. The answer was yes (even if that meant 'spoil rotten' their five week old little princess)

"Night Luke…"

"Night night Peyt…love you…"

"Love you too."

They both smiled, already with their eyes closed. Di was peacefully sleeping in between her parents and ever so softly, both Lucas and Peyton could hear her steady breathing. They opened their eyes for a moment and shared a look. They smiled and then whispered in unison before finally drifting off to sleep. _"Sweet dreams Di…we love you."_


	18. Chapter Seventeen : ((March))

**Author's Note : **Hello! I have to say I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Truth is, I was a bit busy with school and a big exam I had last week. Now the craziness is over I think and I'm back writing. Also, suddenly out-of-nowhere I had inspiration to work in a different story I started writing along this one a long time ago, so I did a few chapters of that one before getting back to this one. Anyway, the thing is that eventually I did manage to finish writing this chapter, and editing, so I hope you like it. Thank you so much for reading.

**Chapter Seventeen : ((March))**

* * *

Life recently was kind of really good, Peyton thought. She wasn't thinking too much ahead into the future and so far that was working out. For now, she told to herself every day she was enjoying her life, her daughter, her husband, her family as much as she could, and while eventually she had to go back to work properly, right now all that mattered was that she was enjoying as much as she could this first few months of Di's life.

And in reality Peyton really did enjoy this weird life of tending to her daughter —it all wasn't just laughs and games, of course she still felt more exhausted than she ever had before in the mornings, of course she missed sleeping in, and just doing things with Lucas just the two of them, but…Di made it all so worth it. She was perfect, and even at three am when she was crying her tiny little head out demanding for food, Peyton still loved her and knew in her heart she wouldn't trade her for anything.

Di was almost eleven weeks old now. She was a calm enough baby, but sometimes she could also be very very loud and busy during her wake up hours. She wasn't quite sleeping through the night yet, but lately she was only waking up once every night which was by far better than the three or four trips to her bedroom Lucas and Peyton had to do during those first weeks after she was born.

She was a happy baby —or so Peyton liked to believe. Di would smile a lot, and coo a lot, and she just liked it when people talk to her. She had a very good attention span for a two month old, and that was something Lucas prided himself with.

During the last two months, Peyton had been there to see just how much Lucas really loved her and loved their daughter. He was completely in love with Di. He loved and treasured every little moment he had with that baby. Peyton right now was the one spending the longest time with Di during the day, so when the evening came, and Lucas got to spend some precious time with his daughter, he cherished it greatly. He loved to hold her, and feed her, read to her for hours and even change her out of yucky diapers. She was his daughter and without a shadow of a doubt the little person he loved most.

For now Peyton was still staying home with Di, but very very soon that was going to change. She was supposed to go back to work in only one week, but after making some calls she managed to get a couple extra weeks. She had been so caught up with Di, that Peyton hadn't given thought to prepare them to when she had to start work again. Perhaps she just hadn't wanted to do it. Perhaps Peyton had just been too afraid to do it. She didn't want to leave her daughter. She was utterly afraid to leave her care to someone else, but…deep in her heart Peyton knew she had to do this. She was 37 years old and even when Di was her life, she still also loved her job and knew she wasn't ready to give that up yet —regardless of how freaking bad it was going to hurt to leave Di…

Peyton had two options, go towards the nanny way —_Di would get to stay at home with her crib, her toys, her everything with this option_— or go the daycare way —_that option was much cheaper but Di would have to be in a classroom-like room filled with at least five other babies and she wouldn't have the undivided attention of no one._

The decision was seemingly easy, of course the nanny route would be more comfortable and overall better for Di, but…Did Peyton really want someone else to literally raise her daughter for her? No…that just wasn't something she wanted to think about right now.

So instead of doing that, Peyton shook her head and stopped all at once thinking about the whole daycare situation. She looked down at Di still sleepily looking up at her mom. Peyton smiled at her before caressing Di's chubby soft cheeks and picking her up from her crib. "Good morning little bug." She cooed kissing sweetly Di's face. "How'd you sleep?" She asked as she placed the baby on the changing table.

Before Di was born, Peyton had feared a lot the kind of mom she would be. She never thought being a mom would come easy and be something natural for her, but the reality had been different to what she expected. Caring for Di wasn't easy per se, it took a lot of time and patience, but unlike to what she thought, it did come as a second nature for Peyton. She knew what she had to do and she just did it with her little one. She always made sure Di was clean and comfy and happy. She didn't admit to this one often, but she loved how Di would sometimes only calm down when _she _was holding her. Not when others were holding her, but only when Peyton —_or Lucas_— were. That made her feel special and loved by her baby. It made her feel like a mom and that was just the greatest thing.

"Today we are lucky because the sun is shining bright bright outside and we are nearing the 50 degrees little one. You know what that means, Di?" Di was in truth far more focused in Peyton's hands getting her dressed than in her words, but in any case, Peyton couldn't help but wear the biggest smiles as she talked to Di. One day Di would be old enough to actually understand what she was saying, and even answer, so until that day Peyton actually didn't mind the one-sided conversation. "It means you and me little one can go for a _long _walk through the park. I still gotta show you some of my secret places and even some of the popular too. John Lennon used to live pretty close to where we live you know? He was a legend, and people from all over the world come here to visit his memorial. We can totally go there today if it's not too busy." Peyton kept informing Di as she dressed her in a light yellow snowsuit.

Di opened her eyes wide when Peyton lifted her up from the changing table and that made Peyton chuckle. She stared goofily into her daughter's eyes and nuzzled her cheek before giving her a few mushy kisses. "Mommy has no clue what she would do if she didn't have you Di. You're my baby girl; yeah…yeah you are…" She cooed as Di started babbling back some of her undistinguishable words. Her little face formed into a big smile when Peyton started peppering kisses again on her face and this made her laugh. "I love you baby…" She promised as she carried Di into the living room.

After making sure everything was in order, Peyton placed Di in her stroller and snuggled her up with a couple more blankets. The weather was 'okay' outside right now, that didn't mean however, it was going to stay okay for too long so Peyton had better be ready. She put on her coat and her gloves and after checking on her little one one more time, the two of them stepped out of the apartment, and off to start their day they went.

Once they got off of the elevator, Peyton saw someone in the lobby that made her stop walking suddenly. What was she doing here? Peyton didn't say anything but just eyed Lindsey carefully from her spot.

It took Lindsey some good seconds before she realized the woman behind the red stroller was actually Peyton from all people.

As soon as both their eyes met, it was only the polite thing to do for the two of them to start walking in each other's direction and acknowledge one another. "Lindsey…" Peyton said softly offering Lindsey a nod.

Lindsey nodded back, but before she said anything, her subconscious betrayed her and her eyes immediately traveled down to the little yellow bundle inside the stroller. The baby was covered with so many blankets it was even hard to make out her features, but even from the distance, Lindsey could see her bring blue eyes staring up at her. This was the very first time Lindsey was seeing this baby. Not even in pictures she had seen her before. She was beautiful. "She's beautiful, Peyton. Congratulations."

Now that was _not_ what Peyton had been expecting from Lindsey at all. Last time they had seen each other had been months ago, she had still even been pregnant with Di. Lindsey had been nasty as usual, and so it really was weird she was being so polite and even…nice right now. What in the world was happening? "Um, eh, thank you," Peyton said back after a moment. She actually meant her words, but that still didn't mean this moment was all shades of awkward.

Lindsey was looking a little bit uncomfortable then too, but lifting up her eyes; she met Peyton's and shrugged her shoulders. "Despite everything, you, me, Lucas, everything we've been through, I was very glad you and the baby made it okay. You may think I am, but I'm not as cold-hearted as you'd think."

Talk about awkwardness, for sure Peyton needed now the earth to open and swallow her all at once. Lindsey was acting in a way Peyton hadn't seen her in forever —perhaps it was Di. Yeah, maybe it was just those things babies have that brought people together. It surely was working out with Jack, he was a tough little boy, but even when Peyton would never tell him this, Jack was quite a softy when it came to Di. He was sweet and attentive, and love that baby and protect her just as much as Peyton and Lucas did.

It surprised Peyton Lindsey had fallen under Di's spell as well, but she was certainly not complaining about it. "I, I don't think that," Peyton answered at last, but deep inside both Lindsey and she knew she wasn't being completely honest.

A small shy smile was shared there between them while Lindsey's eyes traveled down to the baby again. Change the subject, yep, that probably was the smartest thing to do right now. "She looks a lot like you, but—"

"The eyes." Peyton filled in for Lindsey.

"Yeah. Those are all Lucas'." The statement was so truth it made them both smile. Those eyes were just like Jack's as well. It was a little bit scary to know three people already with the very same soulful stare, Lindsey thought…

And even though everywhere Peyton read, it said Di' eyes could still change and that those bright blue eyes she had right now could well become green like hers eventually, for some reason Peyton just _knew_ Di's were going to stay like this…just like her Daddy…and her brother.

"How old is she now?" Lindsey broke the silence asking softly then.

"10 weeks, a little over two months…" Peyton answered. She looked down at Di as well and couldn't help the true smile that came to her face. She loved that baby girl so so much. "Time's really flying by though…I can't believe it has already been so long since she was born…"

At Peyton's words, Lindsey couldn't help but nod her head. "Tell me about it," She whispered back, still with her eyes on Di. Every day she was amazed with how fast Jack was growing. She could still remember so well the day he was born, his first nights, his tiny features, his cries —she could remember all that as if it had happened yesterday. Truth was however, Jack was nine already. Nine years old and Lindsey honestly had no idea where all that time went. "They really do grow fast —least you know, you turn around, look again and they are almost ten already and ready to conquer the world all by themselves…"

Peyton smiled at Lindsey as she said that. In all honesty, Peyton had never had a conversation like this with Lindsey —_ever_. They had something in common now, they were _both_ moms, and for one reason or another, that put them in the same team. It was weird to have a civil conversation with Lindsey, but at the same time Peyton hated it took them so long to get to that place. Not that after today they were going to be best friends for life, but maybe have a polite and respectful relationship? She was married to Lucas now, Lindsey had in the past. They were both the mom of his children, for better or worse the two of them now were tied by something far more binding than Lucas in their lives. Their kids were brother and sister —if that didn't call for a relationship in the long haul then what would, Peyton thought to herself. "Jack is a good kid," Peyton promised once her eyes met Lindsey's then for a small moment.

Lindsey nodded her head. "Yeah…" She agreed softly as her eyes wandered off for a minute. "He's warming up to you lately, huh?"

Peyton didn't think before she just nodded her head. It was the truth, lately Jack was just such a different little boy. He was still reserved and overly smart always overthinking every little situation and fact, but…he also was less angry now. He wasn't throwing tantrums the way he used to. He was talking far more to Peyton, and for once, she could say she was beginning to have a real relationship with that little boy. "Yeah," Peyton said back with a nod. "I blame it all on Di though," Peyton said playfully then. "Ever since we brought her home she's had both Jack and Luke wrapped around her finger. Jack's very very good with her, you should be proud."

Lindsey matched the smile on Peyton's face and just shook her head a little. She still couldn't believe how much Jack had changed and grown in the last few weeks. He really had gotten into the big brother role, and even from the distance, Lindsey knew he was loving every part of it. It made her a bit sad sometimes, knowing she could have given Jack a brother or sister too if she had wanted, but then again, she was glad he had that now, and was enjoying it so much. "He talks about her a lot."

"He does?" Peyton's curiosity was by all means real.

Lindsey nodded. "Yes. He always thinks about the books he wants to borrow to the baby, the things he's going to say and do. He…he's enjoying this…" She stated, and Peyton nodded her head quietly.

There was a small moment of silence then, until Lindsey sighed and looked around the lobby. "I, I should get going now." She started.

Peyton immediately started nodding her head and realized the moment was finished. Perhaps just for now though.

"I came to bring Jack's overnight bag for tonight; he forgot it at home, so I thought I'd bring it in my way to work. I left it with the doorman."

"Oh Gosh, sorry we kept you," Peyton apologized but Lindsey just shook her head.

"Don't worry about it." She said as one last time Lindsey's eyes landed on Di. "I'm really glad she's okay and you are too. I don't know what Lucas would have done if that hadn't been the case."

Peyton thought through her words for just a moment before nodding her head ever so slightly. "Thank you." Peyton said simply as Lindsey was already gathering her things to leave. "Have a good day."

"You too." Lindsey replied simply as she turned around and started walking in the direction of the door.

Peyton sighed heavily once Lindsey was out of sight. Wow, now that was a way to start off her morning. Peyton had no idea what had gotten into Lindsey, but nonetheless she was so happy things between them hopefully didn't have to involve bitch-slaps, arguments, and glares every time they saw each other anymore.

"Well, so that was Lindsey little girl," Peyton whispered to Di after a moment. She looked down at the baby and was glad to see she was still awake as could be. "She's Jack's mommy, you know? I never really thought you'd meet her this way, but…I'm glad she's finally over herself." Peyton chuckled at her own thoughts and then just shook her head and started pushing Di's stroller. She eyed down at her daughter and made a funny face still shaking her head when Di looked up at her eyes and held her stare. "Mommy's not being mean, I swear sweetie. Lindsey and I just never really got along." Di kept staring seriously as though actually listening and paying attention to what Peyton was saying, so Peyton took it as a cue and kept going. "She was obviously trying to be nice, so I promise I'm going to play nice too. She was very sweet to you and that actually matters a lot to mommy, so yeah Di, if Lindsey ever asks to hold you, I _may _say yes." Peyton said with a laugh as she walked the streets with her daughter. She didn't take the main street; hence, her walk to the park wasn't so busy.

She liked doing this with Di…not just walking her to the park, but also talk to her a lot. That actually came naturally too for Peyton. She didn't try, and while at first she thought she might be a bit crazy talking with such a young baby like Dianna, now she didn't think that anymore. Given the way Di sometimes stared at her as she talked, Peyton knew Di was somehow obviously entertained by her tales so that was reason enough to keep doing it.

For now however, Peyton was just glad her morning was going okay. She was glad Lindsey was trying to change, and for once, Peyton was actually looking forward to this afternoon when she had to go to pick up Jack from school. She was looking forward to see the boy and share the afternoon with him.

Perhaps it was Di who got through him and his mom, perhaps she wasn't, and it had been just coincidence both started to change around the time she made it to the world, but in any case, all Peyton knew was that this new Jack and new Lindsey only made her life easier and far more enjoyable.

* * *

"So when is she gonna wake up?"

Peyton looked down at her sleeping baby girl in her crib, and then after making some small calculations in her head, she turned to look at Jack. "Probably around 5 or 6." Peyton answered twisting her lips a bit. "We probably shouldn't let her sleep until that late, but given the way miss Di sleeps, Lucas and I decided she should sleep whenever she wants as long as she sleeps."

Jack was apparently finding Peyton's words quite funny since he couldn't help the smile on his face. Her logic was just so weird and not at all what Jack thought a baby's schedule should be. And well, it really wasn't as if he knew all that much about babies and schedules, but he had asked his mother and she had told him a little bit about when he was a baby. Lindsey had said how important his schedule as a baby had been. She had even dare to say how his schedule was exactly what kept her sane when he was still a baby. That was why Peyton's logic was a little off to what Jack thought he knew, but oh well…she was the mom, right? Maybe she knew some things he didn't. "Whatever you say," Jack said finally as he and Peyton quietly exited Di's room.

Peyton looked at him with narrowed eyes but also couldn't help but smile. Jack was the only nine-year-old Peyton knew that could use a condescending tone of voice with her and actually mean it. He thought of himself so smart, and truth was he was, but he really didn't have to show it off so much, now did he?

Just as Peyton was about to tell Jack something in response, she started hearing noises coming from the front door. "Shoot," She muttered before she started biting on her lip.

Jack squinted his eyes and just started up at Peyton. "You okay?"

Peyton turned to look at this child and was quiet for a moment. She started thinking her options quickly knowing she had to be quick if she wanted to escape Lucas right now. "Jack go get your shoes?"

Jack didn't move. He looked as confused as could be in that moment. "Why?" He whined looking at Peyton as if she were crazy.

She shook her head. "We've been cooped up in the house all afternoon; do you wanna get out or not?"

Peyton in truth wasn't giving him explanations or even an actual reason why they were going, or even _where_ they were going, but…what she said was truth. They had been all afternoon indoors because Di was kind of cranky and she needed to sleep, so in the end Jack tried not to overthink this, and instead nodded his head strongly only a moment after Peyton asked him the question.

"Great. Go run and get your shoes, I'll wait for you at the door."

"Okay!" Jack said back a little too loudly for Peyton's taste, but still he did do as she wanted, and ran quite fast to his room.

Peyton nodded to herself as she went to her room as well and got her purse. By the time she made it to the living room, Lucas was only just taking his coat off and hanging it. She needed to think fast in an excuse. "We, um, we…" Peyton stuttered as she tried to get Lucas' attention. He turned to look at her with a funny expression on his face, he knew she was up to something, but Lucas still just stayed quiet and let her say whatever she was about to say.

"Um, Jack and I, eh, we are going to the movies, okay?" Peyton said all in one breath as she walked to the foyer and got her keys. Lucas didn't respond so she turned around to meet his eyes. "Did you hear me?"

"Um, yeah…" Lucas replied as he struggled not to laugh the way Peyton was acting. Lucas kind of had an idea of why she was trying to get out of the house; he thought it was a bit childish she was honestly trying to avoid the conversation they needed to have but ah well…if she needed some time away then whatever, Lucas could absolutely give her that. "You are going to the movies then."

"Yeah." Peyton replied seriously as she struggled to put her coat on.

Lucas watched her failing to get her arms in properly and so he stepped forward and helped her.

"I just put Di to sleep. She ate really well and had been awake since like1 today so she must sleep a lot. If…if she wakes up and we are not back yet, give it a try with the bottle but still call me and we'll be here as soon as possible."

When Peyton turned to look at Lucas after she was done giving him her 'instructions' of the afternoon, she was faced with the silliest grin plastered in Lucas' face. "What's so funny?" She asked him seriously, even though deep inside she knew she was being so silly about this as well. Of course Lucas knew why she was doing what she was doing. He was her husband. He was the man who knew her better than most. Of course she couldn't fool him.

"Nothing." Lucas replied simply, even though the smile on his face was still there. "I just love you, you know that?"

Peyton finally gave in and smiled a little, but she still knew she couldn't give more than just that smile. She shook her head, but then she looked up at Lucas' eyes and just _had _to roll her own. Okay so maybe she could give him a _small _kiss too and then go —yeah, a kiss was okay. After all, she did love him too, right? "I'm still going." She whispered against his lips making Lucas chuckle.

"Go on," He agreed playfully patting her bums. "I take care of the little Miss while you guys have fun." Lucas added ignoring Peyton's 'indignation' after he touched her butt slightly.

She laughed in the end, but then also tried not to waste more time. "Jack come on, I'm ready!" She shouted from the foyer, and just like magic, in only seconds, Jack was running into the living room.

He saw Lucas and for a minute panicked not knowing what to do. He looked at Peyton quickly and then at Lucas. Peyton gave him a nod showing him towards the door and so Jack knew what to do. "Hi Dad," He said as he ran past Lucas. "Bye Dad." He said again as he reached Peyton and the two of them finally exited the loft.

Both Jack and Peyton were chuckling as she closed the door after them, and for moments like that one, Peyton thanked whomever was up there helping this happen. This little boy could actually be quite fun to be around. "What do you wanna do then?"

"You don't know what we are doing?" Jack asked with wide eyes, stopping his walk to turn to look at Peyton.

She shrugged her shoulders and patted his head playfully.

"Hey!" Jack cried moving Peyton's hand away. She was messing his hair, he thought, but at the same time he wasn't mad at her or anything. He was actually even smiling because he knew Peyton was just playing with him. "Where are we going?" He whined and Peyton was sure Jack was even pouting.

"Where do you wanna go? We have a couple of hours?" Peyton gave Jack the option. In all honesty, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do herself, only that she didn't want to be home right now. She was kind of dreading having a conversation with Lucas, so as long as they were out of the house, Peyton didn't mind too much what they did.

"You told my Dad we were going to catch a movie," Jack said looking at Peyton from the corner of his eye as they started walking down the street again.

Peyton thought for a small moment and then nodded her head ever so slightly. "Do you want to go watch a movie? We can do that."

Jack scrunched his nose. "I don't really want to do that. Movie theaters smell like pee. Why would I want to go there when I could watch a better movie at home?" He replied honestly making Peyton chuckle.

She shook her head a little bit at him. "Okay, then what do you _actually_ want to do?" She asked with a soft smile on her face.

They walked for a couple more blocks as Jack thought over what he wanted to do. Now that he thought about it, he had never before actually being in an outing with Peyton —at least not by himself. Lucas was always there when they went out. This was strange, but surprisingly enough it wasn't bad. "Peyton…" Jack called as they stopped at the curb waiting for the light to change so they could cross the street.

Peyton simply looked down at him, holding his hand as the street cleared and they were able to cross.

"I know what I want to do." Jack informed her, Peyton just nodded. "Can we, you know, just go get some ice-cream…I, I like ice-cream, do you like ice-cream?" He asked, hesitating a bit as he said each word.

Peyton actually found him quite cute as he asked that question, and so she smiled at him. "I do." She replied simply yet honestly. "As a matter of fact, I know the perfect place to go, and it's not too far…so let's go, my treat…" She said excitedly as the two of them kept on walking. Who knew she would be ending her day holding the hand of her stepson and taking him for ice-cream just like any other mom would…

Even more surprising was the fact that Peyton was actually enjoying this…Who knew…

* * *

To that day, Peyton had known Jack Scott for just a little over five years. She met him as a small, corky four year old, and had gotten to see him grow into the smart –_still somewhat corky_— nine year old he was today.

In all that time however, Peyton had never taken this kid to an ice-cream place. It was weird considering Jack was a child, and almost every child in the world loves ice-cream, but still, after five years of knowing him, this was the first time Peyton was witness of just how much Jack liked ice-cream.

He had been so serious asking for his flavors, changing his mind, and then changing it again. He had wanted it to be perfect, and for the sounds and happy smile he was wearing right now, Peyton was almost sure his ice-cream was just what he had hoped for.

"Why-you-not-touching-yours?" Jack asked then with a mouth full of chocolate ice-cream. "Is-it-not-good?"

Although Jack had interrupted her musings, Peyton didn't mind and instead laughed at his mucky face. "Nah, it's good kid, I was just…you know, thinking."

"'bout what?"

Again Peyton had to chuckle —not that she was surprised at Jack's curiosity, he had always been that way. "You have a nanny, right Jack?"

Jack nodded his head. "I used to. When I was little. Her name is Sandra; she still comes over to babysit sometimes. She's from Colorado but her parents are from Spain." Jack informed Peyton seriously, offering her a strong nod of his head. "That's a country, by the way. It's all the way in Europe. They speak in Spanish there. That's a different language."

And she didn't laugh. Peyton felt her lips curving upwards at his words but she still was strong and didn't laugh. How dumb this kid really thought she was? Peyton didn't take it personal though. Even though they had known each other for over five years, they still had a lot to learn about the other apparently. "Thank you for that tip Jack. Noted." Peyton answered at last. "But I still wanted to ask you about her?"

"Why?" Jack asked back simply as he put another spoon full of ice-cream inside his mouth.

"You know how soon I have to go back to work, right?" Jack's mouth formed into an 'O' as realization hit him. Now he was starting to understand what Peyton's point was. He nodded his head. "Well, with your Daddy we are trying to decide what we should do with Di. He thinks a nanny will be best, but I'm not sure. Maybe we can just find a nice daycare for her…" Of course that sounded perfect in her mind but sadly it wasn't as easy to accomplish. "So what do you think?"

"You are asking _me_?" Jack didn't know all that much about how his dad's and Peyton's relationship worked, but wasn't this something she should be talking with Lucas instead than with him? Jack didn't get it. "Why would I know what you should do?" He shrugged his shoulders just before he looked down and noticed how little of his ice-cream he had left. "Are you going to finish that?" He asked again before Peyton had a chance to answer his first question.

She looked down at her ice-cream already melting, and just shook her head. "Have at it," She smiled as she moved her bowl in front of Jack. He smiled back immediately, and while Peyton's flavors weren't as yummy as his own, it was still ice-cream and Jack loved it. "But still, listen to me, I need your opinion."

Jack was munching on his ice cream but still looked up at Peyton as she spoke. "Why?"

"Because you know what it is like. You've been to daycare; you've had a nanny, now you go to afterschool programs. I guess I just wanted to ask you what you like better, or if you don't like it at all, or if you just rather spend all your non-school time with your mommy or whatever…" Peyton said a lot of words, she wasn't sure if Jack understood all what she said, but still, as he sat there in front of her nodding his head with that serious look on his face, Peyton was almost positive he had understood exactly what she needed from him.

"How old are you Peyton?"

Wait, what? Jack should be answering _her _questions, not making more of his own. "37, you know this, why?"

"Because I'm only nine," He said as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, and it was, Peyton just didn't understand why it was relevant. "We still don't know how my childcare arrangements are going to affect my grown-up life. You on the other hand, you are grown up already Peyton, you…well, did your mommy take you to daycare, or had a nanny for you? You already must know if your mommy's decisions when you were a baby messed you up or helped you in some way. We still don't know with me, because I'm still a kid."

Wow, this kid had a point, but still, the comparison he was making wasn't completely valid. "What if I tell you my mommy didn't take me to daycare nor she had a nanny for me when I was small?"

"Then what did she do?" Jack was clearly confused. Those were the two options he knew.

"Well, she stayed home with me."

"All the time?" His eyes were so wide, but Peyton still just nodded her head.

"All the time. That was her job. Taking care of me and the house. The world has changed a lot since I was a baby, that's why I have to ask you all this questions. Because the world hasn't really changed that much since _you_ were a baby so you can still help me."

Okay, so Peyton was right in something. That was a new for Jack, but she really did make a lot of sense with everything she said. Jack couldn't think in any of his friends whose moms didn't work —at least half time, or with charities and all that stuff. In Jack's little own world, a stay-at-home mom was just hard to see around.

"Well then I guess I can help." Jack concluded at last. "I, um, I like Sandra a lot, but right now I really like staying at school after hours. It's fun because you get some extra time to play, plus they help you with your homework and I get to go into the library when it's not busy at all." He said sounding excited. "I only get picked up early when mom's off work early, or when _you_ do it…" Jack said looking quite thoughtfully at Peyton. He couldn't remember when was the first time she picked him up from school, he just knew it had been this way for a long time already.

Lucas almost always did the pickups in the days Jack had to be with him, but when Lucas was busy or out of town, Peyton would do it. It was weird because even when she could, she never left Jack in school until too late. She always thought Jack would like it better if she went early…

Peyton then just shrugged her shoulders and smiled sheepishly at Jack. "Well, you know, you are kind of like my son, sometimes I just have to do the times of mom to you too, and that's okay."

Jack grew thoughtful for a long moment after those words. He even stopped eating his ice cream and just stared in Peyton's direction. "Do you mean that?"

"Which part?"

"The part when you said I was kinda like your son?"

Peyton didn't need any extra time to think about that one. She nodded her head as soon as Jack was finished asking his question. "Of course sweetie. I may not be your mom for real, and I know I'll never be but…You know, the moment I married your Daddy, whether or not I knew it, I was taking on you as a son as well. I wasn't very happy about it at first but tell me I'm wrong if I say you weren't happy about me too?"

Jack couldn't really answer with words, but instead let out a small chuckle making Peyton smile. It really was no secret it had taken them far too long to get to this point and actually _like _each other.

"I think I would've liked it if mommy had stayed with me more when I was little." Jack confessed thoughtfully once Peyton and he were done snickering.

"Yeah?" Peyton asked back actually curious.

"Yeah, but I still always had a lot of fun with Sandra."

That was the thing for Peyton though. She wanted Di to be well taken care of, but at the same time it scared her more than anything thinking Di would grow to love that person taking care of her, more than Peyton. Peyton knew her thoughts were silly, and even if Di spent a lot of time with a nanny she would still be the mom, but…it still scared her. She would love to be as strong as her mom and stop working just to stay home with Di, but Peyton knew she just couldn't do that. At least not yet. A decision had to be made, and quite sadly, the faster the better…

"You love Sandra, don't you?" Jack nodded his head at the question. "She took care of you since you were a baby?" Again there was a nod. "Where you ever confused?"

"About what?"

"About who your mommy was?" Jack looked somewhat confused with the question, so Peyton thought she'd better elaborate. "You spent so much time with Sandra as a baby, and I bet she was really good with you, and while your mom was working she was all you had. Did you ever…get confused? Where you ever sad because your mom didn't get to take care of you but your nanny got to?"

Jack twisted his lips uneasily as he tried to think through Peyton's question —it was a hard one. "I always missed my mom while she was working." He still did, but he wasn't telling Peyton that right now. "But I don't think I ever thought Sandra was my mom."

"No?"

"Nope." Jack promised shaking his head. "The thing is that…mom always comes back —always. Daddy does too. Um, Sandra…she didn't. She used to leave at the end of day while mom never does. My mom doesn't get paid for taking care of me —Sandra did. She still does, 15 dollars the hour during the day, 20 dollars after midnight is her rate."

Peyton fought hard the need to laugh at Jack's knowledge —he was so damn serious and cute as he told her all that.

"My mom is my mom, and Sandra is just my nanny. Even though she loves me, because she does, Sandra's _job _is to look after me. She's always happy when mom gets home and she gets to go to _her home —_with _her _own family." Jack stressed the words seriously. "I love Sandra, but not like my mommy —not at all."

Peyton finally let that silly smile formed on her lips, and she nodded her head. Jack had no idea, seriously, no idea, just how much he'd helped Peyton with all those words he said. "Thank you, Jack."

"No problem," He said back casually before very seriously, he went back to his ice-cream.

Peyton smiled and sighed. Tonight when she got home, she was sure she was going to make Lucas very happy when she told him she had finally made her mind about their childcare situation. Miss Di Scott was getting a nanny. Peyton was most certainly not letting this new person raise her kid though. It didn't matter what it take; Peyton was raising her kid. She was going to be as hands on as she could with this kid. Even if she needed to go to work every morning, she wasn't missing milestones or achievements. Not at all. She was going to be there and in ten or twenty years or so, Miss Di would very proudly be able to say that even when she worked a lot, her mom loved her more than anything in the world, and always always tried to do what was best for her.

And maybe if Peyton was just _that _lucky, and she did things right, years from now she could be in that very same ice-cream place with _Di and Jack_, laughing and telling stories about those times when they were little.

Until that day however, Peyton knew she had to keep doing what she was doing with Jack, she had to keep growing their relationship and she had to keep making that serious little boy, smile just a little more often every day…

Oh good times…

* * *

**AN : **A little bit of a fluffy, filler chapter, but I thought it was better than nothing. So sorry again it took me so long to update. I hope you liked reading this one. As a little bit of a teaser, in the upcoming chapters there is going to be a time-jump, and one more twist to this story that'll help me round it up, and make it come to a close eventually —not quite yet though. Anyway, thank you so much reading, and I really hope you are having a great weekend.


	19. Chapter Eighteen : ((April))

**Author's Note : **A little bit of a time jump, so bewared :) Thank you so much for reading!

**Chapter Eighteen : ((April)) **

* * *

_"Hush-a-by baby, on the tree top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will fall baby, cradle and all…"_

Peyton smiled as Di looked up at her after she was done singing to her. Di was such a bright little girl, she knew that if she only looked at her mom with cute puppy eyes, Peyton would give in and read her another story. "Only one more," Peyton warned before she held on to Di a little bit tighter as she stood up from the rocking chair, and crabbed another book. Di still was so awake and even though Peyton finally was getting pretty good and following a schedule for Di, she certainly wasn't one to put down her baby when she still wasn't all that sleepy. She was going to keep her promise though, just one more story. Peyton hated it, but in truth there were far more pressing issues right now that needed her attention more than Di did right now. That made her feel sad, but it was the truth…

In any case, after shaking her head a bit, Peyton started reading again, this time an actual short story about a little girl and her pony. She was happy when Di snuggled to her chest even closer than before, and listened carefully to every word Peyton was saying.

_"The princess urged her sister to say she was sorry. 'An apology would make everything better again,' She said, but little Mary was stubborn and just walked away." _Peyton paused her reading looking down at Di. Her eyes were finally growing heavy and sleepy. Peyton stroked softly her cheek and kissed her head. "Time to go night night baby girl," She whispered with a smile as she closed Di's book and cradled the little girl carefully with her arms.

Di was very sleepy, but she still made an effort to look at her mommy's eyes steadily as Peyton lowered her down in her crib. "I'll see you tomorrow baby. Have sweet dreams," Peyton said sweetly, as she brushed one last kiss to Di's forehead. "Daddy loves you, Mommy loves you, Jack loves you, okay? Don't forget that." Di smiled at her words, and in a way Peyton wanted to believe this was because Di believed her words. As of today, Miss Dianna Scott was just about fourteen months old. She was sweet and stubborn in just around the same proportions. She was the spitting image of her mommy, but she still had her Daddy's eyes. She had been in this world for fourteen months already, and just at the thought of that, Peyton couldn't help but sigh. So much had happened in those months.

Despite everything, Peyton made herself smile as she said good night to Di one last time. She turned off the lamp on her little girl's room, and exited shortly after Di had already made herself comfortable in her crib. If only things were as easier as Di's fairytales said, if only a simple apology could make everything better…

Peyton shook her head because that was just not possible. She stood by Di's door for a few more moments; closing her eyes and breathing in a few times. She needed to make herself ready for the rest of the night. It was already eight o'clock, but somehow Peyton knew the evening had just begun.

She went into the kitchen; there was still some mess from dinner so Peyton cleaned it up. Di had been the only one properly having dinner tonight, but still the mess she did was enough to have Peyton working in the kitchen for about twenty minutes or so. She was finishing up the counter when she heard noises coming from the front door.

Lucas tried to be quiet knowing it was past eight and Di most likely was already in bed and sleeping, but he still couldn't help the normal noise entering the loft made. He let out a breath at the warm of his home. It really was comforting to be finally home, now he only urged to see Peyton and hug her for as long as she would let him.

Lucas then started taking off his coat and smiled as he saw Peyton walking quietly in his direction. "Hey you," He whispered as he hung his coat and Peyton reached him.

She didn't answer but just let Lucas held her tight into his arms. Lucas breathed in her scent and thanked the Lord for her —Peyton was here and okay, and healthy and they loved each other, and whatever happened in the next few months, they were going to do this together, because they were a family now, and that was just what families did —they stick together…even through the toughest times.

"How is she?" Peyton asked in something just above a whisper after a good few minutes of just staying wrapped in Lucas' arms.

Lucas was quiet at first, but after a minute, he shrugged as Peyton little by little pulled back from him. "She's pretty much the same, but it's just…God, it's so hard to see her like this…" He confessed, running a hand through his face.

Peyton bit on her lip and closed her eyes. This was hard on everybody, but especially Lucas…he felt responsible of making everything okay for the people he loved, but…this time it just wasn't within his power and he hated himself for it —even when it wasn't his fault at all.

"How's Jack?" Lucas asked then, knowing he needed to change the subject.

They started walking finally inside the loft, and Peyton let Lucas wrap an arm around her waist as they did so. "He's been mostly all day in his room. He…he is doing as fine as could be expected Luke…" And that wasn't very good and they both knew it. Peyton felt uneasy as she told Lucas this, but she couldn't lie to him either. "He barely ate though, I got him to eat a yogurt like at 5, but after that he has just pushed aside whatever I bring in for him."

Lucas tried to process all the information, but it wasn't easy. He made himself nod his head after a moment though. "I'll go see him, okay? Maybe I can get him to come out and eat something."

Peyton forced a smile to her face as Lucas' and her eyes met. "Sure." She agreed with him with a nod. "Hey, but…did_ you _eat? I can fix you something as well?"

"I'm fine Peyt, but thank you…" Lucas wasn't hungry, the mere mention of food made his stomach turn. He knew he hadn't been eaten well lately, but given the circumstances, eating honestly didn't seem like one of his priorities right now. Lucas had already turned around and was walking in the direction of the bedrooms when it hit him —_Peyton_. "Hey Peyt…" He called softly. Peyton just turned her head around to address him. "Did _you _eat something already?" He asked her seriously, knowing just like him, Peyton tended to put others —_in this case his kids_— above herself when it came down to make sure everybody was okay and eating and all that stuff.

Peyton in any case didn't have to answer, she just sighed and looked away and Lucas got his answer that way. He matched her sigh and walked back to where Peyton was standing. They were quiet, and Peyton barely even felt him come closer, but then when Lucas grabbed her hands tenderly and lifted them up to his lips, Peyton looked up as well and met his eyes. "How about I'll go get Jack and the three of us try to have a family dinner?"

"You said you were not hungry?" Peyton said back right away.

Lucas nodded and took a small moment then to figure out exactly what he was going to say. "I know, but…you know, we have to take care of ourselves if we want to take care of our kids, no?" He asked and knew his words had gone through Peyton when she twisted her lips and moved her eyes away from his. Lucas felt a small smile on his face. "It's going to be okay, Peyton, I don't know how, but it will be…" He promised and while right now everything seemed to be wrong, Lucas knew that as long as he had her, they were going to be okay. One way or the other.

Lucas walked quietly into Jack's room, and stayed in silence for a moment. He sat by Jack on the bed, and waited. Jack was watching a movie of some sort, Lucas wasn't even sure however if he was actually watching or just staring at the TV with his mind elsewhere.

"Would you turn that off?" Lucas hesitated but in the end asked the question.

Jack sighed reaching out for the remote. He then finally shifted his head up to meet Lucas' eyes. "How's my mom?" He asked not really interested in making small talk of any sort.

Lucas felt uneasy right away but still knew he had to answer this. "She sent her hellos…" He answered vaguely.

Jack in all honesty didn't care if she said hi or not, he wanted to know how she was. "How's mom?"

Lucas shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Now he actually knew he had to be honest. "She's pretty much the same. She asked about you a lot, and I know, I know it's hard but maybe we could go see her during the weekend if you are up to it…"

Jack frowned and stared up at Lucas for a few long seconds before he looked down without giving Lucas an answer. That was the way if had been for almost four weeks already. Jack hadn't seen his mom in all this time, and while he wouldn't admit it, Lucas knew this was killing Jack just as much as it was killing Lindsey…

Jack was done with the subject and so Lucas knew he had to change the subject now. That was always the easy path to take once they hit this kind of walls. "Are you hungry?"

Jack kept his stare on his hands for the longest time before nodding his head at last.

Lucas smiled and let out a weak chuckle. "Come on then okay? I bet Peyton's been dying to see you eat something real all day…"

Jack grew uneasy with Lucas' words, and while it took him a moment, it finally dawned on Lucas the mistake he had made. Wrong wrong choosing of words. "I'm sorry, Jack." Lucas said right away.

Jack however, shook his head. "It's okay, Dad…" He said as he did to get up of his bed.

Lucas got up as well, and following Jack closely behind, the two of them made it to the kitchen. Peyton's eyes immediately met with Lucas' and she smiled. Even when she didn't say it, she loved Jack, and she knew Jack loved her too, but lately she just didn't know the words to get through him…to make him feel okay again…

She knew she should be better at this, she had in a way gone through the very same thing Jack was going through, even around his same age, but in truth, when it came right down to it, Peyton knew absolutely nothing. She knew that it didn't matter how much she tried, Jack was still going through the worst possible time of his life. His mom was sick, and as of three days ago, the doctors had finally said there was nothing else they could do. They were giving up on her and that was sad. That was the saddest thing. Jack was only a kid, he didn't deserve this kind of sadness, and yet that was exactly what he had felt every day for the last few months.

"Come here buddy," Peyton said sweetly as she saw Jack walking in the table's direction. She wrapped her arm around his frame and strongly, she gave his head a kiss. "It's going to be okay," She mumbled into his hair so quietly Peyton hadn't even been sure Jack had heard her.

Apparently he did though, because at just the sound of her voice and those few words she said, Jack started feeling hot tears building in his eyes. He knew Peyton was lying, but he also knew she didn't mean wrong. "I—" Jack tried to say something but he felt as though he had a huge lump in his throat. His body started shaking and while it took Peyton a few seconds to completely understand what was happening, as soon as she saw that boy silently struggling not to cry, she shifted and hugged him to her as tight as she could. "Shh…" She cooed but she knew that was going to do very little for Jack.

In all honesty, it took Peyton everything she had not to start crying along with him. Jack knew his mom wasn't okay, he knew she was sick, and most likely wasn't going to live for too much longer, but…he still didn't want to believe that. He deep inside wanted to believe this all was an awful nightmare and tomorrow when he woke up everything was going to be okay again and his mommy wouldn't have been lying in a hospital room for the last four months.

It sucked. It sucked so much. "I just want my momma to be okay, I just, I, I just want her to be okay," He cried into Peyton's arms.

Peyton breathed in deeply keeping herself from crying, and instead she just hugged him. She hugged Jack and didn't let go of that little boy until she was sure he was done crying.

Peyton's and Lucas' eyes met and they both exchanged a sad look. This was by far the hardest thing they have had to go through as a family. _The hardest_.

* * *

Peyton wasn't sure when they had fallen asleep. She had helped Lucas put Jack to sleep a little after nine, he had exhausted himself with all the tears he had _finally _let out but at least he had made it through dinner. He ate some of the lasagna Peyton had made for dinner and that had been enough to put a smile to Peyton's lips. The least she wanted now was that boy getting himself sick with his lack of eating.

In the end however, after Jack was asleep in his room, Lucas and Peyton settled in the living room with the television on. None of them were watching but still they decided upon leaving the TV on in hopes of filling the silence. They didn't know what to say, because seriously, what do you say when things are so screwed up?

Peyton shook her head unconsciously, but still tried not to wake Lucas up with her movements. She tried to get up from the couch as slowly as she could. She unwrapped Lucas' arm from around her and kissed his hand before setting it down. She got up and by then the sounds that woke her up carried to her ears a little louder.

_Crap! _She'd forgotten about Di's monitor; she hadn't been listening to the baby and now Di probably had been crying her little head off for ages. "Argh," Peyton muttered as she rushed to Di's room. She hit a stop before actually getting to the bedroom though. The door wasn't completely closed, and Peyton could see the faint light of Di's baby lamp coming from it. Peyton sighed and stayed put for at least a couple more minutes.

Di wasn't in fact crying anymore, but still Peyton could hear through the door Jack's quiet coos to the baby. Peyton waited by the hallway until she couldn't hear Jack anymore; it was then when she decided to quietly enter the room. "Hi…" Peyton whispered softly as she reached Di's crib.

Jack was standing by the railing and while Peyton did startle him a little, he smiled a sad smile as their eyes met. Peyton placed her hand on his back, and out of instinct, started rubbing small circles. "Thank you for coming in, you're faster than I am these days…" Peyton said after she looked down at Di and saw how little by little, that little monkey was growing sleepy again; everything she had needed was the reminder that she wasn't alone and someone out there was still taking care of her.

"It's okay," Jack replied with a small shrug of his shoulders. "You and Dad were sleeping, she —she woke up and cried. I just came in and she calmed down…"

Peyton let out a quiet chuckle at Jack's words. "Of course. You're his brother…She loves you."

It took him a moment, but in the end, Jack accepted the comment with a nod as he and Peyton began their way out of the room. "You want me to tuck you back in bed?" Peyton asked looking down softly at Jack. He looked down at the floor and didn't look too sold in the idea. "I could also go and call your Daddy and tell him to do it if you want to?" Peyton offered with a smile.

At that part of her sentence, Jack actually looked up and twisted his lips as he stared at Peyton's eyes. "Could _you_ just come with me?" He asked in the end. He actually would very much like it if Peyton came —he didn't want to wake up Lucas, plus, to be honest, lately Peyton had been just so good and…_motherly _to him, that Jack kind of wanted that right now. "Please?"

Peyton of course nodded her head. Unlike what she thought once would happen, despite everything that was happening, Jack hadn't pulled away from her. On the contrary he seek out to Peyton more and more often every time all this whole mess became too much for him alone. Perhaps deep inside he just thought Peyton understood him more since she had in fact gone through the same thing he was going through right now…

Peyton helped Jack to his bed and tucked him snuggly not caring one little bit Jack was already nine and hadn't let anyone do just that in forever. She smiled at him and kissed his forehead before sitting beside him. Peyton wrapped an arm around Jack's shoulders and was pleased when he didn't pull away. "Were you sleeping when Di woke up?"

Jack thought about it for a moment, he could lie so Peyton wouldn't worry, but…what would be the point in that? "Nope. I was awake…"

It was three in the morning, he shouldn't have been awake. "Why?" Her question was done softly as Peyton seriously looked into this boy's eyes.

Jack looked uneasy as he shrugged his shoulders. "I was…you know, thinking…"

"About your mom?" Jack didn't answer but simply nodded his head. "You know Lucas and I will never force you to go see her if you don't want to, but…even if you don't want to, even if it hurts you a lot you still have to think about this really well Jack. I, I…I don't wanna have to say this—"

"Say what? Say it. It doesn't matter." Jack cut her off when he realized Peyton was probably going to trail off.

"These next few months are probably your mommy's last months. If —God, sweetie, if you don't see her now, I'm afraid you are going to run out of time and then you'll regret it…" Peyton said sadly, feeling already hot tears building in the corners of her eyes.

Jack's lips formed a pout and he breathed in and out deeply trying not to cry. He kept his stare on Peyton though and she admired the courage that little boy had. Jack knew she was right but in his heart he honestly didn't wish for something more but for Peyton to be wrong. "Have, have you seen my mom?"

Not in a while, Peyton thought to herself before actually replying. Lucas. Lucas was the one who had been in the hospital for the last couple of months constantly. And it wasn't as if Peyton hadn't want to see her, the first thing she asked Lucas when they talked now was always about Lindsey. Peyton in truth just thought it was more appropriated if she just let Lucas handle that. After all she and Lindsey never had that good of a relationship to start with. Peyton had been _assuming _Lindsey wouldn't want to see her in these moments, so she just let Lucas do the visiting part. She took care of the kids, and given the circumstances, and how Jack was deciding to grieve, that wasn't an easy job either.

"I haven't really. I've been with you and Di instead." Peyton replied honestly.

Jack was quiet for a small moment, then he looked up at Peyton again. "Would you do something for me?" Peyton nodded her head at him. "Would you go see my mommy for me? I, I wanna go, but…would you go first? Tell her I miss her?"

Peyton was a bit taken aback by his request, but she still agreed. "I will." She answered simply. "I promise." She added upon Jack's obvious hesitation. The boy stared at Peyton biting on his lip, before he let out a breath, and nodded his head.

"Thanks…" He said quietly, before shifting his eyes down. Jack took a moment, but then just leaned his head on Peyton's shoulder as the two of them stayed in silence for a few minutes.

Peyton rested her own head lightly over Jack's head while her mind started wandering off. Peyton didn't regret her promise to Jack at all, but right now she did wonder if she had made the right decision or if she'd rushed it. Maybe she should have asked Lucas first before saying she'd go see Lindsey…

Quite honestly, Peyton had no idea what she was going to say to Lindsey once she actually saw her. Did she need to apologize? Say how sorry she is all this is happening? Promise Lindsey she would always always take care of Jack?

Peyton didn't know…she had an idea in that instant though, "Jack…" She called quietly, just in case Jack had fallen asleep.

"Yeah?" He replied, pulling away a little from Peyton.

"How about we call your mom?" That could be a first step, right? Jack was terrified to see Lindsey after how sick he had gotten to see her the last time they spoke. Maybe a phone call could be a good start. God knew it would only make them both good listen to each other's voices after all this time. "We could all do it together. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but maybe you could just hear her voice while Luke or I talk to her?"

Jack thought over Peyton's words for a minute. It scared him to see his mom —to see her sicker than he already had. It scared him that if he went to see her then he won't be able to see her again —ever. It scared him just to think in a world without his mom forever. It scared him to his every bone to think the last time he saw his mom was the last time he would see her.

It scared him so much but at the same time the idea of hearing her voice did sound like something he needed to do. "That'll be okay, but…you will still go see her, right?"

"Absolutely." Peyton replied with no hesitation.

"Okay,"

"So you'll talk to her?" Peyton pushed gently the subject. She didn't want to be too dramatic, but she honestly did know what Jack was going to live through, and she also knew it would only make matters worse if he denied himself the chance to say good-bye to his mom.

"I'll try." Jack finally replied his voice uneasy but his eyes still focused steadily into Peyton's.

"Thank you, Jack." The fact that he was trying was more than enough for Peyton. It was hard to help this child, but she needed to do it. She needed to try because Jack still had his whole life in front of him and Peyton would be damned if she let this tragedy damage him for the rest of his life. No, she couldn't let that happen. She cared for Jack damn too much to let him suffer more than he absolutely needed to. "Now go to sleep, Jack. I'll be here…" Peyton promised with a soft smile looking down at Jack.

He sighed heavily before breathing out a "Thank you," in Peyton's direction before he snuggled down in his bed and closed his eyes.

Peyton kept hers open despite of how tired she was. She needed to protect this child —now more than ever. That much she knew…


	20. Chapter Nineteen : ((May))

**Chapter Nineteen : ((May))**

* * *

Keeping a promise was important…or so Peyton thought. She wasn't always very good at keeping them, but throughout the last few years —_since she married Lucas perhaps_— she grew to realize some promises were just too important to be broken. Like the things she promised to Lucas when they married, to love him forever no matter what. Of course to this day Peyton still knew she would keep that promise even if that were the last thing she did…

And well, two weeks ago she had made another promise. This time to Jack. He had made her promise something in a moment when Peyton just hadn't been able to say no. What he asked her had been hard for Peyton to do, but…she'd done it and…she'd kept doing it.

For the last two weeks and a half, she had been coming to the hospital. Granted, not nearly as often as Lucas came, but as often as she could. Peyton had relieved the nanny at the beginning of the month and for the rest of the summer. Peyton knew, now more than ever, _she _needed to be the one taking care of _her _kids. Sure, she missed the help sometimes —_especially with the kids' laundry, and tidying up the rooms_— but deep in her heart she knew she was doing the right thing —for herself, but most important for her children.

The thing was, now that she didn't have the nanny to leave Di with, she had been doing all her errands and whatnot with her sixteen month old in tow. Di was a pretty good, funny baby, so it really would be a lie to say Peyton didn't like to go everywhere with her. Di hated, hated with all her little might hospital daycares though. Every time Peyton tried to drop her off at the daycare she would cry and cry and cry until someone was kind enough to rock her in her arms until her mama came back.

And that was exactly why Peyton could never stay too long at the hospital, or come as often as she wished. She'd come around five times in the last two weeks. She usually just sat with Lindsey —most of the times she was sleeping. If she was awake, Peyton usually tried to act as normal as she could, she would tell her about Jack, about his school, and about the projects and books he was working on right now.

Jack had being done being stubborn only last Sunday and he'd came to see his mom. However, he had happened to come the very same afternoon his mom had an '_episode'_ and stopped breathing for a few moments. It had been bad bad luck, and now it was safe to say the least that little boy wanted was come any closer to a hospital. He was terrified; he had been even having nightmares lately, and crying in his sleep. Peyton didn't tell this to Lindsey, but inside it was killing her. She'd do anything to take his pain away, but she knew she couldn't and that was just as bad.

Peyton sighed as she walked just a little bit faster in the direction of Lindsey's room. Di had been asleep this time as she dropped her in the daycare so at the very least today Peyton didn't have to worry so much about her baby girl crying big sad tears downstairs because her mommy went away.

As she opened the door and walked inside the hospital room at last, Peyton noticed Lindsey was sleeping and at that she let out a breath. They didn't know for sure how much longer she had left, but…it wasn't much and that was just one of the saddest things. Lately Peyton kept remembering about those days when she was in Jack's place. That visit to the hospital after her mom had the accident. The smell, the doctors, her dad as broken as she had ever seen him. The memories just kept returning to her head every so often every time she'd came to see Lindsey. It made her wonder if one day she'd be the one in that bed making her own children go through this pain?

In the end, Peyton gasped at her own stupid thoughts and shook her head. She had to stop that. She really did.

After a small moment, Peyton managed to sit herself at last next to Lindsey's bed and there she stayed. She was quiet and barely even move from her place. She had a book in her purse and so she started reading and reminded herself she was doing this for Jack. Because he didn't want his mom to be alone right now, and if anything, Peyton _needed_ to honor her promise to him.

Peyton didn't realize however, when _she _started to feel sleepy as well. Next thing she knew, Peyton was waking up to Lindsey's opened eyes staring deeply into hers. At first she was still too sleepy to actually remember where she was and why, but then the instant reality set back in, Peyton was startled and as quickly as she could, she sat up on the chair. "Ehh, Lind-, ah, I, eh, hi!" Peyton tried saying as casually as she could. Her eyes were wide as dinner plates as she stared back at Lindsey's somewhat amused face. It really wasn't hard to tell she found this whole moment quite funny.

"Hi," Lindsey said back at last. Her voice was _so_ hoarse; it was obvious she hadn't been using it too much lately. "So was it your turn to babysit me today?"

Peyton rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Luke's at the office, Jack's at school…so I guess yes," Peyton replied only a little bit sarcastically.

Lindsey couldn't help but roll her eyes as well, but then both their eyes met, and a _little _smile was shared. "How is…you know—"

"Jack?" Peyton filled in for Lindsey. She just nodded her head. "He's almost done with school now. He has a week full of finals in like a week so lately he's been studying a lot. He, he's dealing…" Peyton said delicately. The least she wanted was hurt Lindsey's feelings, but one way or the other she wanted to explain to her just why Jack was acting the way he was. "He's trying to be as strong as he can, because that's what he thinks _you _want. We talk about you a lot with Luke, but then when we do he's usually quiet. I think…I think he just feels guilty, plus he's so…so scared. You made a very smart little boy, so he just knows exactly what's going to happen to you and that is what scares him the most…"

Lindsey was quiet the whole time as Peyton spoke. She kept her eyes down.

"Make sure he spends some extra time with math, okay?" Lindsey started speaking at last. It took Peyton a moment or two to realize Lindsey was choosing to address the academic part of Jack's life instead of his emotional state right now.

Oh well, Peyton could respect that, she could actually even roll with it. She nodded her head. "Math, huh?"

"Yeah," Lindsey answered nodding as well. "He tends to focus a lot in English lit and even social studies because that's what he likes, but math…he's always needed a little extra help with math, so —"

"Noted. I'll make sure to go through his math books and notes with him." Peyton assured her.

It wasn't easy to have someone else —_Peyton at that_— taking care of those things _she _should be taking care of, but…knowing the alternative where her son didn't have anyone to worry about him, having Peyton was actually better. "Lucas is really bad about keeping up with school dates so if you could keep an eye on those —guest parents, snack weeks, all that, it would help Jack a lot—"

"—Ahh…" Peyton interrupted quietly. She had been listening carefully to everything Lindsey was saying, but then she couldn't help but groan quietly when she felt that strong pressure in her stomach.

Lindsey saw Peyton's face grimacing slightly and just as she was about to ask what was wrong, she saw just where Peyton's hand was resting. "How's that baby doing anyway?"

Peyton frowned and narrowed her eyes at Lindsey's words immediately. They didn't talk about the baby, they never did. It was weird for Peyton how Lindsey had made that comment so lightly. Not that there was anything wrong with it, but…it caught her off guard. "He's kicking hard," Peyton answered at last. Her voice was uneasy and quiet though. It was just wrong —here she was, growing a brand new little person full of life within herself, while at the same time there was Lindsey watching her own life slip away with every minute that went by. Maybe that was why they hadn't talked about the baby before that day —that baby meant _life; _he had his whole life in front of him while Lindsey just…didn't…

At Peyton's words, Lindsey nodded her head, and surprising Peyton even offered a weak smile. "A boy?"

Peyton nodded in response. This time not Lucas, not her, could wait until the baby was born to figure out what he was going to be. Deep inside Peyton had always felt she was having a boy this time anyway, so with the ultrasound at the 18week appointment they had just made it official.

"Remind me again how old is, um, Dianna is her name right?"

"Yeah," Peyton said with a strong nod. Her hand still resting upon her stomach —that little boy of hers was honestly trying to break through or something right now. "Sixteen months yesterday…"

Lindsey let out a small chuckle and shook her head. "I can't even imagine how you are going to do it. I could barely handle Jack as a newborn; I would've gone crazy if I had had a toddler at the same time too."

Peyton smiled at those words, and just shrugged her shoulders. "It's going to be overwhelming for sure, but it's not as if it took us for surprise or anything. We wanted it." She explained honestly.

"Yeah…that's what Lucas told me once, but…really?" It was just hard to believe that story —Lindsey even remembered when Jack arrived to their home one afternoon just proclaiming he was going to be a big brother again. Peyton's baby at the time had been still, well, a baby. Lindsey wasn't sure how old Dianna was at the time, all she knew was that the baby was still way too young for Lucas and Peyton to be having another one so soon. Lindsey had been so sure Jack was wrong when he told her about it. The joke was on her when no more than two days later Lucas confirmed what she hadn't been able to believe before.

"Well yes," Peyton replied only a little bit uneasily. For months she had been dealing with people's faces of surprise when she'd told them she was pregnant again. "_So soon?" _They would say, but…yes, it had been soon, but regardless it had felt right. "We talked about it, like when Di was…um…I think like six months or so?"

"Seriously?"

Peyton let out a chuckle at Lindsey's incredulous face. "Yes. I mean, it never would have occurred to me. I was happy with Di, seeing her grow and it was all so exciting and new, but then…then one day Lucas comes and just tells me if maybe we should have another one…_now." _Peyton paused when Lindsey laughed a little. "I'm 38; I was 37 when Di was born. It's not as if I could give myself the luxury of waiting a couple of years. Lucas talked me into it, I wasn't very sure at first, but…he made a lot of sense. We both loved Di so much, she had made us so happy, so…I don't know, I guess we just thought that if we could get another baby to love like we love Di, then we should just do it while we still could. It never felt wrong, so we did it. We went for it and started trying—"

"And you got pregnant right away?" Lindsey had never talked to Peyton about her life _with _Lucas to be honest. Sure they talked about the kids, and even their jobs, and TV shows and whatnot, but they never talked about Lucas and how their lives with him were/are…

It wasn't so bad though —At least Lindsey didn't think so right now…perhaps it were the meds…who knew…

"Not really." Peyton replied after a moment. She and Lucas didn't exactly have to try for this baby for _too_ long, but while they were set on having him ever since Di started sleeping through the night _(she was just around six months at the time),_ Peyton didn't actually get pregnant until September, some good two months after they decided for sure they wanted to have another baby.

The funny thing had been though, just as Peyton found out she was pregnant, Miss Di had decided to be done sleeping through the night. It had been a sad, sad day in the Scott household. It wasn't entirely her fault though —Di's poor new sleeping habits were all due to teething. It bothered her enough to wake her up at night.

"When is he due?"

The question took Peyton a little a back, but she still answered with a small smile on her face. "Mid June."

"Oh…" The word simply escaped Lindsey's mouth. She hadn't realized Peyton was so far along already with that pregnancy. She didn't look _that _big to begin with actually. "That's soon."

Peyton for some reason started feeling uneasy, she knew what Lindsey was thinking; she was making the very same math in her head right now.

And then Lindsey started talking, and Peyton tensed —she definitely didn't like where this conversation was heading. "See, if this thing inside me doesn't kill me first, I may even be able to meet him."

"Lindsey—"

"Don't _Lindsey_ me; you know it's the truth." Lindsey quickly spoke. Her voice didn't carry so weak anymore and Peyton understood why —it didn't help matters at all to try to avoid the truth. "You more than anyone should know it. You went through this twice, didn't you?"

Peyton so didn't want to have this conversation, but…ugh, she had to put herself in Lindsey's position, she needed this, and so Peyton honestly just had to suck it up. "I did, but—"

"You did, and…now that we are talking about it, I —I want you to tell Jack about what you went through. About your story. What you felt and went through when your mom died. How eventually you just got over it, and moved on. How eventually it stopped hurting. How you grew up just fine regardless."

"Why would I tell him that?"

"I just want Jack to know that even if something terrible like this happens to him as a child he can still grow up to have a normal, and great life." Lindsey paused for one moment too long —then she spoke again. "Like yours." And to be honest, hers too before _this _happened to her. Just like Peyton she'd survived the death of a parent due Cancer, and while she'd love to tell Jack all about it, it just wasn't possible right now. Lindsey didn't blame Jack at all for not wanting to be in that hospital though…

Peyton thought about it for a while, but then she couldn't help but shake her head. "I was a screw up growing up. I was sad and couldn't trust in people —why would I—"

Before Peyton could continue saying what she was saying, Lindsey interrupted her. "That's why you are going to tell him, because —because you are not going to let my child grow up like you did, are you?" Lindsey's voice was shaky, and she was fighting back the tears.

Peyton swallowed hard when the meaning of this conversation finally hit her. "No I'm not. I, I—"

"You have to _promise_ to be there for him. You have to promise me you'll guide him and be there when he needs a mom. He's —Jack's going to need me, but I won't be there, so you…you have to do it, he, he trusts you, he'll let you in. He's going to need a mom, so please promise me, you are going to be there for him."

Peyton felt a few tears fell from her eyes but she just wiped them away. "I swear I will." She promised firmly at last.

Lindsey rested her head back on the pillows and let out an audible breath. For a few minutes they were both quiet —none of them looking at each other, but instead trying to focus their attention in something other than the other and their taunting thoughts.

After a while it was Lindsey who broke the silence. "I never thought I'd say this, but I am glad Lucas remarried…"

Peyton looked up at Lindsey but still didn't say anything. What can you say in a moment like this? That she was glad she had married Lucas too? That she ever envisioned she would have to actually mother Jack in every sense of the word? Nope, not at all. Peyton in all honesty couldn't bring herself to tell any of those things to Lindsey right now.

"You and him, you have a nice little family, Jack…Jack will get over this, he just can't, he just can't do it alone —he'll need you and he'll need Lucas…" Lindsey then added quietly.

Peyton looked up at her and regarded her warily for a moment. "He will _not_ be alone —ever. I promise you that." Peyton knew the weight of her words but she still knew she had to say them. If anything, to give Lindsey some sort of peace of knowing her kid was going to be well taken care off when she couldn't be there for him anymore. "And if you are worrying because we'll have two little ones in the house at the same time, rest assured Jack will still be one of our priorities. He is not going to be feel pushed aside or anything by the baby and Di, I promise that too." Peyton added because for a minute then she put herself in Lindsey's shoes. She had been right when she complimented Peyton in her 'little family' —truth was, Jack was just as much part of that family as Di or the baby in her belly were. One way or another he'd been her son too for a while now, and that certainly wasn't going to change once life got crazy again when the baby she was carrying now was born.

Lindsey pondered Peyton's every word in her head for a good few minutes before her head started bowing up and down. Her answers had been enough, and while nothing could ever be enough to make her feel all right about leaving her son, she at least did trust Peyton when she gave her word to be there for Jack. Peyton was a mom now too, plus she knew what a terrible thing losing a parent at a young age was; in all honesty, Lindsey knew she was trusting her son to the right person right now. In spite of all the misunderstandings and even hatred the two of them dealt with during the last few years, she knew Peyton could help her child get through the loss of his mother.

That she trusted didn't mean this didn't hurt more than anything else in the world though. "You should go now, Peyton." Lindsey stared at Peyton's eyes for a moment before she just looked away and rested her head on the pillow.

Peyton stayed put for just a couple more minutes before she nodded absently. "I'll remind Jack to call you when he gets home from school." Lindsey didn't turn around to see her, but still Peyton said the words. Lately Jack was actually being pretty good with the phone call to his mom every day after school or before bed time. Peyton wanted to believe it made them both good, so for whatever it was worth, she was going to keep insisting so Jack kept doing it.

"Bye…" Peyton whispered once she had already picked up all her stuff and was exiting the room. Lindsey again ignored her words, but Peyton didn't take it personally. From all the times she'd came to the hospital to visit Lindsey, this was the first time they actually talked about big things. About she dying and the future. Peyton wasn't happy about it —_all the opposite actually_— but she was glad at least to know Lindsey trusted her enough to in some way leave her own child in Peyton's care. It was never ever going to be the same, but Peyton wasn't lying, she promised not just to Lindsey or Lucas, but to herself, right then and there to love Jack as her very own…God knew that kid was going to need all the help and love he could get…

* * *

By the time the afternoon rolled by, Peyton had decided upon staying home with Di. She was laying down in her bed with her little girl beside her. Di didn't have a temperature or anything, but Peyton was almost positive the little girl wasn't feeling completely okay. She was quiet —_Dianna Scott was all but quiet most of the time_—, she looked tired even when she had taken a long nap today. Peyton wasn't completely worried, but she was keeping an eye on her baby girl anyway.

She wasn't feeling all that great either, so in all honesty, this quiet time with Di was being appreciated. Life wasn't going to be the same at all in just a couple of months, so in truth, quiet, alone time with Di was even kind of nice. Peyton even got to forget a little about the awful-like morning she had. Not that her visit to Lindsey had gone bad, not at all, it just made her so sad she could barely keep her tears at bay when she thought about it…

Di sitting up then broke Peyton from her thoughts. The little girl sat next to her mom and scrunched up her nose as she looked at Peyton. "What is it, Di?"

"Mama," Di cooed with a smile.

Peyton nodded her head and matched quickly Di's sly smile. "Yeah baby, mama's listening…"

"Mama," Di repeated and Peyton laughed shaking her head a little.

"Yes baby?" She inquired one more time anyway. Di was just getting into actually using her words. She knew her animals and their sounds. She knew the parts of her body, she tried and count to three. She knew how to say '_No'_ when she didn't want something, even though very rarely did she actually said 'Yes' to the things Peyton or Lucas told her to do. 'No' was for sure one of her favorite words.

Well, 'No' and, 'Mama' apparently, since ever since the first time she'd said it Di hadn't stopped to use the word mama at least twenty times each day –or more, depending whether or not she was in the mood of playing silly games with her mom.

"Mama," One more time Di said the word because in a way even she knew how the word was more than enough to make her mama smile. It had for months.

Peyton chuckled and reached up kissing Di's little nose slightly. Di squished it and smiled making a mushy sound with her lips as well.

"Are you trying to make mama smile silly baby?" Peyton asked sweetly caressing with her finger Di's soft cheek.

"Mama," Di said again and for like the tenth time, it did the job and Peyton smiled. "Mama."

"I love you Miss. Di…" Peyton promised. "And if you were trying to make me smile and happy, well, it worked Di…thank you…"

"Ooooo…" Di tried to mimic Peyton as the grown woman talk to her. Suddenly however, Di frowned and started looking around the room. "Dada?" She asked turning back to look at Peyton with an uneasy face.

"Daddy is getting Jack from school little girl." Peyton informed Di who very seriously started back at Peyton.

"Boo?"

"Yes baby. He's getting your 'Boo' from school…They'll be home soon, I promise." 'Boo' was the word Di had chosen for Jack. Peyton guessed that since Di couldn't quite say "Brother"yet, the closest word to brother she could find was 'Boo'. For a couple of months now, Jack had been 'Boo' in his little sister's eyes.

"Mama," And of course she had to say it again. Di laughed when Peyton did it before her.

Peyton loved that little girl so much she couldn't even put it into words completely. At last Peyton reached under Di's armpits and pulled her up a hug. Di giggled as Peyton gave her mushy kisses and blew raspberries on her cheeks and neck.

Once Peyton was finished and Di and herself were as happy as could be, Peyton just laid her little girl on her chest, letting Di rest her head over her heart. Di had loved to do that ever since Peyton could remember. When she was younger, on those days when she was fussy and no one could calm her down, Peyton used to just go into her room and lay down there with Di over her chest, and more often than not, that would do the trick and Di's fussiness would stop.

Di let Peyton cradle her for some good few minutes until she realized Peyton closed her eyes and she didn't want that. "Maaaamamamamaa," She babbled sweetly pressing her open mouth to Peyton's eyes.

Peyton whined still with her eyes closed but not for a second she meant it. She grabbed Di and pulled her back from her face sitting her back down on the bed. "Mommy's awake, no need to panic little girl," Peyton tickled Di's sides making the baby fall on her back on the bed.

Peyton was still tickling her slightly, but then Di turned her head from her mom and saw something else that caught her attention. "Baby," She whispered sitting up again, and with both her tiny hands cupping Peyton's big belly.

Peyton nodded her head at Di but then also couldn't help but bit on her lip and scratch her head. She still found it so weird that Di —_who was very much still a baby_— didn't think of herself as one anymore. When they went out Peyton could just smile when Di pointed to younger babies, even older babies too and proclaimed them as '_babies'_ —them, not her by any means.

Every time they tried to explain to her that she was a baby too, Di would just say 'No' in that typical toddler manner, and instead would point to a toy baby, or ask Peyton to hold her just so she could point to her mommy's belly. She was a stubborn baby girl —nonetheless one that was very much loved by everybody who knew her. "Yup…that's where the baby is…" Peyton answered at last.

Di started patting Peyton's belly happily then —she looked as though she was playing with drums or something. Peyton didn't mind though and instead she just smiled at her baby girl. Baby boy inside her was sleeping right now —_or so Peyton assumed for the lack of swift kicks_— but by the way Di so happily was banging on him and now even babbling indistinguishable words aloud, Peyton was sure her baby boy soon was going to wake up. "You are going to be a big sister, you know, Di?"

Di didn't even turn to look at Peyton, but Peyton decided to keep talking anyway. That was what she had been doing for over a year now with Di and it seemed to be working. Even when seemingly Di was not paying too much attention, deep inside Peyton knew Di understood and listened to everything she had ever told her. From the one too many 'I love yous' to the silliest tirades about incompetent HR people who just didn't know how to do their job. "Mama doesn't really know how that's like since I really didn't grow up with your uncle Derek, and even if I had, he's the oldest so I wouldn't know either what being a big sister is like,_ but," _Peyton stressed when Di _finally _turned to look at her. "Your daddy _is_ a big brother, and actually, Jack is a big brother to you too, so maybe the boys can also help you figure this out—"

"—Baby" Di interrupted, and Peyton nodded her head chuckling.

"Yes, we all gotta figure out together this baby thing."

"Baby!"

"Yes, Di." Peyton repeated patiently. "I'm not going to lie and tell you I don't feel bad you are getting a younger sibling so soon, because…between you and me, I am sweetie," Peyton confessed quietly. "You are still _so_ little and I know you need me a lot but…I promise I'm still going to be there. I promise. I swear. Your mommy might be going crazy with lots of work, and a newborn, and your Daddy and Jack, but I swear to you Di, mommy is always _always_ going to have time for you." This time Di actually stayed quiet and just stared strongly into Peyton's eyes. "I promise." She added with a small smile. Di was looking too serious and that probably was because Peyton was too serious as well as she spoke. "Eventually little brother is going to grow up too and if we are all lucky, you and him are going to grow up really close and…that's important Di…your family, having people close to you who love you and you love back. That is really _really_ important…" Peyton was looking down at her belly as she said that, but as she slowly shifted her eyes up and caught sight of Di again, she saw a big pout on her little girl's lips. "Hey baby, what is it? You are okay." Peyton assured Di rapidly as she sat up on the bed and pulled Di into her arms. Di wasn't whining or really crying, she was just…pouting. "What is it little girl?" Peyton asked again cradling the little girl close to her chest. "Mama loves ya," Peyton tried sweetly looking down at Di with a smile. Di was still pouting. "Mama loves you _a lot_. How about that? Sounds any better?" Di didn't say anything but little by little her nose started wrinkling up which meant a smile would soon appear on her little face. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, _I love youuu_!" Peyton started giggling as she tickled Di and kissed her face a few too many times. Di was of course laughing her little head off too and there wasn't something Peyton liked more than that. She kept tickling her little girl until she heard Lucas' voice coming from the living room.

He was calling out for her, making Peyton stop short what she was doing. She widened her eyes and looked down at Di who was very much doing the same thing with her eyes. "Let's see what Daddy needs," Peyton said hurriedly as she picked up Di from the bed and went into the living room.

Lucas looked sort of out of breath and he hadn't close to the door behind him.

"Where's Jack?" Peyton asked as soon as he saw him. Lucas was supposed to get Jack from school. So if Jack wasn't with Lucas, who was he with?

Lucas in any case just opened his eyes wide at the question as he walked closer to Peyton. He grabbed Di from her arms as he finally started talking. "He wants to see her. Jack _wants_to see Lindsey. He _wants _to see her. He wants to." Lucas kept repeating because he knew this was big. They had been trying so hard to get him to this point, not pushing him and just letting him make the decision, and now, finally he'd decided to make the right choice. Peyton couldn't help but smile as Lucas said that.

"What are you doing here, then?" Peyton asked then, looking at Lucas expectantly. He was kissing Di _'Hello'_ and Peyton loved the tender way he cradled the baby girl close to his chest. She still wanted to know why he was still here and not in the hospital with Lindsey though.

"He wants you to come,"

"What?" Peyton couldn't help the surprise in her voice. She frowned and Lucas let out a breath.

"_He. Wants. You. To. Come_, Peyton" He repeated with a nod of his head. "Jack said he wanted to go but he couldn't if you weren't there." Again Peyton frowned and looked down. "You've been here for him all these months. He trusts you; he knows you know what he's going through. Do this for him…" Lucas said sweetly walking closer to Peyton. "Do this for Lindsey…you are a mom…you must also have a good guess what she's going through…"

Lucas honestly didn't need to say anything else. Peyton did know and that was what made this much harder than it already was. What if someday _she _would be in Lindsey's shoes? What if someday _Di _would be in Jack's shoes? What if someday _she _put Jack in this place again?

In the end Peyton took a deep breath and nodded her head —she had to do this. She had to do this for Jack. They were a family now and as a family they were to get through this…

* * *

**AN : **Thank you so much for reading. :)


	21. Chapter Twenty : ((June))

**Chapter Twenty : ((June))**

* * *

These last few weeks had been the hardest. Everyone was trying so hard to keep it together but it was just too hard to do it.

Lindsey Strauss had been in the hospital now for the total of three and a half months. She was released once but brought back in less than a week's time. The doctors had been hopeful with her case at first —or so that was her story. By the time she confessed Lucas about what was going on, about her illness, it had already been too late to do anything —too late to fix it.

Less than one month after that conversation with Lucas, Lindsey had been admitted to the hospital. She had been having trouble breathing one time when she was by herself in her house. She had managed to call 911 and they had taken her into the ER. That had been the point of no return. The cancer was spreading and there was nothing they could do but to keep her comfortable.

And so that was what they had been doing for months now. Keeping her comfortable and at ease —at much as it was possible.

Right now it was not a secret to anyone that the end was closer and that had brought a whole new level of pain to everybody. Or so Peyton thought.

Especially for Jack…

Jack…

Jack Alan Scott was ten-years-old. He was in the 4th grade, and was one of the brightest kids in his class. On the outside he was a normal kid —he had a father, he had a mother, he even had a baby sister…looking deeper into it, the picture was different though. He also had a '_Peyton'_ which most kids he knew didn't. Then again, even when it took him a very long time, Jack had finally accepted that extra person in his family…

The thing he couldn't accept however was the fact that soon enough he wasn't going to have a mother anymore. He couldn't understand that. He couldn't comprehend how in a few weeks' time, heck, in a few days his mother was simply going to cease to exist. She just wasn't going to be there anymore. She was going to stop living. How, how could he even begin to understand that?

Peyton was thirty-eight, almost thirty-nine-years-old and she honestly didn't comprehend that herself, let alone was she expecting Jack to do it.

She did wish however, there were some magic words she could tell him to take —_if only_— a little bit of his pain away.

If only…

Peyton was so proud of him though. Jack had seemingly grown up so much in the last few weeks. He was being so strong for Lindsey —he had started going to the hospital at least twice a week to visit his mom for a few minutes in the afternoon. He would tell her about his day at school, about the homework he had, his friends, everything, even the new things his baby sister was doing.

Jack was a strong boy, and thank God, he'd realized sooner rather than later, that his mom needed this time with him just as much as _he _needed it as well.

Peyton still remembered that afternoon a month ago when Jack finally came to terms with his mom's disease.

_After Lucas told her the reasons why she should go with Jack to the hospital, Peyton in all honesty hadn't been able to tell him no. If Jack needed her to go see his mom, then Peyton was going to be there. _

_She went down to the lobby to find Jack sitting on one of the couches by himself. He was looking out the big glass doors that welcomed people into their apartment building. He barely even noticed when Peyton sat beside him. She had to touch his shoulder to call his attention._

_Jack was startled slightly, and even jumped, but he managed to settle down quickly enough. _

_"Your Daddy is getting Di ready to go." Peyton told Jack before he could ask the question. "After he comes downstairs we can all go visit your mama if that's what you want." Jack didn't say anything but just stared into Peyton's eyes. They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes until Peyton spoke again. "Why do you want me to go?"_

_At that question Jack simply shrugged his shoulders. "I just do." He answered shifting his eyes away from Peyton's. He sighed and swallowed hard before he looked over at Peyton again. "Can I ask you a question?"_

_Peyton nodded her head with no hesitation. "Absolutely."_

_"You promise to tell me the truth?"_

_"You know I will, Jack. I promise…"_

_"Okay." Jack said slowly trying to think in just the right way to ask Peyton what he needed to ask. _

_At last he gathered all the courage he had within himself and asked…"My mommy is really going to die, isn't she?"_

_"Jack." Peyton pleaded. She hated, she hated with all her might what Jack was going through. No child should go through this —not one._

_"No, you have to answer." Jack spoke back frowning. "You promised." He reminded her strongly. Peyton stared into Jack's eyes steadily, and couldn't help the enormous lump that formed in her throat. "Just say it. Say it. Answer please…"_

_And now those words nearly broke Peyton's heart. She bit strongly on her bottom lip, but after a moment she nodded her head ever so slightly. "She is." She admitted sadly._

_It took all he had not to start crying then and there, but Jack wanted to be strong, and so he wasn't going to cry. At Peyton's words, he just nodded his head. "I don't wanna have regrets." He didn't really know what regrets were or how bad those were or what, but…Peyton hadn't sounded happy at all once upon a time when they talked about this. She was mostly sad as she talked about her moms and the time she thought she'd wasted with them. Jack didn't understand a bunch of things about what was happening, but as of this afternoon, he finally understood that he didn't want to waste any time he still had left with his mom._

_"I wanna see her. I want her to know, I'm brave and strong. I want to tell her that I'm going to see her but that I'm not mad at her anymore." Peyton started feeling a huge knot in her throat as Jack said all this. "I want to see her so I can tell her I'm not mad, I'm just sad and I…and I'm just going to miss her a lot."_

_His words were enough to make more than one tear fell from Peyton's eyes. She wiped them away fast enough though and without bothering to ask, she reached out and wrapped Jack tenderly with her arms. "You are a really brave boy Jack Scott, know that," Peyton stressed as she held Jack strongly. She kissed his head feeling him relax in her arms ever so slowly. "Your mommy is so proud of you…Lucas is too, and I…I am too. I am proud of the young man you are growing up to be. I'm proud of the choices you are making." Peyton promised, pulling away a little from Jack just so that she could look into his eyes. "I'm proud of you." She repeated nodding her head slightly. A realization hit her then and so Peyton added… "And I love you." She said it; for the very first time since she'd met Jack. "And I want you to be happy, Jack. You know that right? We'll do everything —everything in our power to be there for you. To be strong and brave through this just like you…"_

_Jack quietly stared at Peyton until after minutes that felt like hours, he offered Peyton a small nod of his head. "Thank you…" He whispered as Peyton softly stroked his arm._

_Only a moment after that, Peyton heard the beeping from the elevator and out of it came Lucas and Di. Di was snuggled close to her dad's chest, and Lucas, while looking a bit anxious, was also looking quite relived and Peyton could tell that even from afar._

_"Are we ready?"_

_Jack turned to look up at Peyton and when she gave him a small nod of her head, he turned back to Lucas and answered. "Yeah, let's go…" _

_Lucas patted Jack's back and out of the building the four of them went. "Peyton." Jack called as Lucas stepped into the street to call a taxy._

_Peyton was looking out for one as well, but she did turn her head slightly and looked at Jack's eyes. "Yeah…?"_

_"You too," Jack said just loud enough for Peyton to hear him._

_It took her a moment to understand what he was saying, but once it hit her, Peyton couldn't help the small smile that formed on her face. She didn't say anything else —she didn't need to and quite honestly, Jack didn't need to hear anything else either. Everything that was there to be said was said, and couldn't be erased now. _

_What was happening was a tragedy but it was their reality anyway…_

* * *

Peyton had been almost asleep when she heard steps coming from the hall. It didn't take more than that to wake her up again. She saw the lights through her half-closed door, and she tilted her head trying to see who it was. The lamp in her room was also on, so it took Haley just a moment to peek her head inside Peyton's room. She had gotten into the city late enough that the two of them barely had the chance to talk before they went to bed.

However, just like Peyton, Haley hadn't been quite able to fall sleep completely. There was just too much stuff going on. "You awake?" Haley whispered from the door. Her question was silly, but she thought she'd ask it anyway. She needed a question to break the ice or just start a conversation, and as silly as her question might have been, it did the job and after only a moment, Peyton nodded her head and asked Haley to come in.

"Can't sleep either?" Peyton asked as Haley sat in front of her on her bed.

Haley let out a puff of air, and then sighed. "I guess not…" She said letting her eyes shift to the little girl sleeping right by Peyton. Haley couldn't help but smile at the sight. "She's so beautiful." Haley said and now it was Peyton who had to smile.

Haley was right and Peyton knew this. _She_ had made that little girl, been with her from the very beginning and yet to this day Peyton still didn't get over how perfect in every sense she was.

"It's kind of freaky though how much she looks like you," Haley added before Peyton could have a word in.

Peyton had to smile at that too though. Everybody always told her the same. Sure, Di had baby blue eyes and was way blonder than Peyton, and her hair wasn't as curly as her momma's yet —_she didn't have all that much hair to begin with yet_— but even then, every time people met her, they always had to comment in how much Miss. Dianna Scott looked like her mom. The resemblance was becoming more and more obvious now that Di was older. She sure was the spitting image of her mom. "We are still not sure with Luke if that's a good thing or a bad thing…"

There was a small moment then when the two of them shared a smile in silence. Despite everything it was nice to see each other again.

Haley was the one who broke the silence after a while. "Luke's not coming tonight?"

Peyton shook her head swallowing the big lump in her throat. "She —she's in ICU right now. Something happened, and the doctors, um— she's not well Haley. She's not well at all." Peyton explained uneasily.

Haley bit nervously her lip looking at Peyton. This was wrong. Lindsey was one of _them._ She was young and most certainly wasn't finished with everything she was meant to do with her life —it was too bad the universe was deciding upon something different for her. It wasn't fair. "I, I talked to her, I think two days ago or something on the phone—"

"It was sudden," Peyton explained before Haley could finish speaking. "She was doing okay all things considered, but…I don't know, Lucas called around three today to tell me not to take Jack to the hospital today. Her Doctor called Luke today and he's being down there ever since." Peyton sighed looking down at Di for a second. Di had been fussy about going to bed today so Peyton had made an exception and let her sleep today with her. That hadn't happened since Di was a newborn, but in any case Peyton liked having her close by especially right now…

"What did you tell Jack?" When Haley got to their house Jack had already been in bed so she hadn't been able to see her nephew yet. Haley was worried about him —about how all this mess would affect him. Granted, she wasn't all that close to Jack since she didn't get to see him as often as she wished, but…Jack was still Lucas' son. Jack was Haley's very best friend's son; of course she worried about him more than she could show.

"The truth," Peyton said back simply. "There is no point in lying to him. I just told him his mom wasn't getting any better and that now the doctors had to keep her close in a special room to make sure she didn't get worse."

Peyton's somber explanation caused them both to remain in silence for a few long minutes.

All they could hear was Di's breathing as she slept until Haley sighed and Peyton looked up from her hands. "She's going to die." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and the only thing Peyton could do in response was nod her head.

"She is." Peyton agreed sadly. "And the scary part is that I don't know just how hard it's going to be losing her. I know it's going to be hard, but I don't know just how much. For Jack mostly, but for Luke too." She confessed. "Sure, I've been there…You've been there Haley with your mom and dad as well, but we all experience and manage a loss like that so different. I have no clue if Jack is going to shut himself or instead let us in. I know this hurts Lucas but I also know he's not going to let it show either. He wants to protect us from the pain —he always is but he also forgets _he _needs help as well sometimes."

"Want a piece of advice?"

Peyton didn't even hesitate. "Always."

"Make sure you all don't forget about all the good things you still have going on," Haley said motioning with her head towards Di. Peyton followed her eyes and a sad smile formed in her face. It sure was easy to forget lately about the good things considering their current situation with Lindsey.

Haley turned her head after a minute and pointed at Peyton's tummy. "That one too." She added and Peyton smiled nodding one more time. It really sucked that a moment so happy as the birth of that baby was going to be overshadowed by the sickness and death of one of their own. "When are you due anyway?" Haley asked in a desperate enough attempt to change the subject.

Peyton looked down at her big belly and then up at Haley. "Two days from today." She said shrugging her shoulders as she spoke.

At her answer Haley couldn't help when her eyes widened. "Shit." She blurted out without thinking.

Peyton couldn't take it personal though. "I know. Shit is right." It was just bad timing. Peyton wanted, she desperately wanted to be excited and so so happy about her new baby, and while she was, she couldn't and wasn't completely happy about it. It honestly just wasn't possible considering what was going on with Lindsey. It had gotten to the point where Peyton had even been thinking what would be best, if the baby came _before _or _after_Lindsey passed. It was bad —it was just really bad timing. "Trust me, I wouldn't mind going overdue this time around."

Haley covered her face with her hands as she shook her head. She so didn't mean to curse —this whole situation was all but ideal, that was all. "I'm sorry, Peyton, I, I didn't mean to say anything, I—"

"Don't worry about it," Peyton said sincerely. "You are not thinking something I hadn't thought at least ten times already."

"Thank you, but still…I shouldn't have said that," Haley apologized anyway. She then offered Peyton a weak smile. "At least you know you are going to meet that little one soon," Peyton matched softly Haley's smile and nodded her head. "How are you feeling?"

Peyton couldn't help but sigh at the question. There had been so much stuff going on she hardly had had any time to think about herself in this whole mess. "I'm fine, I'm just…" Peyton trailed off sighing one more time.

Haley offered her a half smile. "Tired?" She filled in for Peyton.

Peyton ran her hands over her face as she nodded. Tired didn't even begin to describe it. It was as if some supernatural power had taken a hold on her lately and just wouldn't give in. "Yeah…but…it's more than that," Peyton tried to explain uneasily. "I swear I don't remember ever feeling this tired with Di…ever…My back's been killing me for weeks now, my legs and feet are so swollen, I can hardly sleep… it's, ugh, it's just that I don't remember ever feeling so so tired when I was pregnant with Di…"

Haley let out a breath that came out as a weak chuckle. Her oldest was almost eight already but of course she could still remember how it had been to have those babies inside her. "Did it ever occur to you that Di came out early so technically you have never been this pregnant before?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes but also gave Haley some credit since the brunette was surely making some sense. "You are right, but—"

"Plus now you are taking care almost full time of Jack _and _Dianna, which you were certainly not doing when you were pregnant with the little ma'am, so cut yourself some slack, it's okay to say you are tired." Haley stated but then immediately grew thoughtful. "Scratch that, _exhausted. _You are doing a lot, more than you should, so I swear it's okay to admit if you are overwhelmed…especially considering the circumstances…"

Peyton stayed quiet, her eyes steady staring into Haley's. At last, she let out a breath and nodded. "I try not to be a nag."

Haley then couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her throat. "I know. _We _know." She corrected herself. "Just know that every night when I call to check in with Lucas, he always has to tell me how much he loves you and how he honestly couldn't be doing all this without you. He's a mess but he's hanging in there all because of you." Haley confessed and it took Peyton a moment or two to sink in all that information.

"Do you guys know what you are going to do when the baby comes?" Haley asked before Peyton had the chance to dismiss her words. "Who's going to stay with the kids and all that? If I can help in any way just tell me."

Peyton smiled at Haley's support and enthusiasm but still she shook her head ever so slightly. "Lily is in babysitting duty once this baby decides it's time to come out. We have Di's nanny that will help here and there but pretty much Lily agreed to watch the kids for us…" Peyton informed casually.

For Haley however, it was as if she had found that piece of the puzzle that had been lost forever. "Lily's in New York?" She had to ask back immediately as Peyton let her on in that piece of information.

Peyton on the other hand, while still a little lost, nodded her head. "She's living here now. For a few months now, Luke and I helped her settle and all…"

Haley stayed quiet at her words only making Peyton more curious. "What is it?" She asked at last when apparently Haley decided she was done talking.

"Jamie." Haley answered. A little too cryptic for Peyton's taste though.

"What about him?"

"He wants to move here." Haley said and couldn't help the roll of her eyes. "He's been talking about it for a while now, about transferring schools and all…I, I knew there was something else to it…"

That information was new to Peyton, but in a way it kind of made sense. Those two kids were the same age and while they didn't spend all that much time together growing up, they kept in touch and were good friends. Peyton would have thought Lily would tell her something if Jamie was planning to move into the city as well, but oh well… "You should let him." Peyton found herself saying after a moment. Haley looked at her through squinted eyes because of what Peyton felt the need to elaborate. "You should let Jamie come if he wants to come. Let him see what the real world is all about. Lily is working for me, but she has been treated just like any other employee. She started from down below and is working her way up. I…I'm sure you know an awful deal about motherhood that I don't, but even when this baby isn't born yet," Peyton said pointing to her stomach. "I know already how hard it's going to be when he and Di and even Jack decide it's finally time to leave home, but…I think it's important to let them make their own mistakes, their own life…Just look at us," She said with a small shrug of her shoulders. "We made a bunch of mistakes, but we learned from them and now we are who we are because of them. I, I think our kids deserve the same chance at that, don't you think?"

Haley was quiet as all those words filled her head. "It's hard to accept they are not your babies anymore," Haley confessed quietly. Her eyes landed on Di still sleeping peacefully next to Peyton —it did not feel like yesterday when hers were that little but at the same time it didn't feel like it was time to let them go yet either.

"I know," Peyton replied softly. She still had a long way to go with her kiddos, but deep inside she also knew how eventually she was going to be forced to set them free and accept she simply couldn't protect them from everything. "Make sure to remind me all that I just told you fifteen years from now when my kids start attempting to fly solo without me though." Peyton added and thank God the tension in the room was broken with her comment. She chuckled just as Haley did it too.

"I will. I'm pretty sure you are going to need it —I've seen how overprotective you've become," Haley said playfully making the two of them smile. After a moment Haley couldn't help the yawn that escaped her mouth and she looked sheepishly at Peyton —today's trip was finally catching up with her. "We should probably sleep," She suggested only half playfully.

Peyton chuckled ever so slightly but also nodded her head —God knew she was as tired as could be.

"What's the plan tomorrow?"

At the question Peyton stayed quiet thinking for a small moment; then she spoke. "Jack wants to be close to her, but he, he's…"

"Not actually allowed to see her anymore?"

With a frown Peyton shook her head. They had decided upon this, weeks ago, way before Lindsey's condition had gotten nearly as bad as it was now. She didn't want Jack to remember her sick and fragile, she didn't want Jack to have that memory of her, so after talking about it a lot, Lindsey, Lucas, Peyton, they all decided how once things got really bad with Lindsey, Jack wasn't to go in to see her anymore. It broke their hearts, it broke _Jack's _heart but in the end they all agreed this was the best choice. Jack honestly didn't need to _see _his mom dying; it was hard enough to _know _she will, _seeing _her go was damn too hard for a little boy like him to endure.

Jack had been upset with their decision but somehow accepted it in the end. He had let Peyton know how in spite of what they all thought, he couldn't stay away from his mom right now though. Peyton had respected this and so that was why tomorrow as soon as visiting hours open, Peyton had to go with Jack to the hospital. They wouldn't go in to see Lindsey, but they would still stay close. Showing their support in that way. "We all talked about it, Luke, the Doctors, me, Lindsey…we all had a say but in the end it was Lindsey's decision, she simply couldn't have Jack seeing her like she is now…_dying…_connected to tubes and machines and all that…"

Peyton's words were so heavy and full of anguish not her or Haley could say anything for a few minutes.

"I can't even begin to imagine what she's feeling…" Haley commented sadly not meeting Peyton's eyes.

Her statement was so true. They were both mothers, they both knew exactly how immense that love for their kids was and how hard it must be for Lindsey to stop seeing her son.

"Me either," Peyton replied after a moment. "Every time I've been to see her lately I've been with Jack, so she's shown herself strong, but…we all know that's just not how she's feeling…" Peyton let on, swallowing hard the big lump in her throat. "Lucas won't leave her side…"

"He feels guilty," Haley finished the sentence for Peyton, and while it took her a while, in the end, Peyton nodded her head.

Haley hadn't been lying earlier when she said Lucas was a mess, he so was. Every time Haley talked to him in the past week, he had been more than likely in the hospital. He had been fighting for Lindsey so hard for the last months. Talking with endless doctors, making calls and reading about treatments that simply couldn't work this time —it was too late. Lucas felt guilty and remorseful. He loved Lindsey, of course not in the way they both once hoped he would, but still he did. Losing her was something Lucas wasn't prepared for and Haley knew this. That was why she'd come —first because she wanted to be here for Lindsey, but also because she knew Lucas would need all the help he could get.

Especially now that Peyton was apparently so awfully close to give birth to their second baby…

"He's been struggling to spend time at home with us too but it's just hard to act _normal _when in the back of our minds we are always thinking about Lindsey…" Peyton confessed uneasily; it really wasn't pleasant to say her husband hadn't been able to be home for real in weeks already. "We are all just doing what we can to get through this…"

Haley nodded her head before she leaned forward and gave Peyton a small hug. "You are doing a big part being here for Jack. He needs you more than ever and you are not letting him down…" Haley promised earnestly.

Peyton nodded but brought her eyes down when she felt tears pooling in her eyes. Haley reached out and squeezed her knee making Peyton look up again.

"How about I take Jack and Di tomorrow with me so you can sleep in? You can always catch up with us later?" Haley offered after a moment with a small smile on her face. Peyton was looking at her with disbelief and so Haley decided to elaborate. "In spite of everything that is going on with Lindsey you have to realize than in a matter of days you'll have yet another person to take care of Peyton, you might as well try to rest as much as you can right now. I'm here, let me help, I'll be more than happy to hang out for a few hours with Jack tomorrow." Haley said sincerely. "Please. We can all go to the hospital later."

Peyton knew Haley was right, and it really didn't matter how much she didn't want to think about it, it was the reality, in a few days Lindsey was going to die, but in a few days her son was also going to be born. It felt wrong to feel happy about it and maybe that was why Peyton preferred lately not to think about it. It was happening though —"Okay." Peyton agreed with Haley at last.

The brunette smiled and nodded before getting up from Peyton's bed. "Great. I'll let you sleep now." Haley said warmly as she quietly exited the bedroom.

It took Peyton a few too many minutes but at last she started feeling sleepy as she rested her head back on her pillow. She looked over at Di's peaceful little body and she smiled. Di was a blessing, this baby in her belly was a blessing, Jack was a blessing, Lucas, and Haley, and her family and friends were a blessing…

Haley was right, if anything, right now was the right time to be grateful for those good things she had instead of the sad things going on. It didn't mean she didn't care, it only meant she was strong enough to recognize life wasn't going to stop once Lindsey's heart stopped beating.

It meant life was going to change and she'd better be ready for it…

* * *

**AN : **Thank you soooo much for reading! Hope you all are getting excited for the summer! I know I am :)


	22. Chapter Twenty-One : ((July))

**Chapter Twenty-One : ((July))**

* * *

By the time July rolled about, a whole new set of _news_ came with it as well. It was like starting over with new roles and obligations. It was learning all over again how to be a family in spite of the sadness and hardships.

Today was Thursday, July 2. It was one of those hot summer days in New York. It was also however, the day when they would all say '_goodbye'_ to Lindsey one last time.

It all happened a few days ago already, but not until yesterday everybody that wanted to be here for her now, had managed to get into the city. It wasn't convenient, Peyton thought, but then again, is there a loss that is?

She sighed looking out the window of her room. It was so early; the sun had barely made its way out and yet everything out that window looked bright and…alive. Peyton would be lying if she said she felt completely sad, even though she knew she didn't feel completely happy and bright either. She didn't know how to explain it, but one thing was for sure, the weather outside, the aliveness of it all, certainly felt like too much for her —it just didn't fit her mood so much.

Peyton closed her eyes and rested her head back for small moment. It took her then a minute or so to realize Lucas had woken up already too. He was staring at her steadily; Peyton did the same but then after a while she offered him a small smile. She didn't say a word for another few moments; they just stayed in silence letting their minds wander…

But then Peyton finally thought of something good and happy enough so she turned to Lucas again. "You know how everybody has been telling us how hard two babies at the same time is going to be?"

Lucas narrowed his eyes curiously, and smiled. Sometimes she was just random, but oh God, that just made him love her even more. "Yeah," Lucas answered simply at last.

"Well, I thought of one good thing about it," Peyton said playfully even though she did feel proud of herself. After all, all that hard thinking she had been doing for months on end now had to pay off somehow, right? "One way or another Di always still manages to wake us up in the middle of the night at least once a week, which means we have never had the chance to go back to our pre-babies sleeping schedule, which I guess makes the transition from one baby to two babies easier somewhat…"

Lucas didn't answer for a minute but just stared at Peyton with a soft smile on his face. "You are amazing." He promised sincerely, making Peyton shake her head.

She couldn't believe that to save her life, but it still was kind of nice to hear Lucas saying that anyway.

"How many times did he wake up?" Lucas had slept so soundly, he had been so so exhausted that as soon as his head hit the pillow last night he had been fast asleep. He was a heavy sleeper, so that, on top of his overtiredness, prevented him from hearing a thing last night.

At the question, Peyton looked over at the little baby in the bassinet next to the bed and she couldn't help but smile. "Three times," She answered honestly. And in truth, three times wasn't bad, it wasn't bad at all. Thomas was roughly two weeks old, and yet at night he was letting Peyton sleep mostly in three or two hour intervals. That for a newborn was pretty great she thought. That never ever happened with Di.

Dianna was _so_ the opposite from Thomas. She was up at all the odd hours at night. Just being awake and alert when she should had been sleeping. Thomas however, so far had been pretty good. Woke up hungry, ate, went right back to sleep unless he had a yucky diaper. He was a dream baby, and Peyton didn't say that just because he was her son.

_Thomas Scott had been born fifteen days ago. His birth had been if anything, the complete opposite from the birth of his big sister, Dianna, even though at the very end Peyton got to fear Lucas was going to be the one delivering him as well._

_Everything had just happened so fast. From the start the feelings accompanying his arrival had been completely different from the first time Peyton had done this. When Dianna was born she had been so unprepared, scared and just plain clueless about everything that was going to happen. With Thomas however, from the start things were different. Peyton's water broke at the hospital as opposed to in the middle of the woods as it had happened with Di._

_It had been a normal Wednesday when Peyton went into labor. They had all happened to be at the hospital that day. Haley had been helping out with the kids that morning and so she and Peyton had agreed to meet at the hospital since Haley wanted to see Lindsey and Jack was stubborn about being there as well._

_Peyton met with Haley at around 1 in the afternoon. She had relieved Haley from her babysitter duties so the brunette could go in and see Lindsey and Lucas could step out of the room for a little while. It had been as Peyton walked towards the hospital daycare to drop off Dianna when she started feeling something. She hadn't pay attention at first because it really hadn't felt like the first time she went into labor at all. She had even played with Dianna and Jack for about twenty minutes before she and Jack went back upstairs to meet with Lucas._

_They sat down in a waiting area on the floor Lindsey was staying at the hospital. Peyton was feeling all right, just kind of sleepy and tired. Jack went to get some chocolate bars for the two of them and Peyton stayed sitting down. When she finally saw Lucas stepping out of Lindsey's room, Peyton stood up and then it was when it happened. She grimaced and felt just like frozen on her spot._

_Lucas reached her only a moment later and caught the way Peyton was clenching her teeth and hands. "You okay, Peyt?" He asked grabbing one of her hands into his. _

_Peyton had her eyes closed as well, but as she felt Lucas by her, she opened her eyes and immediately she felt like crying. She wasn't ready for this. Lindsey was seriously dying just a few feet from them —literally. This should be such a happy day and yet all Peyton could feel was guilt. Her baby boy was going to be born today but all she could think about was Lindsey and how this just wasn't the right time to have this baby. "My water broke, I, I think my water broke…" Peyton whimpered finally, as her eyes shifted down to the small puddle of clear water beneath her legs._

_Lucas was taken aback, and his eyes widened. His reaction after that was different than Peyton's though. He smiled so widely he thought his face would break. They were going to have a baby —today. After all the sadness and miserable days he had been having, filled with sickness and tragedy, Lucas was happy for this. He was happy and excited to meet this little person who was so important to him. He was going to be a father again in a matter of hours. This for sure had made him the happiest he hadn't been in a very long time. _

_He didn't say anything then but simply stepped forward and hugged Peyton tightly. "We are going to be parents. We are going to meet our baby. It really is okay to be happy about this, Peyt…" He promised strongly. Lucas waited a moment then, his arms still wrapped tightly around Peyton's frame. "Are you in pain?" He asked pulling back a little from her._

_Peyton had tears in her eyes, but she was trying not to cry. She shook her head. No, she wasn't feeling anything yet. "Nope." _

_Lucas nodded. "We should still check you in, okay?" He was so excited he could barely contain himself._

_Finally his big smile and the kiss Lucas couldn't help but give her, made Peyton smile a little too. She relaxed as Lucas hugged her again, and then she sighed looking up at him. "Jack went to the vending machines, Di is downstairs, we have to call your sister and ask her to bring the hospital bag, you should go tell Haley too, I—"_

_"—Hey, Peyton!" Lucas said stopping Peyton's tirade. She stopped talking all at once and then looked at Lucas feeling sheepish. "We will do all that. We will wait for Jack, then go to the maternity ward to check you in. We'll call my sister to get the kids and bring your suitcase. Don't worry about it." Lucas said, steadily looking at Peyton. She let out a breath and nodded her head. "It'll be okay. We, we are going to have a baby," He stated and Peyton all about felt the first of many more contractions then._

_"Ow," She whined even though the pain she felt wasn't even close to what she knew she'd feel in a few hours. _

_Lucas caught her in his arms and they shared a look after Peyton was done hurting. Peyton was somewhat smiling then when Lucas met her eyes, and this caught him a little by surprise. _

_"We are going to have a baby," Peyton repeated Lucas words before he could say anything. This was happening, it was really happening and while it made Peyton scared to her every bone, it also made her the happiest. "Doesn't it make you happy we are already at the hospital?"_

_Lucas laughed immediately at her words and shook his head. "The hell it does," He agreed playfully, pulling Peyton closer to his side, and kissing her lips._

_After that, Lucas helped Peyton start walking. They went and got Jack, and explained him what was happening. Jack had been awfully calm about it, and even smiled at Peyton when he told her in a very matter-of-fact voice that chances were, in less than twenty four hours she was going to meet her new baby._

_"I'm glad we are at the hospital this time, Peyton." Jack had noted after a moment, and it had taken all they had, for Lucas and Peyton not to laugh. _

_"I'm glad we are here too, little boy," Peyton said only letting out a small chuckle. She looked at Jack softly for another moment before sighing. Who would have known at 38 Peyton was going to be loving the support of her ten-year-old stepson only hours before giving birth? She did in any case, and the truth was, she wouldn't trade Jack for the world right now. Both Di and this baby sure as heck won an awesome big brother with Jack, Peyton was sure…_

* * *

_By two o'clock that very same day, Peyton was feeling already how the rest of her day was going to go. According to her doctors she was doing all right since her contraction started shortly after her waters broke, and she was progressing as she should be. The last thing they told her was that the baby was in position, but that staying on her feet and walking a little bit could help matters go a bit faster. Peyton wanted that, so that was why right now she was walking —waddling— the hospital's halls. Haley was with her and in all honesty, Peyton did appreciate it a lot. "Thank you, Haley…" Peyton whispered looking sideways at Haley as the two of them walked slowly._

_Haley looked over at Peyton and stayed quiet for a small moment, before she smiled and nodded her head. "You are welcome." She said back honestly. Considering everything Lucas had done over the years for her, and her kids, and heck, even Nathan, the least Haley could do was be here for Peyton and this little baby that would be born soon. "I know walking is the least you want to be doing right now, but you heard the doctors, gravity may help your little one come faster…"_

_Peyton sighed. Haley was right. The doctors were right. She still didn't like this. She hated to walk through contractions, and mostly she hated walking when she could merely feel the baby's head between her legs. It had been less than an hour since her water broke, hence she knew she still had time to go before this baby would come, but it still was so freaking uncomfortable to walk right now. "I know, I know…" Peyton said before she started feeling the beginning of a contraction again. Right now they were coming seven to five minutes apart. They were just starting to get really painful not yet completely awful. Peyton closed her eyes tightly, and started breathing in and out trying to contain the pain. She brought her hand down and touched her belly; it felt hard as a rock._

_A moment passed and then the pain started to fade. Haley noticed when Peyton relaxed again and offered a small smile. "Better?"_

_"Yeah." The blonde replied without meeting Haley's eyes. Instead she grabbed again onto the IV pole and started walking again. "I know it has only been eighteen months since I had Dianna, but I swear I've already forgotten how painful this was…"_

_Haley chuckled at Peyton's words and nodded her head. "Happened to me every time." Haley agreed as she helped Peyton give slow steady steps. "It has to be something about that first time that you hold that little baby that it makes you forget about all the pain." She added, and Peyton had no choice but to smile and nod in agreement._

_"I hope so…" Peyton said back as they reached with Haley the corner of her hospital room. "You think Jack and Luke are back already?" Peyton asked eyeing her room. Truth was she didn't mind too much if Lucas kept Jack away from the hospital for a little while longer, but she wanted anyway so badly to go back to her room. Peyton wanted to lay down, or heck, not even that, she just wanted to sit down and get off her feet._

_"We can go back now, if you want to." Haley agreed knowing how only in the duration of their walk, it had gotten harder for Peyton to give every step. "Any ideas why Jack is so stubborn about staying?"_

_Peyton shook her head, she had no idea, Jack sometimes was just so willful and today he had just decided that he was going to stay by her side no matter what. He told Lucas that if he couldn't be with his mom, at least he was going to be with Peyton. Peyton hadn't had the heart to tell him he had to go home with his Aunt Lily, and so Jack was staying. He had needed to eat something, so Lucas had taken him to grab something at a place nearby the hospital._

_"Nope," Peyton replied honestly at last. "But I am really hoping they let me have the epidural soon because I don't want Jack to see my hurting again."_

_It took Haley a moment to put two and two together, but then when she did, she nodded her head understandingly. If she thought about it, the only one of her kids that had seen her in pain during labor had been Jamie, and that had been only for a few minutes when he was already fourteen. Jack on the other hand, he had seen Peyton give birth to Di at the age of eight. In all honesty, it did surprise Haley, and Peyton too, that Jack wasn't traumatized and didn't want to be anywhere near the birth of this baby._

_"He loves you," Haley stated then as if it were a newfound fact. And in reality, it was. For a long time Jack wanted —needed to be as far from Peyton as he possibly could, but now things were completely different. Haley hadn't been in town for too long, but she could almost say Jack and Peyton were sort of friends now. They talked a lot, and cared for one another. It made Haley happy that they had finally found a way to be in each other's life and enjoy the fact._

_When Haley and Peyton walked back into Peyton's room, they were both a bit surprised to find Jack sitting inside by himself. "Where is your daddy?" Peyton asked him immediately as she let go of Haley and started walking inside the room._

_Jack looked at Peyton and shrugged his shoulders. "They called him," He said quietly shifting his eyes from Peyton's. "I think something's wrong with my mom." He added and right then it took everything Peyton had not to rush to his side and hug him. She needed to stay calm though._

_"You don't know that, sweetie." Peyton said simply before turning her head to look at Haley. "Could you…?" Peyton didn't have to finish those words before Haley knew exactly what she had to do._

_"I'll go see what I can find out." She told Peyton somewhat apologetically. "You want me to take Jack with me?"_

_Peyton shook her head right away. "No, it's all right…" She said turning to look at Jack. He wasn't looking at them, but instead he had his head down staring at his hands. "We'll be fine; you just go and see how she's doing…"_

_"Okay…" Haley whispered before she left the room._

_Peyton closed her eyes for a moment praying two things; one for Lindsey to be okay, and second for this little baby to be delivered okay as well. She didn't wish for more in all honesty. And even when she knew her wishes weren't that small, she also knew that if anyone up there was listening, then this was in truth the least they could do for her. She'd been a good person, at least she'd try, and as of right now, the only thing she wanted was for her family not to hurt. _

_Peyton tried walking across the room to reach Jack, but before she could yet another contraction hit. She barely made it to the bed and held onto it as she felt that strong pressure on her stomach. "Ah ahh…" Peyton muttered trying to be quiet for Jack's sake._

_It didn't matter though, in only a matter of seconds Jack was on his feet and standing right next to Peyton. He didn't say anything, but reached down and held onto her hand._

_When the contraction passed, Peyton looked up at Jack and leaned in giving him a kiss on his forehead. "Thank you for being here," She told him honestly. _

_Jack let out a breath and nodded his head. _

_"You don't have to though, you know that," Peyton added as she sat down on her bed. _

_Jack stayed put next to her, and while he stayed quiet for a moment, lots of things were going through his mind. Just this moment he was remembering the day Dianna was born, and even though he didn't like to think about that day too much, he remembered how strong Peyton had been even though she had been so scared that day too. Jack wanted to be a little bit like that; he wanted to be strong. For his mom, and for Peyton. "But I have to." He replied after a moment. _

_Peyton looked a bit confused so Jack elaborated. "If my mommy weren't sick, where will my Dad be?"_

_"Oh," Peyton couldn't help her response once she put two and two together. Well of course if Lindsey weren't sick Lucas would be right there with her, but that wasn't the case so it didn't matter. "You don't have to be here because Lucas isn't. He'll be here when he can. Haley can take you home if you want to. I promise we'll call you as soon as the baby is born…"_

_Jack understood exactly what Peyton said, but he still didn't want to go. "I'd rather stay." He said with a small shrug of his shoulders. "I don't want you to be alone."_

_Peyton stared at Jack for a good minute or two before nodding. There was no arguing with this child. "You are an amazing little boy Jack Scott," Peyton promised and Jack smiled._

_"Do you know what the name of the baby is going to be?" Jack asked out of curiosity. _

_Peyton padded the bed beside her and while Jack did think about it for a moment, in the end he obliged and climbed on the bed next to Peyton._

_"We haven't really agreed on a first name with your Daddy yet, but we have his middle name already…" Peyton said smiling goofily in Jack's direction._

_He narrowed his eyes thinking before he asked. "What is it?"_

_Peyton shrugged her shoulders. "Sawyer." She said simply._

_Jack grew thoughtful for a moment but then he nodded. "Just like Di?" He asked and Peyton simply offered him a nod. "It makes sense," He stated._

_"Yeah, why is that?"_

_"Easy," Jack replied shrugging. "Using your maiden name as their middle name is really the only way your name is going to be carried on. I think that's a valid reason."_

_Peyton hadn't even told him yet that was the reason for sure, but ah well…Jack wasn't mistaken. "Well, thank you Jack." Peyton said with a small smile. "Your middle name is —"_

_"Alan," Jack filled in the sentence for Peyton._

_"Like Keith,"_

_"Yeah." Jack said nodding. "Daddy doesn't really talk about him much, but grandma Karen did, plus I…I read Dad's book…" He said whispering as though he didn't want anyone to hear._

_Peyton didn't understand why though. "You don't want me to tell your Daddy you did?" She ventured asking._

_That wasn't it though. "It's not that." Jack replied uneasily. "Mom doesn't really like that book, and I was always curious why, so one day I just took it from your house and I read it. That was Daddy's very first book, you know? I always felt curious about it…You think mommy would be mad if she finds out?"_

_"Absolutely not." Peyton answered seriously. "She always tried to protect you sweetie. That book has just so much history of your Daddy's life —of mine. After you read it you understood why your mommy didn't like it, didn't you?"_

_"You are in the book," Jack said stifling a laugh. His mom didn't like Peyton very much. That wasn't a secret. It really was no wonder she didn't like a book were Peyton was one of the main characters. _

_"Yeah," Peyton said back chuckling ever so slightly as well. "A lot has happened since your Daddy wrote that book," Peyton said but was then interrupted as her room's door opened._

_It was her Doctor and she smiled apologetically as she sensed she'd come in in the middle of a conversation. "I need to check your progress. It's been an hour since I last was here…" She said, and Peyton simply nodded her head._

_"It's okay…" She said back with a small smile before she looked down at Jack._

_Peyton didn't even need to tell him something, he knew. "I'll wait outside, okay?"_

_"Yes sweetie," Peyton answered as Jack climbed down the bed and walked past the doctor and out of the room._

_The Doctor smiled at Jack's seriousness but still couldn't help but think how cute and smart that boy looked. "Your son?" She asked Peyton as she moved towards her bed._

_Peyton stared at the Doctor for some full ten seconds before she nodded her head. "Yeah…"_

* * *

_It was around five o'clock on June 19, that Peyton finally just knew, this little baby was about to come out. She felt asleep after they gave her the epidural, and so did Jack. He had been with Peyton as the nurse put that needle on her back, and afterwards had just climbed in bed with Peyton when she asked him if he wanted. He never meant to fall asleep —Peyton didn't either— but when their conversation topics about silly things finished, they both closed their eyes and before they knew it, they were asleep._

_About an hour later, Peyton woke up. She didn't feel pain per see —nothing like the last time for sure— but she did feel something was different. She felt a lot of pressure every time the monitor next to her bed showed a contraction. The pressure wasn't painful but it did make her breathe deep for what she knew was about to come._

_When at last Peyton properly opened her eyes, she saw Lucas. He had been there before she got the epidural and then for a few minutes afterwards. Peyton didn't expect to see him there so she smiled when their eyes met. He had been watching football in the TV in Peyton's room. He hadn't had the heart of waking Peyton or Jack for that matter. They looked quite peaceful and deep inside Lucas knew they needed some rest. "Hey you…" Lucas chanted as he sat up on the couch._

_Peyton rubbed her eyes sleepily before she answered. "Hi…" She whispered not wanting to wake up Jack. "How's Lindsey? Haley said she got what? A…what is it? A pulmona—"_

_"Pulmonary edema," _

_Peyton nodded her head as Lucas finished her sentence. She didn't know exactly what that meant, but by the look on his face, it couldn't be good. "Is she okay?" Peyton asked quietly then._

_Lucas didn't answer at first, but instead got up from the couch and walked towards Peyton. He still didn't say anything but stroke Peyton's cheek with the back of his hand before shaking his head. "Nope." He sighed. "They are doing all they can, but…it's —," He let out a puff of air shaking his head and closing his eyes for a moment. Everything that was happening with Lindsey felt so surreal —as if in reality it all was just a nightmare and not their lives. "The doctors said it's just a matter of days now…"_

_Peyton closed her eyes tightly and shook her head as well. "It's not fair," She said as her eyes opened and she met Lucas' again. _

_"No, it's not." He agreed solemnly before looking over at Jack and then back at Peyton. He smiled sadly at her as his hand came to rest on her belly. "How are you feeling?" Lucas was surprised then when instead of replying right away, Peyton made a face and breathed in deeply. "What is it?"_

_"This baby is wanting out so bad," Peyton told him honestly but couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her mouth at the face Lucas made. All he knew they still had hours before the baby came. After all Peyton's water broke less than four hours ago, and she had just gotten the epidural like an hour ago or so. _

_"What do you mean?" Lucas didn't get it, was she talking literally or not? What if she was just saying?_

_Apparently no, by the look Peyton gave him after his question was out. "I mean the baby is pushing down and I'm starting to really feel it again."_

_Her words didn't register completely until after a good moment. And even then Lucas struggled for a minute not to go into overdrive. "Okay, I, hm, you want me to get the doctor?" He stuttered and Peyton smiled a bit. _

_"That'll be a good idea," She answered sweetly enough. "Unless you want to deliver this baby as well."_

_Lucas' eyes widened terribly as though he had absolutely no idea Peyton was just joking._

_"I didn't mean that," Peyton warned playfully when Lucas' panicked face didn't vanish. "We are in a hospital Luke. It's going to be okay." She reassured him, and at last Lucas breathed again and tried for a smile._

_He leaned forward and kissed Peyton's forehead strongly before his eyes set on hers strongly. "I love you so much," Lucas promised earnestly making Peyton smile up at him. _

_"I love you, too." Peyton said back with a nod. "I would've never even dreamed of having these babies with someone other than you. You are the man that I love." She promised back and Lucas knew she meant it from the bottom of her heart._

_Peyton sighed after Lucas kissed her lips lightly and pulled back. They stayed in silence staring into each other's eyes for a small moment before Lucas saw Peyton grimacing ever so slightly. It was time._

_After Lucas left to call the Doctor, Peyton woke up Jack and while he was still a little too sleepy, he knew what he had to do too. "Do I have to go find my aunt Haley now?" Jack had been clear with Peyton from the start; he was all for staying with her today but he still had no intention in actually being there for the actual birth of the baby. He had already done that last year and honestly didn't need seconds at all._

_In the end, Peyton just smiled at Jack slightly as she nodded her head._

_"Are you in pain again now?" Jack asked fast before Peyton could have a word in._

_She shook her head at his question however. It was only partly true, but still. "Nope…" She answered simply. "I just have the feeling this little one is going to want out really soon." Peyton explained as simply as she could even though she knew Jack knew exactly how this worked. He was not silly at all. _

_"Okay," Jack replied as he went and started picking up his things and putting them inside his backpack. "Promise me you are going to be okay?" Of course there was no way Peyton could promise him that with all certainty, Jack knew this rather well, but…he still really really needed Peyton to take a chance today. Jack honestly needed to know that Peyton in this hospital room had nothing to do with sickness as it did with his mom…_

_Peyton was quiet but then she just did what she had to do. "I promise."_

_After that it took Lucas at least five more minutes to come back, and what surprised Peyton was that he didn't come back with a doctor behind him. Peyton had been going through a quite painful contraction she actually did feel when Lucas walked in._

_He saw her holding on tightly onto the railing of her bed as she struggled to breathe through the contraction._

_Lucas saw her with a little more detail as he walked inside the room, and in truth, he didn't like what he saw; it scared him. "You are not pushing, are you Peyton?" Peyton didn't answer but still kept her eyes tightly shut as the pressure of the contraction dragged on for a little bit longer. "Peyton?" Lucas called again, and once more he saw Peyton relaxing a little again. "You are not pushing, right?" _

_Peyton opened her eyes to see Lucas but still didn't say anything._

_"Peyton." Lucas tried again. "I already told the nurses and they paged your Doctor. You need to stop pushing until the doctor gets here, okay?"_

_Peyton shook her head; he didn't get it. "It's easy for you to say." She knew the baby was right there waiting to come out; she couldn't help herself when her body tried to push it out. She needed to do it. "I, I…I need the Doctor here now. This baby is coming like right now, Lucas." Peyton said breathlessly even though she was trying to stay calm and Lucas knew this. "Please," She pleaded as once again she felt it again. It wasn't as bad as it had been with Di, but still Peyton knew what she had to do, and it was hard not to be able to do it._

_Lucas pressed the button to call the nurses again but ten minutes later they still weren't there. Peyton was in actual pain now and Lucas could see it. She was quiet holding on tightly to his hand but would whimper every time a contraction would come._

_It had been around 5:09 in the afternoon when the Doctor finally showed up. He proceeded to check Peyton rapidly and declared the baby was almost here, and his head was almost completely out already. While Lucas had been shocked to hear that, Peyton hadn't. Stupid stupid Doctors that took so long to come, but…well, at least they were here now to catch her baby._

_After that it took Peyton all of ten minutes and three more pushes to get the baby out completely. He was wailing before he had even left his mom completely and that made the staff of nurses and the doctor laugh a bit, Lucas was astonished and amazed, and just plain in love with Peyton and his new baby right away._

_They put the small, squirmy infant over Peyton's tummy as they cleaned him, and instantly Peyton was in love as well. She was breathless and tired but she also couldn't keep her eyes off that brand new baby. He was perfect. "You did it," Peyton heard Lucas whispering in her ear as he kissed so strongly her head._

_She chuckled but shook her head. "We did it…we did him…" She smiled and Lucas nodded taking her lips on his one more time. He was so damn proud of his girl right now._

_They've done it…They've done life from scratch…_

_Thomas Sawyer Scott was his name. He was tiny and loud and very much cherished from the very moment he was born._

_Now…_

It had been at least an hour since the last time Thomas had woken up though, and ever since Peyton just hadn't been able to fall back asleep. That had to be just her luck. She had a beautiful newborn baby who was a good sleeper, she knew she was exhausted but she just couldn't sleep. Oh to karma…"He was good though, he went right back to sleep as soon as I fed him…"

Lucas felt only slightly guilty about Peyton doing all the work last night. He knew she didn't mind but at the same time it made him realize in that very moment how this was not the way he wanted things to be. Despite the circumstances, he was Thomas' father and as such he had to be there for him —day or night. "You know he's amazing, right?" Lucas stated then something the two of them already knew. Peyton nodded and smiled as Lucas eyed their baby. He looked so peaceful as he slept.

It took only a moment however for Lucas' soft smile to change into a small frown. Peyton knew then what the direction of the conversation would be.

"Are you sure you are up for today?"

Sure enough, the day hadn't even started up completely and Lucas had already brought it up. At the question, Peyton honestly wanted to say no because she really did wish she— scratch that, _they_, didn't have to go through today at all. That was not going to happen so in the end she looked up at Lucas and nodded her head. "Yeah" she answered quietly. "It's going to suck though."

She was honest and Lucas appreciated that. He couldn't and didn't say anything to disagree with Peyton. She was right. The less he wanted to do today was get up of bed and go bury his ex-wife, the mother of his child, but on the other hand Lucas also knew this was one of those things in life he just didn't get to decide. "It is," He agreed, as Peyton crawled in bed and moved closer. Lucas opened his arms and cradled her close to his chest. "I've missed you," Lucas confessed after a good moment.

Peyton was a little confused at that statement. She waited a beat to see if Lucas was going to say something else, but when he didn't, she tilted her head and met his eyes. She didn't even have to ask the question, with just the way she was looking at him; Lucas knew she was curious as to why he had said that.

"I was barely here these last few months—"

"—Lucas," Peyton interrupted before he could say anything else. She didn't hold that against him —not at all. Lucas was a wonderful man, and if anything, Peyton was so proud of him for the way he acted through everything that happened with Lindsey. "It was not a choice," Peyton reminded him.

Lucas however, just shook his head dismissively. "I know, but I still just want you to know that even when I know we did the right thing by Lindsey, I am sorry I wasn't there for you as I should have while you were still pregnant with Thomas."

Peyton hated everything Lucas was saying, but at the same time she knew she'd do more damage if she tried to stop him now. Truth was, she had missed Lucas so much for the past couple of months as well. She'd been heavily pregnant, while caring for both Di and Jack at the same time as Lucas spent the vast majority of his time at the hospital or working —Lindsey had had no one but Lucas to look after her for the past months. In all honesty, even when it were very hard months, Peyton would do it all over again if it only meant Lindsey hadn't had to be alone in her last days.

"You know we are all so proud of you, right?" Peyton said with a small smile, as she reached up and cupped Lucas' cheeks. He obliged and looked at her as she spoke softly again. "Even Thomas, you know? He loves his daddy and is so proud of him for doing everything you did for Lindsey. I know it was painful and I know you can't talk about it right now, but you know I'm here Lucas…even if we were not together all the time I knew you had my back all these months." Lucas nodded at her words. However busy he'd been he always made Peyton and the kids a priority too. Peyton had seen this, and she loved him just a little bit more for it. "Wanna know something?" For the second time, Lucas nodded his head. "Now _we_ have your back. Let's us help you…let us _heal_ you…" She offered with a soft smile warning Lucas inside.

And that was just what she did. Every time Lucas looked at her or any of his kids' eyes he would see just that, healing, hope of a better tomorrow. "I love you, Peyton."

"Of course you do." Peyton said back playfully as she patted his cheek lightly and pulled back from him. "I'm going to go check on Di and see if your sister is awake."

"What for?" Lucas asked as Peyton sat on the edge of the bed putting on her robe and slippers.

She turned to look at him looking only a tad hopeless. "I need to make sure for like the hundredth time that she is fine taking care of Di and T while we are at the cemetery." Peyton was now 100% sure she was a mother. She could barely remember now how it was before she had any children. In the span of two years, she had become the mother of _three _children. Sure, she'd known Jack forever before that, but not until a year ago or so he had _really _accepted her as a mother figure as well. Peyton could never replace Lindsey in his heart, nor was that her intention at all. But she did want to be there for that child in whatever sense she could. Peyton now needed to make sure Jack was okay and comfortable and happy despite of the day of the week it was —despite if it was 'their turn' or not to have the child staying with them. Jack became her family, just like Lucas and Dianna and Thomas.

That was a whole lot of people to worry about constantly, but in all honesty, Peyton wouldn't have it any other way.

"It's going to be okay."

Lucas finally spoke, promising Peyton something he really couldn't know, but still making her feel, if only, a little bit more certain about everything.

She still couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at his words, and ask a silly question, with a silly smile on her face. "What? Lily and the kids, or everything in general with Lindsey and Jack…"

Lucas didn't think about it. "All of it." He assured her, and while it took her a moment, Peyton agreed with a nod.

Everything _had _to be okay. It _had _to.

* * *

By around 11 in the morning, everyone was ready; they had eaten, they were dressed, and now it was only a matter of the car service to arrive. Lucas was with Di and his sister in the child's room, while Peyton was with Jack and baby Thomas in her arms in the living room.

It was almost time for Di's morning nap, so Lucas was helping Lily put the little one down without too much of a fuss.

Peyton was sitting by Jack as he seriously waited for all this to be over with already. He was being strong and Peyton admired that about him. "Can you explain me again what's going to happen?" Jack's voice was soft and weak as he broke the silence.

Peyton shifted her eyes to look at his eyes. "With your mommy?" The question was idiotic but she thought it was safer if she asked it. Jack simply nodded his head. "There's going to be a mass and then she's going to be buried," Peyton tried explaining as clearly as she could, swallowing the giant lump in her throat. "Then we'll all get together for a few hours."

"Doing what?" Jack's question came out fast. He didn't understand how suddenly so many people were here. For months it was just his dad, and Peyton being there for Lindsey, and now all of a sudden all these people were here for his mom as well? What did it matter anymore? She was gone…

"Mourning, Jack." Peyton answered honestly. "There were a lot of people who cared for your mommy and now want to be here for you. They understand how sad this is, and want to do something about it. They think that if they do right by you, then they are honoring your mom, and I agree." She confessed, making Jack think over her words for a few moments.

"You are going to be there, right?" Jack asked even though he knew the answer already. He had asked Peyton this at least ten times before.

Peyton nodded and leaned in kissing Jack's forehead slightly. He looked up into her eyes for a long moment before he looked down and at the baby in Peyton's arms. The baby was awake but he wasn't looking curiously around as he almost always did. Right now he had his stare up in Peyton's eyes. It was as if Thomas was paying attention also to everything Peyton said.

"Today is about saying goodbye, sweetie." Peyton said softly after another few moments. Jack kept his eyes in Thomas but he was listening. "We'd honor everything your mommy ever did —including you," Peyton added with a soft smile as Jack looked up at her. "And then we'd just try and let her go. We will still remember her —_every day_," She stressed. "But we have to accept that…I don't know, maybe she is in a better place now…"

Jack didn't think he agreed with Peyton completely —but one thing she was right about though, Jack was almost positive his mom wasn't hurting anymore wherever she was right now, and that for sure was a good thing. Jack had seen her; he'd seen Lindsey hurting for some long couple of months. It had been so bad, so at least now he knew that wasn't happening anymore. He didn't know about 'better places' as Peyton said, but at least he knew his mommy wasn't hurting anymore and that was somewhat comforting in a way. "Peyton?" The questioning tone in his voice made Peyton a little curious.

"Yeah?" She asked back making sure she was meeting Jack's eyes.

Jack stared at her in silence for a small moment before he sighed and asked what he had to ask. "How long has it been since your mom died?" He knew it wasn't the most thoughtful question of all, but he still wanted to know.

Peyton thought for a moment, but then she answered. "A long time ago. Too long to even count." She said even though she knew exactly how long it had been; thirty years and eleven months.

"Do you still miss her?"

Peyton didn't have to think about this question. "I do." She replied sadly. "Your life is going to keep going, you are going to live all kinds of things, happy times, sad times, every kind…" Peyton started explaining, keeping her voice down so that Jack was the only one listening to all this. "There are going to be days when you are going to think about her a lot, a lot, like at every minute, but some days you are only going to think about her once or twice and it's not going to hurt so much. Your life is going to be different from now on, and there are going to be many times when you are going to miss your mommy and wish she were here with you. It does get easier eventually Jack though…"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Peyton answered with a small nod of her head. "Some days it'll be harder than others but eventually you are going to realize than by being happy and living a full life you are making your mommy happy too."

Jack took a moment to sink in everything Peyton was saying. "That's the way it feels for you?" He asked a tad uneasily. "Even after all this time?"

Peyton nodded her head. "Yes." She said trying not to sound sadly. Once upon a time when she met Jack this was the last conversation she thought the two of them would ever share. "You know the day Thomas was born?" Jack nodded his head looking briefly in the baby's direction; he was slowly falling asleep already in Peyton's arms. "That was one of the happiest days of my life. The same as the day Di was born in spite of everything that happened that day, or even the day I married your daddy. All those special days in my life I have to sit back and remind myself that it is okay to be happy about life even though my moms are not here to see it and live it with me. I have to tell myself time and time again that being sad it's not going to do any good; being sad and angry is certainly not going to bring them back so what's the point, huh?"

"I don't think I can think like that, yet." Jack told Peyton seriously after a few moments of thinking through every word she'd told him. "I don't think I'm in that place you are yet, Peyton. I am still angry and I still believe what happened to my mom wasn't fair."

Peyton nodded her head in agreement. "I know."

"But I guess eventually I am going to be there, right? Eventually I'm going to stop feeling angry and so sad, right? That's what you were trying to say?" Jack asked drawing his own conclusions about everything he'd talked with Peyton today.

"That's exactly what I was trying to say." Peyton once again was impressed at how smart and methodic Jack sometimes was. He was trying to make sense of something that didn't make sense in the slightest bits. He was being smart about it, and that made Peyton proud of him. "You are going to be okay, Jack…you'll see…" Peyton promised with a small smile. She and Jack stared at each other for a minute or two before Jack sighed and rested his head on Peyton's arm.

Peyton felt a tight nod in her throat, but she still didn't let her real emotions show quite yet. Truth was, she was as sad as she hadn't been in a very long time. She wanted to cry and be sad, because unlike what Jack thought, some days even she couldn't get over how incredibly sad the death of a parent could be. In her heart, Peyton did believe however that Jack was going to be okay so at least she wasn't feeling as a complete liar after everything she told the little boy.

Peyton waited a moment, but then she just leaned down and kissed Jack's head strongly as the two of them waited for Lucas and Lily to come.

Peyton looked down at Thomas and smiled. He had fallen asleep some time while she talked to Jack. He was so peaceful and at ease. He didn't know yet about anything bad in the world. He didn't know about diseases and sadness. He didn't know about heartache and pain. He didn't know about that pain in your heart that is so big it makes you want to stop breathing all at once. He didn't know any of that yet and even if it wasn't in Peyton's hands completely, she right then and there, promised to herself to protect that little boy from all those things. She didn't want Thomas or Di, or even Jack, to ever feel the way Jack was feeling today again —ever again.

After about ten minutes Lucas finally came out of Di's room and walked into the living room. Jack lifted his head from Peyton's shoulder immediately and he met eyes with his father. Lucas nodded sadly in his son's direction and then sighed. It was time. "You ready?"

Jack didn't answer but turned his head towards Peyton. She offered him a nod making Jack nod his head as well. "Yeah," He said looking back up at Lucas.

"Let's do this then…"

* * *

**AN : **Thank you so much for reading! —Even on the days when chapters are sad…It means a lot! Thank youu!


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two : ((August))

**Chapter Twenty-Two : ((August))**

* * *

"Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up…" Come on, it wasn't even that late yet. He probably wasn't even asleep but just thought ten o'clock was one hour too late to make social visit over the phone. But it wasn't social visit, that was exactly the point. Peyton really needed him…if only just to say '_Hello'_

She shook her head when the phone just kept on ringing in her ear. "Pick up," She sighed almost giving up.

However, just when Peyton was taking the phone off her ear, the ringing stopped and she knew Larry had finally given in, and had picked up the phone. "Dad," Peyton said when the other end of the line was muted.

It took him a moment, and then it was when Peyton realized her Dad might have actually been sleeping.

"Did I wake you?" She asked then quietly, feeling a little guilty for doing that.

"Hi…no, you didn't." Larry said back into the phone. His voice was hoarse and dry, and Peyton just knew he was lying.

She loved him a little more for lying to her though. He was willing to hear her and that was in truth all she needed. "How are you?" Larry asked her then before Peyton could have a word in.

She smiled a little to herself. "I'm fine Dad, how are you?" Great, she had woken up her Dad only to make small talk. Great, just great.

Larry wasn't stupid though, he wasn't having any of that. "Peyton." He said simply, and that was everything Peyton needed him to say before she let out a long breath, and sat up slowly on the bed.

"I just wanted to say hello…" She lied even though she didn't do it completely. She wasn't even completely sure herself why she had felt that need to talk with her Dad, but she just had. Larry didn't say anything for a long time after Peyton spoke, and the silence kind of made Peyton anxious. Fine, she'd talk. "I'm going back to work in a couple of days, you know…"

"Ahh…" So that was what got her so worked up. "Are you worried about the baby…or about yourself?" Or about Dianna, or Lucas or Jack…? That kind of was the common element with Peyton every time the two of them talked. More often than not she was worried about one of the members of her family. Not that that was a bad thing precisely, but Larry still couldn't help but hope they all caught a break sooner rather than later.

"I'm not really worried, I'm just…" Peyton paused thinking about just the right word, but her Dad was faster than she was.

"Anxious." He filled in for Peyton, and in all honesty, Peyton couldn't have described it any better. She sighed into the phone, and for a moment both she and Larry were in silence. "How are Lucas and the kids?"

"They are as well as can be expected." That had become Peyton's go-to answer. She didn't want to be a nag to people and tell them the last few weeks had been awful. She didn't want to lie either, but deep inside she didn't feel as though she was. "Jack's been back at school for a couple of weeks now and that actually has helped him I think. Di is still as happy as ever —oblivious of everything which I have to say I'm thankful she is. Luke…he's…well, he's Lucas, you know him. He's in the living room right now with Thomas—"

"Baby doing okay?" Larry interrupted. He was still to meet face-to-face his newest grandson, but he still felt as though he loved him already.

"Baby is doing awesome." Peyton replied with no hesitation. "I fed him but he wasn't looking all that sleepy yet, so Lucas took him so I could have some rest."

"And yet here we are on the phone sweetie."

Ahh, she knew she needed to rest and all that, especially considering soon she would have to start worrying about work as well as her family…but…every once in a while Peyton just liked talking to Larry and getting his thoughts on all sorts of things. He was still her father, and that in her book meant he still knew more than she did in some aspects of life. "I promise we'll take Thomas to meet you soon, Daddy…"

Larry was quiet for a moment, and Peyton just knew her words had made him smile. She sent him pictures of Thomas and Di almost daily now, but she knew it didn't compare to actually seeing the kids.

"You'd better." Larry joked into the phone making Peyton chuckle lightly. She closed her eyes momentarily and just waited until Larry said what he needed to say. "Get up and go talk to Lucas okay? Tell him time and time again that _you _are okay. That the kids are okay, and while terribly sad, what happened to Lindsey doesn't have to happen to you as well."

Peyton was completely lost with Larry's line of thought; where the hell did that all come from? "Daddy, wh—what are you saying?"

Larry let out a breath. "I call him to check up on you sometimes, you know?"

"You wouldn't?" Not that Peyton would be that surprised if he did it, but she had no idea.

Larry in any case answered with a statement Peyton wouldn't have understood five years ago, heck, three years ago… "I'm your father." But she did understand it now, and so she didn't argue.

She was a mother now too, and as such she knew that if it ever came down to it, she wouldn't even think twice before calling Jack's, or Di's, or Thomas' wives or husband, if only that meant Peyton would learn important things about her kids by doing so. "What did Lucas say?" Peyton asked then after a beat, even though Larry in a way had already given her an answer; Luke was scared to lose her too.

"Go talk to him." Was the answer Peyton received from her dad. He wouldn't tell her anything else, other than he loved her and that she was to call him —_and visit_— soon.

* * *

There was something about looking at Thomas that made Lucas think about Jack as a baby. They didn't look completely alike, Jack had a whole lot more hair as a newborn than Thomas did, and his eyes were bigger and rounder and bluer than Thomas'. For Lucas it still wasn't hard at all to see the resemblance between his two sons as he looked down at Thomas.

He was so alert right now, looking up at Lucas for a moment and then turning his head to the sides every so often. This kid was all but sleepy; he had no clue it was already past ten o'clock and both his parents had an early start in the morning. He had no idea about jobs, and schools, and money, and responsibilities. All he cared about was his father holding him tight—keeping him safe. "You know your brother was bigger than you were when he was born." Lucas told Thomas softly as he rocked him ever so slightly in his arms. "Even though he was bigger I was always petrified to hold him though…" He confessed, and the memory of those times made Lucas go silent for a while.

Before having Jack he'd thought he'd had experience with kids and babies —_Jamie, his little sister_— but it really was just so different when the kid happened to be all his and not someone else's. Lucas wasn't completely sure, but he had a theory. Right now, he felt as though he could be a better parent to Thomas after already being a parent to Jack. He now knew better; he didn't know everything but he did know some things. He knew do's and don'ts, he knew tricks, he'd learned endless lessons with Jack over the years —lessons that now would help him be a better dad to Thomas and to Jack himself from now on too.

And Dianna…well, Miss Di was a complete different story. Lucas had come to realize in the last year that he knew very little about little girls, all he thought he knew he was re-learning every single day with Di. She was the princess; she and her mom were the heart of their family. Even Jack got it now, their '_job'_ was to take care of them —protect them, making sure they were okay…no matter what…

"Dad!"

Lucas was then broken out of his thoughts when not that quietly, Jack called out his name and then Peyton's as well.

"Peyton!"

He didn't sound scared or in trouble though, so at least Lucas didn't think he had to worry.

Just as he was about to answer Jack, Lucas heard another voice coming from the other end of their loft.

"Lucas…"

Peyton's voice was much quieter than Jack's, but Lucas still got to hear it.

"Luke…"

Before answering all together, Lucas looked down at the little baby who was still happily resting on his arms. "Just another night in the Scott household Thomas…you better start getting used to it…" He whispered with a small chuckle before shifting his head up.

Lucas turned his eyes to the right and saw Jack walking into the living room; he wasn't alone though. "What is she doing up?"

As he asked the question, Peyton also made her way into the living room and caught sight of the very same thing Lucas was staring at right now. "And what are you doing up?" She asked looking at Di pointedly as the little girl held onto Jack's hand tightly.

"Mamaaa!" Dianna squealed letting go of Jack and instead running across the living room until she reached Peyton.

Peyton grabbed her in her arms, with a confused smile, but just as Lucas did then, she looked at Jack looking somewhat for an explanation. "You got her out, why?"

Jack let out a breath at Peyton's question. "Why would I get her out of her crib?" He asked, but then both Lucas and Peyton gave him one of those _looks._

Jack narrowed his eyes but then thought about it a little more. He had been holding Dianna's hand after all as they walked into the living room; it was the logical thing for them to think he had gotten her out of her crib. They were wrong though. "She came into my room."

Now it was Lucas and Peyton's turn to narrow their eyes. Peyton turned to Lucas and they shared a look. Peyton turned to look back at Di fast enough though. "You got out of your crib?"

"No." Di answered innocently. Peyton wasn't sure if it was a phase or what, but lately Di had been very keen of the word 'No'. It didn't matter what she was being asked, if she wanted broccoli or chocolate, she would always answer 'no' even if she did want either of them.

She was a silly girl, but she was also amazing, Peyton thought. "_How _did you get out of your crib Di?"

Dianna squished her nose playfully and brought her index finger up to her face. She thought for a small moment before beaming. "Caefol," She babbled sweetly.

It took just that one word to make them all laugh. "You were careful Di?"

"No." Di said back seriously, making them all laugh one more time.

Peyton shook her head, but then also couldn't help but hug Di tightly. She kissed the side of her head before letting go a little of her little girl.

"No fall down, no go boom." Di added after a small moment looking at Peyton curiously. In all honesty, she was a little lost about what was going on, but one thing was for sure, she was liking the fact that everybody was laughing with her —or maybe it was _at _her, but who cared…

"Well," Peyton said looking at Di as though she was going to tell her something extremely serious. "At least now we know for sure you _are _a monkey…climbing out of your crib and all…" Di laughed even though it was likely she didn't even understand why what Peyton said was a joke.

Peyton looked at Lucas then and sighed. "What should we do now?" She asked as she moved to the couch were Lucas was sitting still with Thomas in his arms. "We can't get her out of her crib yet, can we? She's too little for a big-girl bed; she's still a baby…"

Lucas took a moment to determine if Peyton was serious or not. By the serious look on her face, Lucas was almost positive she was. "She's almost two, Peyt…" Lucas pointed out. It didn't take a scientist then to figure out Peyton didn't like that answer too much. "It's more dangerous to keep her in the crib if she keeps climbing out. She could forget to be _careful," _Lucas stressed playfully, as he tapped Di's nose with his finger. Di chuckled and burrowed her head on Peyton's chest deeper. "And maybe actually fall and hurt herself,"

Peyton made an uneasy face, and Lucas knew she was conflicted as to what to do. On the one side Lucas was kind of right, but on the other her instinct just kept telling her Di was way way too little to be out of her crib yet. Peyton was about to say something then when she saw Jack turning around and walking slowly out of her sight. "Jack!" She called suddenly before Jack left completely. He only partly turned around. "Where are you going?"

"To my room," He answered simply with a shrug. Where else could he be going? It was the middle of the night, remember?

"Well yeah, but why?" Peyton insisted.

"You are talking with my Dad…" Jack replied somewhat uneasy. It was obvious they were having kind of like a family moment. He had felt out of place, that was why he thought it was just better to go back to his room. After all, all Jack wanted to make sure was that either one of them knew Di was awake, and now they both did, so Jack had done his job, he thought.

"I am, but…we are having a discussion, a family discussion." Peyton tried to explain. She put Di down on the couch next to Lucas, and she stood up walking closer to Jack. "I'd like to know what you think about this,"

"But why?" Jack still didn't get it. Granted he was being stubborn a little, but he still wanted to see what Peyton would tell him.

"Because you are her brother, silly. You know her and I know for a fact that you are very very opinioned. Sue me for wanting to know that opinion."

It took Jack a moment to process Peyton's words. "You said family discussion," Jack pointed out quietly after a beat. That was why he didn't feel as though he should be there; they were a family, Peyton, Di, Thomas and his father. The four of them were a family and Jack was only here because his mother wasn't here anymore to take care of him so Lucas had been stuck with him.

"And what do you think you are then?"

Jack was quiet. He didn't know how to answer that; he took a step back and brought his eyes down.

"Despite everything you may hear, Dianna _is_ your sister, Thomas _is_ your baby brother, Lucas is still your Dad, and me…well, I am…I am your Peyton, Jack. For whatever you need, here we are. We are a family kiddo, and I think it's about time we all accept this." Jack didn't see it coming when all of a sudden Peyton moved closer and pulled him to her side. She hugged him so tight Jack had to shift his face just so he could breathe. Peyton laughed and while he didn't want to at first, in the end Jack gave in and laughed too. "Would you tell us now what you think we should do with the little miss?"

Dianna's eyes went wide when her mom and brother turned to look at her, and suddenly she was on the spotlight one more time. She looked at Lucas then who was also looking at her, and after a small moment, Di didn't have a choice but to grin. She had the cutest smile and so she'd been told for as long as she could remember. _"One day that grin is going to save you, Dianna Scott_," Her grandpa Larry said once, and he hadn't been one little bit mistaken.

"I think you should just wait," Jack answered at last Peyton's question. "This is the first time she'd done it. If she does it again then you can start thinking about a new bed for her. I…I would just…"

"What would you do?" Lucas asked softly then when Jack's voice faded.

Jack shrugged his shoulder as he moved towards Di on the couch. "I'll just tell her what she should do. Di's a baby but she's not silly." He said as he stood in front of Dianna. Di stood up on the couch just so that she was at the same height as her brother. She held on to Jack's hands and the two of them stared at each other for a small moment before Jack spoke again. "Di, you are _not_ to climb out of your crib, okay?"

"Why?" Of course Dianna was fast asking. _Why_ was for sure one of her favorite words.

"Because it's dangerous, and we just don't do it." Jack explained simply. "You always have to wait for Mama or Daddy to get you, got it?"

Di was serious for the longest time, but after a while she just smiled and launched forward wrapping her tiny, skinny arms around Jack's neck. He puffed and shook his head, but luckily for Dianna he didn't think twice before catching her in his arms.

Peyton couldn't help but smile at the pair. Who would have thought _this _was how _her family_ would end up looking?

Just as Dianna was going to say something, out of her mouth came a big big yawn that made them all chuckle slightly.

"Are you sleepy little Miss?" Lucas asked playfully looking at Di.

Dianna however, looked back at Lucas as though he were crazy. "Nooo…" She chanted goofily before looking over Jack's shoulder were her mom was. "T's sleepy. Not Di." She clarified looking at Peyton right in the eye.

It was the understatement of the year to say it took Peyton all she had not to smile at Di's words. "Sure he is, Di." She said back as she walked towards her. "May I?" She asked stretching out her arms in Dianna's direction.

Jack was still holding her, and while Di loved her mommy so so much, she was going to put her to bed and Dianna knew this. That was why with a laugh Di shook her head and instead held on stronger to her brother's neck.

Jack laughed at Di, just as Peyton and Lucas did, but in the end he did shake his head in Dianna's direction. "You have to listen to Peyton, Di." He said even though he was almost laughing as he said the words.

Dianna picked up on something though. "Peytoon…" She parroted goofily.

That was a new one. It was weird because perhaps even without knowing when they were around Di even Lucas called Peyton mama or mommy "_Go tell Mommy we are going" "Call mommy" "Run to mommy" "Say thank you to mama"_ all those words were said multiple times every day and so Dianna didn't get to hear Peyton being called _Peyton _that often.

Peyton wasn't sure if she liked being called by her name by her daughter, but she wasn't going to be one to tell Jack something about it though. No…absolutely not. "_Mama_ would get you further little girl," Peyton said back sweetly, stretching out her arms for Di one more time.

This time Di actually went to Peyton, and let her mom cradled her in her arms. "Thank you, Jack…" Peyton said after a beat. She brought one of her hands down and ran it through Jack's hair. He really was a good boy, and even though he was that, only a boy, he was damn too smart and he hadn't been too wrong as he gave his 'advice' in the Dianna situation. Maybe he was right and talking to Di was the way to go for now.

He'd said something else Peyton hadn't picked up on until now though. "Wait a minute, you called Di a baby. You said Di's a baby but she's not silly."

It took Jack —and Lucas— and minute or so to comprehend exactly what Peyton was talking about, but then he got it, and his jaw kind of drop. He'd made a mistake and Peyton was calling him on it? What the… That never ever happened.

Jack still didn't get mad but instead he laughed. "Argh…" He groaned looking down as Peyton and Lucas chuckled at him slightly as well. He hated being wrong, he really really did. "Fine, I messed up. You are _not_ a baby per se, Dianna. You are a _toddler_ even though your mother still calls you _baby_ at least twenty times every day…" He corrected himself, playfully rolling his eyes at Peyton.

Di by then wasn't even part of the conversation anymore since she had been indeed tired and was already falling asleep on Peyton's shoulder.

Peyton however did love these little moments with her family —her _whole_ family since even baby Thomas was there in Lucas' arms. They were together, and thank God healthy and hopefully happy…

It took a strong person to go through everything Jack had gone through in his life, but…Peyton knew this kid, she'd seen him grow more than she'd seen anyone else grow in such short amount of time since his mother passed. She knew he'd be okay —it was going to take time, sure, but he was going to be okay. He was smart, and driven, and most importantly, he had a huge heart.

He was surely going to be okay and that only made Peyton happy, and even proud of having such special little boy in her family…

* * *

Once Peyton left the living room in order to put Dianna back to bed, Lucas called Jack to sit by him for another moment. The two of them were in complete silence for the longest time until Jack cracked and simply had to speak. Lately it wasn't very easy to talk to his father; he never thought it could be possible but as of lately it really was so much easier to talk to Peyton instead. She always tried to make him laugh and say silly things that didn't matter at all.

Lucas on the other hand, well, he liked to talk about the serious things. Jack wasn't sure he was ready to go there, but he'll give it a go. "You know that kid Bill in my class?"

Lucas nodded his head. He didn't know _every _kid in Jack's class, but he did remember the ones he didn't like; Bill was one of those. His parents had money; always had, and for that reason alone the kid swore on his life he was better than everybody else. "Yeah, what happened with him?"

He teased him. Jack didn't really know how to tell his father that a kid at school teased him? What was he, five years old? He was almost eleven for God's sake, but still…Bill was just an arrogant kid who simply didn't know how to keep his mouth shut. "He, I…Dad…"

"Just tell me, okay?"

Jack turned to look at Lucas finally into his eyes, and he saw there for a moment the same person he used to look up to so much when he was younger —before he married Peyton to be honest. "He keeps saying how kids without mothers from divorced marriages most likely that not end up living with grandparents. He also said we had a higher risk of not getting into college, or even worse, not graduating high school."

Holly Cow, what in the world was Jack saying? Did Lucas really hear correctly? "That kid is an ass."

"Thank you," Jack said without thinking. The words simply slipped out of his mouth. He just didn't think, and to be honest he just agreed with Lucas so much. "I didn't mean that,"

"But you did." Lucas added before Jack could say anything else. If anything Lucas was proud of Jack; he was always so proper and serious, it was nice to know that deep inside he was just like everybody else. Sometimes we just can't help our feelings, and that's okay, Lucas thought. And in all seriousness, that kid really was an ass. You do not just say those kind of things to a classmate that just lost his mother; you just don't. "He's anyway completely wrong Jack. Completely."

"But is he?" Jack asked uneasily after a beat. He sighed looking down at his hands. "He keeps saying statistics Daddy, and those well…those are numbers, numbers always tell the truth…"

Oh God, that was such a Lindsey thing to say, but in any case, Lucas knew he couldn't mention that right now. "Jack, listen to me, you are my son. _My son. _There is no way you are going to be anywhere that is not with me. How can you ever doubt that?"

"I don't know," Jack answered with a shrug. He waited a small moment before talking again. "You have Peyton, and you have other kids, and they are little, and me…well…I don't know…you look at me and I know what you are thinking…"

Lucas felt clueless for the first time this evening. "What do you mean?"

Jack let out a breath, but then finally turned his face to meet Lucas' eyes. "Sometimes you don't want to look at me because if you do you'll think of mom, and that makes you sad. I, I can't blame you for that…it happens the same to me…"

Lucas felt a huge, huge lump in his throat. He wanted to tell Jack that wasn't truth so bad, but…truth was, he was in a way right. Just looking at Jack made Lucas think of Lindsey and that did make him sad. That didn't mean however he didn't want to look at him. Not at all. "You will remind me of your mom for the rest of your life, Jack. But that, that son is not a bad thing. We need to remember your mom because in spite of everything she was a great woman and we loved her. You loved her, she, God Jack, she _deserves_ to be remembered, and it is okay to be sad for as long as we need to. You are my son; I don't ever want you thinking I can't look at you. It's hard, I can tell you that, but that is just something else I gotta learn how to live with. You are not doing anything wrong. I love you and that's just how it's going to stay. You are here with us because we are your family; you are our family little guy."

Of course Jack was expecting a big ole speech from Lucas —he was Lucas after all— but still at everything he said, Jack couldn't help when some tears pooled at the corners of his eyes.

Lucas smiled sadly at him before pulling that son of his to his side. Jack started crying softly after a moment and Lucas didn't say a word. Not since the funeral Lucas had seen Jack cried, in all honesty this moment made him happy in a way. He needed to know what his son was thinking and feeling, and this had been just the beginning. "I love you, Jack…" Lucas whispered after a while.

Jack was quiet at first, but then lifted up his head looking back at Lucas. "You too." He sighed before rubbing his eyes. "So I'm not going to Grandma's?"

"No. Never." Lucas said with all certainty. He squinted his eyes after a while though. "Well, unless we are on vacations or you want to go down there for the summer." He added playfully, and even though his eyes were still teary, Jack laughed slightly and nodded his head.

Truth was he really loved his grandma, but he just didn't want to be away from Lucas. "Okay." He said simply. "Thank you Dad…"

Lucas let out a small breath and nodded his head. "You're welcome." He answered. "You belong here, Jack…that's all you need to know…you belong here with me and Peyton, and your siblings. And I know nothing can ever replace your mom, but…you still have me forever, and you got Peyton, Jack. She…she's crazy and…well, you know her," At that comment Jack couldn't help but nod his head with a small smile. "But she still loves you with all her heart and I know that's a fact. She shows it in her own way, but you have to know she cares for you far more than she will ever let it show, okay?"

"I know that," And he did, even though he'll never tell Peyton for real he did. He kind of loved her too, but they didn't need to say that to each other every day. They both knew that was how it was.

"Well, that's good." Lucas answered back smiling. "So, it's easy then, stop questioning your place in this family. You don't have to do it. You belong here, got it? It's that easy…"

"I got it."

And finally Lucas sighed with relief. "Good."

* * *

It wasn't until about 11:30 that Lucas and Peyton could finally have a moment just with themselves. Di was back in bed, Jack was back in bed, even little Thomas was finishing his nap in his own bassinet right now. Peyton wasn't sure how much time they had left before the baby woke up again —God knew taking half his nap in Lucas' arms couldn't do any good when they were trying to get him used to his bassinet, but still…right about now, it was just she and Lucas, and Peyton kind of had to thank God for it. Even if their moment didn't last too long.

She saw him still sitting on the couch, and so she walked in his direction. It didn't take long then for Lucas to hold her hand and Peyton to sit on his lap. She sighed deeply the moment her head found Lucas' chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm exhausted," She whined playfully as she looked up at Lucas.

He smiled at her before letting out a breath. "Can you believe these kids?" Peyton shook her head right away; absolutely no. They were crazy and stubborn, and yet Peyton wouldn't have either of them any other way. It really was weird to think about life before they came; she must have been so bored.

"Are you nervous about going back to work?" Lucas asked then, quite suddenly, before Peyton could have a word in.

She narrowed her eyes immediately though. "Did you talk with my Dad?"

"What? Today? No." Lucas replied back confused.

Peyton was confused as well; how come even after several years of marriage, over twenty of knowing him, she was still surprised when Lucas read right through her like an open book? "You sure?" She asked needlessly after a moment.

Lucas let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "No, I haven't. You just have that same look you had when you went back to work after Di…"

Peyton could try all she wanted to show strong, and whatnot, but this time —with Luke— she just couldn't help herself. "Well, yeah I am…Thomas is just too little, and I…what kind of mom am I just leaving them, huh?"

Lucas shook his head at her. "You are not _leaving _them. You are just going to work. They know you love them, you show them as much every day with the one too many kisses they get on their faces every single day of their life," Peyton chuckled ever so slightly because that was kind of true. It wasn't her fault though her kids were so damn cute and squishable she felt like kissing their chubby cheeks at all times. "You love your job and that's okay, I know just as they wil, that you love them more." That was also true, so Peyton didn't have an option but to nod her head.

"I know, you are right," She said looking right into Lucas' eyes. She lifted up her hand and moved it to his cheek stroking it a bit. "I did talk to my Dad…" Peyton commented casually after a beat. It took all of those words for Lucas to close his eyes; he had an idea of what was coming. "I'm not going anywhere, Luke…" Lucas opened his eyes at her words, but he still wouldn't look at her. His stare was on the floor. "It's not just what you told my Dad, I'd seen the way you look at me or Jack sometimes. As if it were the last time you're seeing us, it's…it's not okay."

"No?" Lucas asked back at her statement. How in the world was he supposed to believe that everything was going to turn out okay after what happened to Lindsey…it really just wasn't possible.

"No, it's not." Peyton replied seriously. She sat up a little on his lap, and with her hands cupped Lucas' face. "Look at me; we can't live our lives afraid of what could be. I don't want to do that. Just don't do it either, okay? We'll worry about the future when it comes. Not a minute before, understood?"

Lucas shifted his look from Peyton and stayed quiet; it was an understatement to say she didn't like this. Peyton decided not to waste more her words and instead cupped Lucas' face again and move it to her. She leaned in and quite strongly gave Lucas a kiss on his lips. It took Lucas a moment to realize what was happening, but once he did he kissed Peyton back and she felt relieved. (And happy too —Lucas was in all honesty hell of a kisser) "Are we clear then?" She asked strongly then once she and Lucas had pulled away.

They rested their foreheads together and after just a moment Lucas nodded his head at last. "Thank you," Peyton said back with a smile. A sigh escaped her lips right then before she could say anything else. Lucas chuckled slightly and wrapped his arms around her tightly pulling Peyton close to him one more time. That hug only did to remind Peyton of just how tired she was again. "Can we please go to bed now?" She asked pleadingly, not meeting Lucas' eyes.

He laughed and kissed her head before mumbling into her curls sweet little nothings.

In that moment Peyton knew that even if Thomas decided to wake up twenty minutes from now, she would still say that today had been one of the best nights she had had since everything happened to Lindsey. One way or another everybody had gone to bed reassured about their family, and their place in it. Right now, Peyton couldn't honestly ask for anything else, so yeah…it had been a good night…

A good night…

* * *

**AN : **Thank you so much for reading! I think I wanna round up the story with a New Year's chapter, so yeah, just a few chapters to go! :) Thanks so much for sticking with me!


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